Lou Dweebs, I Mean, Lou Dobbs: Honorary ICE Agent

 

It's about damn time I brought back the garish color humiliation. Rest in Piss, Lou Dweebs.

Disaster Porn Star

VERSE 1

You’re all fucked! You’re all screwed!

They took away every pound of food

They call it famine, I call it murder

Can’t even buy a junior bacon burger

Can’t even buy a head of lettuce

No child left behind? They’ll already forget us

Your rumbling tummy has sealed your fate

But thank the stars above you’re not overweight

 

CHORUS 1

If it’s upsetting to you, then that’s the point

Swallow all your Xanax, roll yourself a joint

Self-medication only gets you so far

I’m your news anchor, disaster porn star

 

VERSE 2

You’re all pegged! You’re all dead!

They never had to put a bullet in your head

Just feed you second helpings of existential dread

Until you’re lifeless inside, assed out on your bed

You could overdose on your favorite medication

But your soul doesn’t care enough about ideation

Indifferent to the world closing in all around

When the rubble crashes down, you won’t make a sound

 

CHORUS 2

If it’s pissing you off, then we did our job

Now go and get yours, you underclass slob

We’re reporting facts, that’s just how they are

We’re your cable news, disaster porn stars

 

BRIDGE

Ron Jeremy ain’t got shit on me

Jasmine St. Claire couldn’t hit on me

I’m on TV, you couldn’t spit on me

I’m your addiction, you ain’t kicking me

We’re rage-bait trolls with a TV studio

Here’s some pictures of Miguel and Julio

A gay couple with a son of their own

Remember their faces, they’ll never make it home

 

CHORUS 3

If it chaps your ass, then we get paid

We’re like real porn stars, always getting laid

Remember shit-eating grins as the camera fades

‘Cause we’re driving sports cars, disaster porn stars

Capitalism is your permanent system

Rich is what we are, disaster porn stars

Alizee Yeezy vs. Piers Morgan

 

Headline News

VERSE 1

Geek in a suit comes on the news at five

He’s probably wondering how we’re all alive

Read the teleprompter while on beta blockers

Lifeless interview gives you nothing new

Turn that shit off, what’re we watching for?

We should get overtime for staying informed

This is a movie that we’ve all seen before

‘Cause all they ever talk about is murder and war

 

VERSE 2

Roundtable at six sucking Israel’s dicks

Got a dose of depression, come get your fix

Gather over here while we fight fascism

But only with permission from upper management

Bomb this, bomb that, school shooter with a gat

Every one of them fuckers got a red MAGA hat

TV-MA for gratuitous gore

‘Cause all they ever talk about is murder and war

 

VERSE 3

It’s seven o’clock, get on your knees and pray

‘Cause we just made it through another long day

Go fight with your family, have a master debate

You don’t need verbal skills, you need mosquito spray

Dehumanized by the people you’re supposed to love

It’s love with conditions from the heavens above

Just another case of the poor fighting the poor

‘Cause all they ever talk about is murder and war

 

OUTRO

‘Cause all they ever talk about is murder and war

Fuck the positivity, they find it such a bore

Brain chemical addiction is your newfound chore

Like those Camels you smoke from the convenience store

A bottle of Jack to go with your pack

If you’re pissed off long enough, you can move on to crack

Healthy coping mechanisms are what you all lack

But when you need your rage bait, we’ll take your greenbacks

RBG

MOVIE TITLE: RBG

DIRECTORS: Betsy West and Julie Cohen

YEAR: 2018

GENRE: Documentary

RATING: PG for language and politics

GRADE: Extra Credit

RBG documents the multi-decade career of women’s rights lawyer and Supreme Court justice Ruth Bader Ginsberg. Growing up as a second class citizen by virtue of her gender, she knew right away what she wanted to fight for when she tried her cases. Her legacy laid the groundwork for equal pay, equal opportunities, and equal treatment between men and women. Though we still have a long way to go as a society in terms of how women are treated, Ruth Bader Ginsberg will always be seen as someone who got the ball rolling in the right direction. Even today in her old age, she remains a pop culture icon among liberals, women, and youngsters, even being jokingly called The Notorious RBG, a parody of hip-hop artist Notorious BIG.

Ruth’s quiet and introverted nature was a focal point throughout the movie and makes her come off as likable and trustworthy even among her political opponents. She doesn’t believe in raising her voice or being nasty when arguing a case. As a matter of fact, yelling at somebody to win an argument will always turn the other person off rather than bring them in. If you need further proof of Ruth’s diplomatic approach, she was close friends with Antonin Scalia, a Supreme Court justice and rightwing advocate. If those two clashing personalities can get along, imagine what other kinds of barriers can be broken among our people. Breaking down social barriers is important in Trump’s America due to how divided and venomous we as a society have become. Watching Ruth Bader Ginsberg’s peaceful interactions among her opponents is inspiring to watch and makes me believe in hope all over again.

As a matter of fact, any political documentary that makes me feel warm and fuzzy inside will always earn an extra credit grade from me. That’s the kind of feeling we need in today’s world. It’s easy to feel angry and disenfranchised with everything going on and I’m not immune to any of that myself. Stripping you of your hope and your happiness is exactly what the extremists want. When you lose sight of what’s important in life, you become bitter. Bitter words will never bring us together no matter how loudly we yell. Even though I’m a proud liberal, I wouldn’t trade any of my conservative friends for the world. Some of them have been there for me during the darkest times of my life and that’s a debt I could never repay. Ruth Bader Ginsberg will never raise her voice, but she will fight for everything the world needs. That alone makes her a role model we can all be proud of. In fact, some her fans are so proud that they got T-shirts, coffee mugs, and even tattoos in dedication to her. Tattoos? Really?

Back in February of 2018, I saw a one-man show depicting the life and legacy of Thurgood Marshall, another Supreme Court justice who fought for equality, but among races. Ruth Bader Ginsberg showed the same heart and dedication when she built her legacy around gender equality. These two performances have a lot in common, particularly in the way they show how powerful a good debating strategy can be. In their cases, the lawyers were so influential that they became Supreme Court judges. It’s not a role to be taken lightly. It can be the difference between living in a civilized society and throwing everything back to the Dark Ages. Sometimes it feels like we’re living in the Dark Ages all over again, which is why it’s so important never to give up hope or give up the fight for the common good.

Watching this documentary will empower you to levels you’ve never imagined. It’s a wakeup call for everybody involved whether they want to be woken up or not. As I’ve stated earlier in this review, I’m giving the documentary an extra credit grade for being an empowering life lesson without preaching to the choir. It’s not just a pat-on-the-back for ninety minutes. It’s something we could all use at least once in our life.