Take My Demons Away

VERSE 1

Just reach inside my head, pull them out one-by-one

You don’t have to tie the noose or fire the loaded gun

You make it sound so easy to forget the fucking past

Your argument is worthless and it’ll never even last

CHORUS

Take the bone saw and open up my head

Disconnect the memories until they’re dead

If it’s really so easy it could be done in a day

Then by all means, take my demons away!

Take my demons away!

VERSE 2

It’s a simple magic trick that anybody can do

Both of us already know that isn’t fucking true

A wave of a wand or some Fantasia fireworks

Are you my new savior or just a fucking jerk?

CHORUS

Take the bone saw and open up my head

Disconnect the memories until they’re dead

If it’s really so easy it could be done in a day

Then by all means, take my demons away!

Take my demons away!

BRIDGE

Your magic potions smell like bleach

A clear mind is something you can’t teach

Your expectations are too far out of reach

Indoctrination is something you can’t preach!

Take my demons away!

Take my demons away!

CHORUS

Take the bone saw and open up my head

Disconnect the memories until they’re dead

If it’s really so easy it could be done in a day

Then by all means, take my demons away!

Take my demons away!

Uncomfortable Topics

***UNCOMFORTABLE TOPICS***

Every once and a while during your creative journey, the inspirational well will run dry. It happens to the best of us. You get done with one project or you’re waiting on the results of another. And then boom, you’ve exhausted the creative well. Ever since I finished the new version of Beautiful Monster back in…I want to say June or July, I’ve been writing short stories that are hopefully different from all the rest I’ve written. And then just last week, I declare that I’m getting back into writing fantasy with the short story “3:16”, which I’m convinced has been a complete failure due to its hokey nature, vanilla characters, and silly antics. I’m back to square one as a man without a country, so to speak.

And that got me thinking about a piece of advice that budding authors frequently receive: “Write about things that make you uncomfortable.” It’ll make for some raw material and it’ll get you out of your creative rut. You’ll have new stories and your audience will believe that much more in them. Everybody wins! This whole time I’ve been afraid of making myself cringe by the mature content my stories have. And then I remembered: Beautiful Monster is about rape. Rape is the most uncomfortable topic there is. I’m already halfway there! Now I need a new story with a different uncomfortable topic. I’ve come up with nine different topics that make me squeamish whenever I see news stories about them on TV.

***ANIMAL CRUELTY***

Forget the fact that animals are cute and cuddly. Even if you disagree with that sentiment, animals are still defenseless in the hands of abusive or neglectful owners. Every beating a small kitten receives. Every pit bull who’s chained outside all day long in unbearable weather. Every circus elephant who yearns for freedom after being confined for so long in a cage. This shit hurts me on a deep level. I have animals of my own and if I found out somebody was abusing them, I’d beat the living shit out of said abusers and take my jail sentence gracefully. Animals should be comfortable and cozy, not fearful and traumatized. Two years is the maximum prison sentence for animal abusers. It should be higher. I’d also dare say that like sex offenders, animal abusers should be put on a multi-tiered registry. I love my fur babies. I love everyone else’s fur babies too. I donate to the ASPCA every month and I take care of the fur babies I have.

***CHILD KIDNAPPING***

I may not want children of my own. I may not be overjoyed whenever I have to sit next to a noisy child on an airplane or a bus. Having said that, it still horrifies me whenever I see a news story about a child being kidnapped by a pedophile and held hostage for decades at a time. Jaycee Dugard is a major example of this. She was kidnapped at age eleven and set free at age twenty-nine. Jesus fucking Christ! What about Ariel Castro’s three victims? For ten years he held them hostage and raped them. Ten fucking years! Keep in mind that this trauma is happening during their most developmental years. Even if they were adults when they were kidnapped, that kind of brutality can drive a person insane. There’s a special place in hell for people who kidnap and have sex with children.

***CLASSISM***

Every once and a while, a viral video will pop up of some asshole republican chewing out a poor customer at a store for using a food stamp or welfare card. You also see classism on dating sites, where profiles demand that their dates have a bazillion dollars and sports cars up to yin-yang. Poor people get labeled as being “lazy” or “leeches”, to which I say is complete and utter bullshit. You don’t know what that welfare recipient is going through. You don’t know what the broke college student will do for love. Classism is just like any other form of prejudice. And no, it’s not something that the individual has control over despite what the bashers will say. This economy was not designed to close wage gaps. It does marginalize the less fortunate.

