Joker

MOVIE TITLE: Joker

DIRECTOR: Todd Phillips

YEAR: 2019

GENRE: Psychological Thriller

RATING: R for violence, swearing, and disturbing themes

GRADE: Extra Credit

Humanizing a violent criminal is a tall task in and of itself. Getting sympathy for any kind of character is harder than it looks (trust me, I’ve tried). When you watch this movie, not only will you have sympathy for Arthur Fleck a.k.a. The Joker, but you’ll cheer for him as well. There’s more to building a sympathetic villain than throwing in a tragic back story and calling it a day. This movie went above and beyond in developing the Joker character. He’s mentally ill, he’s rejected by society because of his awkward behavior, he’s impoverished, and he’s the target of violence just as much as he’s the instigator. While people wouldn’t under any circumstances condone his violent behavior, they will at least understand it. They might even learn to treat fellow members of society with respect. Nobody starts out as an evil person. They’re slowly built into one by the forces around them. Again, it doesn’t excuse Joker’s murders nor does it give the incel community an idol to look up to. But the more we see each other as human beings, the more we act like human beings.

Of course, none of this sympathy would have been possible if not for the brilliant acting work of Joaquin Phoenix, who played The Joker. In fact, Mr. Phoenix might be telling Heath Ledger to hold his beer (no disrespect to Mr. Ledger). The pathological laughter, the nervousness around strangers, the poor cadence of his jokes, the sadness when he’s alone, they all looked believable coming from Joaquin Phoenix. Mental illness is a lonely obstacle for someone to overcome. Nobody wanted to be around The Joker when he was at his worst and the actor brought that loneliness to life through his character work. It took a lot of studying and reading in order to get this villain down perfectly. Mr. Phoenix’s passion for what he does is obvious in his roles. If he doesn’t get an Oscar for this performance, I’m going to be very surprised and upset. Granted, I won’t give the Army nervous fits with my level of disappointment and nor should anybody else. You hear that, terrorists? Be nice!

Somewhere in this nature vs. nurture debate, there’s a modern day dystopia happening all around The Joker. Garbage is piling up, rats are infesting the city, the disenfranchised are being bullied, social programs are being cut, and poverty is at an all time high. When politicians and oligarchs use their influence to enrich themselves at the expense of others, distrust starts to build between the social classes. It doesn’t always end in riots and violence, but sitting down and doing nothing doesn’t cross their minds either. In many ways, the dystopian politics of this movie reminds me a lot of what’s going on in the real world under the Trump administration. So we have a realistic Joker and a realistic political system. Superhero movies get a bad rap for being cartoonish and comical, right? You know what Joaquin Phoenix and the rest of the crew says to that? “Hold our beers.”

Everything that could go right with this movie did go right. It’s gritty, it’s real, it’s dark, and nothing was out of place. Keeping a smile on your face all of your life is close to impossible. It’s okay to feel bad sometimes. Toxic positivity did nobody any good. But if you must rage against the machine with a nihilistic point of view, don’t cross the point of no return like The Joker did. An extra credit grade will go to this modern day masterpiece. Now THAT’S something worth smiling about!

You're Not Good Enough Book Tag

***YOU’RE NOT GOOD ENOUGH BOOK TAG***

The only reason why I know this tag exists is because Lily C Reads did a You Tube video of it two years ago. It looked like a shit ton of fun and Lily is a funny motherfucker in this video, so I figured I should do this tag too. The rules are simple: create a roster of thirty book characters of your choosing and randomly choose two of them to answer each of the fifteen questions. Are you ready? I know I am!

1. You only have one more spot on your Spelling Bee team, who would you pick to complete your team?

Options: Rick Hunter (Robotech) or Charlie (The Perks of Being a Wallflower by Stephen Chbosky)

Choice: Two guys who can’t figure out their love lives, but only one of them takes an interest in writing and literature. This one’s easy: Charlie. Although, I might change my mind if one of the words is Zentradae (even I don’t know how to spell that).

2. Both characters want to kill you, which one would you kill first so you have a better chance of surviving?

Options: Julie (Warm Bodies by Isaac Marion) or Deckard Cain (Diablo series)

Choice: Julie is a tried and true survivalist and Deckard Cain is an old man with bad joints. Hmm…which one is the greater threat to me? Sorry, Julie, but you’re taking the dirt nap tonight. My dead cat Smokey is a bigger threat to me than Deckard Cain ever will be.

3. You’re on the bachelor/bachelorette and you’re down to these two characters, which one are you going to give your rose too?

Options: Ava Bigtree (Swamplandia by Karen Russell) or The Woman (The Woman by Jack Ketchum)

Choice: So basically, you’re asking me to choose between statutory rape and the possibility of getting my guts ripped out. Sorry, ladies, you two are on your own. I’d rather be forced to choose between death and unga-bunga (only to get killed via unga-bunga).

4. You’ve been chosen for the Hunger Games, who would most likely volunteer in your place?

Options: Skink (Carl Hiaasen’s books) or Batman

Choice: This one’s a tough call since they’re both certified badasses and can rip an opponent to shreds within seconds. Ultimately, I’ll have to go with Skink since he’s used to survivalist scenarios, ergo why he lives out in the woods in Florida wearing just a shower cap and a raincoat.

