Large Groups of Characters

***LARGE GROUPS OF CHARACTERS***

“The Way-Back Machine is all warmed up, Mr. Peabody!”

Good boy, Sherman. Now let’s go back to the late 1990’s in Chehalis, Washington, where I was a pre-teen playing Dungeons & Dragons with a large group of my brother’s friends. Pay close attention to the “large group” part of that last sentence. It didn’t matter if I was a level one human fighter with a true neutral attitude. It didn’t matter if my character was destined to become a badass somewhere down the line. That prophecy never came to fruition in this particular role-play. You want to know what my character did? You want to know what his big contribution to the experience was? Smashing a whiskey barrel over somebody’s head. That’s it. End of story. The rest of the role-playing session was a whole lot of jack shit. Whenever the DM asked me what I wanted to do next, I’d just languidly say, “Go with them.”

From that day forward, I only agreed to D&D sessions with small groups of people or strictly one-on-one with the DM. When too many characters invade one story, there’s not enough room for them to get their shit in. They get shoved to the background in favor of others. There’s no room for development. Or in my case, all I got to do was smash a wooden barrel over somebody’s head…and not a goddamn thing more. Whenever I write novels, I always make sure to keep my protagonists down to a manageable number like two or three. That way, everybody gets a chance at character development in the relatively small space that constitutes the word count benchmark for novellas. Bigger adventuring parties are designed for works that are longer. Me? I don’t have the mental endurance to write something long enough to include an army of three-dimensional characters.

This heavy burden of characters is something often seen in professional wrestling as well, not just with books and movies. It’s one of the reasons why the WWE Divas Revolution was so poorly received in 2015. Nine women had to share X minutes of TV time, which means nobody got developed, nobody had any real motivations, nobody had personality, and there was no real end game to it all. To put it bluntly, it was a cluster fuck that resulted in the Wrestling Observer Newsletter giving it a Worst Feud of the Year award. It also placed second in that year’s list of Most Disgusting Promotional Tactics and third in the list of Worst Gimmicks. There’s only so much TV time to go around, which means smaller groups take priority if there’s ever a chance at character development.

Of course, not all characters have to be three-dimensional. Some characters were designed to be extras and that’s okay. But if you’re going to make a character an extra, be prepared for the lack of emotional investment that comes with it. A mass slaughter of innocent civilians doesn’t hold nearly as much weight in a Marvel or DC movie as the death of a character the audience actually cares about. The more you care, the more it will hurt. Why do you think people in real life get choked up about family members dying, but won’t blink an eye at an elderly celebrity passing the pearly gates? Celebrities are nice, but they’re not as connected to us as our truly loved ones. The same logic applies with stories where there’s a large number of protagonists.

Having said these things, I can still think of a few examples where it’s okay to care about big groups of people. In “The Savior’s Champion” by Jenna Moreci, there are twenty combatants in the Sovereign’s Tournament. You know they will eventually die per the rules of the game, but when they do, it’ll hurt worse than a Kaleo knee to the ribcage. Then again, that novel is at least five hundred pages long, so Ms. Moreci has given herself a lot of space to work with. Same thing with the old SNES videogame Final Fantasy VI. It takes weeks to beat, which means a large group of playable characters can thrive in that environment. You’ll care about Sabin Figaro. You’ll give more than two shits about Mog. You’ll give lots of flying fucks about Cyan Garamonde. Please do play that game if you’re into the classics. What about Lord of the Rings? Well, each movie in the trilogy is three butt-numbing hours long. You think that’s more than enough time to develop a big ass group of characters? Fuck yeah it is!

But if it’s really dependent on the length of the story, then why don’t I just write longer stories? Why can’t Beautiful Monster be 100,000 words instead of 45,000? Because a story’s completion has nothing to do with how long it is. Yes, it’s a shorter novella, but it’s a complete story. Even in its early draft phase, it has a beginning, middle, and end. The two main protagonists, Windham Xavier and Tarja Rikkinen, are only two people, which means they get lots of time to develop and grow as characters. Everybody else can claim the spotlight for themselves because my main character roster isn’t that big. But why not make my story longer and include more characters? Does it really need more characters? Can the few that I have not carry the story on their own? Besides, like I mentioned before, I don’t have the mental endurance to write longer stories. I’d be nice if I had it, but superpowers aren’t really a thing yet, so I’ll have to stick to the short stuff.

So the moral of the story is, if you want people to care about your large group of characters, make sure your medium is long enough for their individual developments. It can be done, but not by me, because I don’t feel the need to stretch myself beyond my means. The same will apply to any Dungeons & Dragons campaigns I run in the future: the smaller the group, the smaller the headaches. Everybody will get their shit in. They’ll mean more to my fictional world than smashing a whiskey barrel over somebody’s head. This isn’t a WWE battle royal with a bloated roster full of tainted characters. This is creative writing. Although, if Vince McMahon (who gets the last word on WWE’s creative processes) wrote a novel of any kind, I’d want to read it just because I can’t avert my eyes from a train wreck. I’m Garrison Kelly! Happy Thanksgiving! Eat lots of turkey! I know I will!

