Why All the Cartoons?

Alright…I think I owe everyone here an explanation as to why there have been so many political cartoons uploaded to my blog all at once. No, I didn’t get hacked, they are my drawings and I stand by those messages. In fact, cartooning has been a hobby of mine whenever my schizophrenic brain was too tired and too burned out to write stories or write poems. I can draw a cartoon anytime I want, whereas I have to wait a million years, maybe longer, to have the energy for writing stories and poetry. So yeah, that’s why I have a bunch of cartoons in my blog now. There will be so many more to come since I’ve been doing it throughout most of 2025, but I figured you guys deserved an explanation. I’m pacing myself with the upload schedule because it’s fucking tedious and drains me of energy pretty quickly. Stay tuned!

RPG Memoirs: Fiction or Nonfiction?

So…I’m at a little bit of a crossroads here when it comes to my nonfiction. Many months ago, I wrote a memoir about a D&D campaign I did with my brother in 2003 where I was a bounty hunter named Regal (it went about as well as you’d imagine, haha!). Ever since then, I’ve wondered if I should do those kinds of memoirs in the future. A small little voice told me that if I’m going to do them, why not just write them as fictional stories instead of memoirs? There’ll be more opportunities for showing instead of telling and it’ll feel like a real story. But given how some of those role-plays panned out, they wouldn’t make for very good stories on their own. Under a nonfiction microscope, I can analyze what went wrong and why. That’s basically the point of these memoirs: to show how much my storytelling skills and I have changed since those days. They can either be cautionary tales or legitimate master classes. What do you guys think? Are these kinds of stories better served as fiction or nonfiction?

Finding Treasure

 Every last page of the treasure map has led you to this. Gold, glorious gold, beautiful gold, showers of gold…wait a minute…Anyways, now that you’ve found these mountains of lovely gold coins underneath the waterfall, you send your pirate crew to haul it onboard your vessel. As you sail away with the precious treasure, you fantasize about what you’ll spend your newfound fortune on. A much-needed vacation? An elaborate mansion? Women? Lots and lots of women? Men? Non-binaries?

Your mind races at a million miles an hour at the possibilities. And then...your train of thought has been derailed when your ship snaps in two like a twig. You and your crew are left floating around the seven seas like turds in a punchbowl. Yes, you’ve got your treasure after all of this hard work…but even your mighty vessel wasn’t strong enough to store it all. You overloaded your fucking ship and sank the damn thing. Way to go, champ! You truly are a million dollar baby and the seven seas have gotten even choppier with the addition of your salty tears.

Everybody wants to find treasure. Everybody wants to live beyond their means. Everybody fantasizes about the high life. But in the midst of their fantasies, they forget the logistics of undertaking such a quest. It’s like the episode of South Park with the underpants gnomes. Phase one, steal underwear. Phase two...Phase three, profit. The gnomes don’t know what phase two is and neither do the pirate captains looking for treasure.

That scenario I painted for you in the above paragraphs was actually the ending scene for Captain William Kidd from the 90’s fighting game World Heroes 2. He got so greedy for his beautiful gold that he took too much of it and it sank his ship. Captain Kidd is a lot of things in that game. He’s a great fighter, no doubt. He’s got friendly dialogue. Now we can add one more quality to his resume: dumbassery. Is that a word? It probably could be if English snobs are willing to let words like “avast, ye matey” float by without examination.

So…when constructing your story about treasure hunting, you first have to ask what it is your sea captain is looking for. It doesn’t always have to be ultra-heavy gold coins. It doesn’t even have to be multiple items. It could be a magical gem. It could be a weapon. It could be a key to the gates of heaven. It could be a book. If you think Potterheads camping outside of Barnes & Noble takes dedication, you’ve never met a sea captain who searches far and wide for a book of secrets beneath the Atlantic Ocean.

Anything can be a valuable treasure if you put enough stock into it. Even another human being can be considered a valuable treasure. Maybe the sea captain is looking for a sexy siren who when discovered will become his wife for all eternity. Sounds great in theory, but it’s not exactly healthy relationship material if one party has too much power over the other.

