Got a Gripe?

CHORUS

Got a gripe? Let’s hear you blast it out your windpipes

Want to bitch? Let’s hear your used car sales pitch

Got a problem? Blow it out your apple bottom

Come on, you fucking clown, spit it out, spit it out

 

VERSE 1

“You need to lose weight, stop dressing like a slob

Put away the baby toys, go and get yourself a job

Put away the magic novel, watch the news instead

Cut that ratty ass mullet off your motherfucking head”

What are you going to do, make a citizen’s arrest?

Let’s put that rough and tough shit to the ultimate test

What’s that? You’re all talk and no action?

You’re not half a man, you’re a much smaller fraction

 

CHORUS

Got a gripe? Let’s hear you blast it out your windpipes

Want to bitch? Let’s hear your used car sales pitch

Got a problem? Blow it out your apple bottom

Come on, you fucking clown, spit it out, spit it out

 

VERSE 2

“My personality type is lead-poisoned Churchie

I got no soul, because my big daddy hurt me

Couldn’t break the cycle with a live jackhammer

I got white man tears, that’s the reason for the stammer”

I got some advice for a man of your excuses

Pull the bootstraps, but you know you can’t do it

It’s what you used to say once upon a distant time

As a meaningless solution to the big city’s crime

 

CHORUS

Got a gripe? Let’s hear you blast it out your windpipes

Want to bitch? Let’s hear your used car sales pitch

Got a problem? Blow it out your apple bottom

Come on, you fucking clown, spit it out, spit it out

 

VERSE 3

“I tried to say sorry, but you wouldn’t hear a word

‘Cause everything I say is like an ableist slur

I’m on my hands and knees saying please, please, please

At this point, it’s nothing more than sappy ass cheese”

You don’t get forgiveness, ‘cause it costs too much

There’s no easy quick fix for repairing broken trust

You could spend your whole life getting in good graces

Doesn’t mean shit to me, ‘cause I’ve seen your two faces

 

OUTRO

Spit it out, spit it out, do it one last time

Spit it out, spit it out, say your HR lines

Spit it out, spit it out, let’s hear what you’ve got

Dude, I’m just kidding, you’re only sorry that you’re caught

Shelly Atwood

=========================================

THE BASICS

=========================================

Name: Shelly Atwood

Nicknames: Sex Queen, Succubus, Sex Demon

Gender: Cisgender Female

Age: 40

Birth Date: 462 AM

Birth Place: The Atwood Queendom

Currently Living In: The Atwood Queendom

Species: Human

Ethnicity / Race: Caucasian

Citizenship: Honey Valley

Religion / Beliefs: Libertarian

=========================================

FAMILY

=========================================

Father: Rogan Atwood

Age: Dead

Relationship: Abusive

Mother: Emmanuelle Atwood

Age: Dead

Relationship: Manipulative

Step-Brother: Torger Manson

Age: 36

Relationship: Obedient

Sister: Kanodra Atwood

Age: 32

Relationship: Estranged

Step-Father: Dagger Manson

Age: Dead

Relationship: Neglect

=========================================

PHYSICAL FEATURES:

=========================================

Height: 5’9

Weight: 115 lbs.

Frame / Build: Curvy

Hair length: Shoulder blades

Hair color: Black

Eye shape: Round

Eye color: Hazel

Complexion: Smooth

Face size: Slender

Voice type: Sensual

Foot size: 9 Women’s

Tattoo(s): Snake on her back

Scar(s): None

Other notable accessories: Ankle pearls

Any other identifying mark(s): None

=========================================

SOCIO / ECONOMIC / POLITICAL

=========================================

Political Affiliation: Right-Leaning Libertarian

Economic Class: Rich Capitalist

Social Class: Nobility

Occupation: Queen

Income: Wealthy

Residence: Atwood Castle

Transportation: Carriage pulled by horses

=========================================

INTERESTS

=========================================

Favorite Food(s): Ice Cream and Fudge

Favorite Sport(s): Yoga

Favorite Book(s): Dark Romance and Dark Erotica

Favorite Show(s): TV isn’t a thing yet

Favorite Music: Choir vocals

Favorite Color(s): Black and purple

Clothing Style / Preferences: Royal dress, leather suits, leather boots or high heels

