Sam I Am: Would You Eat Green Eggs Off His Nuts? Would You Eat Them Off His Putz?

 

"Basil of Baker Street" by Eve Titus

BOOK TITLE: Basil of Baker Street
AUTHOR: Eve Titus
YEAR: 1958
GENRE: Fiction
SUBGENRE: Children’s Mystery
GRADE: Fail

Listen…I know this is a children’s book and that certain liberties can be taken when it comes to judging the audience’s wisdom. Eve Titus didn’t have to be the second coming of David Baldacci, C.J. Box, or Brett Battles. But this kind of leniency is no excuse for insulting the intelligence of the readers. Yes, I know: Basil is a detective mouse and he’s modeled after Sherlock Holmes. To his credit, he’s got some serious deduction skills. Dawson, his assistant, could definitely learn a lot from him. While Basil does pick up on subtle clues that blend too easily in the background, there are some pieces of this mystery that aren’t so subtle, hence the insult to the readers’ intelligence and wisdom.

For example, let’s first look at the name of the kidnappers in question: The Terrible Three. Right off the bat, you know they’re the main villains of the story. And that’s really all the depth they’re given as characters. I understand that this is a short book and character development can’t always be achieved with so few pages. But please…at least TRY to make an effort at subterfuge. When we finally meet The Terrible Three, their villainy is never in doubt because of how angry and vulgar they act around other mice. If it wasn’t for the fact that their twin girl victims were missing, they could be arrested right away and there wouldn’t be a need for a story. There might not even be a kidnapping, the villains are so obvious.

And if the villains are going to send a messenger to do their dirty work, they might want to consider somebody who isn’t a nervous wreck all the time. Shuffling feet, shifting eyes, short answers, these are the telltale signs that they extorted Hawkins the sailor into delivering the ransom note. No subtlety there. In fact, I dare say that it doesn’t take a Sherlock Holmes to figure that out, much less a mouse that learns everything he knows from him.

Oh, I almost forgot about Basil. Never forget that he’s the world’s greatest mouse detective. If you need a reminder, the opening sentences of the book will tell you. Not show you. Tell you. That alone should be suspicious to a wise reader. You know what else would be? Basil being a complete Gary-Stu. He’s perfect in every way, not counting his horrendous violin playing. He only shows vulnerability once in this novella and that’s when he provokes The Terrible Three and a pack of minions into brawling with him and Dawson. Anybody want to guess how that fight turns out? Let’s see: two scrawny detectives versus a bunch of muscle-bound bruisers. Maybe Basil isn’t the brightest bulb in the drawer after all. But it was all part of a plan. Good for him. I’d hate to see what would happen if he botched that plan or if the Terrible Three and their minions were a little TOO aggressive in the brawl.

I guess I shouldn’t have had high hopes for this novella to begin with. Yes, it became a Disney movie. Yes, it has cute animals as characters instead of humans. But the writing is just plain insulting. I’m not even worried about the “wild Indian” and “good housewife” stereotypes, because those are nothing compared to a badly-written story. I can’t give this book anything more than two stars out of five. I wanted to like it, but I couldn’t. Sorry!

"Cecil's Pride" by The Hatkoff Family

BOOK TITLE: Cecil’s Pride: The True Story of a Lion King

AUTHORS: The Hatkoff Family

YEAR: 2016

GENRE: Nonfiction

SUBGENRE: Lion Biography

GRADE: Extra Credit

When Cecil the Lion was heartlessly killed by a trophy hunter, it sparked worldwide outrage and rightfully so. The subsequent debate on animal welfare and wildlife conservation led to new laws being put in place to protect future generations of lions. But to fully understand how important these new protections are, we must first understand how Cecil lived his life as the king of his pride. He wasn’t just a random animal. He was a loving protector and a social creature at heart. May he rest peacefully and may his pride continue his majestic bloodline.