***FAT SHAMING***

We live in a world where unrealistic beauty standards are squeezing the life out of everyday people who don’t have sculpted bodies or skinny frames. The body positivity movement is not about celebrating unhealthiness. It’s about celebrating absolution. In other words, we don’t have to feel guilty about our bodies just because some muscle head says we should. I’ve said this before: people who fat shame are secretly pissed about having a shortage of people they can jack off to. Yep. That’s your reward for losing weight: more people will jack off to you…unless of course you’re below the poverty line.

***MENTAL HOSPITALS***

If Terminator 2: Judgment Day has taught me anything, it’s that mental hospitals are nothing more than prisons for sad people. They operate like prisons, they make money like prisons, and the guards/orderlies beat their inmates like prisoners. You have no rights once you’re in a mental hospital and you can’t leave whenever you bloody well feel like it. That’s the dictionary definition of a prison. Most of the people in these facilities didn’t even commit crimes. They’re just locked up and treated like animals over something they have no control over: their own mental illnesses. As someone with schizophrenia, this pisses me off to no end.

***MILLENNIAL BASHING***

Bill Maher once said on an episode of Real Time that ageism was the last acceptable prejudice we have…and then during the same rant talked shit about millennials like the hypocrite he is. Bill Maher is a crabby old man, so that’s to be expected. Millennials bashing their own generation is even worse, however. That’s Candace Owens levels of selling out. Why all of this hatred for people born in the 80’s and 90’s? What did we do that was so wrong? Nothing. These stereotypes against us are just that: stereotypes. We all come in different flavors, your mileage may vary. More people need to call out millennial bashers until it’s recognized as the blind bigotry it is.

***POLICE BRUTALITY***

Whenever an ordinary civilian commits a crime, he goes to jail and serves his time. Whenever a police officer does something even worse (“hold my beer”), he gets administrative leave, which is really just a paid vacation. Cops are revered by society as being these superheroes who can do no wrong, and yet they continually get away with murdering, beating, or otherwise harassing minorities. This gross imbalance of power pisses me the fuck off, especially because there’s not a whole lot I can do about it short of spreading awareness on the internet. Even then, these cops continue to murder their own citizens for absolutely no reason.

***STEM SUPREMACY***

Whenever an artist rightfully complains about his stagnant or nonexistent wages, the first thing some asshole tells him is to get a tech job or go to trade school. Blind conformity equals good pay. I don’t know about the rest of you, but I’d rather make little money and be able to create whatever art I wanted than get paid a gazillion dollars to be a mediocre husk of my former self. Then again, if I did go to trade school or get a STEM degree, I’d be able to close the wage gap long enough to get a date on classist websites. But then I’d have to lose a bunch of weight or else nobody will jack off to me. Hmm…it’s a catch-22 if I’ve ever seen one.

***TRANSPHOBIA***

Turns out ageism isn’t the last acceptable prejudice after all. It’s transphobia. People are so scared of transgender people using public bathrooms for fear of their children getting molested, yet they’re perfectly okay with a rapist president sitting in the white house and a rapist sitting on the supreme court bench. Transgender people deserve to be treated with respect. So do non-binary people. And gender fluid people. They’re human beings, just like you and me. Why is that so difficult to see? And don’t give me that shit about Fallon Fox having an unfair advantage in MMA when you’re more than willing to condone steroid abusers.

***CONCLUSION***

Yes, these topics are pretty appalling. In fact, I’d say they’re beyond appalling. They’re uncomfortable as hell. So what kinds of stories could I write about these topics? Well, just last night, I came up with a novel synopsis for a story called “Fat Camp”. It’s not officially my next project yet, but if I develop it, it could be.

MAIN CHARACTERS:

1. Adrian Evans, Fat Camp Student
2. Rufus Lynch, Sadistic Camp Counselor
3. Stella Masters, Sadistic Camp Counselor
4. Tiffany Crowder, Fat Camp Student
5. Nameless Students and Counselors

SYNOPSIS: As part of a new initiative to combat teen obesity, students like Adrian and Tiffany are sent to a fat camp with a penchant for tough love and military discipline. Every time the students rebel against their harsh treatment, counselors like Rufus and Stella get violent with their punishments, such as cutting off flesh, breaking limbs, and Rufus’s personal favorite method of torture, twisting faces with pliers. The combination of extreme fat shaming and physical torture would lead the students to believe that none of this is legal, but when they try to contact a lawyer or the police for help, their pleas fall on deaf ears and the beatings intensify. Can Adrian and Tiffany survive this hellhole and graduate with their rights intact? Not without bruises and emotional trauma, they won’t.

Prepare to cringe. Prepare to cringe hard!

