I Don't "Shoot My Shot" Because I Don't Want to Give Women the Ick

 

Simple Plan vs. Eric July: The Most Memed Song of All Time Makes a Comeback for a Whiny Libertarian

Army of Love

VERSE 1

There are so many people who want me to bleed

Because a victim who freezes is what they need

I don’t carry a gun and I’m not a blackbelt

I’m just a geeky motherfucker with a bad hand dealt

These cyclone thoughts turned me into a night owl

Wipe away my tears with a dirty hand towel

Is there anybody out there who wants to talk?

To listen and feel, not to judge and mock?

PRE-CHORUS 1

If I can’t build an army of forever soldiers

Then I’ll build one of lovers who never grow colder

CHORUS 1

Army of love, army of love

Pretty little angels from earth and above

Army of love, army of love

Everybody’s welcome, no need to push and shove

VERSE 2

One act of kindness can alleviate shyness

Buy you a coffee, tip the clerk the highest

Give you a hug that’s warmer than sunlight

Shield you from bullets in an endless gunfight

Make your puffy red eyes beautiful and bright

Want another hug? I’ll make this one extra tight

And that’s how I recruit for my army of love

Now spread it around until we’re one choir sound

PRE-CHORUS 2

I don’t need to build an army of machinegun shooters

Or a secret cabal of money-hungry corporate suiters

CHORUS 2

Army of love, army of love

When you feel like you can’t do nearly enough

Army of love, army of love

A bond like this is unbreakably tough

BRIDGE

They might overwhelm us most of the time

But we’re not in the grave, out of hell we’ll climb

Taking care of each other shouldn’t be a crime

It shouldn’t cost millions or even a dime

CHORUS 3

Army of love, army of love

It’s not a war or even competition

Army of love, army of love

Keep each other alive, it’s our only mission

Army of love, army of love

You don’t have to be the center of the universe

Army of love, army of love

Know that you’re cared for, valid, and so much more

Love From a Safe Distance

VERSE 1

The roads are closed, nowhere to go

Bury my eyes in the blue light glow

Watching her talk with an angel’s voice

About democracy and being pro-choice

I hang on her words in a loving embrace

Rosy pink cheeks and a grin on my face

Call it simping or whatever you please

Excuse me while I sigh in a gentle breeze

PRE-CHORUS

When I went to bed

She stayed in my head

And this is what she said

CHORUS 1

I live in Canada and I love you

Buy a plane ticket and dinner for two

We can dance in the city streets

Nervous? I’ll wrap you in flannel sheets

None of my fans should ever be alone

It’s time for you to shed that heart of stone

You wake up and find I was never there

But parasocial love just can’t compare

VERSE 2

She reads my favorite books, writes some of her own

In an army of fan boys, I never feel alone

Brought together by the diamonds in her eyes

But only one of us will get past the other guys

She’s got a husband and needs nobody else

But we can still try to be lovers ourselves

We could head to the bar, maybe touch some grass

“Notice me, Senpai! I’m your favorite in class!”

