The Who X Green Day: "All by Myself with Pictures of Lily"

 

Concerts

Well…I’m burned out and bored out of my mind for the thirteenth day in a row. So to alleviate this boredom, I’m going to post a list of all the concerts I’ve ever been to in my life. Nostalgia feels good sometimes, you know?

1992: 

• MC Hammer X Boys II Men (July 17th at the Seattle Center Arena)

1994: 

• WWF House Show (Sacramento, CA)

1996: 

• Sting and Geggy-Tah (August 30th at the Irvine Meadows Amphitheater in Irvine, CA)

2000: 

• Roger Waters: In the Flesh (June 27th at the Rose Garden Arena in Portland, OR)

2001: 

• Rammstein (July 6th at the Roseland Theater in Portland, OR)

2003: 

• The Moody Blues (June 14th at Marymoor Park in Redmond, WA)

• WWE House Show (Tacoma Dome)

2004: 

• Linkin Park, P.O.D, Hubastank, and Story of the Year (February 13th at the Tacoma Dome)

• Incubus and Sparta (August 7th at the Key Arena in Seattle)

• Korn, Breaking Benjamin, Chevelle, Skindred, and Instruction (November 14th at the Tacoma Dome)

2005: 

• Papa Roach, Skindred, and The Fuck-Ups (February 17th at the Showbox Market in Seattle)

• WWE House Show (Tacoma Dome)

• Green Day and Jimmy Eat World (September 26th at the Tacoma Dome)

• System of a Down and The Mars Volta (October 5th at the Key Arena in Seattle)

2006: 

• Korn, Mudvayne, and 10 Years (March 5th at the Tacoma Dome)

• Magical Strings (Bremerton, WA)

• Roger Waters: Dark Side of the Moon (October 12th at the Key Arena in Seattle)

2008: 

• Nightwish and Sonata Arctica (September 9th at the Showbox SoDo in Seattle)

2009: 

• WWE No Way Out (February 15th at the Key Arena in Seattle)

• Green Day and The Bravery (July 3rd at the Key Arena in Seattle)

• Soulfly, Prong, and Mutiny Within (October 7th at the Showbox Market in Seattle)

2010: 

• Tool and Rajas (July 10th at the Key Arena in Seattle)

• Roger Waters: The Wall (December 11th at the Tacoma Dome)

2011: 

• Rammstein (May 15th at the Tacoma Dome)

2012: 

• Rammstein (May 14th at the Tacoma Dome)

• Nickelback, Bush, Seether, and My Darkest Days (June 23rd at the Tacoma Dome)

• Linkin Park X Incubus (September 5th at the Tacoma Dome)

2013: 

• Magical Strings (Bremerton, WA)

• Ladysmith Black Mambazo (Edmonds, WA)

• Rodriguez and Jenny O (April 30th at the 1st Bank Center in Denver, CO)

• Bill Maher (June 22nd at the Paramount Theater in Seattle)

• Three Days Grace and Otherwise (August 23rd at the Showbox SoDo in Seattle)

• Papa Roach, Pop Evil, and Age of Days (October 5th at the Showbox Market in Seattle)

2014: 

• The Pink Floyd Experience (March 29th at the Admiral Theater in Bremerton, WA)

2015: 

• Cavalera Conspiracy, Death Angel, Corrosion of Conformity, Lody Kong, and Sanction VIII (May 1st at Studio Seven in Seattle)

• Final Fantasy Symphony (July 10th in Seattle)

• Slipknot, Lamb of God, Three Days Grace, Bullet For My Valentine, Theory of a Deadman, and Motionless in White (August 23rd at the White River Amphitheater in Auburn, WA)

2016: 

• Nightwish, Sonata Arctica, and Delain (March 7th at the Showbox SoDo in Seattle)

• Rob Zombie X Korn (July 27th at the White River Amphitheater in Auburn, WA)

• Slipknot X Marilyn Manson (August 11th at the White River Amphitheater in Auburn, WA)

• Disturbed, Breaking Benjamin, Anthrax, Alter Bridge, Saint Asonia, Pop Evil, Stitched Up Heart, and Windowpane (August 21st at the White River Amphitheater in Auburn, WA)

• Five Finger Death Punch, Shinedown, Sixx AM, and As Lions (November 5th at the Tacoma Dome)

2017: 

• Garrison Keillor  (April 15th at the Pantages Theater in Tacoma, WA)

• Roger Waters: Us & Them (June 24th at the Tacoma Dome)

• Brit Floyd (July 1st at the Paramount Theater in Seattle)

• Brian Regan and Dennis Regan (July 28th at the Pantages Theater in Tacoma, WA)

• Green Day (August 1st at the White River Amphitheater in Auburn, WA)

• Metallica, Avenged Sevenfold, and Gojira (August 9th at Century Link Field in Seattle)

• Incubus and Jimmy Eat World (August 19th at the White River Amphitheater in Auburn, WA)

• Jason Mewes (September 14th at the Tacoma Comedy Club)

2018:

• Pop Evil, Black Map, and Palaye Royale (February 25th at El Corzazon in Seattle)

• Starset, Palisades, Grabbitz, and Year of the Locust (February 28th at El Corazon in Seattle)

• Papa Roach and Nothing More (May 4th at the Showbox SoDo in Seattle)

• Soulfly, Nile, After the Fallout, and Devilation (May 13th at Studio Seven in Seattle)

• Breaking Benjamin, Five Finger Death Punch, and Bad Wolves (July 16th at the White River Amphitheater in Auburn, WA)

• Seether, 10 Years, and The Dead Deads (July 31st at the Showbox SoDo in Seattle)

• Halestorm, In This Moment, and New Years Day (August 17th at the WaMu Theater in Seattle)

• Evanescence and Lindsey Stirling (September 7th at the White River Amphitheater in Auburn, WA)