Okay, so you know what you want your sea captain to look for. How do they get it? Do they have access to a treasure map? If so, how difficult was it to find? Did they have to wrestle it out of the hands of an orcish army? An ogre bruiser? A sneaky goblin? What about the map itself? Is it just one sheet of paper or is it a fucking novel the size of Webster’s Dictionary? Is the map even in plain English or does the captain need a translator to accompany him on his treasure hunt? Does the translator know how to fight or will they be swallowed whole by a bloodthirsty kraken? If you really wanted to be a dick to your main character, you could have the map come in the form of a thick novel with missing pages scattered all over the world, each of them in a different foreign language. How many times can your sea captain’s patience be tested before they say, “Fuck it, I’ll live on the streets?”

As if finding the missing pages to a treasure map wasn’t enough of a pain in the ass, getting from point A to point B is full of obstacles that grind the captain’s patience down to nothing. I’ve already mentioned bloodthirsty krakens who’ll eat entire armies alive with just one bite, but not before they’re wrapped in the pirate ship’s mast and eaten like Hot Pockets. What about other pirates, though? Surely, you’re not so arrogant to believe you’re the only one who wants the treasure, right? That’s why psychology experts warn You Tube consumers not to fall in love with content creators: because there’s an army of watchers who feel the same way and the chances of you being chosen are pretty fucking slim. 

So who are these other pirates going after your forbidden treasure? Skeletons? Orcs? Zombies? Dragon people? Or maybe they’re just ordinary humans. You can breathe a sigh of relief if the latter is the case, right? Not if they’re armed with AK-47’s and all you’ve got is a measly cutlass. I guarantee you Captain William Kidd wouldn’t stand a chance against Somali pirates. He can only throw the Shark Knuckle and Shark Upper so many times before he’s pumped full of lead. Those fighters in World Heroes 2 never really accounted for firearms, did they?

If the other pirates don’t kick the shit out of you, I guarantee that the oceans and general shitty weather will. Have you ridden on a boat with choppy waves before? I have. I was vacationing in Mexico in 2017 and part of my vacation was riding on a banana boat. Because the waves were rough and heavy, I fell off the damn boat and screamed for help until the lifeguards rescued me. The only reason why I didn’t scream earlier was because my head was underwater and bubbles don’t exactly translate well to above-surface lifeguards. 

If you’re sailing the seven seas, chances are good that you’ll be bounced up and down by the rolling waves. Your crew will be jostled around so many times that some of them may even fall off the ship never to be seen again. And that’s just the ocean. What about the rain? And the lightning? Suppose the only translator you have for your overly-complex map gets struck by lightning and dies? Then he gets tossed overboard by the nasty-ass waves? You talk about being lost at sea? Bitch, you’ll be lucky if you’re ever found again. The Coast Guard ain’t going to save your ass, because if they were capable of doing so, they would have found the treasure long before you ever did.

You know those motivational quotes that tell you to take risks without thinking too much about the consequences of failure? They seem inspirational at first, but overall, it’s shitty advice, especially if you’re a sea captain. You have to think about the risk-reward factor all the time. Is it worth the danger of being swallowed whole by the sea? Is it worth being gutted alive by a skeleton crew’s cutlasses? Is it worth the sleepless nights? Is it worth being so tired that you’re constantly on the edge of having a stroke, heart attack, aneurism, or all three at the same time?

What will you do once you’ve found this sacred treasure? Will you save it for a rainy day (one that preferably doesn’t take place during your travels)? Will you spend it all at once on hookers and beer and be right back to where you started in a week’s time? Will you use the mountains of gold coins to pay your bills? Does your landlord or debt collector even accept gold coins as currency? Suppose your landlord says, “Sorry, we don’t accept Canadian money.” Your ass is out on the streets in a big fucking hurry. But at least you found your treasure! Right?

Even if you as an author don’t plan on writing a treasure hunting story of any kind, this can still be a valuable lesson in thinking things through before you rush into a project. If you improvise everything, you’ll have a shitty first draft and a lot of work ahead of you. If you plan everything in advance down to the finest detail, you’ll still have a shitty first draft, but you won’t have nearly as much work to do. I wish I heeded this advice when I started pumping out first drafts left and right. 

One of the biggest criticisms I’ve ever received (aside from having too many saggy jowled dogs and fat male villains) was that I don’t take authority and culture into account when creating my worlds. I’ve often been asked, “Where are the cops?” My logical answer would have been that I want the MC to get the credit for the victory, not the cops. If the cops can solve everything, why have a story at all? Fair point, but the cops and authority figures still matter in every story. Or maybe the country is 100% anarchy and everybody solves their own damn problems. No matter what the case, it’s good to establish these things so that they’re clear to the reader.