5. You’re stranded on an island. Which character would you sacrifice to engage in cannibalism?

Options: Abby Abernathy (Walking Disaster by Jamie McGuire) or Christian Grey (Fifty Shades of Grey)

Choice: The sexual overtones in this question and its choices are more obvious than a boner on the subway. But since Christian Grey has more muscle on his body, his sacrifice will last longer, so I’m going to choose him. Plus, he’s a grade A douche, so nobody will miss him.

6. You’re the next DC/Marvel superhero (with your own tv show of course), who is your sidekick?

Options: Anastasia Steele (Fifty Shades of Grey) or Peeta Mellark (The Hunger Games)

Choice: This one’s a no-brainer if I ever saw one. I’m going with Peeta the ass-kicking machine. If I went with Anastasia, it’s basically giving my opponents a license to shoot me. I think I’d rather be tortured by a supervillain than listen to Ana’s whining throughout our demise.

7. You’re a manager of an Avocado admiring company, who would you fire for lack of communication skills?

Options: Sonya Blade (Mortal Kombat) or Tulip O’Haire (Preacher)

Choice: I’m being asked to choose between two badass women who would cut me from asshole to appetite if I crossed them. But as far as communication skills go, I’d cut Sonya from the team since Tulip has a way with raunchy dialogue. I need all the swear words I can muster up if I’m going to admire avocado.

8. You’ve just finished a book in which your favorite character dies, which character is most likely to comfort you?

Options: Margo Roth Spiegelman (Paper Towns by John Green) or Kick-Ass

Choice: Kick-Ass would probably tell me to suck it up and be a man, so he’d be of no help. The only way I could justify choosing Margo is if I can fucking find her, wherever she is. She kind of has a knack for making herself scarce when her friends need her the most. And even if you do find her…ugh…

9. Ugh, it’s high school. Who would most likely be part of the popular clique?

Options: Marlon Bundo (John Oliver and Jill Twiss’s version of A Day in the Life of Marlon Bundo) or Twilight Lady (Watchmen)

Choice: Hmm…a gay rabbit or a seductive female pimp? Well, since popular cliques in high school tend to be more shallow minded, I’m giving the nod to Twilight Lady since she can hook up the horny teenagers with sex and fun. I’d actually fear for Marlon Bundo’s safety since popular kids love to bully LGBT students.

10. The day has arrived; you’re finally a year older! Who would have the nerve to forget your birthday?

Options: Clarice Starling (Silence of the Lambs) or Scorpion (Mortal Kombat)

Choice: Scorpion doesn’t give a rat’s ass about anybody’s birthdays since he’s too busy breathing fire on his opponents and sticking harpoons through their chests. I’m giving him the nod, obviously. At least with Clarice Starling, it’s forgivable if she forgets your birthday because she’s always busy catching criminals. Being a detective is stressful work.

11. You’ve just found an upcoming booktube star? Who would most likely be?

Options: Cherry Pye (Star Island by Carl Hiaasen) or Tobias Kaya (The Savior’s Champion by Jenna Moreci)

Choice: I’m not sure Cherry Pye even knows how to fucking read. She’s a dumbass pop star with a shallow point of view and no talent, so she doesn’t have much of a chance. Tobias, on the other hand, is a little more scholarly since he has a background as an artist. Plus, he’d be a hit with the female You Tube audience.

12. Sleepover time! Unfortunately you can only invite one person, who would you invite?

Options: Alex De Large (A Clockwork Orange) or Scout Finch (To Kill a Mockingbird)

Choice: So you’re asking me to sleep with either a serial rapist or a young child. No matter what I choose, somebody’s going to jail whether it’s me or Alex. I’m calling this one a draw so that I can spare myself the embarrassment.

13. Bam, you’re pregnant. Who’s the father/mother?

Options: Lisa Hayes (Robotech) or Rorschach (Watchmen)

Choice: If you give a child to Rorschach, you might as well schedule an abortion right now. He might not like that very much since he’s a rightwing nut job and a violent lunatic, but he’ll have to get over it. Lisa Hayes, on the other hand, is gentle enough to be a fitting mother. I think she might have actually had children with Rick Hunter in the Robotech canon, but I’m not sure.

14. You’ve just written a super important text. Who would ‘see’ it, but not reply?

Options: Yum Yum (Lilian Jackson Braun’s Cat Who book) or Sneaky Pie Brown (Rita Mae Brown’s books)

Choice: Both characters are cats, so it all boils down to who the bigger diva is and even then it’s a tough decision. This one’s another draw since they’d be too distracted by laser pens.

15. You’ve just woken up and it’s time for breakfast. Your mum’s been replaced by who?!

Options: Koko (Lilian Jackson Braun’s Cat Who books) or Sean King (David Baldacci’s King & Maxwell series)

Choice: Let’s see here? Who would make a better breakfast for me: a fucking cat or a human being with actual cooking skills? If I chose Koko, I’d probably have a dead bird or mouse served on a plate for me. With Sean King, I’d get eggs and bacon no problem. Let’s see…this is a tough one…

And just like that it’s over. I’m Garrison Kelly! Even when you feel like dying, keep climbing the mountain!

***DOMESTIC DIALOGUE OF THE DAY***

(RE: Rachel Oates video)

JAMES: I’m telling Mom you’re watching a piss fetish video.

GARRISON: That’s not what it is! She’s debunking urine therapy!

JAMES: Then how come you closed it after I came in here?