2019:

• Jason Mewes (February 2nd at the Tacoma Comedy Club)

• Soulfly, Unearth, Incite, Skinflint, Odyssian, and Emanon (February 23rd at Club Sur Rocks in Seattle)

• Within Temptation, In Flames, and Smash Into Pieces (March 16th at the Showbox SoDo in Seattle)

• Slipknot, Volbeat, and Gojira (July 30th at the White River Amphitheater in Auburn, WA)

• Rob Zombie, Marilyn Manson, Corrosion of Conformity, Palaye Royale, and Bones UK (August 3rd at the White River Amphitheater in Auburn, WA)

• Ghost and Nothing More (September 19th at the WaMu Theater in Seattle)

• Starset, Palisades, Hyde, and A Brilliant Lie (October 13th at the Neptune Theater in Seattle)

• Babymetal and The Hu (October 16th at the Paramount Theater in Seattle)

• Hellyeah, Nonpoint, and Deepfall (December 10th at El Corazon in Seattle)

2020:

• Soulfly, Toxic Holocaust, and Madzilla (February 10th at El Corazon in Seattle)

Whoppers

You like to jerk it off to The Human Centipede

Shake your ass to Green Day’s “Know Your Enemy”

Give lap dances at your local retirement home

Knickknack, paddywack, eat your doggie’s bone

What’s the matter? You don’t like being defamed?

Don’t like shouldering someone else’s blame?

I heard that before, in fact, a million times over

Welcome to the world and its New World Odor

For every double whopper you’ve got about me

I’ve got a thousand more on you, bless creativity

You burglarize houses with a Darth Vader mask

“Use the force” and those who can’t even ask

But your light saber is the size of a toothpick

When it’s time to get it on, you’re fucking useless

You made a donation to the Humane Society

But it was criminal restitution for being rapey

You had to sell your collection of celebrity condoms

To make up for the debt and cut your own losses

Let’s upgrade that double whopper to a size triple

You get your cereal’s milk from your grandma’s nipple

Let’s go quadruple on your heart attack whopper

Or is this where you finally call the crime stoppers?

I wish I had that option when you lied about me

Freedom of speech has never been completely free

Maybe I’ll get you a ball gag for Christmas this year

Stick it in your mouth until the truth is loud and clear

I’ll get you some handcuffs for a stocking stuffer

No access to your keyboard, you’re grounded by mother

I know this all sounds a little creepy and kinky

But it keeps your bullshit from getting too stinky

2017 In Review

***WRITING***

Earlier this year, I published a collection of fifty micro-stories in the sci-fi, fantasy, and horror genres called Poison Tongue Tales. If it wasn’t for my awesome beta reader Marie Krepps, this publication wouldn’t be possible. I know I brag about her a lot, but that’s just an illustration of how wonderful of a friend she is to me. Pointing out weaknesses and possible solutions in my stories while maintaining a silver-tongued sense of humor is a valuable skill to have. It makes the editing process virtually painless when you’re dealing with someone who knows what the fuck they’re doing. So far Poison Tongue Tales is sitting pretty at a three-star out of five rating on Good Reads and Amazon. Then again, it has only been reviewed once, so I’ve got a lot of marketing ahead of me.

Whenever I’m not standing on a street corner and shouting about my book like a madman (is that how marketing is done?), I’m usually pumping out more first drafts. In 2017 alone, I’ve written micro-stories for American Darkness 2 (contemporary) and Poison Tongue Tales 2 (sci-fi, fantasy, and horror), poetry and songs for Lunatic Justice (a future publication that’s currently being beta-read by Marie), and a psychological heavy metal fantasy novella called Demon Axe. While trying to come up with the next novel idea, I’m currently pumping out more stories for what will be American Darkness 3.

I’ve got a lot of work ahead of me, but I wouldn’t have it any other way. I love the writing business so much that I want to build my entire life around it. It may not be the most profitable venture I’ve ever embarked on, but who gives a shit? I could have just as easily obtained an engineering degree, but I’d be bored to tears at whatever job I got with it. The writing business doesn’t owe me anything. I owe the writing business everything.

***MUSIC CONCERTS***

Another thing I’m grateful for is the fact that I’ve seen five music concerts in 2017. It all began with Roger Waters at the Tacoma Dome during my birth month of June. The special effects, the poignant music, and of course, those creepy ass putty face masks, they made Roger Waters’ performance a special one. It was my fourth time seeing him live and this was easily my favorite performance of his. Just over a week later, I got to see the Pink Floyd tribute band Brit Floyd and they’re every bit as satisfying as the real deal. That’s a lot of Floyd in just a short time span. Then again, as long as someone is singing “We don’t need no education!” in my ear, I’m a happy motherfucker.

The other three concerts I went to in 2017 were spaced throughout the month of August. First on the list was Green Day at the White River Amphitheater. The second was Metallica at Century Link Field. And the third was Incubus, also at the White River Amphitheater. All three of these bands along with the openers brought their fucking A-games. I’ve never been prouder to be a metal head than in August 2017. Onstage antics, badass music, special effect gimmicks, and the sense of siblinghood I felt with the people sitting next to me at all three shows, they were worth the long rides home.

In 2018, I’ve scheduled myself for even more shows: Pop Evil and Starset in February (separate shows) and Papa Roach and Soulfly in May (also separate shows). And of course, every year at the White River Amphitheater, there’s the obligatory Pain in the Grass festival with an ass-load of bands (tickets aren’t available yet, but I’m fixing to snatch one up once the musicians are announced).

