"Happy!" by Grant Morrison

BOOK TITLE: Happy!

AUTHOR: Grant Morrison

YEAR: 2017

GENRE: Graphic Novel

SUBGENRE: Crime Fiction

GRADE: Pass

Disgraced detective turned contract killer Nick Sax completes an assassination of mob boss Mr. Blue’s sons. During the final moments of the confrontation, one of the sons tells Nick the password to a bank account full of laundered mafia money. Just as Mr. Blue’s henchmen are about to extract the password from him via torture, an imaginary blue unicorn haunts Nick’s psyche and agrees to help him out dangerous situations on the condition that he rescues small children from a porn studio. Will Nick Sax become the hero he was meant to be or will he selfishly reject Happy the horse every step of the way?

This graphic novel is incontrovertible proof that not all protagonists have to be saints in order for the audience to cheer for them. Nick Sax is a vulgar, selfish, negative alcoholic who would rather waste his life away than use it for good causes. Seeing as how this is a redemption story, Happy the Horse has a long way to go in order to convince Nick to see the light. The two of them get into schizophrenic arguments that make outsiders feel uncomfortable and downright frightened to death. When the big payoff finally happens, it feels right. Some would criticize Nick’s newfound reasons as being selfish yet again, but that just goes to show how stonehearted a broken man like him can be. To me, that’s gritty and realistic, which is what all detective novels should be like, imaginary horse aside.

Speaking of Happy, I enjoyed his characterization as well. He’s a goofy, lovable, lighthearted ray of sunshine in a world covered in darkness and beer. Sometimes the reader needs a break from all of the R-rated horror and Happy will provide that relief through his personality alone. In truth, Happy is the last line of defense for childhood innocence since he was one of the kidnapped children’s imaginary friend at one point. Once he’s gone, the whole world turns to poison. Imagination is the most powerful tool we have and it took a lot of it to incorporate Happy’s character in a believable way. Good job in that department, Mr. Morrison!

I don’t have many complaints, but I do have one about Nick Sax’s back story as to why he acts as coldly as he does. While it is a tragic story about his family that would make any reader tear up, it seems forced and cliché, like it somehow excuses Nick’s behavior by virtue of its mere existence in the storyline. I’ve seen this trope used many times before and it only numbs me to the real tragedy of the much larger story. But as I said, this is a minor complaint since it didn’t actually derail the story in any way. It’s just a flaw that needed to be pointed out, that’s all.

All in all, this was a fun little graphic novel and I can easily see why Syfy would want to make a TV show out of it. Sometimes it’s fun to root for the antihero, especially when a magical flying horse evens him out. That’s the trick with the antihero: he can’t be worse than the villains he’s fighting. Otherwise, there’s nothing to believe in. Nick Sax’s redemption story is believable to me and that’s why I’m giving this graphic novel a passing grade despite his clichéd character history.

"Sein Language" by Jerry Seinfeld

BOOK TITLE: Sein Language

AUTHOR: Jerry Seinfeld

YEAR: 1993

GENRE: Nonfiction

SUBGENRE: Comedy Routines

GRADE: Pass

It doesn’t seem to matter what the topic is, because Jerry Seinfeld has a keen ability to find some humor out of everyday life. He notices things that ordinary people wouldn’t be able to. Anything can seem silly when seen through Jerry’s eyes. A shower radio? Just what he needs: something to dance to on a slippery surface with a glass door. Handicapped parking? Must be complicated at a place like The Special Olympics. Public speaking being more terrifying than death? You’d rather be in the casket than giving in a eulogy. It’s this analytical style that made Jerry Seinfeld a successful comedian throughout the years, enough of a success to have his own 90’s sitcom, in fact. The best part about these jokes is that they’re ageless. You won’t have angry groups barking down your neck for reading this book, unlike now when Jerry makes jokes about swiping by friends on your cell phone like a “gay French king”. Even with anachronistic jokes about channel surfing and landline phones, the comedy in this book never goes out of style. It’s fun for all generations and all walks of life. Sure, the suicide joke past the hundred page mark might be a little too intense, but you’ll make it through. I promise you will. A passing grade will go to this wonderful piece of comedy!

