Things That Empower Me

***THINGS THAT EMPOWER ME***

I had a look at my most recent blog entry about things that scare me. Goddamn, did I sound like a sad sap. It could have been that the month of June was a weird one for me and I was still grieving. But July is finally here and it’s time to start over again. No going back this time around! Instead of talking about things that scare the shit out of me, I’m going to talk about things that empower me, thus turning a negative thought into a positive one. Positive thinking has been at the forefront of my happiness since December 2014, when I vacationed at Lego Land in San Diego and when I had the best goddamn Christmas I could ask for. I lost sight of that positivity somewhere in early 2018, but I’m working on bringing that shit back and it begins with this blog entry. Let’s start the list off with…

***SELF-TALK***

Dr. Phil can be full of more shit than a cow pasture sometimes, but the one thing he got right on the nose was that the words we tell ourselves are very powerful, for better or worse. When you tell yourself you’re too fat, too ugly, or not good enough, you believe those things like they’re the word of god. But what if you start sending yourself positive messages instead of negative ones? Let’s say I, for instance, repeat the mental phrase, “If you step outside your comfort zone, good things will happen.” Or what if I just imagine a good-looking version of myself with a skinny body and a sexy haircut like the one I had in my senior year of high school? Or what if I tell myself that I can afford anything I want to buy? What if I tell myself that the world loves me? You say these things often enough, you believe them and you become a happier person because of it. You know what? I’m going to have these thoughts more often, especially the one where I look like a sexy stud with a sweet ass haircut….not an ass haircut, that’s different. Hehe!

***MUSIC***

Some people call it “just noise”, but to me it’s more intoxicating and enchanting than the world’s most powerful drug. I remember being a little kid and listening to my dad’s CD’s from The Police, Pink Floyd, The Moody Blues, and Toto. I loved my Pink Floyd CD’s so much that I spent the entire late 90’s listening to the shit out of them. Then the 2000’s came along and I started listening to alternative metal like Limp Bizkit, Linkin Park, Three Days Grace, Korn, and Papa Roach. My musical library expanded tenfold since then and I wouldn’t trade any of those bands for the world. My current favorite bands include Soulfly, Nightwish, Five Finger Death Punch, Pantera, and Halestorm among others. I love music so much that I refer to concerts as “one-day vacations” and “pilgrimages” rather than “just shows”. I went to a Roger Waters concert in 2000 and my dad referred to at as “taking us to heaven to see god”. There will be many more concerts in the future, which means more opportunities to get high on my drug of choice…which if you haven’t figured it out already is music.

***HAVING AN AUDIENCE***

I know I said in my “Things That Scare Me” blog that being in front of large amounts of people makes me want to swallow Xanax. But make no mistake about it: the fact that there are people out there who are willing to listen to me is a blessing. Whether you’re complimenting my writing or critiquing it (hopefully not trolling), I’m grateful to have you as a member of my audience. I know writing is supposed to be a business, but you can’t put a price tag on having someone’s attention and never letting go. Whether writing becomes my main source of income or not is irrelevant, because some things in life are more important than money, like love, friendship, good advice, creative fuel, and the power of a good story or poem. To everybody who has supported me throughout my career, thank you so very much. To everybody that doubts me, your creative fuel is every bit as welcome. There’s another thing to be positive about: creative fuel can literally come from anywhere, whether it’s a news story, a personal experience, or the pencil sharpener sitting on my desk, which I once used in a toy photograph of Razor Ramon doing elevated pushups.

***SPENDING MONEY ON OTHER PEOPLE***

This goes hand-in-hand with my self-talk about being able to afford anything I want. When you believe you’re good with money, you can probably afford to shell out some of it on other people. That’s why I buy birthday and Christmas gifts months in advance for the ones I love: because I can and love them…that, and buying gifts ahead of schedule is a good way to avoid the stress of things like Black Friday. I also donate some of my money to various charities whether it’s the ASPCA, Extra Life, or St. Jude’s Children’s Hospital. Spending money on other people, whether in a big or small way, will actually make you happy in the long-term, because you’re strengthening your relationship with that person. You don’t have to clean out your life savings just to make one person happy, but having that kind of confidence with your money and that kind of love for the one you’re spending it on, that says a lot about your mindset.