***COMEDY SHOWS***

This year has also seen a great deal of hee-haws and belly laughter, compliments of guys like Garrison Keillor, Brian Regan, Jason Mewes, and the cast of Capitol Steps. I know how bleak Garrison Keillor’s performance looks in hindsight considering he was exposed as a sexual predator in the #MeToo movement, but I went to see him long before the allegations surfaced, so I was able to enjoy a night of poetry and giggles with him.Brian Regan has been a favorite of my biological dad and brother James for a long time now. Going to see him was like a pilgrimage for them and I tagged along to get a few laughs in too. And then there was Jason Mewes’ Q&A session, where my James Bond-esque laugh got a huge pop from the crowd in attendance as well as Mr. Mewes himself. I got to meet Jason Mewes after the show and he couldn’t have been more cordial and fun to be around. To close out the giggle factory, there’s Capitol Steps, an ensemble cast of political figure impersonators who made the Donald Trump circus in 2017 bearable and laughable at the same time. In 2018, I’m planning on taking my mom with me to see Trevor Noah and Bill Maher (again, on separate shows), but I haven’t purchased the tickets yet.

***VACATIONS***

Sitting on airplanes or in cars during long trips can be summed up with the phrase “six hours of ass torture”. The vacations themselves, however, were worth the sore asses. The first vacation of 2017 was a Mexican cruise book-ended with a few days in California. I got to pet a manta ray, snuggle with a sea lion, ride a banana boat, and get my picture taken with Spiderman. The trip to Seaside, Oregon shortly after was a little more low-key with window shopping and beach strolling, but I like low-key all the same. And then I spent some time in New Orleans, where I ate pralines (and other delicious meals), bought Legos, got a table massage, and ventured onto a plantation to learn about the horrors of black slavery. Mom’s going to try and get a job as a teacher again so that we have extra income to go on more of these wonderful trips.

***CONCLUSION***

The more grateful you are for the positives in your life, the more positives you’ll have in the first place. This sounds ironic coming from a guy like me who has a permanent resting bitch face, but on the inside, I’m feeling the gratitude, which can only be described as warm and fuzzy. The year 2018 will bring good things as well if you want it to. Even if it’s something as simple as a back massage or a meal at Red Lobster, don’t take it for granted. Life is too short for constant complaining and drama. Be good to yourself in 2018. Don’t let this year of silver linings pass you by. We’ve got ears, say cheers!

***AMERICAN DARKNESS 3***

If there are two things American Darkness 3 is in no short supply of, it’s women named Vikki and women who are bound and gagged. “Duct Tape Princess” will bring you the best of both of those worlds. It goes like this:

CHARACTERS:

1.      Vikki Colt, Lounge Singer

2.      Nadia Rinehart, Street Fighter

3.      Johnny Rinehart, Nadia’s Gangster Husband

PROMPT CONFORMITY: To be announced.

SYNOPSIS: After putting on a seductive performance at a gangster bar, Vikki gets a visit in her apartment from a furious Nadia, who is convinced that Vikki was flirting with Johnny while onstage. Nadia has the fighting abilities to pummel anybody into powder, but instead she ties and gags Vikki with duct tape and holds her hostage in the apartment. The sexy songstress begins to think twice about choosing shady venues.

***DARK FANTASY WARRIORS***

Up next on the chopping block is Antonio Fujiwara, a giant ninja from a future Poison Tongue Tales 3 story called “A Bastard Sword in a Haystack”. Yes, you heard that right: a giant fucking ninja is attempting to blend in. He sticks out like a hard-on at the chalkboard, but that won’t stop him from at least attempting to find refuge in the dark forest, which happens to be full of tall trees.

***JOKE OF THE DAY***

Q: What do you call it when a fireman and a paramedic blow each other at the same time?

A: 69-1-1.

Upcoming Concerts

***UPCOMING CONCERTS***

Instead of posting four separate blog entries detailing my upcoming concerts, I’m going to kill all four of those birds with one stone. Actually, I shouldn’t do that, because killing birds with stones is fucking cruel (even if they are woodpeckers who pound on my walls at six in the morning). As per usual, these concerts (or mini-vacations as I call them) may or may not affect my ability to compete in WSS and/or engage in other creative activities, depending on my mental energy for those free days. Then again, they’re spaced far enough apart, so it may be a non-issue. Anyways, let’s get started.

This coming Friday night, I’m headed to the Pantaegus (SP?) Theater in Tacoma with my brother James and my dad to see Brian Regan perform standup comedy. James and Dad have been huge fans of his since the late 80’s and early 90’s. I haven’t followed Brian Regan as closely as they have, but this night will be a chance for the three of us to see each other nonetheless. My visits with Dad are few and far between save for Father’s Day, his birthday, and Christmas. This will be good for all of us. I hope Brian Regan is on his A-game Friday night, because I could use a good laugh.

The following Tuesday (August 1^st), I’m headed over to the White River Amphitheater in Auburn to see Green Day in concert, with their opening act being Catfish and the Bottlemen (whoever they are). I’ve seen Green Day twice in my life, once in 2005 at the Tacoma Dome and once in 2009 at the Key Arena in Seattle. Both times they’ve invited members of the audience to come onstage to help play songs. I play the piano myself, but I don’t think Billie Joe is going to call on me to keep up with him during “The Forgotten”. It should be an awesome show like always.

On August 9^th, Metallica is coming to Seattle’s Century Link Field with Avenged Sevenfold and Gojira opening for them. I’ve never seen any of these three bands before, but I know Metallica is going to be something special due to their involvement with bringing thrash metal to life in the 80’s. My first Metallica CD was “Ride the Lightning” and I listened to that one a lot as a small child. I listened to “Load” and the black album quite a bit in my teenaged years. I purchased their other albums and played them on shuffle in preparation for the concert.

And finally, on August 19^th, Incubus is coming to the White River Amphitheater with their opening act being Jimmy Eat World. I’ve seen Incubus two times before, once in 2004 at the Key Arena and once in 2012 at the Tacoma Dome when they opened for Linkin Park (rest in peace, Chester). Incubus recently came out with their eighth album, which is appropriately titled 8, and my favorite songs from that CD are “No Fun”, “Throw Out the Map” and “When I Became a Man” (as weird as that last one is).