Instead of just a barebones biography, Cecil’s story was treated as an actual story with a beginning, middle, and end. He was portrayed as a three-dimensional character with his strengths, flaws, and lovability. He fought other animals when his pride was threatened and he ran away only when necessary. And because lions like Cecil are social creatures, they bond with other prides for the sake of protection. This is a classic storytelling technique: two factions banding together to fight off a stronger villain. And when Cecil is eventually killed, the reader will care that much more about him. It was already an angering story to hear about on the news, but to see it in this book is that much more heartbreaking. Cecil’s portrayal as a regal figure and a dynamic character in a much larger story is what makes this book special enough to deserve an extra credit grade.

In addition to employing storytelling techniques, this book also has an educational side to it. Because these two qualities work side-by-side with each other, it’ll be a guaranteed hit with students of all ages. You’ll learn why lions are important to Africa’s ecosystem. You’ll learn why they attract so many mates at a time. You’ll even learn a few statistics about animal extinction and why conservation is more important now than it has been in the past. Education shouldn’t stop when school is over. You can get more out of this book than just trivial facts. You can learn empathy. You can learn how to be an activist. You can do some good in this world with these forty pages shaping your mind. Put down the hunting rifle. Put down the bow and arrow. The only shooting you should be doing is with a high shutter speed camera.

Speaking of which, the lion photographs in this book are magnificent to look at. Cecil looks like a proud king when he watches over his families. His cubs look like little cuties when they practice their roars. His lionesses look seductive when lying about with their mates. Cecil even looks alert and ready to protect his pack when he’s doing something as mundane as drinking from the river. The African landscape is more than just a place for wild animals to do battle. It’s a kingdom. It’s an empire. It’s a society that must be protected from the cruelty of guns and crossbows. These pictures do the lions justice a hundred times over. Even the drawings have that kind of power over the reader.

It’s easy to balk at this book for being targeted towards small children. There are also a few who will contrast Cecil’s death to those of aborted fetuses. There are even those who question why lion lives matter to begin with. To those who would easily brush this book aside, I say give it one chance to change your heart. It’s forty pages and it’s mostly pictures. You’re not sacrificing much when picking this book up for a quick read. If anything, you’ll be better off for the experience. Keep your eyes and mind open and you’ll want to give this book an extra credit grade as well.

"Where's My Kitty?" by Ashley Uzzell

BOOK TITLE: Where’s My Kitty?

AUTHOR: Ashley Uzzell

YEAR: 2016

GENRE: Fiction

SUBGENRE: Children

GRADE: Pass

Little Kassidy is playing outside and would love to have a furry friend to share her adventures. But she keeps asking, “Where’s my kitty?” She looks in all of the usual places from the forest to the bathtub to even his favorite spot on the living room couch. Where could the little munchkin be?

Because this book is short by nature, this review will also be a brief one. First of all, I’ll just say…aww! Actually, you’re going to be saying that throughout this reading adventure. The pictures of little Spunky (the cat) are adorable and it’s easy to see why Kassidy would want to snuggle and play with the fur baby sweetheart. Not only does she want to know, “Where’s my kitty?”, but you’ll want to know too. You’ll wish you could give the fuzzy rug-rat pettings behind the ear and across his back. You’ll wish you could hear his purr motor revving in your ear. You’ll wish you could see the look on Kassidy’s cheerful baby face when she finds him. I’d warn you about that spoiler, but you saw it coming from miles away. This is an all-around cute book and that’s what you should expect when you pick up a copy.

Although the book was published in 2016, it was written when the real-life Kassidy was just a toddler. Since then, Spunky has passed to the Rainbow Bridge and Kassidy has won her battle with childhood leukemia. This book, as short as it may be, is a wonderful tribute to a wonderful love between child and kitty. Spunky is purring from beyond the grave, which is why I’m giving this book a passing grade. You’ve done your daughter proud, Ms. Uzzell!

