NCIS: Los Angeles

TV SHOW TITLE: NCIS: Los Angeles
CREATOR: Shane Brennan
YEARS ACTIVE: 2009-present
GENRE: Crime Drama
RATING: TV-PG or TV-14, depending on the level of violence
GRADE: Pass


The NCIS Special Ops team solves Navy and Marine-based murders in Los Angeles using a mixture of raw firepower and technological brilliance. Every case they tackle has national security implications and creating international incidents would not be uncommon among the crooks. Through it all, this dedicated team of government agents has each other’s backs until the very end. There may be the occasional infighting, but loyalty and efficiency always come first when completing a mission.

As of today, there are three different NCIS shows: one based in Washington, DC, one based in New Orleans, and the subject of today’s review, the one based in Los Angeles. Out of all three of these franchises, Los Angeles can be considered the most action-packed, which is perfect for anyone looking to get out their primal urges. The shootouts are dramatic, the explosions are intense, the fight scenes are brutal, and every victory achieved by the NCIS team is earned with blood. Occasionally, there will be a Deus Ex Machina ending where a bunch of soldiers come in to save our agents asses, but they don’t come without a compelling explanation, hence why they’re not Deus Ex endings anymore. If you want raw action that makes Bruce Lee movies look like TV-Y snore fests, NCIS; LA is your kind of show.

But of course, no matter which part of the country NCIS is stationed, there will always be colorful characters that bring the series to life and give the audience a reason to be giddy, even if only for a few minutes before the heart-racing action begins. The two main agents are G. Callen and Sam Hanna, two guys who can have a conversation about anything and make it sound like a lot of fun. Then there are the two technical geeks, Eric Beal and Nell Jones, who can be described as delightfully nerdy and giggle-worthy. Then there are the two overseers, Director Henrietta Lange and Assistant Director Owen Granger, who while they both employ a more serious and stern conversational style, they’re still fun to watch since these are two people who make their opponents pay dearly for their sins.

I’d be remised if I didn’t mention the one partnership that everybody is starry-eyed and lovey-dovey about: Detective Marty Deeks and Special Agent Kensi Blye. Marty Deeks can be described as a smart-ass who can crack jokes at seemingly the most serious times. Kensi is the straight woman to all of Marty’s jokes. In fact, she has snarky remarks of her own that bring their chemistry to almost romantic levels on screen. NCIS: Los Angeles fans have been clamoring for these two to finally become a couple instead of just partners. After comforting each other for recent traumas they went through and being around when they need a good emotional breakdown, the fans are sooner than later going to get their chance. And when they do get together, it’s going to be television magic. The fan boys and fan girls will be doing back flips and somersaults, trust me on this one.

If a show comes on TV and it has the NCIS tag in front of it, don’t change the channel. NCIS: Los Angeles is no exception to this rule. It is fast-paced, it is witty, it is heartbreaking, and it will bring the audience and characters closer together with every episode. Now if you’ll excuse me, I have to go wipe something out of my eye after talking about Deeks and Kensi, otherwise known as Densi.

　

***TELEVISION DIALOGUE OF THE DAY***

DEEKS: Am I missing something here?

KENSI: Yeah, a cerebral cortex.

"A Million Little Pieces" by James Frey

If you were to take a good look at James Frey’s body, you’d assume that he exercises a lot. According to his loudest critics, the only exercises he does are stretching the truth and jumping to conclusions. Imagine that: a former drug addict exaggerates details of his memoir. Who would’ve thunk it? Truth is, I could care less if “A Million Little Pieces” is a true story or not, because it’s still a beautifully depressing book with a quick writing style.

If you really want to use the “fake” argument against me, then I’m going to tell you the same thing I tell people who say that professional wrestling is fake. I’m going to say, “Hey, Harry Potter and Lord of the Rings are fake and I don’t hear you bitching about them. I don’t hear you complaining about The Flintstones not being a documentary.”

