Celebrate Yourself

VERSE 1

You don’t have to win at March Madness

To earn the right to alleviate your sadness

If all you did was survive another year

Then celebrate yourself with cake and beer

You call yourself weak, but I see the opposite

You’re a badass and a half and alive on top of it

Your value isn’t measured by a teacher’s grade

Or whether or not the boss man gets paid

CHORUS 1

Celebrate yourself, because you’ve got this

Shine your beacon of light, don’t ever stop it

On those days when you’re feeling like hell

Celebrate yourself until you’re healthy and well

VERSE 2

Getting out of bed is worth a thousand Oscars

And a thousand tape gags for the smack-talkers

And a thousand tacos on your dinner plate

And a thousand burgers is what you ate

Getting dressed in your absolute best

Is a feat in itself, you more than passed the test

In a world where everything drains you away

Be thankful that you lived yet another day

CHORUS 1

Celebrate yourself, because you’ve got this

Shine your beacon of light, don’t ever stop it

On those days when you’re feeling like hell

Celebrate yourself until you’re healthy and well

BRIDGE

When racing to the top of the corporate ladder

Leaves you so empty that effort doesn’t matter

Remember that glory is always overrated

When it’s a line of work you definitely hated

What’s so great about grinding and dying

When it leaves you defeated and crying?

A boss man could never really understand

The pain of it all when his head’s in the sand

CHORUS 2

Celebrate yourself, you’re worth more than this

Your strengths belong on a never-ending list

On those days when you’re doubting it all

Celebrate yourself, stand a hundred feet tall

Breathe Again

VERSE 1

It’s like deer hunting, with a camera, not a gun

Learning again that life should be fun

For every shadow that darkens your sunny day

There’s a candle that lights the rest of the way

Gratitude is underrated, but no less important

Even the smallest details cure you of boredom

Rock song, kitty cat, RPG, more of that

Eat candy, grow fat, home run with a bat

CHORUS

Just breathe

Breathe again

Just breathe

Make the world your very best friend

VERSE 2

Finding magic in the most ordinary

Finding strength for the burden you carry

Finding a way through life’s obstacles

Finding solutions for the impossible

Finding a world beyond death itself

Finding a reason to live in good health

Finding a path that leads out of your bed

And never forgetting the sweet words said

EXTENDED CHORUS 1

Just breathe

Breathe again

Just breathe

Make the world your very best friend

Just breathe

Breathe once more

Just breathe

Spread your angel wings and soar

VERSE 3

It’s not rock bottom if it has a foundation

It’s not death if you still rise to the occasion

It’s not failure if you gained an education

It’s not over even after life’s expiration

It’s not hell if there’s no damnation

It’s not prison if there’s clear exoneration

It’s not hatred if it’s beyond infatuation

Let’s do it all again like it’s reincarnation

EXTENDED CHORUS 2

Just breathe

Breathe again

Just breathe

A new beginning is not the end

Just breathe

Breathe once more

Just breathe

Ask what else life has in store

Just breathe

Breathe again

"The Ever-Burning Light" by K.L. Cottrell

 BOOK TITLE: The Ever-Burning Light

AUTHOR: K.L. Cottrell

YEAR: 2015

GENRE: Fiction

SUBGENRE: Contemporary Fantasy

GRADE: A

January 11th, 2021. That was the date I officially began reading this novel. Just a few days before that, Trump supporters stormed the US Capitol in an attempt to overthrow the government. With the world turning to dust, I needed all the positivity I could get to override my own depression and anger. And that’s where the magic of K.L. Cottrell’s writing comes into play. Yes, the Light Trilogy has a lot of horrific violence and demonic enemies, but none of that stops the overall presentation of this novel from having a positive aura. The main characters genuinely love each other and there’s not an ounce of toxicity between them. Their Light Force magic depends on them being optimistic in order for it to work. Ridding the world of evil monsters isn’t an easy job by any stretch of the imagination, so why do it alone when you’ve got awesome people to share that experience with?

Speaking of which, guess who gets his own redemption arc? Rafe a.k.a. Marienne’s ultra-jealous ex-boyfriend. I’ve been hard on him in my reviews of the first two books in the Light Trilogy and rightfully so. I kept wondering why he turned out to be Light rather than a Hellion, Crazy, or Tatt. To finally see him turn over a new leaf and become a better human being is refreshing to me. It’s not like he committed genocide in the first two books; he was just an insufferable jerk. He’s perfectly qualified for a redemption arc. In fact, I got a little teary eyed every time I saw him make progress against his own demons. That was different! I like that!