***CREATIVITY***

To paraphrase Cenk Uygur from The Young Turks, OF COURSE this was going to be a list item! Writing stories and poems gives me a sense of purpose in an economy where English majors and Millennials are frowned upon. I don’t write for the money or the fame. I do it because I fucking love it. I do it because it’s hard work that I can be proud of. I do it because having a legacy is important to me. Do I have lazy days occasionally? All the time. But lazy days are temporary while legacies are forever. I realize that not everybody will like what I have to write, but that’s the nature of subjectivity. There are people who love the shit out of Fifty Shades of Grey and despise Winnie the Pooh. Yes! People actually hate Winnie the Pooh! But if I denied my audience the right to hate my works, I’d come off as a dictator rather than a role model for individuality. Life doesn’t end because of a bad review, or even ten of them. Your career isn’t over until you say it is.

***CONCLUSION***

Goddamn, I’m taking a long time to write this blog entry. Then again, it’s nearly one o’clock in the morning and I spent most of my day in a mental fog. If you can’t concentrate, you can’t write…at least not very well. Here’s hoping my messages of empowerment are well-received by you, my lovely audience. If not, well, at least I tried. I’m Garrison Kelly! Even when you feel like dying, keep climbing the mountain!

***DOMESTIC DIALOGUE OF THE DAY***

(In the summer of 2017…)

JAMES: Hey Garrison, what was in the Amazon package you got in the mail today?

GARRISON: Duct tape and a CD.

JAMES: Those two things do not go together! What are you going to do, bind and gag one of your Face Book women and torture her with your music?

GARRISON: That’s not what the duct tape is for!

JAMES: Uh-huh. Sure! The only thing more disturbing than that was that it came in a long and narrow package. I thought it was another one of your corporate pop metal posters.

GARRISON: Goddamn it, James!

"What Money Can't Buy" by Ashley Uzzell

BOOK TITLE: What Money Can’t Buy

AUTHOR: Ashley Uzzell

YEAR: 2016

GENRE: Fiction

SUBGENRE: Teen Romance

GRADE: Pass

Sasha Hill is a bratty high school student with an equally bratty circle of friends. Together, they dare each other to have a one-night stand with one of the “loser” boys. Sasha has her eye on Daniel Jones, a lonely senior with no parents, a poor income, and a geeky personality. The more she gets to know him, the more she realizes just how beautiful of a person Daniel is, both inside and out. In order to keep the boy she now falls in love with, she has to put aside her shallow values and see people for who they really are.

As someone who preaches deep thought over shallow values, it’s refreshing to see someone wise like Daniel Jones shine like a diamond over the course of this story. Unlike Sasha, he sees money as something that should be appreciated instead of wastefully spent. He also knows how valuable the creative arts are to the human soul whether it’s writing, music, or anything else that requires intellectual independence. He’s even capable of showing his emotions and being transparent with the people he trusts. Seeing as how his parents are dead and he’s raising himself, he has a lot of reasons to be emotional and to appreciate the things he has now. As a reader, you know Daniel is eventually going to learn the truth about Sasha’s intentions one way or another. And when he does, it’s going to hurt worse than having a root canal while passing a kidney stone. Traumatic pain is the worst kind.

Try not to dwell too much on the eventual heartbreak, because the romance between Sasha and Daniel is believable despite Sasha having a hidden agenda. They hold hands together, they kiss, they have deep conversations, and they help each other through the toughest times. Isn’t that what romance is all about? Of course, Sasha’s shallow friends Michelle and Tabitha wouldn’t agree with that, but what do they know? Those two can be easily cast aside while the reader is enjoying the budding love between Sasha and Daniel. There are moments in their relationship that are sweeter than a pint of Ben & Jerry’s covered in Hershey’s syrup. But when eating such a delicious dessert, take Daniel’s advice and be thankful for every spoonful you put in your mouth. Imagine that: being grateful can go a long way. Rhonda Byrne, the author of “The Secret”, knows this trick all too well.