Whether this particular book is fact or fiction is irrelevant, because if you enjoy reading heartbreaking memoirs that are also triumphant, you’ll love “A Million Little Pieces”. It doesn’t even read like a typical memoir with linear progression. It actually reads like a novel with a beginning, middle, and end. It also has likable and three-dimensional characters. The writing style is present tense and takes a lot of liberties with the exclusion of quotation marks and other forms of punctuation, but that’s what makes it an exciting read in the first place.

If I have to keep on driving home the point that this is a dark and depressing memoir, then consider this paragraph to be the final nail in that coffin. James Frey starts the story with him waking up on an airplane with a broken nose and missing teeth, both of which were aggravated from his lifelong addictions to alcohol and drugs. He’s being taken to a clinic in Minnesota to be treated for these addictions, because if he uses again, he will die, no ifs ands or buts.

Life in a drug rehab center isn’t a whole lot of fun in case you couldn’t tell. There are people in constant pain from detoxing, there are people vomiting, there are people acting hostile and crazy, none of these things unlike what James Frey used to be before the story’s end. How does one combat all of these things for six weeks and come out smelling like roses? Mr. Frey doesn’t want to do it through God or a higher power of any kind. If you want to see how he triumphs through all the darkness and depression, you’ll have to read this book.

If you’re still complaining about how James Frey is a “phony” and a “fraud”, then you just go ahead and do all the drugs you want until you become an addict. We’ll see if your story is any different from Mr. Frey’s.

　

***TELEVISION DIALOGUE OF THE DAY***

DEEKS: Let’s go for a beer.

GRANGER: To drink or to post on Face Book?

-NCIS: Los Angeles-

Dennis Michaels

My mind may be a raging ocean all the time, but Dennis Michaels never saw his moment in the sun. He was originally supposed to be a part of a third act in Brawl Mart. That third act never materialized and Brawl Mart only had Occupy Wrestling and Filter Feeder to account for. That would-be third act was supposed to be called Debt of Pain and it centered around a panicky debtor named Lillian Floyd. Lillian got calls every half hour about how worthless she was and how she was going to jail if she didn’t pay what she owed. She tried calling the police on these people, but that went south in a hurry when the two detectives got their asses kicked. Instead of relying on people who waited forever to get approval from a corrupt judge, Lillian called the one man who could deliver beatings and assassinations like he was the UPS of murder. His name was Dennis Michaels and he was at one point an Army Ranger. The original plan was to have Dennis perform his duties and then at the end rip up his paycheck from Lillian before falling in love with her. Somewhere along the way, the storyline got scrambled and I couldn’t justify a lot of the action that was going on in the story. That should have been the end of Debt of Pain, but it wasn’t. I pitched this idea to Good Reads and they helped me make the modifications I needed to start anew. Starting anew meant new characters, something Dennis Michaels was not. You may see Debt of Pain on my Smash Words account someday, but not right away, and not with Dennis Michaels. The mercenary in this new idea is named Bryan Grant. The difference between Dennis and Bryan is that Dennis is a legitimate mercenary who will lay the smack down on any rude collection agent, while Bryan is a scam artist who sits around and collects paychecks from desperate debtors, who think he’s actually going to assassinate somebody rather than work for the agency himself. Bryan Grant will get his due justice somewhere down the road, but somebody else who needs justice is Dennis Michaels. Mr. Michaels had all the promise in the world to be a kick-ass character. He would have been a beefy warrior and a romantic Romeo all rolled into one. He would have used his rifle (which was for fighting) and his gun (which was for fun) over the course of one day. How exactly is he supposed to do that if he doesn’t have a story to be a part of? Ruthless mercenaries and hard lovers aren’t easy to come by. The only example I know of who fits this profile is Cloud Strife from Final Fantasy VII. Then again, Final Fantasy games always have a romantic element in them. Will Dennis Michaels be the next Cloud Strife? Hopefully, yes, but without all the emo bullcrap Mr. Strife displayed in the movie Advent Children.

　

***TELEVISION QUOTE OF THE DAY***

“That badge better be real or else my friend’s going to kick you in the FBI-balls.”