You know who doesn’t get a redemption arc? Leuan Cain, the head villain in charge of it all. He has the ability to seduce ordinary people into believing everything he says. And when he doesn’t get his way, he destroys everything and everyone with dark magic. It’s not just shadows and tricks. It’s suffocation. It’s exhaustion. It’s insanity and horror. It’s guilt and shame built up over all this time of fighting evil. If Donald Trump had dark magic abilities at his disposal, he too could do everything Leuan Cain does in this novel. That’s scary to think about. But if Marienne and Gabe can believe in the power of their own love, they can believe in their ability to murder Cain once and for all.

Everything clicked into place for this novel. The violent and torturous parts of the book hit so hard that even the reader will feel them for days. The loving and emotional parts of the book will bring the reader back to heaven in no time at all. This couldn’t even be considered “toxic positivity” because it feels genuine and heartfelt. That’s because the author believes in everything she’s writing. She believes in love. She believes in friendship. She believes in redemption. Every one of those traits shines through brilliantly in her novel. All in all, this was a lovely way to wrap up a wonderful trilogy. It’s almost as if the readers will walk away from this experience with their own form of optimistic Light magic. This book deserves not only an A+, but it deserves to exceed the 100% barrier.

"Fight" by K.L. Cottrell

BOOK TITLE: Fight

AUTHOR: K.L. Cottrell

YEAR: 2014

GENRE: Fiction

SUBGENRE: Urban Fantasy

GRADE: Extra Credit

When last we left the Light Force, a new breed of enemy from the Dark World was next in line to bring chaos and destruction to this world: the Tatts. Inked up magic users along with their demonic brethren the Hellions have made life miserable for those who don’t conform to their evil agenda. Marienne and Gabe, along with the rest of the Light Force, refuse to go down without a fight. They have the tools, they have the know-how, but most importantly, they have each other and will do anything to protect what is sacred in their lives. There will be blood and death, but there will also be victories and love. Who will survive in this classic clash between good and evil?

Yes, this book is about slaying monsters. Yes, there’s a lot of violence. Despite it all, however, this book maintains a positive vibe from the beginning to the end. The way the Light Force treats each other is refreshing to anybody who wants a break from the drill sergeant mentality so prevalent in fantasy and sci-fi fiction. Don’t get me wrong, I love a dark story as much as the next sicko, but even I need a breath of fresh air every now and then. This book delivers on that front and so much more. You can create conflict in a novel without having your beloved good guys constantly at each other’s throats. The author proves that over and over again. The Light Force isn’t just a group of likeminded people. They’re family. They’re friends. They’re lovers. They’re everything they need each other to be…except Rafe, who’s a total jerk.

As long as we’re keeping the positive vibes going, let’s talk for a bit about the romance between our two narrators, Gabe and Marienne. I’ve read a lot of novels in my day with romantic subplots and I can safely say that these two are my favorite couple, hands down, end of story. They’ve got more chemistry than a periodic table. They can kiss and be physical with each other without being hokey. They’re equal to each other in terms of respect given and how well they perform in fights with Hellions and Tatts. Everything that can go right in this relationship does go right…and I love it to pieces! You know who else I can love as a couple? Wes and Beatrix, who are just as lovey-dovey and just as respectful to each other as Gabe and Marienne. I’m feeling giddy even as I write this review!

But with every hero, there are villains waiting in the wings to bring the happiness to a grinding halt. Though not technically a villain, Marienne’s ex-boyfriend Rafe is painful to read about due to his obnoxious and jealous behavior (which makes me wonder why he’s not secretly a Hellion or a Tatt). Claire, Marienne’s sister, has always been nasty and malicious with her salty dialogue and newly acquired demonic tone. If there’s one villain you have to look out for more than others, it’s Leuan Cain, Tatt billionaire. Yes, he has dark magic and fighting abilities equaled by nobody, but that’s not what’s scary about him. He’s scary because he’s charming to ordinary people. He gives civilians hope and love and in return they give him their free will. He’s a typical politician without ever once landing a position in the White House. In the same way Donald Trump appeals to white nationalists, Cain appeals to the weak and frail. That is one way to make a villain believable and formidable at the same time.