GARRISON: Because I can’t watch it as long as you’re using my computer.

JAMES: You can still leave it open. What, are you watching porn?

GARRISON: That’s not what it is!

JAMES: Uh-huh. Sure! After I’m done printing my homework, you can keep watching your piss fetish video.

GARRISON: Goddamn it, James!

Batman vs. Superman: Dawn of Justice

MOVIE TITLE: Batman vs. Superman: Dawn of Justice

DIRECTOR: Zack Snyder

YEAR: 2016

GENRE: Superhero

RATING: PG-13 for violence and language

GRADE: Mixed

In the public eye, Superman is either seen as a godlike savior for the neighboring cities of Metropolis and Gotham or a reckless oaf who leaves destruction as part of his heroism. The Wayne Enterprises building and the people inside happened to be victims of Superman’s carelessness and now Batman wants revenge for the fallen. Stirring the pot between these superheroes is Lex Luthor, a corporate prodigy who comes into possession of Kryptonite (Superman’s weakness). Can Batman and Superman get along and team up against the real threat to humanity or will their shades of gray characteristics blind them into fighting each other to the death?

The fact that Zack Snyder uses shades of gray logic to define Batman and Superman is part of what makes this movie unique. Superman can be careless when it comes to containing his powers, but Batman can be just as sadistic and merciless when he brands the bat symbol onto criminals before sending them to jail. These two characters cancel each other out when it comes to the moral high ground, so much so that political pundits such as Charlie Rose and Neil Degrasse Tyson had to be brought in to discuss their risk vs. reward values. I’m not saying we’ll have a recklessly devastating superhero scenario in real life, but if we did, are we as a society prepared to make compromises and see the middle ground? We ccouldn’t find that middle ground even without Superman and Batman killing everything, so we’re pretty much doomed. Just look at all the buildings that get destroyed in the name of superhero politics. People give anime a hard time for having buildings burn to the ground so easily, but they need to see this movie for more of the same.

This fictional political climate might have been more jarring to watch if the shooting of the movie was better executed. Something about this movie makes me want to give it a mixed grade despite all it has going for it. It could be the lack of character investment. It could be the slow pacing. It could be the cliché violence and destruction. It could be that the pieces of this plot were lazily thrown together. Maybe it’s the way the movie dragged on for over two hours of nothingness. I can’t pinpoint one feature of this movie that’s responsible for the negative reviews it got, but when my brother asked me what I thought of it, all I could say was, “Meh”. The movie had loads of potential to be something great, but something about it just made me want to tune out.

Whatever the main negative point could have been, it certainly wasn’t Jesse Eisenberg’s acting when it came to his portrayal of Lex Luthor. I know he got a Golden Raspberry award for worst supporting actor, but I disagree with that opinion. Lex’s character drew a lot of parallels to Heath Ledger’s version of The Joker with how delightfully insane and quirky he was. I have a soft spot for crazy-minded characters due to how relatable they are (not in every way, but in some ways). Sometimes the villains are more relatable than the superheroes. In fact, they can be just as “shades of gray” as Batman and Superman are in this movie. I keep wondering what it was that made Lex Luthor snap the way he did. We don’t get a clear answer by the end, so that makes me even more curious. Either way, I love his kooky portrayal! The body language, the tics, the cadence in his voice, even Lex’s hairstyle reminds me of The Joker. Golden Raspberry, my foot!

While Batman vs. Superman isn’t a perfect movie, I’m not going to completely dump all over it despite its glaring flaws. A mixed grade is nothing to sneeze at, especially considering everybody else seems to be headhunting these days when reviewing suspicious movies. I wanted to enjoy this movie. I love the DC Universe. I stuck with the film until the end. Again, it’s not perfect, but the haters can calm down just for a little while before they click that one or two-star option.

Movie Reviews

***MOVIE REVIEWS***

For the past week, I’ve been editing the shit out of Poison Tongue Tales in preparation for publishing the damn thing on Amazon. Although I only have eleven short stories left on the task list, I never realized until now how long I’ve gone without doing any serious first draft writing. Sure, I wrote a heavy metal song called “Knives to Meet You”, but that’s not really enough since writing poetry is easier for me than a chapter of a novel or a short story. I missed the last WSS contest because I’ve been so busy with PTT (and trying to get out of a sleepy haze). The “One Job” experiment is proving to be a dud. I miss writing Demon Axe chapters and short stories.

Another thing I miss writing is reviews. It’s a long time in between reading sessions of “What Hides in the Darkness” by KL Cottrell. I also haven’t seen any movies lately, which is weird because I still have a $25 Regal Cinemas gift card from Christmas last year. I could just download a movie on my computer, but judging from how my WWE Network videos have either frozen or skipped, I’m not sure any other movie-watching source will be better. I used to have a Roku, but that too skipped and froze at inopportune times and now it’s in a landfill somewhere due to it frying out. I could use my brother’s Playstation 4, but that doesn’t really belong to me, so his TV watching and videogame playing (along with Reina’s) takes priority over mine.

If I can find a way to watch movies on a regular basis to fill my time between creative projects, then reviewing them will be a new outlet for me. I’ve already written a few movie reviews here and there, whether it’s Zootopia, Ben and Me, or St. Vincent just to name a few. But this is something I could do on a regular basis as a labor of love. Sure, it’s not going to advance my writing career, but then again, why does everything I do have to be about my profession? Besides, doing these reviews will keep my writing skills sharp, which is important considering my last chapter of Demon Axe was written two weeks ago with almost nothing in between.