PRE-CHORUS

When I went to bed

She stayed in my head

And this is what she said

CHORUS 2

I live in England and I love you

Cross the waters if you love me too

We can hold hands in the scary darkness

Rest your head in my lap, listen to pop artists

I’m sorry you spend your nights all alone

But I’m a call away on the telephone

You wake up and find it was all a dream

The coldness of it all makes you want to scream

BRIDGE

This isn’t E-Harmony, that’s what they all say

It’s not Plenty of Fish, so get the hell away

It’s not Tinder, don’t think she’s here to play

She doesn’t know you nor would she want to

CHORUS 3

I live in Australia and I love you

I never said that, so don’t call me a prude

Get some medication, not a worldwide vacation

Stay in your own cozy little bitty nation

I’ll block you forever, so this is goodbye

I don’t even know why you had to try

To get in my life, I’m already a wife

Sorry for your broken dreams and mockery memes

Celebrate Yourself

VERSE 1

You don’t have to win at March Madness

To earn the right to alleviate your sadness

If all you did was survive another year

Then celebrate yourself with cake and beer

You call yourself weak, but I see the opposite

You’re a badass and a half and alive on top of it

Your value isn’t measured by a teacher’s grade

Or whether or not the boss man gets paid

CHORUS 1

Celebrate yourself, because you’ve got this

Shine your beacon of light, don’t ever stop it

On those days when you’re feeling like hell

Celebrate yourself until you’re healthy and well

VERSE 2

Getting out of bed is worth a thousand Oscars

And a thousand tape gags for the smack-talkers

And a thousand tacos on your dinner plate

And a thousand burgers is what you ate

Getting dressed in your absolute best

Is a feat in itself, you more than passed the test

In a world where everything drains you away

Be thankful that you lived yet another day

CHORUS 1

Celebrate yourself, because you’ve got this

Shine your beacon of light, don’t ever stop it

On those days when you’re feeling like hell

Celebrate yourself until you’re healthy and well

BRIDGE

When racing to the top of the corporate ladder

Leaves you so empty that effort doesn’t matter

Remember that glory is always overrated

When it’s a line of work you definitely hated

What’s so great about grinding and dying

When it leaves you defeated and crying?

A boss man could never really understand

The pain of it all when his head’s in the sand

CHORUS 2

Celebrate yourself, you’re worth more than this

Your strengths belong on a never-ending list

On those days when you’re doubting it all

Celebrate yourself, stand a hundred feet tall

Breathe Again

VERSE 1

It’s like deer hunting, with a camera, not a gun

Learning again that life should be fun

For every shadow that darkens your sunny day

There’s a candle that lights the rest of the way

Gratitude is underrated, but no less important

Even the smallest details cure you of boredom

Rock song, kitty cat, RPG, more of that

Eat candy, grow fat, home run with a bat

CHORUS

Just breathe

Breathe again

Just breathe

Make the world your very best friend

VERSE 2

Finding magic in the most ordinary

Finding strength for the burden you carry

Finding a way through life’s obstacles

Finding solutions for the impossible

Finding a world beyond death itself

Finding a reason to live in good health

Finding a path that leads out of your bed

And never forgetting the sweet words said

EXTENDED CHORUS 1

Just breathe

Breathe again

Just breathe

Make the world your very best friend

Just breathe

Breathe once more

Just breathe

Spread your angel wings and soar

VERSE 3

It’s not rock bottom if it has a foundation

It’s not death if you still rise to the occasion

It’s not failure if you gained an education

It’s not over even after life’s expiration

It’s not hell if there’s no damnation

It’s not prison if there’s clear exoneration

It’s not hatred if it’s beyond infatuation

Let’s do it all again like it’s reincarnation

EXTENDED CHORUS 2

Just breathe

Breathe again

Just breathe

A new beginning is not the end

Just breathe

Breathe once more

Just breathe

Ask what else life has in store

Just breathe

Breathe again

You Hate Me 'Cause I Love You

VERSE 1

If I put this out into the universe

Will you be the one who hurts?

If I say this to your lovely face

Would it invade your personal space?

If I told you I loved you until the end

Would you cease to be my best friend?

Is it worth taking the biggest chance

Or will I fumble and fall on my ass?

CHORUS 1

You hate me ‘cause I love you

You choose to walk out of sight

You hate me ‘cause I love you

You choose to call it a night

VERSE 2

I’m sorry if I’ve offended you

But everything I said was true

I don’t take any of my words back

I’ll take them deep into the black

CHORUS 2

You hate me ‘cause I love you

You choose to end the whole thing

You hate me ‘cause I love you

My broken heart forever sings

VERSE 3

My eyes are open, yet full of tears

Planned this confession for many years

Went against my instincts and worst fears

I see it all, it’s now so vivid and clear

I should have kept this to myself

Loneliness is no good for my health

Got desperate and made a mistake

Watched you cry, watched your heart break

CHORUS 3

You hate me ‘cause I love you

I’ll pack my bags and fuck off

You hate me ‘cause I love you

How could I be so damn soft?