The fifth item on this list of shows would have been Linkin Park playing at the Key Arena in Seattle with Snoop Dogg opening for them. But as we all found out this past Thursday, Chester Bennington committed suicide by hanging at the age of 41 and left a huge hole in the hearts of his loved ones, band mates, and fans. The surviving members of Linkin Park decided to cancel the rest of their One More Light tour out of respect for Chester. I can’t stress enough how depressing this news is. Linkin Park has been a huge part of my teenaged and adult life and they’ll always have a special place in my music collection. Maybe these other bands I’m seeing will pay tribute to Chester in some way whether it’s covering a Linkin Park song or a simple shout-out. That would be a touching sentiment. 

American Sad Ass

If you ever walk into my bedroom and hear me listening to sad-ass music, don’t be alarmed. This kind of music is what inspires me to write poetry and heavy metal songs since they’re usually dark and dour in nature. I already have two books of poetry published called “Confessions of a Schizophrenic Savage” and “Necrograph”. A third one, called “Prophecy”, will be published as soon as I can cram a hundred poems into a single volume. If you want to know what my poetry-inspiring playlist looks like, here it is. Feel free to look up any or all of these songs on You Tube.

1. “1979” by Smashing Pumpkins
2. “Always” by Killswitch Engage
3. “Angel” by Sarah McLachlan
4. “Another Brick in the Wall, Pt. 1” by Pink Floyd
5. “Ashes of Eden” by Breaking Benjamin
6. “At the Bottom of Night” from Chrono Trigger
7. “Be Somebody” by 3 Doors Down
8. “Beautiful Goodbye” by Amanda Marshall
9. “Beauty Is Within Us” from Ghost in the Shell: Stand Alone Complex
10. “Because of You” by Kelly Clarkson
11. “Behind Closed Doors” by Pop Evil
12. “Bent to Fly” by Slash feat. Myles Kennedy
13. “The Bottom” by Devour the Day
14. “Boulevard of Broken Dreams” by Green Day
15. “Breakdown” by Tantric
16. “Broken Home” by Papa Roach
17. “Bury Your Heart” by Flyleaf
18. “Candle of Life” by The Moody Blues
19. “Can’t Forget You” by My Darkest Days
20. “Careless Whisper” by George Michael
21. “Cemetery Gates” by Pantera
22. “Cold” by Five Finger Death Punch
23. “Come Undone” by My Darkest Days
24. “The Crow, the Owl, and the Dove” by Nightwish
25. “Daisy Jane” by America
26. “Dead Boy’s Poem” by Nightwish
27. “Dear Cocaine” by Crossfade
28. “Decompression Period” by Papa Roach
29. “Don’t Leave Me Now” by Pink Floyd
30. “Don’t Speak” by No Doubt
31. “Driven Under” by Seether
32. “Dry Your Eyes” by The Streets
33. “Each Small Candle” by Roger Waters
34. “Falling” by Anette Olzon
35. “Far Away” by Nickelback
36. “Father’s Son” by 3 Doors Down
37. “Fine Again” by Seether
38. “The Fletcher Memorial Home” by Pink Floyd
39. “Forever Autumn” by Justin Hayward
40. “The Forgotten” by Green Day
41. “Four Minutes” by Roger Waters
42. “From the Inside” by Linkin Park
43. “Frozen” by Within Temptation
44. “Ghost of Muskegon” by Pop Evil
45. “God Went North” by Nothing More
46. “Goodbye Agony” by Black Veil Brides
47. “Goodbye Cruel World” by Pink Floyd
48. “Goodbye My Lover” by James Blunt
49. “Haunted” by The Moody Blues
50. “Heart of Gold” by James Blunt
51. “Heaven” by Otherwise feat. Ashley Costello
52. “Hesitate” by Stone Sour
53. “The High Road” by Three Days Grace
54. “Hold On” by Limp Bizkit
55. “Hollow” by Breaking Benjamin
56. “House of Wax” by Tarja Turunen
57. “How Am I Supposed to Live Without You?” by Michael Bolton
58. “Hurt” by Johnny Cash
59. “Hush” by Hellyeah
60. “I Burn For You” by The Police
61. “I Can’t Be With You” by The Cranberries
62. “I Don’t Believe In Love” by Queensryche
63. “I Hate Everything” by George Strait
64. “I Think It’s Better” by Jill Scott
65. “I Think You Should Know” by Crossfade
66. “I’m Still Remembering” by The Cranberries
67. “Inside the Fire” by Disturbed
68. “Is There Anybody Out There?” by Pink Floyd
69. “Island of Souls” by Sting
70. “It’s Too Late” by The Streets
71. “Killpop” by Slipknot
72. “Kiss” by Korn
73. “Landing in London” by 3 Doors Down
74. “Landslide” by Fleetwood Mac
75. “The Last Night” by Skillet
76. “Leave Out All the Rest” by Linkin Park
77. “Like Nobody Else” by My Darkest Days
78. “Little Sister” by Your Favorite Enemies
79. “Lonely Day” by System of a Down
80. “Loser” by 3 Doors Down
81. “Lost” by Within Temptation
82. “Lovehatetragedy” by Papa Roach
83. “Lullaby” by Nickelback
84. “Master of Disaster” by Seether
85. “Me or Him” by Roger Waters
86. “Meadows of Heaven” by Nightwish
87. “Melancholy Man” by The Moody Blues
88. “My Child” by Disturbed
89. “My Confessions” by Pop Evil
90. “My December” by Linkin Park
91. “My Friends” by Red Hot Chili Peppers
92. “My Heart Beats Pain” by Martin Kesici
93. “My Heart Lied” by Five Finger Death Punch
94. “My Immortal” by Evanescence
95. “My Skin” by Natalie Merchant
96. “Never Coming Home” by Crossfade
97. “Never Surrender” by Skillet
98. “A New World” from Final Fantasy V
99. “No Bravery” by James Blunt
100. “No One in the World” by Anita Baker
101. “Nobody Home” by Pink Floyd
102. “Nobody Praying For Me” by Seether
103. “Not Alone” by Patty Griffin
104. “Oh” from Afro Samurai
105. “On My Own” by Patti Labelle and Michael McDonald
106. “Once Upon a Daydream” by The Police
107. “One Million Faces” by Anette Olzon
108. “One of My Turns” by Pink Floyd
109. “Our Decades in the Sun” by Nightwish
110. “Out of Hell” by In This Moment
111. “Out of Love” by Toto
112. “Overcome” by Live
113. “Pass Slowly” by Seether
114. “Perfect” by My Darkest Days
115. “The Pirate’s Bride” by Sting
116. “Rain” from Cowboy Bebop
117. “The Real You” by Three Days Grace
118. “The Reckoning” by Halestorm
119. “Remember Every Scar” by Escape the Fate
120. “Remember Everything” by Five Finger Death Punch
121. “Restless Heart Syndrome” by Green Day
122. “Rocket Man” by Elton John
123. “Roses On My Grave” by Papa Roach
124. “Russians” by Sting
125. “Save Our Last Goodbye” by Disturbed
126. “Save Today” by Seether
127. “Savin’ Me” by Nickelback
128. “Say Goodnight” by Gemini Syndrome
129. “The Scientist” by Coldplay
130. “Sealed Door” from Chrono Trigger
131. “Seemann” by Rammstein
132. “Shadow of the Day” by Linkin Park
133. “Shape of My Heart” by Sting
134. “She’s Leaving Home” by The Beatles
135. “Shot in the Dark” by Within Temptation
136. “The Silence Remains” by 3 Doors Down
137. “Sleeping Sun” by Nightwish
138. “Slip Away” by David Arkenstone and Charlee Brooks
139. “Snuff” by Slipknot
140. “Someone to Talk to” by The Police
141. “Someone Who Cares” by Three Days Grace
142. “Stay Positive” by The Streets
143. “Stick to Your Guns” by Sick Puppies
144. “Stole” by Kelly Rowland
145. “Stressed Out” by A Tribe Called Quest feat. Faith Evans
146. “Suicide Is Painless” by Lady & Bird
147. “Suteki Da Ne” from Final Fantasy X
148. “Take This” by Gemini Syndrome
149. “Telescope” by Starset
150. “Terra’s Theme” from Final Fantasy VI
151. “This Love” by Pantera
152. “To Kill the Child” by Roger Waters
153. “Tourniquet Man” by The Mars Volta
154. “Underneath” by Tarja Turunen
155. “Until Silence” by Tarja Turunen
156. “Us All” by Silent Season
157. “Vera” by Pink Floyd
158. “Volcanic” by Death Angel
159. “Walking in the Air” by Nightwish
160. “Watching for Comets” by Skillet
161. “Wearing the Inside Out” by Pink Floyd
162. “What God Wants, Pt. 3” by Roger Waters
163. “What Sober Couldn’t Say” by Halestorm
164. “When I’m Back On My Feet Again” by Michael Bolton
165. “Where Is the Edge?” by Within Temptation
166. “While Your Lips Are Still Red” by Nightwish
167. “You Again” by Arstioir
168. “You Can Let Go” by Crystal Shawanda
169. “You Keep Me Hangin’ On” by Kim Wilde
170. “Youth of the Nation” by P.O.D.