I’ve already come up with a short list of movies I’d like to watch and review. If you want to add anything to this list, let me know and I’ll take it into consideration. Here’s what I have so far:

1. Copycat
2. Crossface (NOT RELEASED YET)
3. Cure For Wellness, A
4. Deadpool
5. Die Watching
6. Fighting with My Family (NOT RELEASED YET)
7. Flintstones X WWE: Stone Age Smackdown
8. Ghost in the Shell
9. Jetsons X WWE: Robo-Wrestlemania
10. Kickboxer: Vengeance
11. Lego Batman Movie, The
12. Logan
13. Manchester By the Sea
14. Power Rangers
15. Robin Hood (Disney)
16. Star Wars: Rogue One
17. Thinning, The
18. WWE 24: Seth Rollins: Redesign, Rebuild, Reclaim

Not the world’s longest list, but that’s only because I’ve spent so long not watching movies that I don’t know what else to add. Yes, I know how ironic that is considering I minored in theater arts at WWU. It’s even more ironic that I originally wanted to major in cinema, but WWU didn’t offer that degree, so I went with English (creative writing). It’s important to remember where you came from and I was a huge cinemaphile back in the day. I wouldn’t mind getting back into the groove if it means I get to write reviews and help these movies get publicity (whether good or bad).

These reviews are still going to follow the five-paragraph formula I use with books and WWE matches. The first paragraph will be a brief synopsis (without spoilers). The next three paragraphs will be aspects I liked or disliked about the medium. The final paragraph will be a summary of those three thoughts to tie it all together. I also still plan on using the same grading system, which is…

Extra Credit: a five star review of a movie which exceeded my expectations either by changing my worldview or making me relate to it on a deep emotional level. Examples include Pink Floyd the Wall, Pulp Fiction, and The Lego Movie.

Pass: a four star review of a movie which entertained me all the way through and met my expectations with no serious flaws. This is the most common grade I give since I usually expect that I’ll like what I watch.

Mixed: a three star review of a movie which was still entertaining despite some obvious flaws. The first movie I gave a mixed grade to was Dead Man Down, which had a bullying storyline where the kids never got any comeuppance.

Fail: a two star review for a movie that had too many glaring flaws, but I finished watching anyways. An example of a failing WWE match would be Nikki Bella vs. AJ Lee at Survivor Series 2014 for the Divas Championship, which lasted less than twenty seconds and had no real emotional investment to begin with.

Did Not Finish: a one star review of a movie that was so terrible that I stopped watching it. I tried watching an NXT match between Eva Marie and Carmella, but there were so many botches and awkward moments that it hurt my brain worse than a Tombstone Piledriver on thumb tacks.

I know this labor of love will love me back, especially since I’ve been away for so long and absence makes the heart grow fonder. We’ve got ears, say cheers!

***DOMESTIC DIALOGUE OF THE DAY***

(RE: The Faces of Death documentary series.)

DAD: What do you watch that shit for?!

ME: Because it’s cool!

JAMES: Because he’s a serial killer in training.

You Tube Videos

***YOU TUBE VIDEOS***

Whenever I’m in a creative funk or I just need to wind down, I’m usually surfing You Tube. My favorite channels are Wrestling with Wregret, What Culture, Wrestle Talk TV, College Humor, Buzz Feed, and Cracked. I also like watching random videos of You Tubers playing hacked versions of videogames, whether it’s a custom-made Mario game or an Open Beats of Rage version of Double Dragon or Final Fight. While I agree that binge watching You Tube videos is not the most productive thing I could be doing with my free time, the alternative would be channel surfing on my TV. I don’t have a gaming console of my own, so videogames are out of the question (unless I decided to use an emulator to play OpenBOR games or Nintendo and Super Nintendo games).

In all this time of watching You Tube videos, it made me wonder why I wasn’t making any of my own. I currently have one You Tube video in my uploads section and it’s twelve minutes of Smokey rolling around in catnip while I make a whole bunch of drug jokes. Surely there’s something better I could be doing with my digital camera. But the question is, what would that be? Could I use You Tube videos as another avenue of promotion for my books? Could I give my opinions on various subject matters? Could I shoot another twelve minute video of Smokey rolling around in catnip?

Even if I knew what to do with a You Tube account, I don’t have the fondest memories of the comments section on the videos I used to have uploaded back in the late 2000’s. My videos could be anything from drawing or photography features to songs that weren’t originally available for free play. Aside from my songs being taken down by WMG (Warner Music Group or Website Murdering Group, whichever one you prefer), I didn’t have the easiest time fending off trolls who wanted to criticize everything I did. I admit that I’ve gotten sensitive over the years with schizophrenia and autism weakening my mental defenses, but even so, not everyone can have the troll slaying skills of JK Rowling (if you haven’t seen her respond to Trump supporters, look it up on Buzz Feed; it’s fucking awesome).

The question now becomes, is it all worth it? Should I put myself out there to the You Tube public as a way of advertising my self-published books? I suppose I could do that, but all in all, it’s just another avenue of communication, no different from Deviant Art, Good Reads, Face Book, or Twitter. What’s the point of having another channel if my audience is going to be just as limited as it was before? That’s why I don’t submit stories to Inkitt.com anymore, because it was just another channel with nobody taking interest.