***DOMESTIC DIALOGUE OF THE DAY***

(Circa 2013)

JAMES: Hey Garrison, why are you being pissy?

GARRISON: I’m not!

JAMES: You’re being pissy.

GARRISON: I’M NOT!

JAMES: Yes, you are, you’re being very pissy.

GARRISON: I’m not!

JAMES: Come on, Garrison, be happy, get excited.

GARRISON: About what?

JAMES: I don’t know. Life.

GARRISON: Can I be excited about that cardboard box over there?

JAMES: Sure, why not?

***POST-SCRIPT***

True story: I told my Face Book followers that I was going to the Regal Cinemas today to watch A Beautiful Day in the Neighborhood. I backed out at the last minute, because the entire day I was feeling grumpier than usual. I snapped at everything and expended a lot of physical energy screaming at little shit. But that’s okay, because it’ll still play Saturday night when all of the Thanksgiving and Black Friday hoo-ha has died down.

No Singular Goal

***NO SINGULAR GOAL***

I’ve been writing novels and short stories for a long fucking time, yet I only noticed today how almost none of my novels have singular goals within the plot. Instead the main characters accomplish smaller goals on the way to a climax that may or may not be part of the linear structure. It’s weird. There are singular goals in other stories, but not mine. In Harry Potter, the goal is to kill Voldemort. In Star Wars, it’s to kill Darth Vader and destabilize the empire. In Lord of the Rings, it’s to destroy a powerful ring by dropping it into a river of lava. In Silent Warrior, the main goal is to…um…In Beautiful Monster, Windham Xavier wants to…uh…heh…In Incelbordination…Oswald Crow wants to…oh, I give up!

Okay, let’s use Incelbordination as an example. At the beginning of the story, Oswald Crow wants a girlfriend, or to at least have sex for the very first time. But then he meets Antero Magnus and wants to rage against the world. Then he sees how coo-coo his followers are and wants to bring Antero to justice. And then once that’s out of the way, he wants to sort out his life and find a real girlfriend again, which he doesn’t do. Does this seem like a cluster fuck to you? I’m sure it does. But we’re just getting warmed up!

For the sake of argument, when I refer to Beautiful Monster, I’ll only refer to the god-awful drive-by abortion first draft, not the rewrite I’m currently working on. Windham Xavier goes on a mission to spy on Shelly Atwood. Then he wants to get away from her. Then he wants to make sweet monkey love to Tarja Rikkinen for no damn reason. Then he wants to keep his job at the formerly known Paladin Cross. Then he wants to kill Orpheus Rinehart. Then he wants to survive and start a new life with Tarja. And then…reasons?

Still not convinced of how crazy my plot structures are? Let’s do the same thing for Silent Warrior. Scott George wants to stop having traumatic visions. Then he wants to stick it to his history teacher. Then he wants to fuck the history teacher’s daughter. Then he wants to get out of jail. Then he wants to graduate high school. Then he wants to be a psychological counselor at his high school. And then he wants to…he, uh…UGH!

These plots would all sound chaotic to any sane reader. Windham Xavier, Scott George, and Oswald Crow have no singular goals that define the entire story. They’re just playing in by ear and changing their minds as new events take place. Are there a whole lot of stories out there with this kind of narrative? I’ll try to think of a few.

In A Christmas Story, Ralph wants to get a BB rifle for Christmas. Then he wants to get an A++++++ on his essay. Then he wants to decode Little Orphan Annie’s message. Then he wants to beat the shit out of Scut Farkus. Then he wants to eat dinner at a Chinese restaurant after the Christmas turkey is ruined by the Bumpus’s dogs. And then once he shoots his eye out, he wants to…he wants to…he, uh…DAH!

In Pink Floyd the Wall, Pink wants to survive life without a father. Then he wants to stick it to his Scottish teacher. Then he wants to grow up and be a rock star. Then he wants to get married. Then he wants to shut everybody out. Then he wants to have a pseudo Nazi rally and then put himself on trial when things get out of control. And then he wants to…uh…Jesus…UGH!

I’m sure there are other examples of chaotic storytelling out there, but I can’t think of anything beyond those two I just gave. Truth be told, I’m not even sure if refusing to have a singular goal in mind is the right or wrong thing to do. I suppose a case could be made that these stories of mine are slices of life, where random occurrences and constant changes of opinion are part of reality.

Think about it for a minute. Does anybody’s life really have a singular goal? And if so, what do they do when it’s achieved? Does their story end right there? Do they live the rest of their lives riding out this goal or do they miraculously have a heart attack and die at the story’s conclusion?  Life is full of twists and turns. It’s not a linear path despite what these other stories tell you. If it was a linear path, the ending would be too easy to predict. But this is just my opinion and I could be missing something here.