Upcoming Concerts

***UPCOMING CONCERTS***

I had second thoughts about posting this blog entry because I didn’t want it to seem like I was arrogantly bragging. The only reason I’m posting it is because another week has gone by and I’m out of topics to discuss. So I figured, why not tell you all about upcoming concerts I’m attending? Heavy metal and rock music in general has always been a source of creative fuel for me. My current WIP novel Demon Axe uses such grinding music as its central theme. Consider these concerts to be further research (and in some cases personal therapy).

The first concert I plan on attending is not musical at all. It’s Garrison Keillor doing monologues. And before you ask, no, I wasn’t thinking of him when I chose my penname Garrison Kelly. Yes, I know the two names sound similar, but it’s just a coincidence. Besides, my first name really is Garrison, so…yeah. I’ve been a fan of Mr. Keillor since listening to Christmas-themed tapes of his in the late 90’s. His sound effects rendition of “The Twelve Days of Christmas” was very inspiring to my Lego adventures for some reason. I’ve always associated the horn noises with Tony Twister (Time Twisters) and bird squawking with pirate parrots. Now that I’m all grown up and we’re in a fierce political climate, we need Mr. Keillor now more than ever.

On June 24^th at the Tacoma Dome, Roger Waters is putting on a show with both new material and old songs. He’s putting out a solo album this year called “Is This What We Really Want?” and I can’t wait to snatch it up. Roger was a huge inspiration to me during his time with Pink Floyd. He was always standing up for the underdogs of society, which included students in mean-spirited schools (“we don’t need no education”). He has the wisdom of a sage and he knows it.

Speaking of Pink Floyd-related concerts, on July 1^st in Seattle, a tribute band called Brit Floyd is going to play at the Paramount Theater. I like the idea of tribute bands because the real thing isn’t going to be around forever. If it’s already gone, where are we to get our fix? Brit Floyd, that’s who. I’ve seen The Pink Floyd Experience back in 2014 in Bremerton. Awkward date aside, it lived up to the hype, so I expect Brit Floyd to do the same.