Another thing I would have to consider is being able to calm my nerves while making the videos so that I don’t stammer over my words or need multiple takes. I don’t know what it is about being in front of the camera that makes me nervous. I used to take acting classes in middle school, high school, and college, so I’m used to performing in front of a crowd. The only reason I was successful in those ventures was because I had a script to follow and I got lots of practice. You Tube videos and interviews are supposed to be spontaneous and free. If it sounds like I’m reading from a script, then my audience will know. It’s one of the reasons why I don’t like public speaking: because you’re not afforded the privilege of reading from or studying a script.

Given all of the cons I’ve listed for making You Tube videos, it makes me wonder why I’m even considering doing this. It’s because I see so many of my friends making them with a lot of confidence and it’s inspiring to me. I recently watched a video of former What Culture contributor Suzie Kennedy talking about what an awesome 2016 she had and she was the dictionary definitions of confidence and strength. I’ve also seen my beta reader Marie Krepps do a video promoting her Some By Day, Some By Night vampire series. She was very laid back and dare I say she has the cutest southern accent in the world. Aww!

The reason I can’t exude confidence like my friends can is because I don’t like the sound of my own voice or the way I look on camera. I don’t take selfies very often because every picture makes me look heavier than I really am and I don’t like to fake smiles even for photographs. I don’t record myself either because I sound like I’m whining nasally whenever I play it back. The more I talk about my onscreen presence, the happier I am that I chose to be an author. Introversion and privacy are valued in my line of work, so there’s nothing to be scared of.

If I ever do decide to make You Tube videos, it’s something I’m going to have to think long and hard about. I might even need to be convinced by someone else. You Tube seems to be the hottest way to get a public image out there, so that’s something else to consider. Then again, do I really have to read the comments section if I don’t want to? Is it possible to post videos and stay in the shadows at the same time? That would be fucking awesome if I could. If I ever did have fan mail to read or questions to answer, I’d have to screen each message first. Yes, I know I sound like a snowflake, but that’s not by choice; it’s called psychology, people.

The question of the day is, would you like to see me make You Tube videos on a regular basis and if so, what would you want me to talk about? We’ve got ears, say cheers!

***DARK FANTASY WARRIORS***

Lord McCain is ready to rock and roll, which means it’s time for a heroic character to be on the chopping block. That heroic character is Tony Castle, the psychomancer from…well…”The Psychomancer”. He doesn’t solve Ashley Cormier’s problems for her; he just gives her the means and courage to solve them herself. I’ve tried to teach this lesson in a short story called “Deus Ex Machina” and it seems to have worked so far.

***DEMON AXE, CHAPTER 13***

After a month of busying myself with other creative activities (as well as zombie walking), I finally posted the twelfth chapter of Demon Axe, where Roger Zee does what he does best and slashes the shit out of Daniel Mercer’s closest friends. Chapter thirteen won’t be any prettier as Roger takes Daniel to a dark room and tortures him with his own heavy metal music. The elf plays it at an annoyingly loud volume with flashing strobe lights for an extended period of time, hoping to make Daniel hate his own genre of music as a result of this torture. Guantanamo Bay prison guards used this torture method all the time with bands like Metallica, Demon Hunter, and Drowning Pool. Chapter thirteen will give you a terrifying glimpse into what it’s like to feel that kind of horrendous pain.

***LEGOS***

I still have two Lego sets that need to be built and photographed in some creative way. I have a Batman set that I got for Christmas and a WWE ring that I got for my 31^st birthday. Maybe when I’m sitting around in the dark with nothing to do, I’ll get cracking on building those sets. Legos are a perfect alternative to channel surfing and You Tube browsing.

***POISON TONGUE TALES***

Marie Krepps has been working hard on critiquing my Poison Tongue Tales stories, so it’s only right that I keep my end of the bargain and actually make the changes she’s suggesting. Since I like to edit things three at a time, the next stories you’ll see updated in my Deviant Art gallery are “Bee Jay the Glutinous”, “Born to Die”, and “Cigaro”. I’ve got a lot of work to do to get them ready for publication, but I’ve never been afraid of hard work before, so it shouldn’t be an issue.

***WHAT HIDES IN THE DARKNESS***

Now that “Once Upon a Pastry”, “Titan Screwed”, and “Child of the Night Guild” are all in my rearview mirror, my next reading adventure will be done as a favor for Marie Krepps. She has a friend named KL Cottrell who is in need of some thoughtful reviews, but is shy about public life. I’m always happy to help out a friend in need. Miss Cottrell wrote a trifecta of paranormal fantasy books in the Light series and the first one is called “What Hides in the Darkness”. I hope it’s a good one! I know it will be, but I’m hoping anyways.

***LYRICS OF THE DAY***

“I get by in a world with no conscience by shouting it out and being anonymous. And the problem is, you’re just like me.”

-Three Days Grace singing “Anonymous”-

Current Events

***CURRENT EVENTS***

You would think that with all of the political poetry and short stories I post that I would be more active when it comes to talking about current events. Truth is I don’t like talking about current events at all. I might make a few posts on my friends and family’s Face Book memes, but that’s about it. It’s not because I don’t care about tragedies. It’s because if I do talk about them, I’m going to sound like a ticking time bomb instead of a reasonable human being. A lot of these news stories make me angry, but not nearly as angry as the disgusting reactions to them on the internet and in the media.