Pool

Floating on my back, an out of body experience

The water’s nice and warm, nothing too serious

Just me, the sunset, and my vast imagination

A perfect way to continue my mental vacation

I could travel through the ocean of twinkling stars

Forget the noisy highway and its polluting cars

I could pretend there are hands on my shoulders

Cupping, squeezing to keep me from getting colder

A sensual soundtrack to trigger my young thoughts

The smell of herbal tea boiling on the stovetop

For one night only, I have nothing to worry about

I could stay here forever, never once getting out

The water feels good against my aching muscles

Relaxation feels good after a day’s worth of hustle

I’ll swim a few laps in my own personal ocean

Marine life and crystals recharging my emotions

Baptism in sweetness, cure all of my diseases

Walk on the surface like a modern day Jesus

Part the seas with my hydromantic powers

Give watery life to the springtime flowers

If the phone rings, then I’ll refuse to answer

I wouldn’t even rise for the necromancer

Nothing can remove me from my sparkling sea

Nothing will qualify as a true emergency

The world can wait until my stress melts away

It’s not as though I won’t wake up the next day

Forget the afterlife, because this pool is heaven

It’s been that way for all of twenty-four-seven

When I rise in the sunlit dawn of morning

I shall return despite your deaf-ears warnings

You can call it hedonism until your throat is raw

But I give zero cares about your biblical laws

Being a grown man is intolerably overrated

It’s better to live life painless and sedated

"Preacher, Vol. 6: War in the Sun" by Garth Ennis

BOOK TITLE: Preacher, Vol. 6: War in the Sun

AUTHOR: Garth Ennis

YEAR: 1998

GENRE: Graphic Novel

SUBGENRE: Horror

GRADE: Pass

Reverend Jesse Custer, Tulip O’Haire, and Cassidy’s search for God continues in the Arizona desert, where the Grail leader Herr Starr and an entire army are waiting for them. Herr Starr’s rise to power within the Grail has been a long time coming, complete with backstabbing, politicking, and rubbing shoulders with the highest authorities. With complete control of this Christian shadow society, Starr’s power hungriness won’t end until Jesse Custer and the Patron Saint of Killers are both finally dead and buried in the desert sands. Will nuclear missiles, tanks, and machineguns be enough for these two powerful entities?

Yes, the Grail is a fictional religious entity that controls all of the world’s governments and corporations. But despite being fictional, their portrayal is brutally honest when it comes to how power is traded across entities. Conspiracy theorists would go nuts with this kind of material. The Grail moves the money, they keep world leaders under their thumbs, and they do it all in the name of God. Ordinary people don’t have access to that kind of power, so all they can do is protest peacefully and most of the time it’s not enough. If you’ve ever thought there was something out there holding you down and keeping you from advancing, this is the comic book for you. It won’t give you the strength you need to carry on, but it’ll be otherwise entertaining and slightly educational.

Another thing I enjoyed about this graphic novel was the continuation of the storyline between Tulip and Cassidy. If you remember from Volume Five (Dixie Fried), a drunken Cassidy confessed his love for Tulip behind Jesse’s back and that made Tulip despise the Irish vampire for it. While I won’t say how this storyline continues (you know, because of spoilers and all), it will reach its climax by the end of the book. Hearts will be broken, anger will be felt, and everybody comes out of it with sadness in their souls. Maybe your own heart will break alongside the three characters.

Of course, I’d be remised if I didn’t mention just how brutal and messed up everything in this comic book is, the violence not being the deadliest among them. Anybody can shoot a tank cannon or drop a missile with the press of a button. But can you dine on flesh like it’s Taco Tuesday? Can you make the strangest requests to prostitutes imaginable? Can you dive into an eight-hundred pound man’s belly and cause him to throw up? Can you stomach the inbreeding that goes on to keep the “true savior’s” blood pure? Can you listen to New Orleans tunes if they’re unintelligibly sung by a teenaged boy with a grossly deformed face? Garth Ennis has a vivid imagination and he’s not afraid to use it when penning copies of Preacher. That’s what I love about his work.