"Dog Man: A Tale of Two Kitties" by Dav Pilkey

BOOK TITLE: Dog Man: A Tale of Two Kitties

AUTHOR: Dav Pilkey

YEAR: 2017

GENRE: Graphic Novel

SUBGENRE: Children’s Adventure

GRADE: Pass

An anthropomorphic dog cop aptly named Dog Man has been assigned to protect a laboratory housing a psychomantic fish, who was rebuilt using mechanical parts so that the scientists could sufficiently study his brain. Elsewhere in the city, another scientific experiment takes place as escaped convict Petey the Kitty creates a miniature clone of himself and struggles to raise it like a real kid. Soon the two stories hit a crossroads in a cutely written adventure involving buildings coming to life, a mechanical cat suit capable of superhuman feats, and a gigantic truck full of French salad dressing. It’s a silly story, but one worth enjoying.

While it is true that this graphic novel was intended for small children, you can also enjoy it if you’re an avid pet lover like me. The Petey clone’s innocent antics, Dog Man’s cheerful nature, and even the minor role characters bring out the warm and fuzzy feelings you’d expect from animal literature. My favorite cute moments from the book include putting Lil’ Petey to bed, giving him a bath, and Dog Man bouncing all over the police chief like a real dog. You know what? Why don’t we just give the entire cast of this graphic novel one big cuddle-huggle. Good or evil, they’ve all earned a special place in my heart for the sweetness they bring!

As happy-go-lucky as this book is, it’s not without the occasional sad moment. I can pinpoint three different parts of this book that strike me as heartbreaking: Dog Man’s sad expressions when the police chief tells him he’s a “bad dog”, Petey becoming frustrated with his “kid” and leaving him in a box alone on the streets, and Lil’ Petey drawing picture books for his special friends. Don’t be too turned off by these tear-jerking scenes, because they’ll easily renew your love for animals everywhere. If you’ve got a little kitty or puppy at home, give him or her extra cuddles and pettings to show them how much you care.

Enough with the tears of sadness. How about some tears of happiness for a change? The mechanical cat suit Petey builds for his son is called the 80 Hexatron Droid. If you shorten that name to an acronym, it’s called 80-HD. Say that ten times fast and clap your hands like an audience at a golf tournament. Oh, and one of the buildings that comes to life? It’s an oatmeal factory called Holland Oats. Kids today might not understand that reference, but an older member of their family will. The jokes and puns in this story won’t make you hee-haw with laughter, but they’ll bring the world’s goofiest grin to your face.

If you like cute and cuddly stories with happy endings and golf clap humor, buy a copy of this graphic novel. Whether you have children of your own, you are a child, or you’re just a guy who loves sweetness, you’ll love what the pages have to offer. Don’t let anybody tell you you’re too old for this kind of material. What matters most is what you love, not what anybody else’s standards dictate. I love this story and that’s why it deserves a passing grade.

"Spunky and the Dolphin Palace" by Ashley Uzzell and Kyra Uzzell

BOOK TITLE: Spunky and the Dolphin Palace

AUTHORS: Ashley Uzzell and Kyra Uzzell

YEAR: 2017

GENRE: Fiction

SUBGENRE: Children’s Animal Fantasy

GRADE: Pass

In the second installment of the Spunky the Cat series, our furry hero finds himself in another strange land far away from home. Everything is made from candy from the syrup oceans to the gumdrop roads to even the various creatures that live there like the licorice snake and the soda bubblegum bear. As delicious as this world appears to be, Spunky is homesick for his human wizard master. He ventures down the syrupy river on his way to the Dolphin Palace, where he hopes the elderly princess can help him find his way home.

The biggest reason for my passing grade is the infinite cuteness overload that flies off the pages, whether it’s within the text or the drawings by Ashley’s daughter Kyra. From the very first page, Spunky (who’s already a cute little stud muffin purr baby) is thrust into a world made entirely of candy and inhabited by equally sweet creatures. In the words of the abominable snowman from the Looney Tunes canon, I want to hug them and squeeze them and call them George! As someone who currently owns seven cats and two dogs, I get my cuteness overloads wherever I can and this book has provided me with those warm fuzzy feelings and more.

