Mario and Luigi

 

"Super Mario" by Jeff Ryan

BOOK TITLE: Super Mario: How Nintendo Conquered America

AUTHOR: Jeff Ryan

RELEASE DATE: 2011

GENRE: Nonfiction

SUBGENRE: Videogame Biography

GRADE: Pass

From Nintendo’s early days with the Donkey Kong arcade game to the present day with Super Mario Wii, Jeff Ryan documents the history of the Mario character and how over many decades he became the symbol of excellence for video gaming. This constant promotion of such a simple, let lovable character didn’t come without hardship. Nintendo had to constantly put out games and consoles that rivaled other systems like the Sega Genesis, Sony Play Station, and the Microsoft X-Box to name a few. Sometimes Nintendo won these rivalries, sometimes they were hit hard with a massive loss in revenue. Even today Nintendo struggles to keep Mario relevant in a generation full of new gadgets and principles.

First and foremost, the research Mr. Ryan conducted along with this previous knowledge of videogames shines through for this book. Every detail is so intricate that trusting this book for its word wouldn’t be too far out of bounds. The computer lingo might sound a bit confusing at first, but it’ll all make sense the closer you get to the middle and end of the book. My only question to Mr. Ryan is, how exactly did he find this information out? Did he individually ask the Nintendo execs about everything they know or did he have to surf every crevice of the web? Don’t worry, I’m not calling him out on any flaws; it just piques my curiosity, that’s all.

Many people on Good Reads have criticized Jeff Ryan’s use of pop culture references, particularly as he fused them into the writing style to make it his own. Normally, pop culture references are a no-no in literature due to the reader’s off chances that he might not know what the author is talking about. Jeff Ryan can get away with it, though, because Mario culture is pop culture. The references don’t go too far off from the videogame genre and are actually amusing to listen to from time to time. In short, I believe the energetic writing style is fun to read and would make Mr. Ryan’s job as a writer for the Huffington Post much more believable to a layman.

And now we get to my favorite part of any book I give a passing grade, the pacing. The pacing is somewhat slower than what I usually read, but that doesn’t bother me at all. It only bothered me during the opening chapters when Nintendo was just a generic entertainment company instead of a Mario and Donkey Kong giant. My patience kicked in and the book has been an enjoyable read ever since. This would be the time where I encourage all of my readers to have at least some level of patience when dealing with a new book or a new author. The excitement will happen one way or another. Such is the case with “Super Mario” by Jeff Ryan.

If you’re feeling nostalgic about your videogame-playing past, this book is for you. It’s not only good for getting that warm fuzzy feeling flowing through your bloodstream, but it’s also educational, particularly as it relates to running a business. Running a business of any kind is hard work and in this screwed up economy, most of them either don’t make it or barely make enough to survive by the skin of their teeth. I have a new appreciation for what business owners have to go through on a daily basis. It still doesn’t mean I’m letting them get away with tax cuts for billionaires or exploiting foreign workers. Just throwing that out there.

The Bathory Brothers (Markus and Karlos)

If it hadn’t been for Five Finger Death Punch, I would have never known that the last name Bathory existed. I didn’t study Hungarian history, so the closest thing I have is the band’s guitarist Zoltan. But what about other Bathory’s in my life? What about the two dark knight brothers Markus and Karlos Bathory? When last we heard of them, they made an appearance in my poetry anthology Confessions of a Schizophrenic Savage. I wrote heavy metal lyrics describing how they would stomp in the skulls of a hundred barbarians and peel the skins of a thousand dragons. You know, the stuff Beowulf could only dream of doing while jerking off in the “whale road“. Where did the Bathory brothers come from, anyways? Aside from the obvious answer of the bowels of hell, they actually do have a legitimate origin. They came to me in a dream I had one night about playing an alternative version of Super Mario World for the SNES. In addition to playing as Mario and Luigi, the obvious good guys, I also had the option of playing against the forces of good as the two evil sons of bitches known as Markus and Karlos Bathory, the black and red knight respectively. The dark knight brothers didn’t use pussy items like mushrooms, flowers, and feathers to bowl over their opponents. They had real weapons such as crossbows, magic wands, clubs, and war hammers. They also didn’t ride on a silly green dinosaur called Yoshi. They rode big ass armadillos, dragons, skeletal bulls, and anything else that could destroy their enemies just by walking over their tiny ass bodies. Now that you know both sides of the good and evil spectrums, which group of brothers do you think would win in a fight: a couple of fat-ass plumbers or a duo of brain-bashing, rib-cracking, flesh-ripping metal knights? All I can say to Mario and Luigi at this point is that they better have an unlimited supply of invincibility stars handy. The only way to defeat Markus and Karlos Bathory is by cheating. Even then, your chances are so slim it’s next to fucking impossible. So what shall I do with the two metal knights? Should they be part of a dark fantasy novel? Seems to be the most logical thing to do with them. They’re not getting enough attention in that poetry book, that’s for sure. Or maybe I could write a Mario Brothers fan fiction and somehow sneak the two knight siblings in the midst of the action. But once I figure out what to do with Markus and Karlos, then comes the question of whether they’re going to be antagonists or protagonists. We know they’re going to be villains, it’s just a matter of whether or not people choose to sympathize with them. If I can somehow make my audience sympathize with a couple of demonic warriors, I’ve got it made. I could retire early, you never know.

　

***CONCERT QUOTE OF THE DAY***

“Are you guys fucking stupid or what?! You just kicked a chick in the face on purpose!”

-Ivan Moody, lead singer of Five Finger Death Punch-