Saraya vs. Reddit Chud

 

Raising the Bar

CHORUS 1

You’re just mad because I’m raising the bar

I’m walking down the street looking like a superstar

Shout your shit at me from your Oscar-Meyer car

Overcompensate for a dick that doesn’t measure far

 

VERSE 1

Speaking of bars, we got to talk about this

You’re chugging Miller Lite a.k.a. horse piss

That chick looks cute, why don’t you give her a kiss

That’s your grandma, dude, get the fuck off her lips

Your drunken escapade is worth a quick mention

In a place called R-slash Incest Confessions

Those stories are fake, no doubt or a question

But you got a nonfiction Dewey Decimal extension

 

CHORUS 2

You’re just mad because I’m raising the bar

I’m walking down the street looking like a superstar

Shout your dog whistle slogans from a Cyber Truck

If you died in a car fire, I wouldn’t give a fuck

 

VERSE 2

Maybe Reddit forums really aren’t your vibe

Maybe farming for kiwis is where you’ll find your tribe

Get pissed at the world, especially all the girls

Who wouldn’t let you pound the pun-tang, ‘cause you made them hurl

Or maybe it’s a pair of dick and balls that you’re after

You can’t confess or you’ll bring your friends to laughter

They got your address, SWAT team makes an arrest

Stuck in a cell with Bubba, well, you know the rest

 

CHORUS 3

You’re just mad because I’m raising the bar

I’m walking down the street looking like a superstar

Shout the F-slur from your gas-wasting hummer

You deny climate change, die of heat stroke in the summer

You’re just mad because I’m raising the bar

I’m walking down the street looking like a superstar

Shout behind a megaphone from your black and white

Bring it on, Blue Balls, because I know my rights

Disaster Porn

OPENING DIALOGUE

ADULT: You know, Chud, Japan was hit with an earthquake, Haiti was hit with an earthquake, there are wars going on in Iraq and Afghanistan, there’s starvation happening all over Africa…and you’re complaining about your love life? Hyuk, hyuk, hyuk!

VERSE 1

Not once have I thought of a starving African teen

And had all my nightmares turn into sweet dreams

Not once have I pictured bullets flying in the desert

And had all my struggles turn into minimal effort

Not once have I envisioned a high Richter scale

And had all my bad thoughts crash and derail

It’s not perspective, it’s goddamn disaster porn

Making you feel guilty for the way you were born

CHORUS

It doesn’t matter if someone has it worse

The pain inside will always fucking burn

The bleeding heart will always fucking hurt

Perspective doesn’t help get us out of hell

VERSE 2

There’s no true answer to what we all need

Whether it’s exercising until our bodies bleed

Meditation until our minds have gone numb

A college schedule to prove we’re all dumb

Soap carving, basket weaving, clay sculptures

Something to remember when we get older

There’s no one solution for everybody here

Everybody’s different when it comes to fear

CHORUS

It doesn’t matter if someone has it worse

The pain inside will always fucking burn

The bleeding heart will always fucking hurt

Perspective doesn’t help get us out of hell

VERSE 3

If I had a child, I wouldn’t feed him world crises

I’d listen to his every word, that’s fucking likely

Have an open door policy even when he grows up

Soothe his anxiety when he wants to throw up

Soothe his traumas when there’s too much drama

Ease his mind when faith is hardest to find

Building up kids is easier than repairing adults

It could be too late to erase every last insult

CHORUS

It doesn’t matter if someone has it worse

The pain inside will always fucking burn

The bleeding heart will always fucking hurt

Perspective doesn’t help get us out of hell

CLOSING DIALOGUE

ADULT: You know, Chud, if you don’t want your dinner, I could always send it to China and…

CHILD: Shut the fuck up!