I could go on and on about how much I love K.L. Cottrell’s Light series. I could make a laundry list of reasons why this book in particular deserves five out of five stars, a grade I don’t give out so freely. But when you finally pick up a copy of this novel, it’ll all become clear to you in a heartbeat. You feel the love and positivity right away with the opening speech about our fights in life. You want to be best friends with everybody in the Light Force (except for Rafe). You want to see Cain and other villains get their comeuppance by the time the third novel in this series is over. Those things by themselves are enough to convince me to give any book five stars. But together? Oh man!

"The World According to Mister Rogers" by Fred Rogers

BOOK TITLE: The World According to Mister Rogers: Important Things to Remember

AUTHOR: Fred Rogers

YEAR: 2003

GENRE: Nonfiction

SUBGENRE: Inspirational Quotes

GRADE: Extra Credit

As the host of the longest running PBS show in history, Fred Rogers inspired entire generations of viewers with messages of love and wisdom. He didn’t have one mean bone in his body. He wasn’t judgmental. He knew that every child had importance, every child had potential, and every child was deserving of love. Love didn’t always mean being one hundred percent agreeable all the time, but it was always an unconditional feeling that every person should experience in their lifetime. Fred Rogers passed away the year this book was published, but his legacy of love is immortal and multi-generational even to this day.

One of the most important messages you can receive from this book is to know that your emotions are completely natural and shouldn’t be feared or balked at. If someone wants to smile, let them smile. If someone wants to cry, let them cry. If someone is angry, help them use their anger in a constructive way. I’ll be the first to admit that I struggle with my emotions from time to time. I belittle myself for the times I feel sad, I don’t allow myself to cry in front of others, and I don’t want to admit to anyone else what I’m feeling at that moment. Reading these quotes has helped me lower my defenses somewhat, but it’s a process that takes time as Fred Rogers will be the first to tell you. I’ll also admit that I hate watching other people cry because it makes me vicariously sad as well. That’s not from a place of discomfort. It’s from a place of love. Love is one of Mister Rogers’s most important themes.

Another important thing to remember is the effect we have on other people. Whether you do a big or small favor for someone, the feeling of gratitude is a powerful thing that will make it all worthwhile. By the same token, every hurtful thing we do to another person will be remembered as well. Be careful with your words and actions. Be a positive influence on a child’s life. We take all of these experiences when we grow up and they help us develop our adult personalities, for better or worse. Everything you do matters more than you think. It may not seem like a big deal, but to another human being, it means the world. Don’t be hateful. Don’t be bitter. Be the best possible example of yourself you can be.

And finally, another favorite part of this book is the fable Mister Rogers tells of the carpenter who refused to hire an apprentice because he won’t admit to making mistakes and therefore won’t know how to fix them when he does. Making mistakes is a natural part of the human experience, no matter how good of a person you may be. Even Mister Rogers made mistakes in his life that he ended up turning into valuable life lessons. Strength doesn’t come from perfect muscles or superhero abilities. It comes from being able to admit your weaknesses and working to make them into strengths. Egomania never did the world any good.

Everything you read in this book may seem like practical commonsense, but the truth is, these things don’t get said enough. Too many times we’ve strayed from our happiness and used our negativity to do awful things to each other. It could be a microcosmic relationship between two people or a macrocosmic political blunder heard around the world. We need Mister Rogers’s wisdom now more than ever. If everybody would pick up a copy of this book and study it until the end of time, we’d be much better off as a human race. An extra credit grade will go to this beautifully-crafted piece of nonfiction.