-Marty Deeks from “NCIS: Los Angeles”-

"The Silence Remains" by 3 Doors Down

“This world asks for so much. Despite what you give, it’s just never enough.” Those two sentences set the tone not only for this 3 Doors Down song, but also for the lives of a lot of people like me who are trying to make it in this world. We’re artists and the world looks down on us. It seems as though no matter how many books we write, how many times we edit those books, or how many times we show those books to our peers, the profits won’t buy us the happiness we need. So much untapped potential going to waste in the far reaches of the world where the least number of people reside. Let me ask you this question, people: who are the ones that matter to you? Better yet, who matters more to you: the best friend who wants to see you improve and grow or the editor at large of a major publishing company who looks his nose down on everybody who comes groveling at his feet for work? While the latter of those two people may be your meal ticket in an economy where they rarely exist, the former will be the only one who will tell you to “Lay down and rest here in peace in my arms now.” Editors and agents can’t provide you with peace and happiness. They don’t love you. They may love your talent and potential some of the time, but they don’t love you as a human being. Is all the apathy in the world worth it if your book happens to sell to a vast sea of people? Books can be splintered into paper pulp, but memories last a lifetime. The publishing company provides the books and the critics provide the awards, but those are just pieces of paper. The ones you love provide you the smiles, the tears, and the undying support that every artist needs in order to thrive in this world. Without love and friendship, this world is just one big money laundering scheme. Living paycheck to paycheck is not living at all. It’s an existence. Living your life means you can share it with the ones who matter most. Those who mind don’t matter and those who matter don’t mind. You have to go out of your way sometimes to find these kindred souls, but in the end, you’ll be happy you found them. And when you find them, keep them for as long as you can. Because you never really know what you’ve got until it’s gone. Fame can disappear as soon as the next trend comes along. But when love disappears, it really begins to hurt. That is what “The Silence Remains” by 3 Doors Down means to me. Brad Arnold and I couldn’t be more different. He’s a southerner, I’m a northerner. He’s a republican, I’m a democrat. He’s alternative, I’m metal. One thing Mr. Arnold and I can agree upon is our love for the emotional texture that music and art bring about. Without emotions, art is just a part of the word “artificial”.

　

***TELEVISION QUOTE OF THE DAY***

“Kensi, wait. I thought you should know that the place I went to in my head to stop the pain was you. I just kept thinking about your smile. Your laugh. Everything. It’s the only thing that got me through it all, for whatever it’s worth.”

-Marty Deeks from “NCIS: Los Angeles”-

The Crying Clown with Back Pain

There are times when you can never fully decipher what a dream means and then there are times when they’re painfully obvious. One night, I had a dream that was the latter of those two extremes. Before going to bed, I had a tremendous pain in my lower back. It was so bad that the next day I had to call in sick to my weekly volunteer job at the Kitsap Historical Society. Somehow my subconscious took all this pain as a cue to create of the most depressing dreams I’ve ever had. I dreamed I was watching a cartoon where a clown was riding around in a small car bumping into police cars. He’s happy and fine one minute, but with no real transition into the next moment, he’s suddenly crying because his back hurts. This isn’t just any kind of crying. It’s not the kind of crying that a child does when he hits his head. It’s not even a minor euphemism for complaining. This was an actual tearjerker of a scene. There were tears raining down his face all because he suddenly had back problems that prevented him from taking a shower. The clown is a symbol of happiness and joy (despite what you see in “The Brave Little Toaster” and “It“). To see a prominent symbol of laughter crying in a depressive state over having dull back pain is the ultimate slap in the face to someone in the real world who actually has back pain. When I woke up, after I made the call to the museum that I was taking the day off, I went downstairs to have a heat wrap pasted to my lower back. Ever since then, my pain became a non-issue. I might have to go to the chiropractor, but I like going there anyways, so it’s not a big deal. Knowing that a positive outcome was on the horizon, why exactly did my subconscious need to send me a clinically depressed clown? It’s not like the clown had a malignant tumor in his back, nor did he have any slash marks. It’s just minor back pain and he’s crying like his grandma just died. If it’s bothering him that bad, he should shell out some dough for a massage or a chiropractic adjustment. Minor back pain doesn’t necessarily constitute high drama. But in my imagination, it just might. If I make a story out of this, it will have to be done with a clear head and intensive planning. I can make this work. In fact, I can make it work or my name isn’t Garrison Kelly. Actually, Kelly isn’t my last name, it’s a pseudonym. The Garrison part of my penname is right, so maybe I can split the difference 50/50 when it comes to my success with a story about a sad clown with back pain.