On August 1^st at the always lovely White River Amphitheater, Green Day is playing a concert with Catfish and the Bottlemen as the opening act. I have no idea who Catfish and the Bottlemen are, but this is a good chance for them to earn my respect. This will be the third time in my life I’ve seen a Green Day show. They always have an audience member come onstage and play instruments with them, to which I’m always nervous that the crowd member will fuck up and make things awkward. Nevertheless, I’m excited to see them for the third time.

And finally, later in August, Incubus is also playing at the White River Amphitheater, but with Jimmy Eat World as their opening act. Like Green Day, this will be my third time at an Incubus show. When last I saw them, they opened for Linkin Park at the Tacoma Dome in 2012, where my brother James and I reunited with a childhood friend named Sean. I know Incubus will be just as awesome in 2017.

In addition to these concerts, there was another one I was considering going to, but opted out of it. Metallica (along with Avenged Sevenfold and Gojira) is going to play at Century Link Field in Seattle in August. This is a metal head’s wet dream come true. And then I saw the ticket prices and considered my parents’ recovery time between Green Day and Incubus (since they’ll be the ones driving). As much as I’d love to worship at the altar of James Hetfield, I just can’t do it this year. But even so, that’s still five concerts I’m attending this year and I’m grateful for all of them.

That’s what you really have to remember as you have these wonderful life experiences: be grateful for all of them. The more grateful you are, the more you attract things to be grateful for. It’s not just a bunch of new age mumbo-jumbo; it’s the truth. We’ve got ears, say cheers!

***BENEVOLENT SLAYERS***

Marie Krepps is at it again with her twisted creativity. Since she’s been one stream of never-ending awsomeness when it comes to beta-reading Poison Tongue Tales, I’m going to be the same thing for her when it comes to beta-reading Benevolent Slayers, a fantasy novel she kept on the shelf for a whole decade before deciding to dust it off and try again. She’s quite the prolific author and I’m jelly of her longevity. I’m also peanut butter. Hehe!

***POISON TONGUE TALES***

And now that we’re on the topic of beta-reading and editing, if you follow me on Deviant Art, you would have noticed three short stories in your inbox. Those are all Poison Tongue Tales entries and there will be three more tomorrow, three more the next day, and three more after that. In the case of tomorrow, you can look forward to polished versions of “Demon Hunter”, “Descent”, and “Deus Ex Machina” (holy shit, that’s a lot of D’s!). I’ve put Poison Tongue Tales off for far too long and it’s only fair that I keep up my end of the bargain for Marie-Pie. When I eventually publish this sci-fi, fantasy, and horror collection, it will be my fifth book overall (if you don’t count the three now inactive books on my Good Reads page). Wish me luck!

***DEMON AXE, CHAPTER 16***

It has come to my attention that there aren’t a whole lot of fast-paced action sequences in this novel. That makes me sad. So to make up for that, chapter sixteen is going to involve a battle between the elf kingdom and the corrupt Paulson City police, which is of course led by the always spiteful Roger Zee. Keeping track of this many warriors is always a challenge for me, but it’s one I accept. There’s also going to be a special focus on Raven and Arthur Triscloud vs. Roger Zee. It’s clearly not a fair fight; the Triscloud family needs more soldiers.

***DARK FANTASY WARRIORS***

Speaking of ass-kicking sons of bitches, Scott Percival is next on the chopping block. He was the main hero of the short story “Shield Me”, where he had to protect his prostitute girlfriend from a vicious madame named Carla Madder. The story itself is more than just a bloody battle; it’s a question of forgiveness. Can Scott stay by his girlfriend after knowing what she did for a living while he was off at war? The simple answer would be yes considering the story’s economy, but things aren’t always as simple as they seem.

And since Scott Percival is modeled after WWE wrestler Roman Reigns:

***WRESTLING QUOTE OF THE DAY***

“All you dudes out there who’re saying I can’t wrestle, calm down, relax, take a sip of your beers, and shut your mouths.”

-Roman Reigns to an abusive WWE audience-

Gatekeeper Kamala

Before I was permanently banned from Play By Web for not getting along with the admins, I had an RPG on that site called “Here In My Room”, named after the Incubus song from A Crow Left of the Murder. The premise of the game was that a kid would be in his room and all of the sudden he would get sucked into an imaginary world based on one of the items in said room. For example, if the kid had a Pink Floyd the Wall poster, he would probably find himself in an assembly line full of faceless children. If the kid had an NES cartridge of Super Mario Brothers 2, he’d find himself running away from Phanto masks in the desert. Why exactly these kids were going into these imaginary worlds, I’ll never know. I never figured that part out before I was banned. All I knew was that the one person who would guide these kids into their respective worlds was a Grim Reaper-like skeleton named Gatekeeper Kamala. In case you’re wondering, I didn’t take the name Kamala from the WWE legend of the same name. The two Kamalas couldn’t be any more different if one was a Ugandan homophobe and the other was a lesbian nun. Gatekeeper Kamala may have had the appearance of Death, but he was far from lethal. He may fight for his children, but he would never injure the children themselves. He would be the one who provided the children with their respective outfits and weapons as they enter their dangerous worlds. The player who went into the Pink Floyd world was dressed in rock fan clothing and was armed with a magical guitar. The player who went in the Super Mario world was utilizing a feather and a fire flower at the same time (like either of those things would defend him against Phanto). As I write these things down in my word document, I suddenly realize why Gatekeeper Kamala is bringing these children into these fantastical worlds. The real world is a much darker place to be for a teen due to bullying students, mean teachers, and strict parents. Even if the fantasy worlds are dangerous, they’re also places where the child is free to exercise his imagination and be whoever the hell he wants to be. Gatekeeper Kamala may have a deathly appearance, but he will be the one who unlocks the players’ minds. But as I’ve said earlier in this post, I’m no longer a member of Play By Web and I don’t have a long rolodex of friends I can call to play RPG’s with me. For the time being, Gatekeeper Kamala is unemployed. As long as fan fiction laws are in place, he may remain unemployed for a long time due to me possibly being sued for using copyrighted material in my stories. If Kamala is going to find a job in my imagination, it’ll be strictly for shits and giggles. No profits, unfortunately.