***QUOTE OF THE DAY***

“Mental illness may be a life sentence for some of us, but it does not have to be a death sentence.”

-Mauro Ranallo a.k.a. The Bipolar Rock n’ Roller-

Prisoner of My Own Mind

VERSE 1

This ain’t no dreamscape, I need an escape

A vacation from my self-destructive fate

My mind is a prison, my soul is the warden

My empty eyes have the stare of a gorgon

Every detail is chosen for me in advance

Who will I befriend? With whom will I dance?

When do I get to express my creative freedom?

When do I get to win this war on my demons?

CHORUS

I’m a prisoner of my own mind

The life sentence is always mine

I’m a prisoner of my own soul

Orange suit slave is my only role

VERSE 2

A permanent lock that slows down the clock

Another head for the executioner’s chopping block

Another statistic on a government pie chart

Another nightmare that tears me the fuck apart

CHORUS

I’m a prisoner of my own mind

The life sentence is always mine

I’m a prisoner of my own soul

Orange suit slave is my only role

BRIDGE

Life sentence or death sentence?

Witness testimony or DNA evidence?

Solitary confinement or general population?

Another day of psychological taxation

EXTENDED CHORUS

I’m a prisoner of my own mind

The life sentence is always mine

I’m a prisoner of my own soul

Orange suit slave is my only role

I’m sitting in the electric chair

A head scalped of all its hair

Freedom, take me to a better place

Where everything’s at a slower pace

Bipolar Rock n' Roller

MOVIE TITLE: Bipolar Rock n’ Roller

DIRECTOR: Haris Usanovic

YEAR: 2018

GENRE: Sports Documentary

RATING: TV-MA for language

GRADE: Extra Credit

Canadian farm boy Mauro Ranallo wanted to be a sports announcer since he was just a little kid. With unlimited energy and an infectious attitude, he was a perfect fit from an early age. However, the stresses of fame along with the death of his best friend Michael caused him to have a breakdown when he was nineteen years old. He was later diagnosed with bipolar disorder, a mental illness that hospitalized him eight times over his lifespan. He still tried to maintain an announcing career despite his ups and downs. In today’s world he is a much-appreciated part of WWE NXT’s commentary team. The Wrestling Observer Newsletter has awarded him Best Television Announcer from 2015 through 2017 and it’s easy to understand why: his passion is genuine and his energy is unstoppable.

You don’t have to be a sports junkie in order to appreciate Mauro Ranallo’s struggles. Bipolar disorder and mental illness in general is a life sentence for all it affects. Even with medication, exercise, therapy, and doing all the right things, you can still have high days and low days. Some days you feel like you can take on the world and other days you just want to stay in bed and never wake up again. Watching Mauro have a depressive episode where he cries is heartbreaking. You feel for this man. You want him to get better. You want him to live the life he’s always wanted to live. Every failure and every rock bottom moment will hit you hard. If it doesn’t, you need to have your pulse checked. My brother and I both suffer from mental illnesses and Mauro’s episodes are all too familiar, whether it’s the tiredness, the crying, or the suicidal thoughts. Nobody wants to see Mauro Ranallo commit suicide, but he came very close to doing so on several occasions.

But on the other side of his long and exhausting journey is a light at the end of the tunnel. By virtue of conquering his demons and doing what he loves most for a living, Mauro Ranallo is an inspiration to us all. If he can follow his passions, the rest of us can too. If he can open up about his struggles, we all should be taking notes. He reminds us over and over again that people with mental illness are not alone in this world. We’re not crazy. We’re not stereotypes. We’re living, breathing human beings and three-dimensional characters. If we have to do art therapy to get through our days, then so be it. If we have to take medication, it has to be done. If we have to find a place to live where marijuana is legal, by all means, go for it. If you can see tomorrow, you must be doing something right.

Mauro Ranallo was not a perfect human being growing up. His behavior made a lot of people angry from coworkers to family members to his ex-girlfriend. But hearing his story from beginning to end gives humanity to all the “crazy” behavior. I love three-dimensional people. I love it when the ordinary becomes the extraordinary. I love it when the underdog can conquer it all, which is really what sports like MMA and pro-wrestling are all about, really. For those reasons, Bipolar Rock n’ Roller gets an extra credit grade. We love you, Mauro. Don’t ever doubt yourself again.