　

***TELEVISION QUOTE OF THE DAY***

“Ever heard of Obama Care? Well, this is We Don’t Care.”

-Marty Deeks from “NCIS: Los Angeles”-

"500 Letters" by Tarja Turunen

Of all the 500 letters from a stranger that appeared on Tarja Turunen’s doorstep, I’ve written at least ten of them. Luckily for the both of us, she never saw them. Otherwise, she would either have a restraining order against me or she would send her husband Marcelo to collect my scalp. This semi-romantic obsession with the Finnish goddess started when I was reintroduced to Nightwish’s music in 2006 with the song “Dead Boy’s Poem”. A year before that, Tarja was released from Nightwish for not getting along with her band mates. I was heartbroken. In fact, my heart had been hurting for her throughout my college days. Granted, most of it was due to the fact my social life was nonexistent. Also granted, I didn’t have a girlfriend at the time. So in order to keep from feeling too lonely, the place I went to in my head to stop the pain was Tarja. Her hair, her face, her voice…everything. It was the only thing that got me through being away from my family for that long. If for some reason it sounds like I’m quoting Marty Deeks from NCIS: Los Angeles, it’s because I am (even though I didn’t have a drill shoved in my mouth like he did). During this obsession with Tarja, I tried my damnedest not to sound creepy when I wrote proses and poetry about her. But then again, anything I do automatically sounds creepy, so it’s a safe bet Mrs. Turunen should have been carrying a can of mace with her at all times. She probably does. Come to think of it, that’s part of the reason why I couldn’t approach anybody in school to be my friend or lover: I didn’t want to unknowingly creep them out. Using Tarja as a comforting mental image was the only safe bet because I knew she would never know me in a million years. In fact, I can pretty much say anything I want about any celebrity on this planet and they’ll never find me. Michael Vick sucks because he tortured puppies. Tarja Turunen is awesome because she makes beautiful music with or without her old band mates. If for some reason she read that, I also hope she reads this next sentence. Tarja, I am not a creep or a stalker. I’ve never been to your house and I don’t follow you on Twitter. Hell, I’ve never been to one of your concerts. But I want you to know that you are still to this day an inspiration to me. Your presence alone has helped me get through so much in my life. For whatever it’s worth, thank you for your gift of music. Now if you’ll excuse me, I’m going to get your picture tattooed all over my body like that guy in South America did for Julia Roberts. I’m kidding, of course. Really, I am!

　

***FACE BOOK POST OF THE DAY***

“There’s a new website out there where stalkers get their comeuppance. It’s called Mace Book and the homepage is a total eyesore.”