Hobbies: Reading, Ice cream making, card games, makeup and cosplay

Role Model(s): Her mother

Likes: Sex, control, soft-power, getting her way all the time

Dislikes: Rejection, physical ugliness, competition, losing control

=========================================

PERSONALITY

=========================================

Good Qualities / Trait(s): Leadership, good social skills, deal-maker

Vices / Negative Trait(s): Overspending, manipulative, narcissistic, rapist

Strengths: Seduction, soft-power authority, good speech-giving skills

Weaknesses: Lack of fighting skills, rumination, can’t deal with rejection or criticism

Habits / Idiosyncrasies / Quirks: Shoe-dangling, hair play, finger twirling

Phobia / Fears: Being cornered, being controlled, poverty, scorpions

Select one personality type below that best describes your character:

PROTECTORS

[X] Overseer (ESTJ) – Thrives on facts and details. Has a clear set of standards and beliefs. They are hardworking, responsible, and self-confident. They rely on experiences rather than speculation, and make decisions based on these. Very good at enforcing laws and rules. Loyal and hard-working. Like to be in charge. Very organized, tends to be a stickler for the rules.

Define your character’s personality based on the following aspects:

a. Physically: Easy on the eyes, easy to fall in love with, easy to listen to

b. Psychologically: Manipulative, cunning, intelligent

c. Spiritually: Disregard for the elven religion

d. Emotionally: Doesn’t handle rejection well and will always steer the conversation in her direction

e. Socially: Her citizens will bend over backwards for her if it means they have even a slight “chance” with her.

=========================================

HISTORY

=========================================

1. Describe the character’s childhood. She was groomed for her queen’s role from a very young age. She learned early on that manipulation and looking beautiful were more important than empathy and kindness.

2. Name the good incidents that have happened in the character’s life. How has this shaped his personality? She was rewarded with toys and ice cream whenever she did what her mother asked and taught her.

3. Name bad experiences that have happened in the character’s life. How has this shaped his personality? Her mother killed her biological father and remarried to a doormat. This was Shelly’s final lesson in getting what she wants at all costs.

4. What is the character doing when first introduced? What are her goals at this point? She’s sitting in her throne examining Windham to see if he’ll be good “husband material” instead of just another sex slave to sell. Her goals are just to sell sex slaves that she brainwashed herself and stay wealthy and powerful in the process.

4a. Do these goals change at any point in the story? She made the mistake of “falling in love” with Windham due to his royal elven pedigree and “strength that [she] can sap away”. This takes priority over her slave trading business.

=========================================

STORY DEVELOPMENT:

=========================================

CHARACTER ARCHETYPE: (Put an X on all applicable boxes)

[] Addict (Conspicuous Consumer, Glutton, Workaholic–see also Gambler)

[] Advocate (Attorney, Defender, Legislator, Lobbyist, Environmentalist)

[] Alchemist (Wizard, Magician, Scientist, Inventor–see also Visionary)

[] Angel (Fairy Godmother/Godfather)

[X] Antagonist (Opposing View, not necessarily the Evil Bad — see also Villain)

[] Anti-Hero

[] Artist (Artisan, Craftsperson, Sculptor, Weaver)

[] Athlete (Olympian)

[] Avenger (Avenging Angel, Savior, Messiah)

[] Beggar (Homeless person/ Indigent)

[X] Bully (Coward)

[] Catalyst

[] Child (Orphan, Wounded, Magical/Innocent, Nature, Divine, Puer/Puella Eternis, or Eternal Boy/Girl)

[] Clown (Court Jester, Fool, Dummling)

[] Companion (Friend, Sidekick, Right Arm, Consort)

[] Damsel (Princess)

[] Destroyer (Attila, Mad Scientist, Serial Killer, Spoiler)

[] Detective (Spy, Double Agent, Sleuth, Snoop, Sherlock Holmes, Private Investigator, Profiler–see also Warrior/Crime Fighter)

[] Dilettante (Amateur)

[] Don Juan (Casanova, Gigolo, Seducer, Sex Addict)

[] Engineer (Architect, Builder, Schemer)

[] Exorcist (Shaman)

[] Father (Patriarch, Progenitor)

[X] Femme Fatale (Black Widow, Flirt, Siren, Circe, Seductress, Enchantress)

[X] Gambler

[] God (Adonis, see also Hero)

[] Gossip (see also Networker)

[] Guide (Guru, Sage, Crone, Wise Woman, Spiritual Master, Evangelist, Preacher)

[] Healer (Wounded Healer, Intuitive Healer, Caregiver, Nurse, Therapist, Analyst, Counselor)

[] Hedonist (Bon Vivant, Chef, Gourmet, Gourmand, Sybarite–see also Mystic)

[] Hermit (see also Wise old Man)