Things That Empower Me

***THINGS THAT EMPOWER ME***

I had a look at my most recent blog entry about things that scare me. Goddamn, did I sound like a sad sap. It could have been that the month of June was a weird one for me and I was still grieving. But July is finally here and it’s time to start over again. No going back this time around! Instead of talking about things that scare the shit out of me, I’m going to talk about things that empower me, thus turning a negative thought into a positive one. Positive thinking has been at the forefront of my happiness since December 2014, when I vacationed at Lego Land in San Diego and when I had the best goddamn Christmas I could ask for. I lost sight of that positivity somewhere in early 2018, but I’m working on bringing that shit back and it begins with this blog entry. Let’s start the list off with…

***SELF-TALK***

Dr. Phil can be full of more shit than a cow pasture sometimes, but the one thing he got right on the nose was that the words we tell ourselves are very powerful, for better or worse. When you tell yourself you’re too fat, too ugly, or not good enough, you believe those things like they’re the word of god. But what if you start sending yourself positive messages instead of negative ones? Let’s say I, for instance, repeat the mental phrase, “If you step outside your comfort zone, good things will happen.” Or what if I just imagine a good-looking version of myself with a skinny body and a sexy haircut like the one I had in my senior year of high school? Or what if I tell myself that I can afford anything I want to buy? What if I tell myself that the world loves me? You say these things often enough, you believe them and you become a happier person because of it. You know what? I’m going to have these thoughts more often, especially the one where I look like a sexy stud with a sweet ass haircut….not an ass haircut, that’s different. Hehe!

***MUSIC***

Some people call it “just noise”, but to me it’s more intoxicating and enchanting than the world’s most powerful drug. I remember being a little kid and listening to my dad’s CD’s from The Police, Pink Floyd, The Moody Blues, and Toto. I loved my Pink Floyd CD’s so much that I spent the entire late 90’s listening to the shit out of them. Then the 2000’s came along and I started listening to alternative metal like Limp Bizkit, Linkin Park, Three Days Grace, Korn, and Papa Roach. My musical library expanded tenfold since then and I wouldn’t trade any of those bands for the world. My current favorite bands include Soulfly, Nightwish, Five Finger Death Punch, Pantera, and Halestorm among others. I love music so much that I refer to concerts as “one-day vacations” and “pilgrimages” rather than “just shows”. I went to a Roger Waters concert in 2000 and my dad referred to at as “taking us to heaven to see god”. There will be many more concerts in the future, which means more opportunities to get high on my drug of choice…which if you haven’t figured it out already is music.

***HAVING AN AUDIENCE***

I know I said in my “Things That Scare Me” blog that being in front of large amounts of people makes me want to swallow Xanax. But make no mistake about it: the fact that there are people out there who are willing to listen to me is a blessing. Whether you’re complimenting my writing or critiquing it (hopefully not trolling), I’m grateful to have you as a member of my audience. I know writing is supposed to be a business, but you can’t put a price tag on having someone’s attention and never letting go. Whether writing becomes my main source of income or not is irrelevant, because some things in life are more important than money, like love, friendship, good advice, creative fuel, and the power of a good story or poem. To everybody who has supported me throughout my career, thank you so very much. To everybody that doubts me, your creative fuel is every bit as welcome. There’s another thing to be positive about: creative fuel can literally come from anywhere, whether it’s a news story, a personal experience, or the pencil sharpener sitting on my desk, which I once used in a toy photograph of Razor Ramon doing elevated pushups.

***SPENDING MONEY ON OTHER PEOPLE***

This goes hand-in-hand with my self-talk about being able to afford anything I want. When you believe you’re good with money, you can probably afford to shell out some of it on other people. That’s why I buy birthday and Christmas gifts months in advance for the ones I love: because I can and love them…that, and buying gifts ahead of schedule is a good way to avoid the stress of things like Black Friday. I also donate some of my money to various charities whether it’s the ASPCA, Extra Life, or St. Jude’s Children’s Hospital. Spending money on other people, whether in a big or small way, will actually make you happy in the long-term, because you’re strengthening your relationship with that person. You don’t have to clean out your life savings just to make one person happy, but having that kind of confidence with your money and that kind of love for the one you’re spending it on, that says a lot about your mindset.

***CREATIVITY***

To paraphrase Cenk Uygur from The Young Turks, OF COURSE this was going to be a list item! Writing stories and poems gives me a sense of purpose in an economy where English majors and Millennials are frowned upon. I don’t write for the money or the fame. I do it because I fucking love it. I do it because it’s hard work that I can be proud of. I do it because having a legacy is important to me. Do I have lazy days occasionally? All the time. But lazy days are temporary while legacies are forever. I realize that not everybody will like what I have to write, but that’s the nature of subjectivity. There are people who love the shit out of Fifty Shades of Grey and despise Winnie the Pooh. Yes! People actually hate Winnie the Pooh! But if I denied my audience the right to hate my works, I’d come off as a dictator rather than a role model for individuality. Life doesn’t end because of a bad review, or even ten of them. Your career isn’t over until you say it is.