-Me-

The No Nookie Clause

Whenever you read a book or watch TV and see two characters who would be perfect romantically, the natural response is to swoon at them and pair them together. While they would make an awesome power couple, there’s an unwritten rule in place called “The No Nookie Clause”. This rule implies that there’s some invisible force keeping these two people from ever coming together. This invisible force could be anything from family ties to workplace rules to even crippling shyness. The No Nookie Clause was implemented recently in episodes of NCIS: Los Angeles. In the season opener, Marty Deeks confesses to Kensi Blye that the only thing that got him through his traumatic torture experience with the drill in his mouth was picturing Kensi’s lovely features and positive aura. A few episodes later, they finally make their longtime-coming relationship official. And during that same episode, Kensi Blye is magically transported overseas for a mission that requires indefinite support while Marty Deeks stays in Los Angeles with day-to-day NCIS operations. Neither Hetty Lange nor Owen Granger, the two authority figures, will fess up to bringing the hammer down using the No Nookie Clause, but it’s heavily implied that they did. If you didn’t already have a reason to question nookie banning from the workplace, you have it now. It’s a heartbreaking situation that didn’t need to happen. If two people love each other, let them be together. It’s as simple as that. With workplace nookie, authority figures like to argue that emotional attachment will screw up their job performance. While it may seem awkward after the eventual breakup, it’s still not right to send your workers home to crysterbate at 11:00 at night over all of this. Everybody needs love and it should matter not where it comes from, unless of course said lover was a minor or married, then it would be problematic. But the last time I checked, Deeks and Kensi were not teenagers and neither of them had rings on their fingers. After reading this blog entry, you’re probably wondering why I would write so passionately about a subject such as fictional romance and why I would repeatedly use the word nookie. The latter of the two questions is easy: I’m a Limp Bizkit fan. That’s all that needs to be said. The former is not quite as easy to explain. At my age, I’m supposed to have enough emotional maturity to not fuss over fictional romance. I want you all to know that I’m not fussing. This NCIS: Los Angeles case study is something all writers can use. If you have two characters who need pairing, make it so. You can tiptoe around it if you want in order to build suspense, but if it seems natural, do it. It worked between Jasmine (rich princess) and Aladdin (homeless vagrant), so that’s saying something.

　

***TELEVISION DIALOGUE OF THE DAY***

CLARK GABLE: Are you pissed off that your boyfriend lied to you?

LISA: No, I’m happy about it!

-Cheaters-

The Literary Genre

Seeing the movie “Barbara” at the Grand Cinema in Tacoma gave me the inspiration to talk about this next topic: the literary genre. While “Barbara” wasn’t a book, it could just as easily fall under this category. The purpose of the literary genre is to educate before it entertains. It’s the reason why you’ll see books like “The Handmaid’s Tale” and “Green Grass, Running Water” on college campuses rather than things like “Harry Potter” and “The Hunger Games”. Literary genre stories don’t have to be fast-paced, they don’t even have to be fun to read. But then again, people don’t go to college or high school to have fun. They go there to become educated citizens so that they can get a good job and keep it for a long, long time. That’s all well and good, up until the point where the teachers penalize you for writing genre fiction, which isn’t always known for artsy-fartsy bullshit. Encouraging students to write literary novels isn’t anywhere near true to what goes on in the real world. There’s a whole sprawl of authors who became successful doing things like fantasy, sci-fi, transgression, and horror stories. They’re so successful that I don’t even have to name them because you already know who they are. But just for the sake of argument, their names are Suzanne Collins, Stephen King, J.K. Rowling, and as much as I hate to admit it, Stephanie Meyer. You don’t always have to win a Pulitzer Prize in order to be a good author. If at least one person likes your work, congratulations, you’re a good author. If multiple people like your work, you’re popular to those people as well. A Pulitzer Prize isn’t a requirement for being well-fed. So why then would teachers encourage their students to write things worthy of such a feat such as literary fiction and nonfiction? If you’re wondering why I need to ask this question, it’s because I’m still peeved about a C I got in one of my multiple-genre writing classes. It’s amazing how I can remember the worst times of my life, but the best ones are so distant that I might as well have Alzheimer’s. In any event, don’t expect “Red Blood, White Knuckles, Blue Heart” to win any Pulitzer Prizes anytime soon. I choose entertainment over education. If you happen to be educated by the lessons taught in genre fiction, then good for you. If you actually had fun reading it, you have a lot more of my respect. Send your money to the United Necromancer College Fund. Because genres are terrible things to waste.

　

***TELEVISION DIALOGUE OF THE DAY***

DEEKS: Eric, I need you to run a license plate number. S as in Slayer, M as in Metallica, A as in Anthrax, 5-2-3 and P as in…parsnip.

ERIC: Wait a minute, your lettering system is based off of heavy metal bands and all you could give me was a root vegetable?

DEEKS: Sorry, I drew a blank.

ERIC: Pantera! Hello!

DEEKS: Cowboys From Hell. What was I thinking?

-NCIS: Los Angeles-