I loved the cuteness factor so much that I wanted to see the story completed beyond the “To Be Continued” disclaimer at the end. There’s an evil killer whale named Viktor that needs to be brought to justice and mermaids that need to help in that G-rated struggle. Everybody wants to see Spunky work his fluffy magic against the forces of darkness. In short, my only critique is that the story ended too soon. On the bright side, though, it was adorable while it lasted and I’m eagerly looking forward to the next installment. Hugs and kisses for Spunky-Monkey and his new friends!

Whether you have children of your own or you’re an adult who loves fuzzy emotions, this second installment is for you, my friend. And while you’re at it, pick up a copy of the first installment as well. Get under the covers of your softest blanket and read to your heart’s content. You may find that your purr engine is just as lawnmower-like as our kitty hero’s. Excellent work, Ashley and Kyra! Lots of love for both of you!

"Spunky and the Wizard's Chair" by Ashley and Kyra Uzzell

BOOK TITLE: Spunky and the Wizard’s Chair
AUTHORS: Ashley Uzzell and Kyra Uzzell
YEAR: 2015
GENRE: Fiction
SUBGENRE: Children’s Animal Fantasy
GRADE: Pass


Spunky is an ordinary house cat who enjoys the love and attention that his wizard master brings him. One fateful day, the wizard brings home a splintered wooden chair that is believed to have magical powers. Spunky is ordered to stay away from it, but he defies the wizard and the chair takes the little fluff-pumpkin to a strange new world ruled by other cats. Spunky is scared of his new surroundings and wants to go home. But when the beautiful princess of this kitty world is abducted by dogs, little Spunky isn’t going to let it slide that easily!

One of the many things that makes this book special is the fact that it was written by a mother and her eight-year-old daughter. Alone, their imaginations are wild and colorful. Together, they can put out a polished, cute, cuddly story about magic and purr-babies. Ashley and Kyra working together as a team to make this wonderful kid’s book brings them closer together as a family. No matter what obstacles life puts in front of them, they will always have this special book to look back upon and love every minute of. Family bonding is always important to living a healthy and happy life; never underestimate the power of love.

And then there’s the obvious elephant in the room (or rather the puppies and kitties), the book’s cuteness factor. If you’re writing a book about house pets, you’d better make it as cute and sweet as humanly possible. Ashley and Kyra did just that with their descriptions of each animal character from their bushy tails to their candy-colored fur to (my personal favorite) the princess’s “bell-like voice”. I could learn a lot from this style of writing, because it’s charming without being overly sappy. Whenever I write an animal story, I use a lot of lovey-dovey language and I can see how that would be a turn-off to my readers. So thank you, Ashley and Kyra, for teaching me a valuable lesson in writing animal fantasy fiction!

This book is the very definition of what a kid’s story should have: colorful visuals, a steady reading pace, a loving plot, and not a single ounce of mature content. I enjoyed this book so much that I plan on giving it to one of my nieces as a Christmas present this year. The book is a fun read for all ages, so if I was to give it to my eleven year old niece Reina, she probably wouldn’t feel insulted by it. I have another niece named Jayla who is five years old and she would probably love this book to pieces. So many nieces, so many choices. No matter who I choose, it will be a worthy use of my money since it’s such a lovable read. I’m purring just thinking about it!

Ashley Uzzell is already an established writer under another penname and has produced some of my favorite e-books ever written. Her future is no doubt a bright one no matter how many obstacles she has to go through in life. Kyra especially has a bright future ahead of her because she’s only eight years old and has already shown that she’s capable of putting together an awesome story. If the amount of potential this writing family had could be harnessed into green energy, the world could leave its lights on until the end of time. I give this story a passing grade and I give both authors a digital hug!