***CONCLUSION***

Goddamn, I’m taking a long time to write this blog entry. Then again, it’s nearly one o’clock in the morning and I spent most of my day in a mental fog. If you can’t concentrate, you can’t write…at least not very well. Here’s hoping my messages of empowerment are well-received by you, my lovely audience. If not, well, at least I tried. I’m Garrison Kelly! Even when you feel like dying, keep climbing the mountain!

***DOMESTIC DIALOGUE OF THE DAY***

(In the summer of 2017…)

JAMES: Hey Garrison, what was in the Amazon package you got in the mail today?

GARRISON: Duct tape and a CD.

JAMES: Those two things do not go together! What are you going to do, bind and gag one of your Face Book women and torture her with your music?

GARRISON: That’s not what the duct tape is for!

JAMES: Uh-huh. Sure! The only thing more disturbing than that was that it came in a long and narrow package. I thought it was another one of your corporate pop metal posters.

GARRISON: Goddamn it, James!

Fishing For Sharks

VERSE 1

You spit cobra venom all over the page

You breathe fire on those who dare rage

You shoot bullets at those who attack

Only to find a jagged blade in your back

CHORUS

You threw the lure and fished for sharks

Whose bites are far worse than their barks

They smell the blood, it’s what they love

Your lifeless corpse floats to the surface above

VERSE 2

Are you running with giants or fishing for sharks?

Are you creating drama or a dramatic story arc?

Are you setting the world on fire or burning bridges?

Answer wrongly and you’ll sleep with the fishes

CHORUS

You threw the lure and fished for sharks

Whose bites are far worse than their barks

They smell the blood, it’s what they love

Your lifeless corpse floats to the surface above

VERSE 3

Negativity will never lead to life longevity

Your world will soon crash down inevitably

Don’t bring a knife to a gun-slinging fight

Don’t bring hatred to an already hard life

CHORUS

You threw the lure and fished for sharks

Whose bites are far worse than their barks

They smell the blood, it’s what they love

Your lifeless corpse floats to the surface above

FINAL VERSE

When you sling shit, you’re only soiling yourself

When you throw a fit, you’re damaging your health

Change or die, there’s nothing in between them

Grow up, move on, or get ready to be condemned

You lose one fight and it’s just like Armageddon

You lose one debate and it’s far from heaven

Get your ass up and dust off your fucking clothes

Be the very last person that this world clearly loathes

Current Events

***CURRENT EVENTS***

You would think that with all of the political poetry and short stories I post that I would be more active when it comes to talking about current events. Truth is I don’t like talking about current events at all. I might make a few posts on my friends and family’s Face Book memes, but that’s about it. It’s not because I don’t care about tragedies. It’s because if I do talk about them, I’m going to sound like a ticking time bomb instead of a reasonable human being. A lot of these news stories make me angry, but not nearly as angry as the disgusting reactions to them on the internet and in the media.

I don’t intentionally engage people on the internet about recent stories because I’d rather people learn to get along than argue furiously with each other. Whenever there’s a story about gun violence in America, we don’t all come together and be the good neighbors we should be. Instead, we get all fired up about the second amendment, free states, and all this other ridiculous nonsense that has nothing to do with love or understanding each other. After I posted a story called “Putting the Ass in Assault Rifle” online, you should all know by now how I feel about gun control, but that’s not the point of this journal.

For just one moment, can we all come together and be friends and neighbors to each other instead of pushing and shoving to be the loudest person in the group? Is it too much to ask to give each other hugs and hair fuzzles, maybe even a few kisses? Am I really demanding a lot out of you when I ask that you pet your kitties and belly rub your puppies? Positivity isn’t just a new age buzz word; it’s a way of life for those who refuse to become bitter at the world over news stories.

Being positive doesn’t mean we should feel happy for doing nothing. Being positive means we have the power to change the world for the better. You don’t have to be Superman or Batman in order to change things. Hell, you don’t even have to be a character from Mr. Robot. Even the smallest gestures can have the biggest impact. You could donate money to the victims’ families, whether it’s ten dollars or five hundred. You could post heartfelt and honest songs on your Face Book page. You could give a hug to someone who has been deeply affected by the tragedy. No one person can do everything, but everybody can do something. If everybody does something positive on a regular basis, that’s a lot of good deeds that the world will remember for almost eternity.