March Madness

From sunshine to rainfall, a change in the weather

From high to low, we never see it get any better

They call it March Madness for a good reason

This is the time of year for a suicide season

One minute we could be in the highest spirits

Another we beg for mercy and no one hears it

This is the very definition of being alone

Tears pouring down on our faces of stone

Memories from seemingly a long time ago

Come rampaging back, you fight toe to toe

We could convince ourselves over and over

That we’re in control and we are the owners

But it’s always been just a temporary fix

This isn’t Star Wars, these aren’t Jedi tricks

We aren’t superheroes, we don’t gain strength

We barely survive for a shorter time length

Whoever said that our struggles aren’t real

Just doesn’t have any empathy left to feel

It’s as real as a gunshot wound to the chest

Or a blast to the head where there is no vest

It’s as real as wearing a noose as a necktie

It’s as real as watching someone finally die

Don’t laugh us off, let’s all come together

Survive another change in teardrop weather

We are an army, more than you can imagine

We are an army and together we’ll manage

If all you did was survive yet another day

Reward yourself in some wonderful way

A chocolate chip cookie, a tray of hot wings

A Netflix movie that makes you feel things

You’re not alone and none of us really are

It’s time for us all to come out of the dark

Mauro Ranallo

***MAURO RANALLO***

In the 35 years The Wrestling Observer Newsletter has been giving out annual awards, WWE been the recipient of Most Disgusting Promotional Tactic a record 19 times. In 2017 amidst the mistreatment of Smackdown announcer Mauro Ranallo, WWE could be shooting for lucky number twenty. Since this is an issue that involves both bullying and mental illness, it’s a story that’s close to my heart as I have experienced both in my younger days. Even people who don’t watch professional wrestling can relate to Mauro’s story in at least one or two ways.

Mauro Ranallo has been the lead announcer for WWE Smackdown since January of 2016. Week after week, he’s done a phenomenal job with his puns, encyclopedic knowledge, undying energy, and overall intelligence. It’s because of these factors that he has won The Wrestling Observer Newsletter’s award for Best Television Announcer for two years in a row (2015 for his work in Japanese wrestling and 2016 for his work in WWE). If he wanted to, he could rack up a huge winning streak for that award until the end of time itself.

Unfortunately, Mr. Ranallo is also bipolar. It’s a condition he’s had since he was 19 years old. The trigger that set him off was the death of his best friend in 1989 due to a heart attack. Mauro has never attempted suicide before, but he’s had suicidal thoughts. Ever since managing to cope with his disorder, he’s been an outspoken supporter of the mentally ill community and wishes to end the negative stigma surrounding it. As someone with autism and schizophrenia, I look up to this guy every time he speaks on the subject of mental illness. The fact that he can work as hard as he does while still holding bipolarity at bay speaks volumes.

With this much talent and humanity under his belt, you would think that WWE would want to protect this guy as much as possible. But instead, fellow Smackdown announcer John “Bradshaw” Layfield uses the show Bring It to the Table to belittle Ranallo for celebrating his winning of the Best Television Announcer award on Twitter. It should also be known that John Layfield won the Worst Television Announcer award in 2014 and 2015, and with good reason. Layfield has also reportedly picked on Ranallo backstage multiple times and triggered his bipolar disorder to where he wants to quit WWE.

The hashtag #FireJBL has been circulating around the internet ever since this story made it into mainstream media coverage. While firing him would be an easy solution, JBL is just a small part of a much bigger problem within WWE’s corporate culture. Pro-wrestling is a business where the guys on top try to test the toughness of the guys down below on a frequent basis and bullying is the way they do it.

JBL has been accused of grabbing people’s asses, stealing passports, throwing luggage of other wrestlers out on the curb, screaming at them until they cried, stuff like that. His behavior is encouraged by people like Vince McMahon (CEO), Triple H (Vince’s son-in-law), and Stephanie McMahon (Vince’s daughter). Even if the older guard dies of natural causes, there will still be other people in the company who condone this kind of behavior on a daily basis as a way of “weeding out the weak”.

But seriously, what purpose does all of this harassing behavior have other than satisfying sadistic urges? If you really wanted to test the toughness of someone in WWE, pay attention to their body of work. Can they take bumps effectively? Can they endure the grind of world travel? Can they train hard enough to perfect their crafts? I believe WWE wrestlers are self-motivated enough to do these things that they don’t have to be bullied in order to prove it. In my opinion, the upper management bullying has nothing to do with testing toughness and has everything to do with being a dick. Tough or weak, nobody wants to be treated like that. Nobody at all.

Another example of backstage misconduct comes from Bill DeMott, an NXT trainer who back in 2015 resigned from the company when he was being accused of bullying his trainees. He would make them perform dangerous drills, he would make bigoted slurs at them, he’d sexually harass them, and there are even stories of him pulling a gun on his students. Again, this awful human being resigned from WWE; he wasn’t fired. Maybe if there’s enough pressure put on the company, JBL will leave on his own too. It’s farfetched, but there’s no sense in feeling hopeless just yet.

