The Many Adventures of Winnie the Pooh

MOVIE TITLE: The Many Adventures of Winnie the Pooh

DIRECTORS: John Lounsbery and Wolfgang Reitherman

YEAR: 1977

GENRE: Children’s Animation

RATING: G

GRADE: Extra Credit

In the Hundred Acre Woods, a stuffed bear named Winnie the Pooh goes on cute adventures with his many animal friends and his human master Christopher Robin. Whether Pooh-Bear wants some honey to eat or is trying to find shelter from a windstorm or a flood, he always brings his childlike charm and naïve thinking to every event in the story. His equally cute and cuddly friends are the depressed donkey Eeyore, the energetic and bouncy Tigger, the green-thumbed Rabbit, the delightfully wise Owl, the tiny stuttering Piglet, the hardworking constructor Gopher, and the flower-loving Kanga and Roo. Children of all ages can bask in their innocence at these cuddly mini-stories and grow up to be loving adults.

I cannot emphasize enough how insanely cute this movie is except for by giving it an extra credit grade. Whenever I watch Pooh-Bear eat honey, play with his friends, or just be his silly self, it makes me want to cuddle with stuffed or real animals of my own. Tigger’s hyperactivity, mitten-like paws, and joyful singing also make me want to cuddle with animal cuties. There isn’t one character in this movie who doesn’t warm my insides like a freshly baked apple pie (with honey drizzled on it, of course). Even the bees that swarm on Pooh for trying to steal their honey have their cute moments, particularly with their character designs and high-pitched voices. And who could forget all the laugh-inducing times when Gopher fell into his hole in the ground…over and over again. This kind of cuteness overload will set the tone for children later in life when they have kids of their own or adopt pets. Love is a universal language that can be taught with movies like Winnie the Pooh.

Another thing I’ll always enjoy about this movie is Sterling Holloway’s vocal performance as Pooh-Bear. He was always known for having a nasally rasp voice with a hint of baritone. Mr. Holloway has used this same voice to play characters like Amos Mouse in “Ben and Me” and Hiss from “Robin Hood”, two Disney classics. Hearing this sweet and innocent voice makes me glad that Holloway’s successor, Jim Cummings, decided to keep the tradition going when playing Winnie the Pooh in future movies. It even warms my heart to know that Mr. Cummings uses his Pooh voice to comfort sick children in hospitals. Is this another example of how the movie can teach love and friendship at such a young age? Why, I’d like to think so! Of course, Sterling Holloway isn’t with us anymore, but his contributions to the Disney universe will never be forgotten.

Just like with all good things, this movie must eventually come to an end at the 74 minute mark. How does one wrap up a series of short stories known for bringing happy emotions to an entire generation? By having Christopher Robin grow up, of course. While only a year has passed since the events of the movie, little Christopher eventually has to go to school and get good grades. Not all children end up having fond memories of school, whether it’s because of difficult assignments, harsh teachers, or bully students. The movie put us all at ease with the conversation Christopher had with Pooh-Bear. They talked about growing old together and always being friends no matter what life throws at them. One way or another, Christopher Robin will never forget where he came from and will always come back to the Hundred Acre Woods…even when he’s a hundred years old and moving around on a walker. How old will Pooh be? Ninety-nine. “Silly old bear!”

Let this be a lesson to all of the adults reading this review: never forget the love you experienced as a child and always take those positive memories into the future with you. Even if you grew up with harsher circumstances, know that someone out there loves and cares for you. Someone out there will be your Pooh-Bear. If you have to go to the Humane Society for a basket of Pooh-Bears known as kittens, what are you waiting for? You’re never too old to acknowledge cuteness when you see it. Age-consciousness is for suckers.

Magnus Warcry

Would you like to see Winnie the Pooh in a suit of spiky metal armor while wielding a barbed wire club? If Magnus Warcry ever becomes a reality, it may happen sooner than you think. Barbarians are already primal beasts with no off switch for their rage. Bears are the same way except with a more powerful body. Put the race and the class together and you’ve got a recipe for destruction.