I don’t intentionally engage people on the internet about recent stories because I’d rather people learn to get along than argue furiously with each other. Whenever there’s a story about gun violence in America, we don’t all come together and be the good neighbors we should be. Instead, we get all fired up about the second amendment, free states, and all this other ridiculous nonsense that has nothing to do with love or understanding each other. After I posted a story called “Putting the Ass in Assault Rifle” online, you should all know by now how I feel about gun control, but that’s not the point of this journal.

For just one moment, can we all come together and be friends and neighbors to each other instead of pushing and shoving to be the loudest person in the group? Is it too much to ask to give each other hugs and hair fuzzles, maybe even a few kisses? Am I really demanding a lot out of you when I ask that you pet your kitties and belly rub your puppies? Positivity isn’t just a new age buzz word; it’s a way of life for those who refuse to become bitter at the world over news stories.

Being positive doesn’t mean we should feel happy for doing nothing. Being positive means we have the power to change the world for the better. You don’t have to be Superman or Batman in order to change things. Hell, you don’t even have to be a character from Mr. Robot. Even the smallest gestures can have the biggest impact. You could donate money to the victims’ families, whether it’s ten dollars or five hundred. You could post heartfelt and honest songs on your Face Book page. You could give a hug to someone who has been deeply affected by the tragedy. No one person can do everything, but everybody can do something. If everybody does something positive on a regular basis, that’s a lot of good deeds that the world will remember for almost eternity.

We’ve got ears, say cheers! I say that all the time whenever I write a journal entry. I stole it from a Disney-themed kids show called Mickey Mouse Clubhouse. Such simple words are one of my small contributions to a happier world. It’s microscopic at best, but as long as one person gets the message, it’ll spread to everyone eventually, maybe not today, maybe not tomorrow, but it’ll happen one of these days.

***SLIPKNOT X MARILYN MANSON CONCERT***

This past Saturday, I was expected to see Slipknot and Marilyn Manson in concert at the White River Amphitheater in Auburn, WA. Unfortunately, the concert date was moved to August 11^th because the lead singer for Slipknot, Corey Taylor, had to have emergency spinal surgery. Keeping with the theme of positivity, instead of complaining about a postponed concert, I’m going to wish Corey Taylor a speedy recovery. I’m not sure if he’ll want hair fuzzles, though. Hehe!

***WEEKLY SHORT STORY CONTESTS AND COMPANY***

For this week’s contest, the admins decided to use one of my prompt suggestions, which I’m thankful for. The theme is “Stained Glass” and my story is called “Vampire Empire”. It goes like this:

CHARACTERS:

Michael Finn, Vampire Warrior

Paul Singer, Devil Worshiper

PROMPT CONFORMITY: The satanic church has stained glass windows.

SYNOPSIS: Michael needs a place to stay during the day so that he doesn’t burn up. Paul offers him sanctuary in his satanic church, but on one condition. Reverend Singer wants Michael to turn him into a vampire so that he can have the powers necessary to take over the world and spread satanic culture wherever he goes. Michael tries to explain to Paul that being a vampire isn’t as glorious or powerful as it seems. The reverend gets offended to where he threatens to kick his guest out of the church.

***DARK FANTASY WARRIORS***

Up next is the eponymous King Blizzard, who will look a lot like Sabertooth from the X-Men series because I used an action figure of him to represent that character when I played with my childhood friend Lance. Over the decades, Blizzard went from being an indestructible giant to a guy who sat on a pile of furniture and punctured his intestines. Ouch!

***WRESTLING JOKE OF THE DAY***

Q: What do you call a fuzzy doll modeled after Daniel Bryan?

A: B-Plush Player.

Rhys Hardcore

NAME: Rhys Hardcore
AGE: 32
OCCUPATION: Capoeira Fighter
CANONS: Black Cross (movie script) and Zeromancer (novel)


I haven’t played a serious videogame since 2010, when I kept getting my ass kicked by a multi-striking lava dragon from the Nintendo DS version of Final Fantasy III. Before 2010, videogames were a huge source of creative fuel for me. One franchise I don’t talk about enough is the Tekken series. The techno music, the badass fighters, the variation in martial arts, Tekken had it all. And thus we have part of the inspiration for Rhys Hardcore, a capoeira warrior who could be a throwback to Eddy Gordo in terms of how lightning fast he was. When it comes to morals, however, Rhys Hardcore was more like Heihachi Mishima, a corporate juggernaut with iron fists and concrete nuts.

Rhys didn’t start out as such a bad guy. In the 2008 movie script Black Cross, he was just a regular capoeira master who was hired by a corporation to keep the peace between two tribes of warriors who were set to do battle in a big name arena. The capoeira fighter then known as Reis Porrada (King of Hardcore in Brazilian) was damn good at his job: whenever the tribes fought in the locker room, he beat the shit out of all of them. He didn’t beat them badly enough to hospitalize them, but just enough to teach them to follow Reis’s law.

Following this man’s law would be an even more valuable asset in the novel incarnation of Zeromancer, where the now Americanized Rhys Hardcore was a ruthless gangster with equal parts violence and shallowness. He didn’t have rivalries with other gangs. He instead declared war on people who were ugly or poor. He would throw parties with his gang in the most inconvenient places and tossed out all the undesirables before he actually set up shop.