My only wish is that Mauro Ranallo can find peace in his life outside of WWE. Bipolar disorder is no joke and it’s even worse when the person is being bullied or harassed in the way he has. Mental illness dilutes your defenses when it comes to taking in trauma or other negative events. It’s not a matter of not being tough. It’s just the way mental illness works.

Mauro, if you’re reading this somewhere out there, I wish you a speedy recovery from your recent bout of depression. I’m sad to see you leave the WWE, but I’m also happy that you can get away from that troglodyte JBL and everybody who condones his evil behavior. You’re easily my pick for Best Television Announcer in 2017 and every year beyond that.

And as for you, JBL, enjoy your Most Disgusting Promotional Tactic award when you eventually get it. Let’s see you mock that on Bring It to the Table.

***DEMON AXE, CHAPTER 21***

Speaking of bullies and douche-bags, I bet you all have been waiting patiently for something god-awful to happen to Roger Zee. You’d be right for wanting that. Ever since the beginning of Demon Axe, he slew countless people, tortured his worst enemies, brainwashed the weak-minded, and did it all in the name of anachronistic values. I appreciate your patience throughout this reading adventure, but you’ll have to keep waiting. Chapter 21 will be dedicated to Raven and Shawn doing battle with King Triscloud, though ever so reluctantly since he has a mind-controlling crown of thorns wrapped around his head. Instead of trying to kill him, they’re going to try to hold him down and pry the crown free. Good luck, you two!

***COMEDIC QUOTE OF THE DAY***

“What kind of a name for a gun nut is Wayne La Pierre? Doesn’t that sound kind of fruity to you? “Hi, I’m Wayne and I’m a gun person. Bang, bang!” You know what this asshole’s name ought to be? Biff Webster. Spud Crowley. A man’s name: Chuck Steak.”

-George Carlin-

***POST-SCRIPT***

Laughter is the best medicine and the same is true for recovering from mental illness triggers. Remember that, folks.

Tori Edge

Last year (2013), my mom, step-dad, and I went to the Humane Society and picked up two kitty pies to take home with us. One of them is the inspiration for today’s blog entry. Her name is Tori and she’s a tri-colored Abyssinian kitty. She’s an extrovert until the very end. She has a cute kitty voice and isn’t afraid to approach humans and meow to them until they pet her or pick her up. She’s also very playful. Whenever there’s a toy nearby dipped in catnip, she’ll bat that thing around for hours on end and never get bored. Tori is also an avid hunter. She’ll go outside and capture field mice and bunnies, but not for the purpose of sport. She actually had a giant bunny in her mouth and laid it down to try and nurse it (because the Humane Society aborted her kitties and she still has mothering instincts). Is there anything else I can tell you about Tortellini Alfredo Sauce as I like to call her sometimes? Actually, there is one more thing. I’d like to have a human character modeled after her someday named Tori Edge. She was originally going to be used in a college RPG on Good Reads. She was the ex-girlfriend of a schizophrenic student named Mario Bryan (who will get his own post later on). When Mario’s head voices became too much for her to handle, Tori broke up with him right on the cusp of graduation. Ever since then, she found a new boyfriend and I was going to have her introduce him to Mario in the RPG. Unfortunately for Tori, Mario, Tori’s plus one, and of course, me, the Good Reads group had a lot of potential, but virtually no activity. A group is only as good as the people who participate in it. Nobody wanted to role-play with Mario, so there was no opportunity to introduce Tori. So now that Tori never got her start in the literary world, I’m wondering what exactly I can use her for. A cheerleader? A basketball player? A volleyball player? If I’m going to choose a sport for her, I don’t want it to be a bloody one like MMA or pro-wrestling (despite those two being my all-time favorites). Tori Edge is a major sweetheart and shouldn’t have her face bloodied or bruised by an iron-fisted punch from Liz Carmouche or Amanda Nunez. If it’s at all possible, I’d like to preserve Tori’s innocence for as long as possible. Maybe she can be part of a PG or PG-13 story of some kind. No R-rated stuff for her. I wouldn’t want the kitty version of Tori to experience R-rated trauma, so why would I want that for the human Tori Edge? We’ll find something for her. She’s got the athletic grace to do whatever she wants adventure-wise. She could be the next Sonic or Princess Peach, you never know.

　

***INTERNET MEME OF THE DAY***

“I hate being bipolar, it’s awesome!”