Raising the Bar

CHORUS 1

You’re just mad because I’m raising the bar

I’m walking down the street looking like a superstar

Shout your shit at me from your Oscar-Meyer car

Overcompensate for a dick that doesn’t measure far

 

VERSE 1

Speaking of bars, we got to talk about this

You’re chugging Miller Lite a.k.a. horse piss

That chick looks cute, why don’t you give her a kiss

That’s your grandma, dude, get the fuck off her lips

Your drunken escapade is worth a quick mention

In a place called R-slash Incest Confessions

Those stories are fake, no doubt or a question

But you got a nonfiction Dewey Decimal extension

 

CHORUS 2

You’re just mad because I’m raising the bar

I’m walking down the street looking like a superstar

Shout your dog whistle slogans from a Cyber Truck

If you died in a car fire, I wouldn’t give a fuck

 

VERSE 2

Maybe Reddit forums really aren’t your vibe

Maybe farming for kiwis is where you’ll find your tribe

Get pissed at the world, especially all the girls

Who wouldn’t let you pound the pun-tang, ‘cause you made them hurl

Or maybe it’s a pair of dick and balls that you’re after

You can’t confess or you’ll bring your friends to laughter

They got your address, SWAT team makes an arrest

Stuck in a cell with Bubba, well, you know the rest

 

CHORUS 3

You’re just mad because I’m raising the bar

I’m walking down the street looking like a superstar

Shout the F-slur from your gas-wasting hummer

You deny climate change, die of heat stroke in the summer

You’re just mad because I’m raising the bar

I’m walking down the street looking like a superstar

Shout behind a megaphone from your black and white

Bring it on, Blue Balls, because I know my rights

"Stay Positive" by The Streets

If you’ve been reading this blog for the past few years now, I not only applaud you, but I also want you to notice “The Secret” by Rhonda Byrne is a part of my book collection. It has helped me in so many ways, but if I can be honest for a moment, staying positive is hard work. It may seem like easy pickings thinking positive thoughts all the time, but mental illness and general depression can really put a strain on such things.

For these moments, I have “Stay Positive” by The Streets, a British rap song with an uplifting message, but moody lyrics and background music. Somehow, it’s hard to do what the song’s title says when Mike Skinner is saying things like “You were born alone and believe me, you’ll die alone.” And yet, I need this song for all the times I feel down.

This song was published in 2002, but it would be a year later when my brother James introduced me to The Streets. It was around 2003 and 2004 that I started writing Pumping Filter, a movie script about high school woes and a big middle finger to those who abandoned me during that time. That’s what it was supposed to be. Instead, it was Pulp Fiction on steroids, so much so the script was unreadable.

The ending to this story isn’t any happier. Four high school students meet their fates in the most ugly ways possible. Tommy Dragon falls out of a window, Daniel McBride gets killed by a gangster, Dave Ridley goes to prison after committing murder, and Dexter Lee commits suicide by hanging due to complications from mental illness. Is it any coincidence that “Stay Positive” would have been the end credits theme to this movie if it made it to the big screen? It worked for Kidulthood, why not Pumping Filter?

And then we fast forward to the year 2010, particularly in November when I’m writing a cyberpunk novella called Dark City Tales. As the first word in that title suggests, nothing happy ever goes on in this story. Then again, it’s a cyberpunk world, where corporations own everything, governments are powerless to stop them, everybody has explosive guns, the police are corrupt, and the sky is as gray as static on a TV screen…just like in the real world!

With all of this nasty shit going on in urban America, the apocalypse shouldn’t be too far behind. In Dark City Tales, it wasn’t. Two cyborg mercenaries named AJ Rollins and Andre Devilheart destroyed the entire city just by fighting each other with highly explosive weapons. Even after the city was leveled and AJ and Andre was mangled beyond repair, they still wanted more! Do you think this is a good time for “Stay Positive”? Honey, it’s going to take some serious rainbow and unicorn shit to get this world back in order.

Pumping Filter and Dark City Tales have so much in common. They’re both about dystopian hellholes, they’re extremely violent, and most of all, they were so badly written they had to be scrapped. I consider those two pieces of writing to be just another way of sharpening my literary blade.

I see a lot of that in my past pieces of writing: they’re not future Pulitzer-winners, but they are opportunities to improve my writing. I’d like to think I’ve improved dramatically since 2002, so much so that I wouldn’t mind using some of my old characters again. If you thought the old characters were unhappy with being pummeled before, wait until they get put through the ringer again with new and improved stories. And yes, there will be plenty of opportunities to use “Stay Positive” as background music. Go see your mates. When they don’t look happy, play ‘em this tape.

　

***SOUND FILE OF THE DAY***

Hello and welcome to the Mental Health Hotline.

If you’re obsessive-compulsive, press 1 repeatedly.

If you’re codependent, ask someone to press 2 for you.

If you have multiple personalities, press 3-4-5-6.

If you’re paranoid, we know what you are and what you want, stay on the line and we’ll trace your call.

If you’re delusional, press 7 and your call will be transferred to the mother ship.

If you’re schizophrenic, listen carefully, a small voice will tell you which number to press.

If you’re depressive, it doesn’t matter which number you press, no one will answer you.

If you’re dyslexic, press 6-9-6-9-6-9-6-9-6-9.

If you have a nervous disorder, fidget with the hash key until the beep. After the beep, please wait for the beep.

If you have short term memory loss, try your call again later.

If you have low self-esteem, hang up, all of our operators are too busy to talk to you.