We’ve got ears, say cheers! I say that all the time whenever I write a journal entry. I stole it from a Disney-themed kids show called Mickey Mouse Clubhouse. Such simple words are one of my small contributions to a happier world. It’s microscopic at best, but as long as one person gets the message, it’ll spread to everyone eventually, maybe not today, maybe not tomorrow, but it’ll happen one of these days.

***SLIPKNOT X MARILYN MANSON CONCERT***

This past Saturday, I was expected to see Slipknot and Marilyn Manson in concert at the White River Amphitheater in Auburn, WA. Unfortunately, the concert date was moved to August 11^th because the lead singer for Slipknot, Corey Taylor, had to have emergency spinal surgery. Keeping with the theme of positivity, instead of complaining about a postponed concert, I’m going to wish Corey Taylor a speedy recovery. I’m not sure if he’ll want hair fuzzles, though. Hehe!

***WEEKLY SHORT STORY CONTESTS AND COMPANY***

For this week’s contest, the admins decided to use one of my prompt suggestions, which I’m thankful for. The theme is “Stained Glass” and my story is called “Vampire Empire”. It goes like this:

CHARACTERS:

Michael Finn, Vampire Warrior

Paul Singer, Devil Worshiper

PROMPT CONFORMITY: The satanic church has stained glass windows.

SYNOPSIS: Michael needs a place to stay during the day so that he doesn’t burn up. Paul offers him sanctuary in his satanic church, but on one condition. Reverend Singer wants Michael to turn him into a vampire so that he can have the powers necessary to take over the world and spread satanic culture wherever he goes. Michael tries to explain to Paul that being a vampire isn’t as glorious or powerful as it seems. The reverend gets offended to where he threatens to kick his guest out of the church.

***DARK FANTASY WARRIORS***

Up next is the eponymous King Blizzard, who will look a lot like Sabertooth from the X-Men series because I used an action figure of him to represent that character when I played with my childhood friend Lance. Over the decades, Blizzard went from being an indestructible giant to a guy who sat on a pile of furniture and punctured his intestines. Ouch!

***WRESTLING JOKE OF THE DAY***

Q: What do you call a fuzzy doll modeled after Daniel Bryan?

A: B-Plush Player.

WWE Battleground: The Prime Time Players vs. The New Day

MATCH: The Prime Time Players (Titus O’Neil & Darren Young) vs. The New Day (Kofi Kingston & Big E with Xavier Woods lurking outside) for the WWE Tag Team Championship
PROMOTION: World Wrestling Entertainment
EVENT: Battleground
YEAR: 2015
RATING: TV-PG for violence
GRADE: Pass


Ever since its inception in 2013, the Battleground pay-per-view has been cursed with negative reviews for one reason or another. For two years in a row, the Wrestling Observer Newsletter has given Battleground the award for Worst Major Show of 2013 and 2014. The event in 2014 received a lot of bad press because of two candidates for that year’s Most Disgusting Promotional Tactic that year: Lana’s offensive promo about the Malaysia Airways plane going down in The Ukraine and WWE false advertising Seth Rollins vs. Dean Ambrose.

While I haven’t seen the entirety of 2015’s Battleground pay-per-view due to the WWE Network’s incompetence with Roku devices, I knew this year had to have a stacked card from top to bottom in order to break their two year curse with the WON, which is a respectable publication, by the way. When it comes to Battleground’s Tag Team Championship match between The Prime Time Players and The New Day, it’s not a bad start on breaking that curse. The buildup to this match was particularly exciting for both teams since they’ve gone through serious gimmick and alignment changes over the past year.

In the case of The New Day, the three members Big E, Kofi Kingston, and Xavier Woods were mid-card baby-face talents who were just hanging around and not really going anywhere with their careers. And then in late 2014, the three of them adopted a new gimmick of being overly positive black gospel preachers who clapped, danced, and smiled their way into every match. This was intended to be a baby-face gimmick, but the WWE Universe thought they were too much of a racist joke to be taken seriously, so all three members of The New Day eventually turned heel by cheating in their matches and insulting the crowd during their preaching promos.