It’s bad enough that a bear would have dynamite in his paws. What exactly is he doing with a barbed wire club? That’s like Joe Rogan being armed with a rifle. Oh, wait a minute. He’s a Ron Paul guy, which means he’s probably armed with something capable of making a loud boom. If that’s the case, then Magnus Warcry is a lot like Joe Rogan: overkill.

That’s what we need in a story: a main character who’s so good at fighting that he can’t be touched. If somebody manages to touch him, it’ll feel like a little fruit fly landing on his fur. Come on, Mike Tyson, let’s see if one of your heavy haymakers can put a dent in Magnus’ armor. I’ll guarantee Mr. Tyson’s fist will turn to ashes if he tried anything like that.

Why am I overselling Magnus Warcry, anyways? Because when I first introduced him in an action fantasy movie script called Say Goodbye, he was the most underrated character in the whole story. The premise of Say Goodbye was that a group of bounty hunters ventured into a place called The Jungle (I was strapped for a creative name) in search of a pig man warlock named Zod Ragefist.

Actually, it wasn’t A group of bounty hunters, it was two separate factions gunning for the same guy and not wanting to share the profits. Magnus’ side wanted the money because they were greedy bastards and the other side wanted the money to feed their argumentative, but loved families.

The whole movie was supposed to be an allegory for family love despite strains on the relationship. Magnus, being a big ass bear in metal armor, doesn’t have much of a family life. Seriously, what woman would approach him with a bouquet of flowers without running for their lives afterwards?

If Magnus Warcry is going to thrive, it has to be in a purely badass environment with no multi-layered drama of any kind. I could even picture him being in an Expendables movie. We’ll cross that bridge when we get to it, or when Chris Christie decides to decongest the traffic flow. Ouch!

　

***WRESTLING QUOTE OF THE DAY***

“Paul Heyman was so ugly as a baby, his mother got morning sickness after he was born.”

-Jerry “The King” Lawler-

Evil Character, Nice Guy

My best friend Zero Urrea introduced me to a site called TV Tropes and on this site I learned about the theme of the “Evil Character, Nice Guy”. You know what that means? It means that just because George Carlin joked about the possibility of Porky Pig raping Elmer Fudd, doesn’t mean he would actually go out and rape somebody himself. Just because Daniel Bryan emotionally abused AJ Lee in the WWE, doesn’t mean he’s an even worse lover to his real life girlfriend Brie Bella. Just because Derrick Green growls like a monster when he sings Sepultura songs, doesn’t mean he’s a grunting monster in real life. George Carlin, Daniel Bryan, and Derrick Green all have one thing in common: at one point they were considered to be villainous characters, but in real life, they are the friendliest people you’ll ever meet. Before his death in 2008 (rest in peace), George Carlin was a loving family man who had a whirlwind romance with his first and second wives Brenda and Sally respectively. He even had a daughter named Kelly, who to this day celebrates her father’s legacy by promoting his comedy whenever she gets the chance. As far as Daniel Bryan goes, he went through his entire wrestling career praised for being a nice guy in the locker room. In fact, Jim Cornette, Bryan’s former ROH boss, came to his defense when Bryan was first fired from WWE. Mr. Cornette said that Bryan was a “model employee, a pleasure to be around, an all-around nice guy, very respectful to the veterans”, things like that, which are all good reasons to keep somebody as an employee as far as I’m concerned. Derrick Green? Well, he’s part of an unfortunate stereotype that heavy metal fans and singers find themselves in just because they’re associated with aggressive and angry music. These stereotypes include, but are not limited to, being evil, being a devil worshipper, hating the world, being depressed, and cutting themselves. Derrick Green may have monstrous vocals when he sings with Sepultura, but he is far from evil. I’ve never met the guy myself, but I’m putting it on my bucket list. He already has a reputation for being an animal lover, so he gets brownie points for that. So I guess I should get straight to the point when it comes to the message of this blog entry, and that is to never judge somebody by what they do on TV. By the same token, don’t judge an author by the transgressive nature of his stories. Stephen King is a master of gory literature as everybody knows, but he’s never actually committed murder before. Imagine that: you can actually be a gory writer and a nice guy at the same time! Who knew?!

　

***CARTOON QUOTE OF THE DAY***

“How lucky I am to have something that makes saying goodbye so hard.”

-Winnie the Pooh-