If I may be as transparent as Daniel for a minute here, there were times in which I considered giving this book a mixed grade (three stars). Those times were influenced by Sasha’s crude behavior near the beginning of the book as well as the crude behavior of her shallow friends. They acted like a couple of stereotypical valley girls with big egos, big bank accounts, and big mouths. And then I realized that Sasha had to be portrayed in this light because the transformation she goes through in the novel would be more believable that way. While I won’t divulge what happens in the end, I will say that she went from being a non-reading, non-caring, heartless witch to a deep, beautiful, and loving soul. The transformation is a slow build and you’ll have to put up with Sasha’s nasty attitude for only a short while, but slow and steady wins the race and she becomes one of the most beautiful flowers in the entire garden. Who knew that taking the time to read books, volunteer at animal shelters, and spend the day with someone who gives a damn could do all of this for a human being’s soul?

Even though this book is categorized under teen romance, it’s really something all ages can enjoy. We all could use a loud and clear message that love and honor should reign over shallowness and loathing. All the diamonds, fast cars, and plastic surgery will never replace the spark between two people that eventually builds into a beautifully lit fire. I preach this message whenever I get on my soapbox because I myself am not the reflection of perfection when it comes to chasing women. If I ever have the chance to be a boyfriend or a husband, I’m going to make the most of it by treating my girlfriend or wife like a queen. Shoulder rubs, poetry, music, chores, whatever she wants, I’ll give it to her no matter how much is in my bank account or what kind of car I drive. That’s what this novel means to me and that’s why I’m giving it a passing grade (four stars). Excellent work, Mrs. Uzzell!

"Stay Positive" by The Streets

If you’ve been reading this blog for the past few years now, I not only applaud you, but I also want you to notice “The Secret” by Rhonda Byrne is a part of my book collection. It has helped me in so many ways, but if I can be honest for a moment, staying positive is hard work. It may seem like easy pickings thinking positive thoughts all the time, but mental illness and general depression can really put a strain on such things.

For these moments, I have “Stay Positive” by The Streets, a British rap song with an uplifting message, but moody lyrics and background music. Somehow, it’s hard to do what the song’s title says when Mike Skinner is saying things like “You were born alone and believe me, you’ll die alone.” And yet, I need this song for all the times I feel down.

This song was published in 2002, but it would be a year later when my brother James introduced me to The Streets. It was around 2003 and 2004 that I started writing Pumping Filter, a movie script about high school woes and a big middle finger to those who abandoned me during that time. That’s what it was supposed to be. Instead, it was Pulp Fiction on steroids, so much so the script was unreadable.

The ending to this story isn’t any happier. Four high school students meet their fates in the most ugly ways possible. Tommy Dragon falls out of a window, Daniel McBride gets killed by a gangster, Dave Ridley goes to prison after committing murder, and Dexter Lee commits suicide by hanging due to complications from mental illness. Is it any coincidence that “Stay Positive” would have been the end credits theme to this movie if it made it to the big screen? It worked for Kidulthood, why not Pumping Filter?

And then we fast forward to the year 2010, particularly in November when I’m writing a cyberpunk novella called Dark City Tales. As the first word in that title suggests, nothing happy ever goes on in this story. Then again, it’s a cyberpunk world, where corporations own everything, governments are powerless to stop them, everybody has explosive guns, the police are corrupt, and the sky is as gray as static on a TV screen…just like in the real world!

With all of this nasty shit going on in urban America, the apocalypse shouldn’t be too far behind. In Dark City Tales, it wasn’t. Two cyborg mercenaries named AJ Rollins and Andre Devilheart destroyed the entire city just by fighting each other with highly explosive weapons. Even after the city was leveled and AJ and Andre was mangled beyond repair, they still wanted more! Do you think this is a good time for “Stay Positive”? Honey, it’s going to take some serious rainbow and unicorn shit to get this world back in order.

Pumping Filter and Dark City Tales have so much in common. They’re both about dystopian hellholes, they’re extremely violent, and most of all, they were so badly written they had to be scrapped. I consider those two pieces of writing to be just another way of sharpening my literary blade.