I’d like to think that a story’s unpredictability lies within the hows, not the whats. Yes, we know the good guys will win in the end. But if you want to know how they survive these insurmountable odds, you have to read the whole fucking thing. But what if the ending is negative? Again, it’s all about the hows. How did the hero fuck it up that badly and how does life go on now that he’s no longer a factor? With a chaotic plot, you don’t have to worry about these things too much because you don’t know what to expect. You’re looking for the whats AND the hows. But again, this is just my opinion and if someone wants to prove me wrong, I’ll give you all the chances you need to do so. I could be wrong and I wouldn’t even know it until someone told me.

Are there any other examples of chaotic storytelling that I’m missing? They do exist, I’m sure, but most of my media intake comes from linear plots revolving around a singular goal. In Black Panther, the Wakandans want to defend their kingdom from evil forces. In Wonder Woman, she wants to make Ares pay for his sins against her people. In X-Men, Charles Xavier’s students want to keep Magneto from killing all humans despite the fact that humans are prejudiced against mutants.

In Occupy Wrestling (which actually is published), Mitch McLeod wants to win the KDW World Championship. Then he wants to keep it. Then he wants to put his boss in jail. Then he wants to protect his girlfriend from hideous monster wrestlers. Then he wants to bring down his boss’s monstrous empire. Then he wants to…uh…uh…damn it! I’m Garrison Kelly! Even when you feel like dying, keep climbing the mountain! What you do once you get to the mountaintop, that’s up to you. I certainly hope that’s not your singular goal in life!

***MOVIE DIALOGUE OF THE DAY***

RANDAL: Can’t we do something about those two stoners hanging around the convenience store all the time?

DANTE: Why? What’d they do now?

RANDAL: I’m trying to watch Clash of the Titans and all I can hear is those two screaming about Morris Day at the top of their lungs.

DANTE: I thought the fat one didn’t talk much.

RANDAL: What, am I producing an A&E Biography about them?

-Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back-

***POST-SCRIPT***

While I’m playing the waiting game with Emilio and the Scratching Post (which is finished, by the way), I’ve been keeping busy with reviews of the shortest books I own. You’ll also notice a short story called Goddamn Dog. Well, I’d also like to get back to writing Beautiful Monster during this downtime. I believe it’s been at least a whole month since I’ve touched this project. That’s way too long. When it comes to chapter 17, I’m having a hard time deciding if I should tell the story through Windham’s eyes or Tarja’s. Windham is still in the Shadow Asylum basement being tortured by Kody Savage. Tarja is on her way to rescue him. Maybe I can split this chapter into two parts? Hmm…

Fantasy and Reality

I’m a peace-loving liberal who loves action movies and violent literature. Like the Scottish Koreans in the Starburst commercials, I’m a walking contradiction and I don’t make a wee bit of sense. How exactly is this possible? It’s because I know how to do something that I wish everybody would learn to do: distinguish fantasy from reality. In the fantasy world, violence is dazzling and fun to watch, as evidenced in movies like First Blood and TV shows like the WWE. Even the UFC has a level of fantasy in it, probably because it’s heavily regulated. In the real world, violence is a disgusting thing to watch. There’s a huge difference between watching First Blood and watching a war documentary on MSNBC. That’s why I wish everybody could distinguish fantasy from reality, because people play videogames like Halo and Gears of War and automatically assume that they too can become ass-kicking soldiers who go undefeated throughout their military careers. Bzzt! Wrong! If you join the military and somehow make it back to civilian life with your body intact, no matter what the outcome of the war you’re fighting, you will never be the same again. You might return home missing a few limbs. You might wake up in the middle of the night and not know where you are. You might burst into tears when you hear someone popping balloons because it sounds like gunfire. In the world of mixed-martial arts, the same thing is true. Just because you went undefeated in a game of Tekken Tag Tournament or Super Street Fighter II, doesn’t mean you’re going to excel in the UFC. The fighters who work for that company? They’re super athletes who spend anywhere from eight to twelve hours a day training in the gym and even then they get injured from time to time. If you have the body of a god and that god happens to be Buddha, stay away from the cage (unless of course your name is Roy Nelson, in which case, you’ll do just fine). Do you know why they call it a fantasy? Because it exists in the mind and nowhere else except for in artistic expression. If The Hobbit was a documentary instead of an action-adventure movie, we would be seriously fucked as human beings. Or elves. Or dwarves. Or even fire-breathing dragons and walking rock people. Just to be on the safe side, whenever I self-publish one of my books, I put a disclaimer at the beginning that reminds my readers never to copy anything they read. They will die a miserable, slow death if they do. I don’t just do it to get a laugh out of people. I do it for their own good. That and I don’t want to get sued. Are you paying attention, Stephanie Meyer? Maybe you should tell your own audience to stop biting each other’s necks. I’ve bitten people when I got into fights at school. It’s not fun. So please, Twilight fans, stop biting each other’s necks! Got that? Good! I don’t think there’s anything more that needs to be said, except…

　

***WRESTLING QUOTE OF THE DAY***

“Pro-wrestling is real. People are fake.”

-Mr. Anderson-