Chest Milk

(In the style of “I’m Too Sexy” by Right Said Fred)

 

VERSE 1

He’s a right-wing billionaire

And he just doesn’t care

If he stinks up your air

He’s a red-pilled alpha male

Who never goes to jail

SA victims were failed

And he deadnamed his own daughter

And led her to the slaughter

While his mistress broke her water

 

CHORUS

He’s a model and he wants his bottle

But not whiskey or beer, just some chest milk

He wants some chest milk

He wants some chest milk, yeah

He’s sad because I didn’t call it breast milk

 

VERSE 2

He’s a funny, funny guy

Who wants to make them cry

When they’re bored, he asks, “Why, oh, why?!”

And he drives a cyber truck

And he don’t give a fuck

‘Cause he’s gotten by on luck

 

CHORUS

He’s a model and he wants his bottle

But not whiskey or beer, just some chest milk

He wants some chest milk

He wants some chest milk, yeah

He’s sad because I didn’t call it breast milk

 

VERSE 3

And he outlawed the word cis

And his fans gave him a kiss

On the organ that goes “piss”

 

CHORUS

He’s a model and he wants his bottle

But not whiskey or beer, just some chest milk

He wants some chest milk

He wants some chest milk, yeah

He’s sad because I didn’t call it breast milk

 

VERSE 4

And he bought the birdie app

And it’s a piece of crap

‘Cause it’s for slurs and faps

He, he bought the birdie app

A rage-a-holic trap

For those about to snap

Swipe left, not worth a single tap

Upcoming Concerts

***UPCOMING CONCERTS***

Instead of posting four separate blog entries detailing my upcoming concerts, I’m going to kill all four of those birds with one stone. Actually, I shouldn’t do that, because killing birds with stones is fucking cruel (even if they are woodpeckers who pound on my walls at six in the morning). As per usual, these concerts (or mini-vacations as I call them) may or may not affect my ability to compete in WSS and/or engage in other creative activities, depending on my mental energy for those free days. Then again, they’re spaced far enough apart, so it may be a non-issue. Anyways, let’s get started.

This coming Friday night, I’m headed to the Pantaegus (SP?) Theater in Tacoma with my brother James and my dad to see Brian Regan perform standup comedy. James and Dad have been huge fans of his since the late 80’s and early 90’s. I haven’t followed Brian Regan as closely as they have, but this night will be a chance for the three of us to see each other nonetheless. My visits with Dad are few and far between save for Father’s Day, his birthday, and Christmas. This will be good for all of us. I hope Brian Regan is on his A-game Friday night, because I could use a good laugh.

The following Tuesday (August 1^st), I’m headed over to the White River Amphitheater in Auburn to see Green Day in concert, with their opening act being Catfish and the Bottlemen (whoever they are). I’ve seen Green Day twice in my life, once in 2005 at the Tacoma Dome and once in 2009 at the Key Arena in Seattle. Both times they’ve invited members of the audience to come onstage to help play songs. I play the piano myself, but I don’t think Billie Joe is going to call on me to keep up with him during “The Forgotten”. It should be an awesome show like always.

On August 9^th, Metallica is coming to Seattle’s Century Link Field with Avenged Sevenfold and Gojira opening for them. I’ve never seen any of these three bands before, but I know Metallica is going to be something special due to their involvement with bringing thrash metal to life in the 80’s. My first Metallica CD was “Ride the Lightning” and I listened to that one a lot as a small child. I listened to “Load” and the black album quite a bit in my teenaged years. I purchased their other albums and played them on shuffle in preparation for the concert.

And finally, on August 19^th, Incubus is coming to the White River Amphitheater with their opening act being Jimmy Eat World. I’ve seen Incubus two times before, once in 2004 at the Key Arena and once in 2012 at the Tacoma Dome when they opened for Linkin Park (rest in peace, Chester). Incubus recently came out with their eighth album, which is appropriately titled 8, and my favorite songs from that CD are “No Fun”, “Throw Out the Map” and “When I Became a Man” (as weird as that last one is).

The fifth item on this list of shows would have been Linkin Park playing at the Key Arena in Seattle with Snoop Dogg opening for them. But as we all found out this past Thursday, Chester Bennington committed suicide by hanging at the age of 41 and left a huge hole in the hearts of his loved ones, band mates, and fans. The surviving members of Linkin Park decided to cancel the rest of their One More Light tour out of respect for Chester. I can’t stress enough how depressing this news is. Linkin Park has been a huge part of my teenaged and adult life and they’ll always have a special place in my music collection. Maybe these other bands I’m seeing will pay tribute to Chester in some way whether it’s covering a Linkin Park song or a simple shout-out. That would be a touching sentiment. 

In the Corner

VERSE 1

Sitting in the corner with my headphones blasting

How much longer is this party going to be lasting?

How much longer must I sit alone in silence?

How much longer until I can close my eyelids?

I want to burn this fucker to the ground tonight

Run for the highlands until I’m well out of sight

Scream to the moon, the only one who will listen

And not pass judgment for my violent decision

CHORUS

All you partygoers look the same to me

Too busy with your drugs to talk to me

Too busy with your girls, I’m behind borders

So I’ll just go over here and sit in the corner

VERSE 2

The techno music makes my ears bleed buckets

My heavy metal music tells them all to suck it

Why did I come here in the first fucking place?

Was I that desperate for a smile on my face?

Was I so lonely that I needed a quick date?