When three lizards named Zuga Edai, XX Shiva, and Diesel Reznor refused to comply with Rhys’ orders, the three “hideous” warriors were locked in one of his dungeons and tortured until they either died from extreme pain or a broken heart. Zuga managed to get out alive, but the hell Rhys Hardcore put him through was enough to make the orc wizard into a permanent sourpuss. Nobody wanted to be around Zuga anymore. Hell, Zuga didn’t even want to be around himself anymore. Thanks, Rhys Hardcore. You’ve taught us once again that the upper 1% can do whatever the hell they want while anybody slightly beneath them is destined for a lifetime of sorrow.

Because I currently have a shortage of male villains in my archives, Rhys Hardcore will have to be assigned to that particular grouping. And why wouldn’t he be? He demands conformity from people who can’t change their circumstances and beats the shit out of them when they don’t. If the corrupt Wall Street bankers had capoeira skills, good looks, and treated every place they went to like a Miami pool party, then they would be perfect carbon copies of Rhys Hardcore. And really, isn’t perfection what we all should strive for? Shouldn’t we all just get in a big group and meld into each other until we’re all one big pool of perfection? While perfection may be nice to a lot of people, the word “perfect” is an insult to those who strive for individuality. Try telling this to Rhys Hardcore, the capoeira gangster with millions of dollars, millions of cars, and a craving for enough power to control the entire solar system (despite those planets not being terra-formed just yet).

You’ve read this far into my character analysis and are probably wondering if I created Rhys Hardcore just for the sake of having a rich whipping boy (because I’m obviously not rich myself). You’re wondering if I’m harboring any jealousy toward the top 1%. While it’d be nice to have that much disposable income, the less successful have talents and dreams of their own to where they don’t necessarily need that much money to survive. People like to look their noses down on welfare recipients while I on the other hand see untapped potential. When you tap into a source of creative fuel and it’s rich in nutrients, then the future can be a bright place for a lot of people. Rhys Hardcore doesn’t want you to tap into that potential, yet he’s more than willing to call you lazy even though he was the one who stopped you from succeeding.

So the answer to your lingering questions is no, I’m not jealous of the top 1%, because none of those people could measure up to the hype that Rhys Hardcore brings about. Rhys is the ultimate villain-sue: he knows martial arts, he has all the money in the world, and people do what he wants while those who question him are tortured and killed. If Rhys Hardcore was a real person, we’d all be fucked. His realness is the difference between the world ending slowly and naturally and the world ending in an instant cluster fuck of chaos.

　

***MOVIE DIALOGUE OF THE DAY***

RANDAL: I remember that night we went to Julie Dwyer’s funeral, you were all like, “I need to shit or get off the pot!”

DANTE: You said shit or get off the pot, not me!

RANDAL: You got all fired up about taking charge of your life and what did you do? You worked at the Quick Stop until it burned to the fucking ground!

DANTE: I took courses that broke down!

RANDAL: And then you dropped out!

DANTE: Because you stopped going!

RANDAL: Because we were just killing time with those classes! One semester we took fucking criminology, for Christ’s sake! Who the fuck are we training to be: Batman?!

-Clerks II-

The Lego Movie

MOVIE TITLE: The Lego Movie

DIRECTORS: Phil Lord and Christopher Miller

YEAR: 2014

GENRE: Kids Adventure

RATING: PG for comic mischief

GRADE: Extra Credit

In a world inhabited by Lego characters and creations, the evil Lord Business plans on using a weapon known as Kragle to freeze Lego parts in place and make everybody conform to his ideal utopia. The only thing that can neutralize Kragle is a special block known as the Piece of Resistance, which came into the hands of an everyday dork named Emmet Brickowski. Emmet has no fighting abilities nor creativity when it comes to building things, unlike the Master Builders he aligns himself with, who take full advantage of their creative prowess. Can an everyday loser like Emmet become something greater with this quest or will he forever be a conformist member of Lord Business’ bland culture?

This movie was so awesome that it became the first of the ones I’ve reviewed to be graded “extra credit”, which means it exceeded expectations. Then again, as a Lego collector myself who made an entire childhood of playtime with these toys, I’m kind of biased. The nostalgic feeling of a happy childhood made me feel warm and fuzzy inside. This movie has shown me that even though growing old is inevitable, but growing up is overrated. Kids learn the power of storytelling through Legos, just like I did. When they grow into adults, they’re still playing with Legos, but they’re recording the action in the form of art in order to better their wallets and their imaginations. You’re damn right I’m biased!

The message of retaining your creativity in the face of adversity is one that doesn’t get spread enough. We keep hearing about kids going to school and having their individuality crushed by sadistic teachers and cruel students. The last time I saw something like that, it was in the music videos for “The Happiest Days of Our Lives” and “Another Brick in the Wall, Pt. 2” by Pink Floyd. Another part of this equation is telling children that they’ll starve if they become artists. While it is hard to be an artist and survive, it’s even harder to be a soul-dead office jockey with high stress and a bland life. The Lego Movie makes us believe in the power of our imaginations once again with the antics of the Master Builders, one of which includes an 80’s astronaut named Benny who has a zealous fervor for building spaceships.