But just because a fine eye for detail is required for any writing project, doesn’t mean you have to explain every…little…thing to the reader. There are some obvious parts of your world that you can trust your readers to form pictures of by themselves. Your book shouldn’t be overly long explanations sandwiching the crucial action and drama of your story. That shit just gets boring after a short while. I’ve DNFed books that took too long explaining everything, case in point, the first Game of Thrones book. The author wouldn’t shut his yap about the details of the characters’ clothes and histories, so the action suffered because of it. I would argue that Empress Theresa is the worst offender when it comes to over-explaining things. Then again, Empress Theresa is the worst offender no matter what category you’re talking about.

Finding a nice balance between over-explaining and not thinking at all about the extra details is paramount to a readable book, whether you’re writing about treasure hunting or not. Treasure hunting is just one genre that deserves this middle ground. It could also be true of contemporary dramas where the world-building details are the same as what we experience in real life. So maybe when Captain William Kidd washes up on the shore, he can build another pirate ship and only take half the gold this time around. And then he’d have to find a way to convert that gold into modern day money. If he really was the devious pirate he claimed to be, he could start his own pyramid scheme with that amount of gold. And then when he finally gets taken to court, he can bypass prison altogether and wind up in the safety of a nut house, because no modern day human being talks or dresses the way he does unless it’s Halloween. See? Details matter!

Philosophy

 Let me ask you a philosophical question…

If I write a thousand stories and nobody cares

Do they suddenly vanish into nothing but air?

If I fall in love and leave everyone disgusted

Can any of my feelings really be so trusted?

If I make money delivering another cook’s meal

Are they the ones who deserve all of the zeal?

If I pet a thousand cats and make them purr

Does worldwide harmony suddenly occur?

If I feed a thousand hamburgers to hungry dogs

Will anybody hear their little howling songs?

If I have a thousand dreams underneath the sheets

Will I wake up just to taste lifelong defeat?

If I get a thousand likes on this picture of me

Is it true beauty that the public wants to see?

If everybody tells me that I should shoot my shot

Will I hit the target every time? Probably not

Success is more heavenly than the pearly gates

So why is it that I continue to sit around and wait?

Because taking action has a lethal consequence

High risk, high reward, no sitting on the fence

Failure is inevitable, but it shouldn’t be deadly

A safety net is what the gods should send me

But no universal space god watches my back

One big mistake, my whole world goes black

Playing it safe is considered mediocrity

I’m just living my life at a snail’s velocity

Let me ask another philosophical question

If a shooting star falls, does it even get a mention?

Large Groups of Characters

***LARGE GROUPS OF CHARACTERS***

“The Way-Back Machine is all warmed up, Mr. Peabody!”

Good boy, Sherman. Now let’s go back to the late 1990’s in Chehalis, Washington, where I was a pre-teen playing Dungeons & Dragons with a large group of my brother’s friends. Pay close attention to the “large group” part of that last sentence. It didn’t matter if I was a level one human fighter with a true neutral attitude. It didn’t matter if my character was destined to become a badass somewhere down the line. That prophecy never came to fruition in this particular role-play. You want to know what my character did? You want to know what his big contribution to the experience was? Smashing a whiskey barrel over somebody’s head. That’s it. End of story. The rest of the role-playing session was a whole lot of jack shit. Whenever the DM asked me what I wanted to do next, I’d just languidly say, “Go with them.”

From that day forward, I only agreed to D&D sessions with small groups of people or strictly one-on-one with the DM. When too many characters invade one story, there’s not enough room for them to get their shit in. They get shoved to the background in favor of others. There’s no room for development. Or in my case, all I got to do was smash a wooden barrel over somebody’s head…and not a goddamn thing more. Whenever I write novels, I always make sure to keep my protagonists down to a manageable number like two or three. That way, everybody gets a chance at character development in the relatively small space that constitutes the word count benchmark for novellas. Bigger adventuring parties are designed for works that are longer. Me? I don’t have the mental endurance to write something long enough to include an army of three-dimensional characters.

This heavy burden of characters is something often seen in professional wrestling as well, not just with books and movies. It’s one of the reasons why the WWE Divas Revolution was so poorly received in 2015. Nine women had to share X minutes of TV time, which means nobody got developed, nobody had any real motivations, nobody had personality, and there was no real end game to it all. To put it bluntly, it was a cluster fuck that resulted in the Wrestling Observer Newsletter giving it a Worst Feud of the Year award. It also placed second in that year’s list of Most Disgusting Promotional Tactics and third in the list of Worst Gimmicks. There’s only so much TV time to go around, which means smaller groups take priority if there’s ever a chance at character development.