You hate me ‘cause I love you

I’ll get my ass on an airplane

You hate me ‘cause I love you

Anything to keep you sane

Shy Guy Blues

VERSE 1

You think it’s cute when I stare at my shoes

As I try to shake off these shy guy blues

As I sit and stew over nothing really new

Sifting through creative fuel to see what’s true

It’s okay if you don’t want to talk to me

It’s not like I’m the easiest guy to see

In a crowd full of people who love to chat

About the weather, their jobs, this, and that

VERSE 2

Confidence and charisma come so naturally

To those whose motto is “Love Actually”

I try to think of what I have to offer you

I’m coming up short, still the quiet attitude

I could write you a poem, but you won’t see it

Even if you could, you’d never believe it

It’s okay if you don’t want to crack my shell

I hope the rest of your day is going very well

BRIDGE

I don’t need to be a superman

Don’t need a shallow one night stand

Don’t need a pocket full of cash

I’ll just take a trip to sleepy land

VERSE 3

I dream about you every single night

I can’t tell you, because it isn’t right

You deserve every last of your comforts

My shy guy blues are my favorite cover

It’s okay if you think I’m just a coward

It’s okay if you don’t want to give me power

The shadows are my permanent address

For that, the two of us should feel blessed

"My Heart Beats Pain" by Martin Kesici

I’ve always said that Martin Kesici is one of the most underrated rockers in the music industry today. You can’t find his music on iTunes, his Wikipedia page has next to nothing on it, and whenever you bring his name up in conversation to one of your buddies, they’ll look at you like you have vipers slithering out of your nose.

But never forget that the definition of being underrated is that the person gets less credit than they deserve. When you hear the song “My Heart Beats Pain” by Martin Kesici for the first time, you’ll begin to question why he’s not a worldwide sensation already. It’s a gorgeous ballad about losing the one you love in the form of death.

I’ve only had two girlfriends my whole life and both of them are still living. So why then would I be able to relate to this beautiful piece of rock and roll music? For one, it’s beautiful, so that will get the artist brownie points with me. And two, because for my two ex-girlfriends and millions of crushes, it feels like they are dead.

I could just as easily bring them back to life by talking to them and letting them know how I feel. In order to do that, I have to have two things: a spinal cord and thick skin. I know I have a spinal cord because I can hear it cracking whenever I bend backwards. I know I have thick skin because all of my recent photographs make me look like I’m 400 lbs (I’m much lighter, by the way).

In the figurative sense, I have neither. It takes all the strength I have just to talk to a beautiful woman and I know it will take strength I never knew I possessed to mend my broken heart after they tell me “no”. I have this certainty within me that every girl I attempt to talk to will push me away because of my social awkwardness, my looks, the way I dress, or simply because they don’t feel like it. These are just excuses I use to stay away from lovely women, but that doesn’t mean they won’t be used against me.

My shyness is costing me relationships. My aggression will cost me relationships too. I need people in my life who accept me for who I am regardless of my faults. In the eyes of a stranger, the faults are my most noticeable features.

So whenever I need “My Heart Beats Pain” as creative fuel for my writing, I remember that shy guy romances are one of my favorite genres to work with. Whether or not the protagonists of these stories get what they want varies from story to story. You can’t win them all and when you lose them, you lose them forever. It’d be nice if the shy guys in my stories had a healthy relationship every now and then, but it doesn’t always turn out that way.

Martin Kesici doesn’t have to worry about these things because he’s a rock star. He’s an underrated rock star, but he’s a rock star nonetheless. He still found it within him to communicate the dark side of romance in this gorgeous piece of music known as “My Heart Beats Pain”.

And if you still can’t figure out how to pronounce his last name, it’s “KIZ-ih-chee”. He has a Turkish father and a German mother. Guess where he gets his last name from.

　

***LYRICS OF THE DAY***

“My heart beats pain ever since that day life’s taken you away. But one day, I will be with you again.”

-Martin Kesici singing “My Heart Beats Pain”-