[] Hero/Heroine (see also Knight, Warrior)

[] Judge (Critic, Examiner, Mediator, Arbitrator)

[] King (Emperor, Ruler, Leader, Chief — see also Politician)

[] Knight in Shining Armor

[] Liberator

[X] Lover

[] Martyr

[] Mediator (Ambassador, Diplomat, Go-Between)

[] Mentor (Master, Counselor, Tutor)

[] Messiah (Redeemer, Savior)

[] Midas/Miser

[] Monk/Nun (Celibate)

[] Mother (Matriarch, Mother Nature)

[] Mystic (Renunciate, Anchorite, Hermit)

[] Networker (Messenger, Herald, Courier, Journalist, Communicator)

[] Pioneer (Explorer, Settler, Pilgrim, Innovator)

[] Poet

[X] Politician (see also King)

[] Priest (Priestess, Minister, Rabbi, Evangelist)

[] Prince

[] Prostitute

[X] Queen (Empress)

[] Rebel (Anarchist, Revolutionary, Political Protester, Nonconformist, Pirate)

[] Rescuer

[] Saboteur

[] Samaritan

[] Scribe (Copyist, Secretary, Accountant–see also Journalist)

[] Seeker (Wanderer, Vagabond, Nomad)

[] Servant (Indentured Servant)

[] Shape-shifter (Spell-caster–see also Trickster)

[] Slave

[] Spectre (Ghost / Apparition with Unresolved issues)

[] Storyteller (Minstrel, Narrator)

[] Student / Scholar (Disciple, Devotee, Follower, Apprentice)

[X] Teacher (Instructor, see also Mentor)

[] Thief (Swindler, Con Artist, Pickpocket, Burglar, Robin Hood)

[] Threshold Guardian

[] Trickster (Puck, Provocateur)

[] Turncoat

[] Vampire

[] Victim

[X] Villain / Shadow (Big Bad of the story; see also Antagonist)

[] Virgin (see also Celibate)

[] Visionary (Dreamer, Prophet, Seer–see also Guide, Alchemist)

[] Warrior (Soldier, Crime Fighter, Amazon, Mercenary, Soldier of Fortune, Gunslinger, Samurai)

[] Wise old Man (see also Hermit)

1. What are the motivations for the character’s actions? Horniness and power

2. What are the character’s goals / ambition / dreams? To eventually retire from her duties and become a self-indulgent hedonist with a “husband” that will take care of her

3. What external conflicts would you wish for the character to overcome? The Stonewall Kingdom and Xavier Village are actively resisting her.

3a. What are the obstacles in the character’s path that might make this difficult? They know how to fight despite the fact that their numbers are shrinking rapidly due to mysterious disappearances.

4. What inner conflicts would you wish for the character to overcome? Insecurities about her beauty and seductiveness.

4a. What are the obstacles in the character’s path that might make this difficult? She’s not the only beautiful person in the world despite the fact that she wants to be. That’s why she makes her soldiers wear hooded robes.

=========================================

AUTHOR’S NOTES / MISCELLANY

=========================================

Character theme song: “You Love Me ‘Cause I Hate You” by Lacuna Coil

Celebrity / IRL lookalike: Sarah-Jane Redmond (as Lucy Butler from “Millennium”)

Capsize Your Narrative

Generational narcissism is your only narrative

Got a past, present, and future of embarrassment

You could break the cycle, but that ain’t fun

So you plant your flagpole like an army of one

Scream your head off and then play the victim

Tears in your eyes when you’re asked to listen

Mucous in your nose when you’re held accountable

Not by yourself, because those odds are insurmountable

What will it take? Some cuffs on your wrists?

Or bloody knuckles over the wrong guy’s fist?

Or a trip to the afterlife, the point of no return?

Strike the match, your legacy is yours to burn

Every dollar you made, every friend you abandoned

All the art you consumed, all the raging fandom

It doesn’t mean a damn thing in the very end

Because your actions and words I will never defend

So what happens next? Do you pass on your genes?

To the next generation of hateful teens?

I wouldn’t put it past you, because it sounds imperative

Your only mission in life is to capsize your narrative

Asking Too Much

Am I asking too much when I tell you to stop?

Did I break any laws, Mr. Keystone Cop?

I refuse to be someone’s damsel in distress

I shouldn’t have my freedoms be put to the test

Am I asking too much when I say back off?

I hate your stupid jokes, does that mean I’m soft?

I refuse to take abuse from my inner circle

I shouldn’t have bruises of black and purple

Am I asking too much just to live my life?