Of course, not all characters have to be three-dimensional. Some characters were designed to be extras and that’s okay. But if you’re going to make a character an extra, be prepared for the lack of emotional investment that comes with it. A mass slaughter of innocent civilians doesn’t hold nearly as much weight in a Marvel or DC movie as the death of a character the audience actually cares about. The more you care, the more it will hurt. Why do you think people in real life get choked up about family members dying, but won’t blink an eye at an elderly celebrity passing the pearly gates? Celebrities are nice, but they’re not as connected to us as our truly loved ones. The same logic applies with stories where there’s a large number of protagonists.

Having said these things, I can still think of a few examples where it’s okay to care about big groups of people. In “The Savior’s Champion” by Jenna Moreci, there are twenty combatants in the Sovereign’s Tournament. You know they will eventually die per the rules of the game, but when they do, it’ll hurt worse than a Kaleo knee to the ribcage. Then again, that novel is at least five hundred pages long, so Ms. Moreci has given herself a lot of space to work with. Same thing with the old SNES videogame Final Fantasy VI. It takes weeks to beat, which means a large group of playable characters can thrive in that environment. You’ll care about Sabin Figaro. You’ll give more than two shits about Mog. You’ll give lots of flying fucks about Cyan Garamonde. Please do play that game if you’re into the classics. What about Lord of the Rings? Well, each movie in the trilogy is three butt-numbing hours long. You think that’s more than enough time to develop a big ass group of characters? Fuck yeah it is!

But if it’s really dependent on the length of the story, then why don’t I just write longer stories? Why can’t Beautiful Monster be 100,000 words instead of 45,000? Because a story’s completion has nothing to do with how long it is. Yes, it’s a shorter novella, but it’s a complete story. Even in its early draft phase, it has a beginning, middle, and end. The two main protagonists, Windham Xavier and Tarja Rikkinen, are only two people, which means they get lots of time to develop and grow as characters. Everybody else can claim the spotlight for themselves because my main character roster isn’t that big. But why not make my story longer and include more characters? Does it really need more characters? Can the few that I have not carry the story on their own? Besides, like I mentioned before, I don’t have the mental endurance to write longer stories. I’d be nice if I had it, but superpowers aren’t really a thing yet, so I’ll have to stick to the short stuff.

So the moral of the story is, if you want people to care about your large group of characters, make sure your medium is long enough for their individual developments. It can be done, but not by me, because I don’t feel the need to stretch myself beyond my means. The same will apply to any Dungeons & Dragons campaigns I run in the future: the smaller the group, the smaller the headaches. Everybody will get their shit in. They’ll mean more to my fictional world than smashing a whiskey barrel over somebody’s head. This isn’t a WWE battle royal with a bloated roster full of tainted characters. This is creative writing. Although, if Vince McMahon (who gets the last word on WWE’s creative processes) wrote a novel of any kind, I’d want to read it just because I can’t avert my eyes from a train wreck. I’m Garrison Kelly! Happy Thanksgiving! Eat lots of turkey! I know I will!

***DOMESTIC DIALOGUE OF THE DAY***

(Circa 2013)

JAMES: Hey Garrison, why are you being pissy?

GARRISON: I’m not!

JAMES: You’re being pissy.

GARRISON: I’M NOT!

JAMES: Yes, you are, you’re being very pissy.

GARRISON: I’m not!

JAMES: Come on, Garrison, be happy, get excited.

GARRISON: About what?

JAMES: I don’t know. Life.

GARRISON: Can I be excited about that cardboard box over there?

JAMES: Sure, why not?

***POST-SCRIPT***

True story: I told my Face Book followers that I was going to the Regal Cinemas today to watch A Beautiful Day in the Neighborhood. I backed out at the last minute, because the entire day I was feeling grumpier than usual. I snapped at everything and expended a lot of physical energy screaming at little shit. But that’s okay, because it’ll still play Saturday night when all of the Thanksgiving and Black Friday hoo-ha has died down.