I see a lot of that in my past pieces of writing: they’re not future Pulitzer-winners, but they are opportunities to improve my writing. I’d like to think I’ve improved dramatically since 2002, so much so that I wouldn’t mind using some of my old characters again. If you thought the old characters were unhappy with being pummeled before, wait until they get put through the ringer again with new and improved stories. And yes, there will be plenty of opportunities to use “Stay Positive” as background music. Go see your mates. When they don’t look happy, play ‘em this tape.

　

***SOUND FILE OF THE DAY***

Hello and welcome to the Mental Health Hotline.

If you’re obsessive-compulsive, press 1 repeatedly.

If you’re codependent, ask someone to press 2 for you.

If you have multiple personalities, press 3-4-5-6.

If you’re paranoid, we know what you are and what you want, stay on the line and we’ll trace your call.

If you’re delusional, press 7 and your call will be transferred to the mother ship.

If you’re schizophrenic, listen carefully, a small voice will tell you which number to press.

If you’re depressive, it doesn’t matter which number you press, no one will answer you.

If you’re dyslexic, press 6-9-6-9-6-9-6-9-6-9.

If you have a nervous disorder, fidget with the hash key until the beep. After the beep, please wait for the beep.

If you have short term memory loss, try your call again later.

If you have low self-esteem, hang up, all of our operators are too busy to talk to you.

"The Secret" by Rhonda Byrne

Ever hear the phrase, “You get out what you put in?” Keep this phrase in mind as you read “The Secret” from cover to cover. This self-help guide reiterates something known as the Law of Attraction, where your thoughts have a direct influence on how your life is going to be. If you firmly believe something hard enough, it’ll become a self-fulfilling prophecy. I know, I know, you’re tempted to laugh at this idea and write it off as being “new age bullshit”. The only reason why you’re saying this is because you haven’t tried it yet. A little positive thinking never hurt anybody. And when you begin to think positive, don’t just do it in the sense of good or bad, do it in the sense of yes and no. This makes a huge difference. For example, when you’re driving to work in rush hour traffic, don’t tell yourself that you’re “not going to be late”. There’s a huge difference between not being late and being on time. Tell yourself something like “I’m going to make it” or “I’ll show up on time no problem”. According to the Law of Attraction, the guy who says “I’ll show up on time” will make it to work long before the guy who says “I’m not going to be late”. Sounds crazy, but it makes a difference. And when you give yourself positive feedback, make sure you’re in a happy and calm mood instead of being aggressively stressed out. Do whatever it takes to calm yourself down whether it’s playing a comedy album or an Enya CD. Positive thoughts will entail positive results every single time. If you want examples as to how the Law of Attraction has worked for me, listen to this. When I tried to start out small, which is what the book suggests, I kept telling myself that I was going to get fried chicken for supper and I said it with unyielding conviction. The more I told myself this, the stronger the belief became. Low and behold, the very next night, mom brings home a gigantic bag of Albertson’s Fried Chicken along with Cascade Ice drinks. Needless to say, that was one satisfying meal. Keeping with the theme of chicken, the Law of Attraction has also worked against me whenever I was highly stressed out. I was shopping at Albertson’s and was in a huge rush to get home and watch WWE Monday Night Raw. I was convinced that I was going to be late if I didn’t hurry up. I buy chicken from the counter and wait in a huge line for the checkout isle. By the time I ring myself up, the price on the chicken turned out to be $33 for eight pieces of white meat. I go back to the deli, get the price corrected, and go back into the long line for the checkout isle. When I get home to watch TV, not only did I miss the first few seconds of the show, but the chicken was dry and flavorless. So what do you say, my lovely audience. Will you buy “The Secret” and try this theory out? You’ve got nothing to lose except for the money you spent buying the book, which isn’t exactly a huge amount. Just try it. Don’t blow it off. Try it!

　

***WRESTLING DIALOGUE OF THE DAY***

RYBACK: Feed me more!
JIM ROSS: That’s what I say everyday.