Do I need permission from a nonexistent wife?

I refuse to dignify your insults with a response

I shouldn’t have to justify my needs and wants

Am I asking too much to flee the country?

Can I do it with my own hard-earned money?

I refuse to let you take control of my cash

I shouldn’t have to watch it burn into ash

Am I asking too much to forget the pain?

The kind that feels like getting hit by a train?

I refuse to let the past put me in the grave

I shouldn’t have to be my own traumatic slave

Am I asking too much? No, I’m clearly not

I’m undoing all the damage of shitty lessons taught

I refuse to carry on without breaking the cycle

I shouldn’t bear the burden of a bastard psycho

I’m asking very little

No meeting in the middle

I’m a human fucking being

That’s all you should be seeing

Born to Trauma Bond

VERSE 1

All my enemies are fighting with AK-47’s

And all I’ve ever had was a wet toothpick

Might as well raise my tattered white flag

Because anything else would just be useless

We sign the peace treaty at the break of dawn

They get to have all the gold and the silver

All I ever get is some scraps from the table

Asking for more means bringing out the killers

CHORUS 1

Stop telling me to man the fuck up

A thick skin doesn’t mean jack shit

To a kid who was born to trauma bond

Until the day I’m fitted for a casket

VERSE 2

Everyone and their uncle push my boundaries

Until there’s nothing left to knock over

Could fight them off with a bastard sword

Until they leave me punch-drunk, never sober

And when every broken bone is finally healed

I still come out of it looking like the villain

They controlled the narrative from the first word

It’s what they pass on to their budding children

CHORUS 2

Stop telling me to grow a set of balls

A heart of stone isn’t in my nature

I’m a kid who was born to trauma bond

With every lover and every little hater

BRIDGE

They say I’m too sensitive

It’s a hallmark of my generation

I just need some military instruction

To shake me from my comfy situation

They say if I can’t handle the heat

I should fuck off from the kitchen

I should cowboy up and lock and load

And most of all just quit my bitchin’

VERSE 3

Word of advice to the assholes of the day

Don’t teach me how to shoot a gun

One of these days, I just might use it

A bullet is something you can’t outrun

You’re cocky and arrogant, what else is new?

You also have some narcissistic tendencies

One of these days, I’ll catch you slipping

And spill the blood of my favorite enemy

CHORUS 3

Stop telling me that being brave is easy

When you’re blessed with your privileges

I’m a dude who was born to trauma bond

Just like a good model American citizen

Stop threatening to put me in prison

When you’re the one who deserves it

If it means I don’t have to trauma bond

I’ll pump you with lead like I’m in the service

FINAL VERSE

I’m free from the prison of my mind

But now I’ve got brand new confines

A hellhole with bars on all four sides

And some beatings if I dare even cry

The cycle of abuse begins yet again

Every orange suit is my new best friend

Every guard is my brand new mommy

Be sure to open wide for the salty salami

Life After Seduction

VERSE 1

When the only chicks who like you are femme fatales

When she separates you from your family and pals

When she won’t let you speak to any other gals

And then stabs you in the heart until you cry and howl

Just remember that the world doesn’t center on her

And that you did nothing at all to deserve being hurt

It’s toilet time for your expensive wedding ring

“We’re fucking divorced!” is the tune you sing

CHORUS

You can break the pattern, but it’ll only matter

If you cover your ears from the toxic chatter

Life after seduction comes with no instructions

But the light at the end needs no introduction

VERSE 2

You swear to yourself that you’ll never love again

It took so long to get back your family and friends

Single as a Pringle, no need to stay and mingle

Because the only thing that matters is how you feel

She calls you and leaves a thousand voicemails

Begging for forgiveness behind the walls of jail

But you put away your phone and go back to sleep

Because you earned your freedom, it’s yours to keep

CHORUS

You can break the pattern, but it’ll only matter

If you cover your ears from the toxic chatter

Life after seduction comes with no instructions

But the light at the end needs no introduction

VERSE 3

On the therapist’s couch, you’ve got lots to talk about

And then here come the tears and the need to shout

None of your pain will ever leave that cozy room

Don’t hold the detonation switch to your own doom

EXTENDED CHORUS

You can break the pattern, but it’ll only matter

If you cover your ears from the toxic chatter

Life after seduction comes with no instructions

But the light at the end needs no introduction

Life is beautiful and it’s still worth living

As long as you learn the limits of your giving

Takers have no limits to their narcissism

Now you see it all with twenty-twenty vision