Another awesome volume of Preacher is in the books. Everything that made the previous volumes great is neatly packaged into this one as well. It makes me want to finish the final three volumes, which is what any book should be doing in the first place: making you hunger for more. Preacher is one of my all-time favorite comic book series and for that I’m giving this volume a passing grade. I anticipate more greatness in the volumes to come.

March Madness

From sunshine to rainfall, a change in the weather

From high to low, we never see it get any better

They call it March Madness for a good reason

This is the time of year for a suicide season

One minute we could be in the highest spirits

Another we beg for mercy and no one hears it

This is the very definition of being alone

Tears pouring down on our faces of stone

Memories from seemingly a long time ago

Come rampaging back, you fight toe to toe

We could convince ourselves over and over

That we’re in control and we are the owners

But it’s always been just a temporary fix

This isn’t Star Wars, these aren’t Jedi tricks

We aren’t superheroes, we don’t gain strength

We barely survive for a shorter time length

Whoever said that our struggles aren’t real

Just doesn’t have any empathy left to feel

It’s as real as a gunshot wound to the chest

Or a blast to the head where there is no vest

It’s as real as wearing a noose as a necktie

It’s as real as watching someone finally die

Don’t laugh us off, let’s all come together

Survive another change in teardrop weather

We are an army, more than you can imagine

We are an army and together we’ll manage

If all you did was survive yet another day

Reward yourself in some wonderful way

A chocolate chip cookie, a tray of hot wings

A Netflix movie that makes you feel things

You’re not alone and none of us really are

It’s time for us all to come out of the dark

Everyone's a Demon

Everyone’s a demon, everyone’s a sinner

Everybody does things that make others shiver

From the tiniest fuck-ups to the nuclear level

Everybody’s cloned from the same old devil

Skeletons invade our most secretive closets

Saying otherwise is bullshit and I will call it

Putting your heroes on the highest pedestal

Will make your disappointment credible

What should we forgive? What should we punish?

A slap on the wrist or an all-out whodunit?

Where should society draw the fucking line?

What would they consider the ultimate crime?

It’s a constant game of limbo, how low will we go?

When crossing the threshold, how will we know?

Everyone’s a demon, everyone’s a mistake

Everyone’s a devil, for Jesus Christ’s sake

Everybody fucks up, some more than others

Few will swear on the graves of their mothers

That they’ve changed into a brand new person

Yet they still live with their crippling curses

To forgive or fuck? That is our only question

Is the answer even worth a minimal mention?

Go ahead and behave how you want to behave

In the end, everybody sleeps in the grave

Everyone’s a demon on their way to hell

I don’t give a shit in case you couldn’t tell

Creepy or Brave?

VERSE 1

Young man, big fan, tell her how you feel

Wear her colors with the most passionate zeal

Go to every show and sit in the front row

If you don’t, then you will never ever know

PRE-CHORUS

Restraining order or even less quarter?

Open arms or even bigger charms?

Come on back or get the fuck away?

Are you creepy or are you brave?

CHORUS

Creepy or brave? X4

VERSE 2

Funny guy, give a try, you’re one of a kind

On the mic, make them like what they find

‘Cause if you bomb like a nuclear warhead

You’ll be easy to boo and easier to forget

PRE-CHORUS

Restraining order or even less quarter?

Open arms or even bigger charms?

Come on back or get the fuck away?

Are you creepy or are you brave?

CHORUS

Creepy or brave? X4

BRIDGE

Talk the talk and walk the walk

Mock the mocked and stalk the stalk

They won’t reward your courage

They’ll leave your heart forever hurting

CHORUS

Creepy or brave? X4

FINAL VERSE

Nice tie, nice suit, nice Gucci shoes

Nice headshot all over the news

Are you ready to defend your life?

Or will you just roll over and die?

CHORUS

Creepy or brave? X4