　

***LYRICS OF THE DAY***

“Started at the age of four. My mother went to the grocery store. Went sneaking through her bedroom door to find something in a size four. Sugar and spice and everything nice wasn’t made only for girls. GI Joe in pantyhose is making room for the one and only. King for a day, princess by dawn. King for a day in a leather thong. King for a day, princess by dawn. Just wait ‘til all the guys get a load of me. My daddy threw me in therapy. He thinks I’m not a real man. Who put the drag in drag queen. Don’t knock it until you tried it.”

-Green Day singing “King for a Day”-

Chehalis Memoir

Somewhere between 2007 through 2009 when I was holed up at Western Washington University in a cloud of lonely depression, I wrote a piece of creative nonfiction called “Go Bearcats”, where I lament the time I spent in Chehalis because I had lots of friends then. Fast forward to 2011 and I write a piece of creative nonfiction called “The Jennifer Conspiracy”, where I wonder why the hell I would ever miss that rundown place due to the even worse time I had in my freshman year of high school. Forget friendship, because there were a hell of a lot more enemies back in those days. Being alone in my dorm room with nobody to talk to from 2007 to 2009 was better than being verbally abused from 1999 to 2000. It’s just simple logic. I bet you’re expecting me to write an entire book about my experiences in Chehalis and make millions while exploiting my own heartache. Truth is, there isn’t much to tell that hasn’t already been told about the small town of Chehalis. Everybody who’s been there knows how bad the bullying situation is. Everybody who’s gone to Chehalis Middle School in the mid-90’s knows how disgusting the desks are because of all the graffiti on them. Everybody who’s taken a sex ed class from any school the city has knows that abstinence therapy is full of shit. Knowing everything we know about this black hole of a city, it should come as no surprise that people who want to get away from it all venture toward Olympia, the capital city of Washington. If they can’t afford the gas for a whole road trip, they usually go to the Matrix Coffeehouse to see a local band and eat hippie food. Do you know why The Matrix is a good place to escape to (given the 1999 movie of the same name, I tried not to laugh at that last statement as well)? Do you know why many flock to Olympia to get the hell out of Chehalis? Those same people know that Chehalis needs two things in order to improve: more diversity and less religion. White rednecks and brown Mexicans are two separate races that occupy Chehalis (hehe, I said Occupy Chehalis), but it’s not enough to be considered a diverse area. If anybody from another race even peeks from behind the corner, they get bullied. Hell, if you’re not 110% like everybody else in some way, shape, or form, you get picked on by the masses. Contrary to popular belief in Chehalis, God will not help you. Trust me, I’ve tried asking for his help when I was a freshman. Didn’t work. Surprise, surprise, puppy surprise. Too much religious conservatism and not enough diversity of ideas. If you want to know what would be included in a Chehalis memoir (preferably written by someone who is an A+ student somewhere other than there), this would be it. Poverty, racism, bigotry, ignorance, and maybe some inbreeding. If you ever ask me to talk about my memories of Chehalis in person, don’t expect an elaborate answer. What happens there deserves to be buried forever in that solemn graveyard. Who knows? There’s a graveyard on a hillside on the far end of town, maybe you’ll find a good memoir there.

　

***LYRICS OF THE DAY***

“She said, ‘I can’t take this place. I’m leaving you behind.’ She said, ‘I can’t take this town. I’m leaving you tonight.’”

-Green Day singing “Letter Bomb”-

Mysterious Writing

Quick question before I begin: does anybody here know what a “whale road” is? When I first heard this term in college, I never once imagined that it could be interpreted as an ocean that Beowulf swam through just for fun. I actually thought it was a dirt road littered with fresh whale corpses that stunk up the place worse than a limburger factory in the middle of a cow pasture. You know what else confused me? “Romeo, Romeo, where art thou Romeo?” “I’m over here, you dumb bitch!” Yes, that’s an actual joke I used in Foe vs. Blade’s medieval fantasy story called Down. These two examples don’t even scratch the surface of what I like to call “mysterious writing”. It’s not to be confused with the mystery genre, which is a legitimate business considering that my first favorite book was a crime thriller called “The Cleaner” by Brett Battles. When I say “mysterious writing”, I mean writing that uses weird descriptors that take way too long to sink in. Shakespeare was the worst offender when it came to mysterious writing. Somewhere in his works is a description where he talks about a wreath being pulled down a metal pole that’s somehow supposed to represent a woman being a slut. Actually, a pole going into a wreath can be construed as sexual, but I don’t think that’s what Shakespeare was going for. In all of his infinite wisdom, he decided that it had to be deeper than a mere Freudian complex. Kids, take this as a lesson not to engage in deep writing unless you actually know what the fuck you’re talking about. Being deep is not the problem; being arrogant and confusing is. I don’t care how many Pulitzer Prizes you win as a result of using awkward descriptions. If you use awkward descriptions, chances are good you suck at writing. But of course, it’s hard to convince somebody of that when they’re making millions of dollars from royalties and living in houses with golden swimming pools in the back. In case you think I’m being mysterious by saying that, I actually mean swimming pools made from melted gold. The lesson you can take away from this blog entry comes in the form of a four-letter acronym known as KISS: Keep It Simple, Stupid. Nobody’s going to think you’re boring if you use a simple writing style. In fact, they may thank you for it in the long run. But if you’re going to be complex, then at least make it accessible to anybody who happens to live in the 21^st Century. I’m not saying you have to LOL at your BFF. In fact, you should never do that under any circumstances!