Saying Dumb Shit to Writers

***SAYING DUMB SHIT TO WRITERS***

Art in general is frowned upon in a society where we love to be entertained. Let that statement sink in for a few minutes. Because we’re not as exalted as the STEM lords, artists get a lot of dumb questions and a lot of dumb statements. It never gets easier with time. In fact, when people ask me what I do for a living, I just tell them I’m unemployed rather than brag about my author career to someone who clearly doesn’t care. I’ve had my fair share of dumb statements from small talking extroverts, grannies, and a combination of both. These are the six worst things said to me during my career as a writer:

“We need some good stories out there, not blood and guts.”

I was so pissed at this statement that I came close to creating a bloody story in real life with the woman who said this to me. I never let my anger show; I just silently seethed on the inside. An R-rating doesn’t make for an automatically bad movie or novel. Saying otherwise shows off a level of ignorance like a beacon in the night. Okay, so maybe you don’t like violent stories. Fine. Don’t read them. Don’t watch bloody movies. Don’t force your narrow-minded opinion on another writer. That’s not helpful advice. That’s conformity. Writers don’t conform very well and if they did, they wouldn’t have careers. The woman later asked me if I was interested in joining a college group for Catholics.

“Are you going to be a teacher?”

When someone asked me what I majored in while going to college (it was English), this was the most common follow-up question. Let me tell you right now that you wouldn’t want me as your teacher. I don’t command a great deal of authority without screaming when I reach my breaking point. And when I explode like a car bomb, I go from being the victim to the villain. I directed a play in high school that was an adaptation of Pulp Fiction. None of the students listened to my orders; they were only in it for the easy A. The only way I could have gained their respect was through raw physicality, which isn’t allowed in high school. Story of my life: my only problem solving skill is using violence and violence is illegal. A true Catch-22 scenario if I’ve ever heard one.

“You know what I’d like you to write? A book about World War II.”

You couldn’t pay me enough money to write a book about World War II. It doesn’t pique my interest in the same way that a fantasy or sci-fi story would. If you want someone to write your WW2 novel, pay them handsomely and don’t expect them to do it for the exposure. Writers don’t work for exposure. That’s a myth and it’s about damn time someone debunked it. Even if I did take a mild interest in World War II, I don’t know enough about history to be 100% accurate with my tropes. Social studies wasn’t a favorite topic of mine when I went to school. I got the good grades I wanted, but it still wasn’t a fascinating topic to me. Then again, I never did like school no matter what grade I was in. I got my good grades, kept my mouth shut, and soldiered on despite it all. And now I’m an English major (not a teacher).

“We don’t need more sequels to movies.”

This one was ranted about by a group of old ladies who clearly had a bias against superhero movies. Maybe they too should commission an author to write a World War II book since that’s all they can seem to remember. Just like with the blood and guts example, it’s not right to force your interests and views on a budding author. We are all different. We have different needs. We see the world through different lenses. Respect that and be on your merry way to a game of cribbage.

“You should write a story about the relationship between a seal and a little boy.”

Again, not a topic I give two shits about. Seals are cute and cuddly, don’t get me wrong, but blood-soaked fantasy battles take higher priority. Maybe the seal can one day don spiked metal armor and charge into the battlefield with a jousting lance. Maybe the seal can wear a sparkling wizard’s hat and cast magic spells until the end of time. Maybe the seal was made to be a seal because of a witch’s curse. Those scenarios sound a lot more appealing to me than dicking around with a little boy. This ain’t Free Willy, motherfucker.

“Don’t go to Hollywood to write movie scripts. There are drugs and prostitutes there.”

As opposed to the place I live now which is squeaky clean? Get out of here with that shit. Every city has its own demons whether you live in Hollywood, Seattle, Tehran, London, or good old fashioned Chehalis. Besides, if you really wanted to deter me from going to Hollywood, you would have played the Harvey Weinstein card. That’ll scare the shit out of anybody! Or if you need something creepier, try to keep budding screenwriters away from Nickelodeon, especially in the wake of Dan Schneider being a potential pedophile with a foot fetish. Come to think of it, that alone would make good enough creative fuel for a horror movie script. Then you can sell it to Hollywood while getting cozy on Harvey Weinstein’s leather couch. Ugh…

If there’s one lesson you can take away from this blog entry, it’s that micro-aggressions against writers aren’t just minor incidents. Writers hear this shit all the time and it boils them alive with rage, so much so that they’ll probably use you as murder fodder in their stories if you push them too hard. It’s the closest we’ll ever come to committing violent acts without getting thrown in prison. You have no idea how satisfying that is to us. If you don’t know what to say to an author, that’s okay, because as introverted professionals, we appreciate a good moment of silence here and there. Not all conversations need to be had.