Last, but certainly not least, every intricate detail in The Lego Movie plays out like a child using his imagination to create a story for himself. Everything and everyone in this movie has a purpose. No stone is left unturned. The Piece of Resistance is a cap and Kragle is superglue. The Master Builders’ abilities to create anything they want allows them the weapons and equipment they need to overcome their villainous obstacles. The fan fiction elements (Superman, Batman, Ninjas, Gandalf, etc.) also have a purpose: because pop culture and nostalgic fuzzy feelings go hand in hand like peanut butter and jelly, a snack eaten by those who refuse to grow up and be boring people.

Thank you, Lego Movie, for rekindling my interest in the toy franchise and reigniting my creative spirit. Thank you, Lego Movie, for telling us to never stop believing in ourselves, that we can create anything we want and still make a happy life for ourselves. Thank you, Lego Movie, for bringing happiness to my life when I was seriously doubting myself as a writer. Sometimes we just need somebody or something to tell us we can make it through life with our souls intact. The evils of the world such as politics, war, and prejudice often make us lose ourselves along the way. And then comes The Lego Movie to remind us that….(cue techno music)…”Everything is awesome!”

"Joker" by Brian Azzarello

You don’t really need any confirmation as to how creepy The Joker can be. Just buy a copy of this graphic novel and look at the cover. That is not a mouth anybody would want to kiss, unless of course they were bulimic and needed a reason to throw up. Looking at the cover by itself, do you think that The Joker is someone you want to hang around with? Jonny Frost seems to think so, but even he has his pants-pissing moments when trying to figure him out. The Joker will step on graves, slash throats, pump people full of lead, and any other form of hideous torture that will earn him the control of Gotham City he once had. These underworld kingpins made the mistake of taking over the criminal activity while Joker was locked up in Arkham Asylum. Not very smart! Dead bodies are piling up everywhere and it all happens under the naïve Jonny Frost’s watch, who once said himself that The Joker is like a disease spread around Gotham City to which there is no cure. Sure, Batman can come in at the most inopportune time and save the day, but you know what? His nemesis will keep coming back for as long as he needs to. That’s how on edge the citizens of Gotham need to be, as well as Jonny Frost. It’s that level of creepiness that brings out the gruesome nature this graphic novel has to offer. You never know when The Joker is going to strike or why he does it in the first place, but you know it will happen eventually. Combine this frightening aura with a neo-noir backdrop and you’ve got a formula for a successful graphic novel. Noir is supposed to be a dark genre to begin with. Shadows cover the characters in order to retain their element of surprise for when they eventually come back into the light and scare the living crap out of whoever’s in front of them. If you need a reference, think of “Batman: The Animated Series” and turn the rating up to somewhere between TV-14 and TV-MA. If you’re not shitting your pants just from reading this graphic novel, you need to eat more vegetables.

　

***LYRICS OF THE DAY***

“On your own admission, you raised up the knife. And you brought it down ending another man’s life. When it was done, you just threw down the blade while the red blood spread wider like the anger you made. I don’t want this anger burning in me. It’s something from which it’s so hard to be free. And none of the tears that we cried in sorrow or rage can make any difference or turn back the page.”

-David Gilmour singing “Murder”-

"Batman: The Dark Knight Returns" by Frank Miller

“Age is just a number.” We hear this phrase being thrown around a lot and only half the time does it actually stick. In the case of Batman coming out of retirement, once again, the reader finds himself riding the fence. At 55 years old, Bruce Wayne has slowed down dramatically. Considering that Gotham City has become a dystopian hellhole, the city needed Batman whether he was 55, 75, or even 100. Somewhere along the path of old age, Batman had become more violent and disturbing in his approach to fighting crime. He probably had to be in order to keep up with both father time and the dystopian world in which he lives, where crime breaks out on every street corner and every building in this city. And guess what? The Joker had not missed a step since passing into the elder end of his life. If anything, he too had become more sadistic and disgusting in his approach to violent behavior. When mixing the concepts of old age, rampant crime, and questionable justice, Frank Miller delivers with “The Dark Knight Returns”. And yes, it is a fast read, the short page count not withstanding. But anytime the name Frank Miller’s name comes up in conversation, so does the gigantic elephant in the room. An elephant so huge that he can’t even hide behind corporate buildings. Of course, I’m talking about Miller’s comments toward the Occupy Wall Street movement, referring to the protesters and “pond scum” and “rapists”. If you go to my post about “All Cats Have Asperger Syndrome”, you’ll see a little kitty joke I made at the end with an Occupy punch line. In case that alone doesn’t lend itself to what I think of Miller’s comments, then here it is. He’s done a hell of a job with “The Dark Knight Returns” and “Batman: Year One”, but his comments about the Occupy movement are disgusting as hell and I’m glad Alan Moore, the creator of Watchmen, had the sense to call him on that. If Frank Miller can continue to make awesomely violent comic books with a dark edge, then I promise to separate his work from his personal politics. I’m an atheist who listens to Skillet, so I think I’ll do just fine in ignoring political views I don’t agree with.

　

***COMEDIC QUOTE OF THE DAY***

“New rule: wing nuts have to stop saying they’re going to boycott Oreos because they made a gay cookie. In fact, this giant blob of vegetable oil and corn syrup is the perfect symbol for gay pride, because when I look at it, I’d rather have a dick in my mouth.”

-Bill Maher-