　

***LYRICS OF THE DAY***

"Cold turkey’s getting stale. Tonight I’m eating crow."

-Green Day singing "Hitchin' a Ride"-

Marketing Wizard

I’m an author first and a marketing wizard second. Actually, you couldn’t really call it second. Maybe third. Or fourth. Or one-hundredth. The last time I learned anything about marketing was when I was 14 years old and studying it in my freshman year of high school, where my brain was melting into a puddle of liquid shit on account of PTSD from being bullied. So naturally, I retained nothing from that class, particularly as it relates to advertising a product. The product I want to advertise is my self-published book “Red Blood, White Knuckles, Blue Heart”, which was written under the name Garrison Kelly. The most I’ve done to advertise this book is approve distribution on Lulu.com (my publisher) and start an ad campaign on Goodreads.com. That’s about it. Now I have to ask, where do I go from here? This is one of the dangers of being a self-published author: aside from posting advertisements on various websites, you’re not going to get much out of it unless you’re a marketing genius. Think about Christopher Paolini for a moment, the author of the Eragon series. He self-published his books and became successful doing it, mainly because his story fell into the right hands, Carl Hiaasen’s step-son. Say what you will about the clichés he uses, he is successful nonetheless. In fact, there are a lot of authors out there who use traditional publishing and become successful despite being piss-poor writers. I’m not saying Christopher Paolini is piss-poor, because I’ve never read his stuff before, I’ve just seen the movie. But you get my drift, right? Success is all about being in the right place at the right time. Or if you’re a glass-half-empty kind of guy, not pissing off the wrong people. I’ve asked various people on the web about what I need to do to market my book and I haven’t gotten a definitive answer as of yet. So now, I’m using this forum, my book blog, to ask you guys if you know anything about advertising and if you do, how far should I go? The easiest answer you could give would be for me to close my Lulu.com account and go traditional. It’s easy for you to say, but harder for me to do. To be a traditionally published author, you have to have the best agent money can buy and you have to send your manuscript to tons of companies. And most of the time, they’ll say “no”. Not because you suck, but because they’re just plain not interested. Lots of great authors go unheard and it’s all because editors at publishing companies simply don’t give a damn about them. So instead of spending tons of money sending out my manuscript to people and getting told “no”, I’m going to say “yes” to myself and use Lulu.com. If no one else will reward me for my hard work, I’m going to reward myself. The question now is, how do I reap these rewards and turn this book into a marketing machine? We’ve got ears, say cheers!

　

***THE NEXT BOOK***

If for some reason I don’t publish another post on my blog reviewing a good book, it’s because I’ve run out of books to talk about and need to read new material. The book I’m reading now is “Skin Tight” by Carl Hiaasen. The problem? I’m only 20 pages into it. Who knows? I just may burst through it all one day when the skies are cloudy and new age music is serenading me through the TV speakers. Look forward to a post about “Skin Tight”. It won’t be too much longer, I hope.

　

***LYRICS OF THE DAY***

“Back at school it never made much sense. Now I pay but I can’t pay attention. Teaching me the hardest lessons of my life. Too dumb to die I guess, but that’s the way it goes. Sometimes I must regress these. Sex, drugs, and violence. English, math, and science. Safety in numbers. Give me, give me danger. Well, I don’t want to be an imbecile, but Jesus made me that way.”

-Green Day singing “Sex, Drugs, and Violence”-

"Soulless" by Susan Estrich

Do you miss the good old days when there wasn’t such a huge rift between political parties? As illustrated in Susan Estrich’s 2006 nonfiction masterpiece “Soulless”, people like Ann Coulter have taken that rift and turned it into a monstrous black hole. Centerism is dead because of the conservative pundits who use harsh language and venomous tones to talk down to their liberal counterparts in order to rally up those who watch them. When today’s conservatives watch Ann Coulter say things like, “My only regret with Timothy McVeigh is he did not go to the New York Times building.”, they don’t think, “Man, what a nut job!” They think, “Let’s go kill some liberals!” It makes political sense, but it’s bad for the country. Very bad. Ann Coulter can get away with stirring up this kind of hatred because of a few nuances that she has going for her. One, she never uses curses words, which would place nicely into the Christian right’s hands. Two, she peppers her phrases with Christian references, also playing nicely into their hands, obviously. Three, and this is the part that really drives things home, she looks good in a dress (or such is the common wisdom). Why do you think people like Sarah Palin, Christine O’Donnell, and Michelle Bachmann can get away with the things they say? Because they’re just Ann Coulter clones coming fresh off the assembly line. Of course, this book was written in 2006, so those three people weren’t as popular just yet. But you know who else was popular around that time? Glenn Beck. No one will ever want to see him in a dress, trust me, but he is every bit as vicious with language as Ann Coulter is, which is why people listen to him instead of writing him off as a lunatic. Susan Estrich intricately details how unless the conservative base stands up for itself and listens to reason, it will never get out of the dredges of the fringe. The worst part about all of this? Everyone appears to be just fucking dandy with this! See, I could never be an Ann Coulter wannabe! I just swore! That and I also don’t look good in a dress despite having huge knockers. Plus, I’m too liberal for that crap. Buy Susan Estrich’s book. Even after 2006 is in the rearview mirror, the book is still relevant in today’s modern era.
　

***LYRICS OF THE DAY***

“Calling all demons, this is the season. Next stop is therapy. We’re the retarded and the brokenhearted, the season of misery. Here’s to the wasted, I can almost taste it. The rejects, the wastes of times. Going to take it further, get away with murder. And no one here is getting out alive. Here’s to all God’s losers. The bottom-feeders frenzy. Here’s to all bloodsuckers, sing along with me. ‘Cause we don’t say no, scream one, two, three.”

-Green Day singing “Dirty Rotten Bastards”-