While The New Day preached positivity, both members of The Prime Time Players practiced it. In 2013, Darren Young was the recipient of the Most Inspirational Wrestler of the Year award from Pro-Wrestling Illustrated due to him publicly coming out as a gay man. The best part about that? The WWE didn’t make a stereotypical gimmick out of Young’s sexuality; they just let him be himself. Titus O’Neil is inspirational in a lot of ways too. In 2015, he won the Celebrity Mega Dad of the Year award and later on in that year received national attention for taking a group of homeless people out to dinner just out of the kindness of his heart. At the Money in the Bank pay-per-view prior to Battleground, O’Neil and Young actually won the Tag Team Championship from The New Day to start this feud. The championship win marks O’Neil and Young’s first major title reign in WWE since debuting on the main roster in 2010. Five years of hard work lead to all of this: hell yeah, gentlemen. Hell yeah.

And now for the actual match itself. In one corner, you’ve got The Prime Time Players in the form of the mega-muscle Titus O’Neil and the aggressive athlete Darren Young. In the other corner, you’ve got The New Day, which consists of high-flying Kofi Kingston, ultra-powerful Big E, and though he’s not an official participant of this match, Xavier Woods will make his presence known by screaming at the desk announcers and interfering on behalf of his team.

From beginning to end, this tag team match was marked with unrelenting aggression and hard-hitting stiff moves. We as the audience got to see things like Darren Young back suplexing Xavier Woods on the edge of the ring (which is the hardest part of the whole structure), Big E giving a belly-to-belly suplex on the outside of the damn ring, all five members of the match getting tossed into the barricade, and of course, where would a New Day match be without the constant corner stomping and tagging combinations from that team in order to restart the referee’s five count?

Darren Young found himself on the wrong end of a lot of these moves and wasn’t able to get to his tag team partner for the longest time. But when Titus O’Neil was tagged in, oh damn, you’d better get off the tracks when that train is coming through. Titus clotheslined, booted, and shoulder tackled his way through The New Day and even slung Kofi Kingston around like the Ghanaian superstar was a small child.

Like I said before, this match was above all else hard-hitting. There was not a single move in this match that didn’t hurt or was badly botched. Even something as simple as a shoulder tackle from Titus O’Neil or a big splash from Big E would feel like getting hit by a transcontinental bus. Hell, Kofi Kingston had been taking abuse in his midsection throughout the match and Darren Young didn’t make matters any better when he gave Kingston the Gut Check, which is a double knee rib breaker. It got worse for Kingston when Titus finished the match with a thunderous pump handle slam to retain the WWE Tag Team Championship.

While I don’t have any idea how the Battleground pay-per-view fared in the eyes of the critics (mostly because I couldn’t watch the damn thing on my Roku), I do know that this match in particular deserves high praise, both for the buildup and for the ultra-violent performance itself. In fact, I’d even dare say that this match would go a long way in breaking the two-year curse that Battleground pay-per-view events have with the Wrestling Observer Newsletter.

Now that the brutally aggressive Prime Time Players are champions and more than willing to defend against anybody, the tag team division is wide open and goddamn there are a lot of teams. You’ve got a pair of wasteland barbarians in The Ascension, high-flying luchadors in The Lucha Dragons, high-flying matadors with a silly gimmick in Los Matadores, and The New Day is still hanging around, so don’t forget about them. Who’s going to step up and face the super-powerful and widely inspirational Prime Time Players? It’s going to take a lot to knock these two badasses off of their thrones. Then again, iron sharpens iron. The more teams they have to fight, the better they’ll become. I’m not against bringing up NXT tag teams to deal with these two warriors. You hear that, Buddy Murphy and Wesley Blake? Bring your A game, boys!

