WWE Survivor Series: AJ Lee vs. Nikki Bella

MATCH: AJ Lee vs. Nikki Bella for the Divas Championship
PROMOTION: World Wrestling Entertainment
EVENT: Survivor Series
YEAR: 2014
RATING: TV-PG for violence
GRADE: Fail


Legendary WWE commentator Jim Ross said it best when being interviewed by Give Me Sport: “The diva’s division is in trouble.” He didn’t mince words, he didn’t sugarcoat, he told it like it is. From the 1990’s to the 2000’s, women’s wrestling in the WWE didn’t used to be all that painful to watch. Back then, you had high flyers like Lita, technical geniuses like Trish Stratus, and muscle-bound neck snappers like Chyna. They didn’t just roll around to entice the male viewers; they actually put on wrestling clinics. There were even times when the wrestled men that were much bigger and stronger than them. Fast forward to the 2010’s and Trish Stratus and Lita are in the WWE Hall of Fame while Chyna has been snubbed due to her being a porn actress who could be Googled by small children.

My, how the times have changed. Today’s divas division isn’t about wrestling or enticement anymore. It’s about making the women look inferior to the men. Instead of badass wrestlers like the ones I’ve mentioned in the first paragraph, you’ve got super skinny lingerie models with pretty faces and Barbie bodies struggling to perform the most basic wrestling maneuvers whether they’re clotheslines, scoop slams, suplexes, or dropkicks. You think we’re going to get a divas Hell in a Cell match anytime soon? If we did, it would only last 30 seconds like most women’s matches did in the 2010’s. It got so bad that as a heel announcer at the time, Michael Cole would go out of his way to bury the divas division, whether he was pretending to sleep at the announce table or picking up a microphone to tell the girls to hurry up and finish their matches. People like to say that there are real wrestlers in this division like Paige, Natalya, and Naomi, but when placed in the ring with Barbie dolls, their chemistry is screwed up and it turns out to be a less than 1-star match.

At Survivor Series in 2014, it was more of the same when AJ Lee was scheduled to defend her WWE Divas Championship against Nikki Bella with the latter’s twin sister Brie hanging around at ringside. In 2013 on the same pay-per-view, AJ Lee, Nikki Bella, and a bunch of other divas competed in a 7-on-7 elimination tag team match, which caught the attention of the Wrestling Observer Newsletter as the Worst Worked Match of 2013.

Fast forward to the buildup towards Survivor Series 2014 and Nikki and Brie were actually feuding with each other. With piss-poor acting, no real reason for the feud to happen, unrealistic dialogue, and appearances by Stephanie McMahon and Jerry Springer, this rivalry would go on to win Worst Feud of 2014, also in the Wrestling Observer Newsletter. So far, the Bella Twins collectively have won two awards from that publication, but not in a good way. It didn’t help matters that the twins also received a Gooker Award from Wrestlecrap.com for their rivalry. Nice job, ladies.

And now we come to Survivor Series 2014 in what is supposed to be a competitive match-up for the Divas Championship. AJ Lee aka Mrs. CM Punk is ready for action against the challenger Nikki Bella aka Mrs. John Cena. The bell is rung and the match begins…but not without Brie Bella aka Mrs. Daniel Bryan standing on the ring apron wanting AJ Lee’s attention. Once Brie got it, she pulled AJ’s face into hers and planted a not-so-romantic lesbian kiss on her lips. The reasoning for this would later be revealed as revenge for AJ doing the same thing to Daniel Bryan at the Wrestlemania 28 pay-per-view and costing him the World Heavyweight Championship. And now Brie has cost AJ the Divas Championship. As soon as the geek goddess backs up into Nikki Bella, Nikki heaves the skinny chick on her shoulders and plants her down in a move called the Rack Attack. Nikki pinned AJ 1-2-3 and became the new champion in less than 30 seconds.