When it comes to making sense, it’s too late

Getting up and leaving is my favorite option

But I like this corner, got my own party poppin’

CHORUS

All you partygoers look the same to me

Too busy with your drugs to talk to me

Too busy with your girls, I’m behind borders

So I’ll just go over here and sit in the corner

HOOK

It’s not enough, I need more

Being at home is such a bore

A room full of strangers galore

Is what this night has in store

VERSE 3

The cure for fifty of the coldest strangers

Is one friend who will share your danger

Someone to talk to in your darkest hour

Watch your alliance bloom like a flower

Fuck this party; I’ve had all I can stand

My own safe haven is what I demand

Walking home in the pale moon light

Feels good enough to call it a night

CHORUS

All you partygoers look the same to me

Too busy with your drugs to talk to me

Too busy with your girls, I’m behind borders

So I’ll just go over here and sit in the corner

Chasing You

VERSE 1
Chasing you has tired me out
I end these childish games now
Save my energy for someone who knows me
Loves me for everything I can possibly be
Don’t waste your ballads on little old me
Don’t fight my battles until you bleed
Give me a reason to break my shell
Without dragging me through hell


CHORUS 1
Chasing you has weakened my legs
Chasing you has forced me to beg
Chasing you has left me for dead
No one shall share my heavenly bed


VERSE 2
Status and fame were all to blame
You made me believe you weren’t the same
I put you on high and you passed me by
Without even telling me how or why
Fairy tales are for pre-school kids
Romance is only for the highest bid
You keep the mace in your favorite place
In case you want to torture my pudgy face


CHORUS 2
Chasing you isn’t worth the pain
Chasing you has driven me insane
Chasing you for hollow lust
Replaced by tabloid headline disgust


VERSE 3
I’m not a paparazzo with small F-stop
I don’t like to dance, I don’t listen to pop
All I have is a wild imagination
And venomous words for a demonstration
I won’t change who I am for any diva
Badass singer or chick named Ziva
College chick with the shortest of shorts
Cheerleader chick who bends and contorts


CHORUS 3
Chasing you has left me weak
Chasing you leaves my future bleak
Chasing you was all for nothing
You don’t believe in the power of loving
You believe in stacks of dollar bills
Doing cocaine in Beverly Hills
Tantric sex and other such thrills
If I can’t have you, then damn it, who will?


STOLEN LINE
Maybe I should let her go
But only when she loves me
She loves me
How can I just let her go?
Not until she loves me
She loves me

(Stolen line is a lyric from "Killpop" by Slipknot.)

"Careless Whisper" by Seether

I would have never known this song existed if it hadn’t been for Wham’s original version from the 1980’s. But exist it does. There indeed is a hard rock version of “Careless Whisper” and it’s done by Seether. No, Shaun Morgan doesn’t scream his head off like most of the singers in my Windows Media Player do. In fact, Shaun Morgan sounds very pleasant. He reminds me of somebody I used to know from the early 1990’s who put out the albums Never Mind and In Utero. What’s that guy’s name again? It’s on the tip of my tongue. Hint, hint, wink, wink.

So why exactly would I pay tribute to Seether for doing a cover version of a song originated by a pop duo named Wham? Because Seether’s version is not only more energetic and depressing, but it was there for me when I walked out of the Grand Cinema in Tacoma after watching the movie “Obsoledia“. When I got in the car with my mom and step-dad Dale, it was the first song I listened to on my MP3 player. George will never dance with Sophie again, not like they did when they were out in Death Valley speculating the fate of the earth post-climate change.

“Careless Whisper” and “Obsoledia” are both mediums that will rip your heart to pieces. By the end of both of them, the beautiful relationships are over. It’s true that “Careless Whisper” wasn’t sung by Shaun Morgan with Amy Lee from Evanescence in mind. The two of them used to date and they don’t anymore. Judging from the fact the two of them wrote breakup songs about each other, the separation was pretty fucking brutal.

There was nothing ugly about the way “Obsoledia” ended. George was a lonely librarian who didn’t believe in love until he spent a weekend with Sophie. Just when this poor introvert was starting to believe in the power or romance, it was used to break his heart when it turned out Sophie already had a boyfriend. Obsoledia is about things that are obsolete in this world, so maybe Seether’s new and fresh version of “Careless Whisper” wouldn’t have fit with the movie’s theme. If it were any other canon, though, it would have worked to perfection.

Shaun Morgan and George were both people with broken hearts. I made this connection the night I saw Obsoledia and subsequently listened to “Careless Whisper” by Seether. In my short stories and novels, the power of love is a deity in and of itself. It’s worshiped to the fullest extent and executed with beauty. Characters fall in love with each other all the time, sometimes in the most inopportune times. “Not Gonna Die” and “If I Offer You My Soul”, anyone?

I can get away with that in literature, because a good story is better than a cold reality. In the real world, people get divorced and broken up all the time. When those breakups and divorces happen, they often involve a power struggle that may or may not involve violence or monetary possessiveness. We all want to believe in the power of love. But is it really there? Can it last a lifetime? Can it endure so many hardships that it becomes indestructible? The answers vary from person to person. But as long as Seether is singing “Careless Whisper” on my MP3 player, the jury will always be out on this one.

　

***FACE BOOK MEME OF THE DAY***

“If Katniss and Peeta from The Hunger Games were Hollywood celebrities, their super couple nickname would either be Kat-Pee or Pee-Niss.”