Family Support

Not everyone can be born into a family that completely supports their creative endeavors. Ivan Moody from Five Finger Death Punch regularly expects that his mother will bury him when the topic of musical careers comes up. And yet, if it wasn’t for Ivan’s mom being an oppressive jerk, we wouldn’t have songs like “The Devil’s Own” and “Remember Everything”. Ivan Moody made a fortune off of his life experiences. Not everybody does that. In fact, the stresses of life often keep artists from achieving their full potential. If a teacher insults a child’s poetry, the child may never write creatively again for fear that the horrible memory will haunt him in the middle conceiving a poem. Emotional trauma is a powerful thing, especially to a small child who has a hard enough time determining which pieces of advice are useful and which ones are bullshit. I have a message for both adults and children of all ages. Adults, if you see a piece of art you don’t like, don’t tell the artist that he sucks and should never create again. There’s always somebody else out there who will enjoy the piece of art, so your opinion isn’t the only one that matters. Hard to believe, right? And kids, if somebody tells you that you’ll never make it in a creative field, don’t listen to them. Filtering out negative messages is hard, I agree. Sometimes that message will haunt your mind relentlessly until you finally do give in. The secret is to never give in. If you’re writing something and the negativity is turning your brain to primordial soup, keep writing until you’re finished with the poem or prose. Success is the best way to prove your critics wrong. But then comes the question of what defines success. It doesn’t necessarily mean you’ll make millions of dollars and have swarms of horny women gathering at your front door. It doesn’t always work like that. Sometimes all you need to be successful is a happy attitude. If you’re genuinely happy with your work, that should be the only thing that matters. If one other person is happy with your work, that matters too. That doesn’t mean you should avoid constructive critique, because that can actually be helpful. Keep the compliments, keep the critique, but filter out the negative vibes. The secret to success is finding the right support system. It’s out there if you look hard enough. Someone out there likes you, that much I promise. Ivan Moody’s mother didn’t support him, so he found band mates and audience members that did. There is hope out there somewhere and there is life after emotional trauma.

　

***PROVERB OF THE DAY***

“You don’t stop laughing because you get old, you get old because you stop laughing.”

-Unknown-

"The Secret" by Rhonda Byrne

Ever hear the phrase, “You get out what you put in?” Keep this phrase in mind as you read “The Secret” from cover to cover. This self-help guide reiterates something known as the Law of Attraction, where your thoughts have a direct influence on how your life is going to be. If you firmly believe something hard enough, it’ll become a self-fulfilling prophecy. I know, I know, you’re tempted to laugh at this idea and write it off as being “new age bullshit”. The only reason why you’re saying this is because you haven’t tried it yet. A little positive thinking never hurt anybody. And when you begin to think positive, don’t just do it in the sense of good or bad, do it in the sense of yes and no. This makes a huge difference. For example, when you’re driving to work in rush hour traffic, don’t tell yourself that you’re “not going to be late”. There’s a huge difference between not being late and being on time. Tell yourself something like “I’m going to make it” or “I’ll show up on time no problem”. According to the Law of Attraction, the guy who says “I’ll show up on time” will make it to work long before the guy who says “I’m not going to be late”. Sounds crazy, but it makes a difference. And when you give yourself positive feedback, make sure you’re in a happy and calm mood instead of being aggressively stressed out. Do whatever it takes to calm yourself down whether it’s playing a comedy album or an Enya CD. Positive thoughts will entail positive results every single time. If you want examples as to how the Law of Attraction has worked for me, listen to this. When I tried to start out small, which is what the book suggests, I kept telling myself that I was going to get fried chicken for supper and I said it with unyielding conviction. The more I told myself this, the stronger the belief became. Low and behold, the very next night, mom brings home a gigantic bag of Albertson’s Fried Chicken along with Cascade Ice drinks. Needless to say, that was one satisfying meal. Keeping with the theme of chicken, the Law of Attraction has also worked against me whenever I was highly stressed out. I was shopping at Albertson’s and was in a huge rush to get home and watch WWE Monday Night Raw. I was convinced that I was going to be late if I didn’t hurry up. I buy chicken from the counter and wait in a huge line for the checkout isle. By the time I ring myself up, the price on the chicken turned out to be $33 for eight pieces of white meat. I go back to the deli, get the price corrected, and go back into the long line for the checkout isle. When I get home to watch TV, not only did I miss the first few seconds of the show, but the chicken was dry and flavorless. So what do you say, my lovely audience. Will you buy “The Secret” and try this theory out? You’ve got nothing to lose except for the money you spent buying the book, which isn’t exactly a huge amount. Just try it. Don’t blow it off. Try it!

　

***WRESTLING DIALOGUE OF THE DAY***

RYBACK: Feed me more!
JIM ROSS: That’s what I say everyday.