Idiocracy

MOVIE TITLE: Idiocracy

DIRECTOR: Mike Judge

YEAR: 2006

GENRE: Dystopian Comedy

RATING: R for language and suggestive dialogue

GRADE: Pass

You know how science fiction movies are supposed to be good at predicting the future? Even though this movie is set five hundred years from now, with our current political climate, it almost feels like Idiocracy’s prediction is right on the nose. Smart people are unsure and unprepared when it comes to having babies while idiots are so overconfident that they don’t mind polluting the earth with equally stupid crotch goblins. And then these defective genes are passed down through multiple generations and here we are. Corporate branding replaces commonsense. Macho manliness and crass humor replace kindness and decency. Gatorade replaces regular drinking water. Any kind of intellectual thought is met with homophobic and ableist slurs. Of course, Idiocracy takes all of this behavior to the extreme and that’s why it’s so hilarious. The citizens of this new dystopia have to rely on a mediocre white guy to fix all of their problems because he’s technically the smartest guy on earth. Again, does any of this sound familiar?

Yes, Idiocracy is just a comedy and it shouldn’t be taken super seriously. Yes, we can laugh until our ribs are broken and our lungs are punctured. But you know…there’s an awful lot of truth packed into these ninety minutes of screen time. Being true and funny at the same time will always earn the director bonus points. That is, unless there are a bunch of futuristic idiots watching a two-hour movie about somebody’s butt farting every once and a while. No story. No other plot points. Just farting and butts. And that movie won multiple academy awards, including best screenplay. Yeah, that happens in Idiocracy. Sad, but true. If this is the slow death our world must go through, why not laugh along the way? It’s better than crying, although tears would be better for dying crops than Gatorade (even though Gatorade has “electrolytes”, whatever those are). Four out of five stars for this ridiculous dystopian comedy! No wonder it became a cult favorite!

"Soulless" by Susan Estrich

Do you miss the good old days when there wasn’t such a huge rift between political parties? As illustrated in Susan Estrich’s 2006 nonfiction masterpiece “Soulless”, people like Ann Coulter have taken that rift and turned it into a monstrous black hole. Centerism is dead because of the conservative pundits who use harsh language and venomous tones to talk down to their liberal counterparts in order to rally up those who watch them. When today’s conservatives watch Ann Coulter say things like, “My only regret with Timothy McVeigh is he did not go to the New York Times building.”, they don’t think, “Man, what a nut job!” They think, “Let’s go kill some liberals!” It makes political sense, but it’s bad for the country. Very bad. Ann Coulter can get away with stirring up this kind of hatred because of a few nuances that she has going for her. One, she never uses curses words, which would place nicely into the Christian right’s hands. Two, she peppers her phrases with Christian references, also playing nicely into their hands, obviously. Three, and this is the part that really drives things home, she looks good in a dress (or such is the common wisdom). Why do you think people like Sarah Palin, Christine O’Donnell, and Michelle Bachmann can get away with the things they say? Because they’re just Ann Coulter clones coming fresh off the assembly line. Of course, this book was written in 2006, so those three people weren’t as popular just yet. But you know who else was popular around that time? Glenn Beck. No one will ever want to see him in a dress, trust me, but he is every bit as vicious with language as Ann Coulter is, which is why people listen to him instead of writing him off as a lunatic. Susan Estrich intricately details how unless the conservative base stands up for itself and listens to reason, it will never get out of the dredges of the fringe. The worst part about all of this? Everyone appears to be just fucking dandy with this! See, I could never be an Ann Coulter wannabe! I just swore! That and I also don’t look good in a dress despite having huge knockers. Plus, I’m too liberal for that crap. Buy Susan Estrich’s book. Even after 2006 is in the rearview mirror, the book is still relevant in today’s modern era.
　

***LYRICS OF THE DAY***

“Calling all demons, this is the season. Next stop is therapy. We’re the retarded and the brokenhearted, the season of misery. Here’s to the wasted, I can almost taste it. The rejects, the wastes of times. Going to take it further, get away with murder. And no one here is getting out alive. Here’s to all God’s losers. The bottom-feeders frenzy. Here’s to all bloodsuckers, sing along with me. ‘Cause we don’t say no, scream one, two, three.”

-Green Day singing “Dirty Rotten Bastards”-

"Nature Girl" by Carl Hiaasen

Close your eyes and picture the following scene. You’re eating dinner with your family and everything seems peaceful. And then all of the sudden, like a tuba blast to the ears, the phone rings and it’s an annoying and obnoxious telemarketer trying to sell you shit you don’t need. Now picture that the person answering the phone as a crazy woman who hasn’t been on her meds in a long while and is capable of the worst kind of erratic behavior imaginable. Then picture the telemarketer as a vulgar hack with the charisma and personality of an orange peel. Put all of these images together and you’ve got the makings of a Carl Hiaasen gem known as “Nature Girl”. But wait, there’s more to it than a crazy lady trying to get revenge on a clown of a telemarketer. You’ve also got the near-fingerless ex-husband of said crazy lady who wants to kidnap her as a slave to his disgusting perversions. And you’ve got an Indian who just wants some peace and quiet out in the Florida Everglades. And a drunk and horny college chick who won’t leave said Indian alone. With so many angles to keep track of, you’d have to wonder how an author doesn’t drive himself insane trying to mesh them together in a creative and entertaining way. Not Carl Hiaasen. For him, crazy plotlines and humorous detective work are all in a day’s work. He alone has perfected a genre of literature known as the “environmental thriller”. In short, someone out there is trying to screw with mother nature and whoever does it gets what they so dearly deserve in the end. With this kind of wit and knowledge on his side, Carl Hiaasen should do a book on BP and the cluster-fuck they’ve caused in the Gulf Coast. I bet he’d have a field day with those corporate thugs! Or a heart attack, depending on how bad it really is out there. With these environmental thrillers, including Nature Girl, Carl Hiaasen not only entertains, he also raises awareness of all the harmful things happening in his home state of Florida. Oh, and did I mention that he’s also known for writing at a breakneck pace? You’ll probably blow through “Nature Girl” in record time because he doesn’t mess around…aside from when he’s peppering his books with reasons to LOL on your Face Book page. If you need an influential author to cling to, make it Carl Hiaasen. He’ll never let you down.

　

***PSEUDO-TWEET OF THE DAY***

Why is it that whenever a pundit says something offensive on the air, someone from the opposing side wants to have lunch with him? Judging from all the nasty things I’ve said about Tea Partiers over the years, I’d better keep the knives off the table.