Sting: "When We Lie in Fields of Gold..."

Kevin Rudolf vs. Pacman Jones: You Make the Rain Fall

 

William Lewis and Liv Benson from Law & Order: SVU

 

Sting (the musician, not the wrestler)

 

Carnival De Garrison

VERSE 1

Producers with some meat to beat

With an actress on the loveseat

Executives’ metal hips will rust

Antitrust ground into dust

Actors throwing uppercuts

Accuse their victims of being sluts

Hollywood embarrassment?

Carnival De Garrison

VERSE 2

Shamans with the letter Q

Angry jowls with red hues

Machineguns Hot n’ Ready now

Little Caesars clerks freaked out

Monster people in monster trucks

Family trees, no outer fucks

Cosplay as Leif Erickson?

Carnival De Garrison

VERSE 3

Cobwebs and candlelight?

Not without a sacrifice

Pastor pedos in speedos

Decide what’s good and what’s evil

Lay the virgin on the table

Read her rites from the fable

Deserving of their arrogance?

Carnival De Garrison

VERSE 4

Step right up, everybody

Bring a hubby, bring a buddy

Ten dollars a ticket, pay up, marks

Ten dollars more to park your car

Look at the freaks, a traveling zoo

Throw your sodas and hotdogs too

Treat them like they’re terrorists

It’s Carnival De Garrison

They do it to us every day

The difference is, they never pay

A ticket price, no comparison

Enjoy Carnival De Garrison

Everybody's Got One Except Me

VERSE 1

Is she a piece of eye candy or a piece of ass?

The summer solstice has not yet passed

Put her in a bikini so tiny and teeny

After she upchucks a plate of tortellini

The magazine told her that she’s not worth it

Unless she makes a thousand dollar makeup purchase

The media likes to play with her battered brain

Her Stockholm Syndrome is for you to maintain

PRE-CHORUS 1

It feels good to have a story

That nobody is ignoring

To have the scars tell your tale

Of how you’ll never fail

You got a lucky charm, my guy

And it always seems like…

CHORUS

Everybody’s got one except me

Everybody’s got one except me

Too lazy for basic empathy

Everybody’s got one except me

VERSE 2

You also got a job that pays by the millions

And your own fan base by the fucking billions

And a car that zooms down the autobahn

There’s no way your image isn’t more than a con

PRE-CHORUS 2

It feels good to live in comfort

Feels good to not be encumbered

To have your riches tell your legacy

Of how you haven’t a single enemy

You got a golden horseshoe, my dude

And this is my attitude…

CHORUS

Everybody’s got one except me

Everybody’s got one except me

Too lazy for basic empathy

Everybody’s got one except me

BRIDGE

They call you an influencer

With a case of affluenza

They call you a celebrity

The world’s methamphetamine

They call you a politician

Wall Street’s financial nutrition

They call you God, because why fucking not?

An undefeated streak is all you were taught

EXTENDED CHORUS

Everybody’s got one except me

Everybody’s got one except me

Too lazy for basic empathy

Everybody’s got one except me

Everybody’s jealous except you

Everybody’s jealous except you

Everything you say is true

Everybody’s jealous except you

Healed By Pizza

 VERSE 1

When good things from the garden won’t be enough

I leave it up to pizza to make my belly feel stuffed

Super-sized goodness oozing with Alfredo sauce

Buffalo drizzle to show depression who’s boss

Got some bacon bits, chicken, and pepperoni slices

Cheese-stuffed crust to round out my salty vices

One bite sends me into cardiovascular heaven

Eat the whole damn thing in five minutes or seven

CHORUS

Pizza, pizza, pizza, healed by pizza

A happy stomach equals a happy mind

Pizza, pizza, pizza, healed by pizza

Bad medical advice, but it seems to work fine

VERSE 2

And now the voices in my head can shut the fuck up

If only for a while, it beats having to toughen up

Who needs Body By Jake? I’ve got Body By Steak

Philly cheese pizza, give the vegan shit a break

Never once have I eaten a carrot like Bugs Bunny

And suddenly lit up like I’m just as fucking funny

As a cartoon legend who could never be equaled

I’m a sad ass motherfucker, not a Looney Tunes sequel

CHORUS

Pizza, pizza, pizza, healed by pizza

A happy stomach equals a happy mind

Pizza, pizza, pizza, healed by pizza

Bad medical advice, but it seems to work fine

VERSE 3

Something’s not right, because my chest feels tight

I might not make it through another cheat night

Going down the tunnel towards the heavenly light

And then…PTTTTHHHHHHHH!

I blew a hole in my seat with my own ass cannon

And then felt better about my reckless abandon

Only ones who suffered were the ones who smelled it

To be fair, it’s offensive even to the one who dealt it

EXTENDED CHORUS

Pizza, pizza, pizza, healed by pizza

A happy stomach equals a happy mind

Pizza, pizza, pizza, healed by pizza

Bad medical advice, but it seems to work fine

I play Dominos with my friend Little Caesar

We live in a Hut with pizzas in the freezer

Papa Murphy beats the piss out of Papa John

Until his vomit-worthy rhetoric is all long gone

Pizza, pizza, pizza

Pizza, pizza, pizza

Pizza, pizza, pizza

Healed by pizza!