And when the conversation does go south, it’ll be because you forced your values on the author without giving them room for their own individuality. Whether you’re a STEM guy, a hairdresser, an old lady, or someone who automatically assumes all English majors become teachers, a little silence can go a long way. I’m Garrison Kelly! Until next time, try to enjoy the daylight! And yes, the sign off phrase I use comes from a TV show about blood and guts. Deal with it.

***MOVIE DIALOGUE OF THE DAY***

(RE: Categorizing books in the prison library.)

HAYWOOD: Treasure Island by Robert Louis…

ANDY: Stevenson. Fiction: Adventure. What’s next?

RED: I have here Auto Repair and Soap Carving.

ANDY: Trades, Skills, and Hobbies. It goes under Educational, the stack behind you.

HAYWOOD: The Count of Monte Crisco.

PRISONER: That’s Cristo, you dumb shit.

HAYWOOD: By Alexandree…Dumass…Dumbass?

RED: Hahahahahaha!

ANDY: “Doo-MAH”. You know what that one’s about? You’ll like it; it’s about a prison break.

RED: Well, we ought to file that under Educational too.

-The Shawshank Redemption-

***POST-SCRIPT***

Well, what do you know? Another R-rated classic! With blood, but not guts! Suck it, random Catholic lady!

The Land of Milk and Medication

VERSE 1

Take me by the hand to dreamland

Tell me a story of fantastic glory

Everything is ours for twelve hours

The recesses of my mind are all mine

Give me a reason to greet the season

Give me a tale I can write without fail

I do it for a living, it’s all I am giving

Buy from the hovel of paperback novels

CHORUS

The land of milk and medication

Is where I do my best meditation

From reality I take a vacation

To a brand new mystical destination

VERSE 2

Milk and honey for my cinnamon bunny

Milk and Xanax for my creative annex

Milk and cereal for the morning ethereal

Milk and fudge to give my face a smudge

Every day is Christmas, night is Halloween

Thanksgiving is somewhere in between

No Valentines for the girl I shall pine

No firecrackers from patriotic attackers

CHORUS

The land of milk and medication

Is where I do my best meditation

From reality I take a vacation

To a brand new mystical destination

BRIDGE

When the sun is kissing, something is missing

Is anybody watching? Is anybody listening?

Where will I get today’s creative fuel?

Must keep the mind sharp, it’s my only tool

EXTENDED CHORUS

The land of milk and medication

Is where I do my best meditation

From reality I take a vacation

To a brand new mystical destination

A world of wonder and musical thunder

Realm of magic born from something tragic

Imagination is my favorite medication

Milk and pills still give me the chills

Rise and Shine

VERSE 1

Rise and shine for your fucked up mind

There’s no more time to relax and unwind

Get your ass out of bed, Mr. Sleepyhead

Rise like a zombie coming back from the dead

CHORUS 1

Rise and shine or your ass is mine!

Rise and shine, don’t fucking whine!

Rise and shine for the dollar signs!

Wake up! Wake up! Wake up!

VERSE 2

Too many stories and not enough glory

A life of snoring is so damn boring

Work your fingers to the powdery bone

Your flesh melts like an ice cream cone

Your blood boils like a river of lava

Your wheels turn as you pen this drama

Do it all again on the very next day

This line of work is where you’ll stay

CHORUS 1

Rise and shine or your ass is mine!

Rise and shine, don’t fucking whine!

Rise and shine for the dollar signs!

Wake up! Wake up! Wake up!

BRIDGE

This lifestyle isn’t just a stepping stone

It’s what you should be calling home

There’s nothing bigger, nothing better

To your own craft, you are a debtor

VERSE 3

Something mysterious is holding you back

Energy and fire is what you fucking lack

You burned yourself out like a dying candle

The daily grind you’ll never be able to handle

Good morning is a hypocritical phrase

When all you want to do is laze in your haze

Stressed out, pissed off, fucked up, get lost

Now you know the deal, time to pay the cost

CHORUS 2

Rise and shine? Go fuck yourself!

Rise and shine? Go straight to hell!

Rise and shine? No goddamn chance!

Find another partner for your puppet dance!