***MOVIE REVIEWS***
For the past week, I’ve been editing the shit out of Poison
Tongue Tales in preparation for publishing the damn thing on Amazon. Although I
only have eleven short stories left on the task list, I never realized until
now how long I’ve gone without doing any serious first draft writing. Sure, I
wrote a heavy metal song called “Knives to Meet You”, but that’s not really
enough since writing poetry is easier for me than a chapter of a novel or a
short story. I missed the last WSS contest because I’ve been so busy with PTT
(and trying to get out of a sleepy haze). The “One Job” experiment is proving
to be a dud. I miss writing Demon Axe chapters and short stories.
Another thing I miss writing is reviews. It’s a long time in
between reading sessions of “What Hides in the Darkness” by KL Cottrell. I also
haven’t seen any movies lately, which is weird because I still have a $25 Regal
Cinemas gift card from Christmas last year. I could just download a movie on my
computer, but judging from how my WWE Network videos have either frozen or
skipped, I’m not sure any other movie-watching source will be better. I used to
have a Roku, but that too skipped and froze at inopportune times and now it’s
in a landfill somewhere due to it frying out. I could use my brother’s
Playstation 4, but that doesn’t really belong to me, so his TV watching and
videogame playing (along with Reina’s) takes priority over mine.
If I can find a way to watch movies on a regular basis to
fill my time between creative projects, then reviewing them will be a new
outlet for me. I’ve already written a few movie reviews here and there, whether
it’s Zootopia, Ben and Me, or St. Vincent just
to name a few. But this is something I could do on a regular basis as a labor
of love. Sure, it’s not going to advance my writing career, but then again, why
does everything I do have to be about my profession? Besides, doing these
reviews will keep my writing skills sharp, which is important considering my
last chapter of Demon Axe was written two weeks ago with almost nothing in
between.
I’ve already come up with a short list of movies I’d like to
watch and review. If you want to add anything to this list, let me know and
I’ll take it into consideration. Here’s what I have so far:
- Copycat
- Crossface (NOT RELEASED YET)
- Cure For Wellness, A
- Deadpool
- Die Watching
- Fighting with My Family (NOT RELEASED YET)
- Flintstones X WWE: Stone Age Smackdown
- Ghost in the Shell
- Jetsons X WWE: Robo-Wrestlemania
- Kickboxer: Vengeance
- Lego Batman Movie, The
- Power Rangers
- Robin Hood (Disney)
- Star Wars: Rogue One
- Thinning, The
- WWE 24: Seth Rollins: Redesign, Rebuild, Reclaim
Not the world’s longest list, but that’s only because I’ve
spent so long not watching movies that I don’t know what else to add. Yes, I
know how ironic that is considering I minored in theater arts at WWU. It’s even
more ironic that I originally wanted to major in cinema, but WWU didn’t offer
that degree, so I went with English (creative writing). It’s important to
remember where you came from and I was a huge cinemaphile back in the day. I
wouldn’t mind getting back into the groove if it means I get to write reviews
and help these movies get publicity (whether good or bad).
These reviews are still going to follow the five-paragraph
formula I use with books and WWE matches. The first paragraph will be a brief
synopsis (without spoilers). The next three paragraphs will be aspects I liked
or disliked about the medium. The final paragraph will be a summary of those
three thoughts to tie it all together. I also still plan on using the same
grading system, which is…
Extra Credit: a five star review of a movie which exceeded
my expectations either by changing my worldview or making me relate to it on a
deep emotional level. Examples include Pink Floyd the Wall, Pulp Fiction, and
The Lego Movie.
Pass: a four star review of a movie which entertained me all
the way through and met my expectations with no serious flaws. This is the most
common grade I give since I usually expect that I’ll like what I watch.
Mixed: a three star review of a movie which was still
entertaining despite some obvious flaws. The first movie I gave a mixed grade
to was Dead Man Down, which had a bullying storyline where the kids never got
any comeuppance.
Fail: a two star review for a movie that had too many
glaring flaws, but I finished watching anyways. An example of a failing WWE
match would be Nikki Bella vs. AJ Lee at Survivor Series 2014 for the Divas
Championship, which lasted less than twenty seconds and had no real emotional
investment to begin with.
Did Not Finish: a one star review of a movie that was so
terrible that I stopped watching it. I tried watching an NXT match between Eva
Marie and Carmella, but there were so many botches and awkward moments that it
hurt my brain worse than a Tombstone Piledriver on thumb tacks.
I know this labor of love will love me back, especially
since I’ve been away for so long and absence makes the heart grow fonder. We’ve
got ears, say cheers!
***DOMESTIC DIALOGUE OF THE DAY***
(RE: The Faces of Death
documentary series.)
DAD: What do you watch
that shit for?!
ME: Because it’s cool!
JAMES: Because he’s a
serial killer in training.
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