***WRITING***
Earlier this year, I published a collection of fifty
micro-stories in the sci-fi, fantasy, and horror genres called Poison Tongue
Tales. If it wasn’t for my awesome beta reader Marie Krepps, this publication
wouldn’t be possible. I know I brag about her a lot, but that’s just an
illustration of how wonderful of a friend she is to me. Pointing out weaknesses
and possible solutions in my stories while maintaining a silver-tongued sense
of humor is a valuable skill to have. It makes the editing process virtually
painless when you’re dealing with someone who knows what the fuck they’re
doing. So far Poison Tongue Tales is sitting pretty at a three-star out of five
rating on Good Reads and Amazon. Then again, it has only been reviewed once, so
I’ve got a lot of marketing ahead of me.
Whenever I’m not standing on a street corner and shouting
about my book like a madman (is that how marketing is done?), I’m usually
pumping out more first drafts. In 2017 alone, I’ve written micro-stories for
American Darkness 2 (contemporary) and Poison Tongue Tales 2 (sci-fi, fantasy,
and horror), poetry and songs for Lunatic Justice (a future publication that’s
currently being beta-read by Marie), and a psychological heavy metal fantasy
novella called Demon Axe. While trying to come up with the next novel idea, I’m
currently pumping out more stories for what will be American Darkness 3.
I’ve got a lot of work ahead of me, but I wouldn’t have it
any other way. I love the writing business so much that I want to build my
entire life around it. It may not be the most profitable venture I’ve ever
embarked on, but who gives a shit? I could have just as easily obtained an
engineering degree, but I’d be bored to tears at whatever job I got with it.
The writing business doesn’t owe me anything. I owe the writing business
everything.
***MUSIC CONCERTS***
Another thing I’m grateful for is the fact that I’ve seen
five music concerts in 2017. It all began with Roger Waters at the Tacoma Dome
during my birth month of June. The special effects, the poignant music, and of
course, those creepy ass putty face masks, they made Roger Waters’ performance
a special one. It was my fourth time seeing him live and this was easily my
favorite performance of his. Just over a week later, I got to see the Pink
Floyd tribute band Brit Floyd and they’re every bit as satisfying as the real
deal. That’s a lot of Floyd in just a short time span. Then again, as long as
someone is singing “We don’t need no education!” in my ear, I’m a happy
motherfucker.
The other three concerts I went to in 2017 were spaced
throughout the month of August. First on the list was Green Day at the White
River Amphitheater. The second was Metallica at Century Link Field. And the
third was Incubus, also at the White River Amphitheater. All three of these
bands along with the openers brought their fucking A-games. I’ve never been
prouder to be a metal head than in August 2017. Onstage antics, badass music,
special effect gimmicks, and the sense of siblinghood I felt with the people
sitting next to me at all three shows, they were worth the long rides home.
In 2018, I’ve scheduled myself for even more shows: Pop Evil
and Starset in February (separate shows) and Papa Roach and Soulfly in May
(also separate shows). And of course, every year at the White River
Amphitheater, there’s the obligatory Pain in the Grass festival with an
ass-load of bands (tickets aren’t available yet, but I’m fixing to snatch one
up once the musicians are announced).
***COMEDY SHOWS***
This year has also seen a great deal of hee-haws and belly
laughter, compliments of guys like Garrison Keillor, Brian Regan, Jason Mewes,
and the cast of Capitol Steps. I know how bleak Garrison Keillor’s performance
looks in hindsight considering he was exposed as a sexual predator in the
#MeToo movement, but I went to see him long before the allegations surfaced, so
I was able to enjoy a night of poetry and giggles with him.Brian Regan has been
a favorite of my biological dad and brother James for a long time now. Going to
see him was like a pilgrimage for them and I tagged along to get a few laughs
in too. And then there was Jason Mewes’ Q&A session, where my James
Bond-esque laugh got a huge pop from the crowd in attendance as well as Mr.
Mewes himself. I got to meet Jason Mewes after the show and he couldn’t have
been more cordial and fun to be around. To close out the giggle factory,
there’s Capitol Steps, an ensemble cast of political figure impersonators who
made the Donald Trump circus in 2017 bearable and laughable at the same time.
In 2018, I’m planning on taking my mom with me to see Trevor Noah and Bill
Maher (again, on separate shows), but I haven’t purchased the tickets yet.
***VACATIONS***
Sitting on airplanes or in cars during long trips can be
summed up with the phrase “six hours of ass torture”. The vacations themselves,
however, were worth the sore asses. The first vacation of 2017 was a Mexican
cruise book-ended with a few days in California .
I got to pet a manta ray, snuggle with a sea lion, ride a banana boat, and get
my picture taken with Spiderman. The trip to Seaside , Oregon New Orleans , where I ate
pralines (and other delicious meals), bought Legos, got a table massage, and
ventured onto a plantation to learn about the horrors of black slavery. Mom’s
going to try and get a job as a teacher again so that we have extra income to
go on more of these wonderful trips.
***CONCLUSION***
The more grateful you are for the positives in your life,
the more positives you’ll have in the first place. This sounds ironic coming
from a guy like me who has a permanent resting bitch face, but on the inside,
I’m feeling the gratitude, which can only be described as warm and fuzzy. The
year 2018 will bring good things as well if you want it to. Even if it’s
something as simple as a back massage or a meal at Red Lobster, don’t take it
for granted. Life is too short for constant complaining and drama. Be good to
yourself in 2018. Don’t let this year of silver linings pass you by. We’ve got
ears, say cheers!
***AMERICAN DARKNESS 3***
If there are two things American Darkness 3 is in no short
supply of, it’s women named Vikki and women who are bound and gagged. “Duct
Tape Princess” will bring you the best of both of those worlds. It goes like
this:
CHARACTERS:
1. Vikki
Colt, Lounge Singer
2. Nadia
Rinehart, Street Fighter
3. Johnny
Rinehart, Nadia’s Gangster Husband
PROMPT CONFORMITY: To be announced.
SYNOPSIS: After putting on a seductive performance at a
gangster bar, Vikki gets a visit in her apartment from a furious Nadia, who is
convinced that Vikki was flirting with Johnny while onstage. Nadia has the
fighting abilities to pummel anybody into powder, but instead she ties and gags
Vikki with duct tape and holds her hostage in the apartment. The sexy
songstress begins to think twice about choosing shady venues.
***DARK FANTASY WARRIORS***
Up next on the chopping block is Antonio Fujiwara, a giant
ninja from a future Poison Tongue Tales 3 story called “A Bastard Sword in a
Haystack”. Yes, you heard that right: a giant fucking ninja is attempting to
blend in. He sticks out like a hard-on at the chalkboard, but that won’t stop him
from at least attempting to find refuge in the dark forest, which happens to be
full of tall trees.
***JOKE OF THE DAY***
Q: What do you call it when a fireman and a paramedic blow
each other at the same time?
A: 69-1-1.
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