When I reviewed the match between Daniel Bryan and Sheamus at Wrestlemania 28, I gave it a failing grade because I wanted to see a war between those two. I wanted bloodshed, bruising, beatings, and battles and all I got was 18 seconds of garbage. I should apply the same logic to this match, but really, who wants to see two skinny divas with no meat on their bones prance around the ring like pixies? That meat on the bones comment wasn’t a joke; when AJ Lee gets put in a submission hold, you can see her ribcage. Yuck!

When Jim Ross said the divas division needed help, he knew exactly who could help them. If you’re tired of pointless divas matches on WWE, fear not, because the end is not the answer. All you have to do is subscribe to Hulu or the WWE Network and watch a weekly Wednesday show called NXT. The NXT divas are MUCH different from the ones on the main roster. Not only do they know how to wrestle, they know how to wrestle five-star matches. Who will ever forget the epic encounter between Charlotte (Ric Flair’s daughter) and Natalya (Bret Hart’s niece) over the vacant NXT Women’s Championship, where technical wrestling and meaty bodies were on tap that night. What about the match at NXT Unstoppable between Becky Lynch and Sasha Banks? Those two put it all on the line and did moves that no skinny model chick could ever do. Hell, those two matches had the crowd chanting, “This is wrestling!” Yes, it is, Full Sail University. Yes, it is.

Can the divas division on WWE’s main roster be saved? I’d like to think it can. I try to be optimistic about that sort of thing. The only way it can happen is if WWE puts more emphasis on wrestling (the second W) than entertainment (the E), but then again, mocking women who can’t wrestle isn’t very entertaining for any crowd.

Evil Character, Nice Guy

My best friend Zero Urrea introduced me to a site called TV Tropes and on this site I learned about the theme of the “Evil Character, Nice Guy”. You know what that means? It means that just because George Carlin joked about the possibility of Porky Pig raping Elmer Fudd, doesn’t mean he would actually go out and rape somebody himself. Just because Daniel Bryan emotionally abused AJ Lee in the WWE, doesn’t mean he’s an even worse lover to his real life girlfriend Brie Bella. Just because Derrick Green growls like a monster when he sings Sepultura songs, doesn’t mean he’s a grunting monster in real life. George Carlin, Daniel Bryan, and Derrick Green all have one thing in common: at one point they were considered to be villainous characters, but in real life, they are the friendliest people you’ll ever meet. Before his death in 2008 (rest in peace), George Carlin was a loving family man who had a whirlwind romance with his first and second wives Brenda and Sally respectively. He even had a daughter named Kelly, who to this day celebrates her father’s legacy by promoting his comedy whenever she gets the chance. As far as Daniel Bryan goes, he went through his entire wrestling career praised for being a nice guy in the locker room. In fact, Jim Cornette, Bryan’s former ROH boss, came to his defense when Bryan was first fired from WWE. Mr. Cornette said that Bryan was a “model employee, a pleasure to be around, an all-around nice guy, very respectful to the veterans”, things like that, which are all good reasons to keep somebody as an employee as far as I’m concerned. Derrick Green? Well, he’s part of an unfortunate stereotype that heavy metal fans and singers find themselves in just because they’re associated with aggressive and angry music. These stereotypes include, but are not limited to, being evil, being a devil worshipper, hating the world, being depressed, and cutting themselves. Derrick Green may have monstrous vocals when he sings with Sepultura, but he is far from evil. I’ve never met the guy myself, but I’m putting it on my bucket list. He already has a reputation for being an animal lover, so he gets brownie points for that. So I guess I should get straight to the point when it comes to the message of this blog entry, and that is to never judge somebody by what they do on TV. By the same token, don’t judge an author by the transgressive nature of his stories. Stephen King is a master of gory literature as everybody knows, but he’s never actually committed murder before. Imagine that: you can actually be a gory writer and a nice guy at the same time! Who knew?!

　

***CARTOON QUOTE OF THE DAY***

“How lucky I am to have something that makes saying goodbye so hard.”

-Winnie the Pooh-