Spaghetti Western

VERSE 1

A harbinger of things to come

Foreheads spitting out bubblegum

Mexican guitarists playing their strums

Spaghetti western, come get some

CHORUS 1

Hey, Sergio! Keep that camera rolling

Hey, Ennio! Keep that music lulling

Hey, cowboy! Should I shoot your ass again?

Spaghetti western! You’re fucking dead!

VERSE 2

Bullets flying in the Spanish sunset

Dynamite blasting, we ain’t done yet

A fistful of dollars, a bellyful of lead

Spaghetti western, bleed them red

CHORUS 2

Hey, Luigi! Take the role of hero

Hey, Giuseppe! Be my Robert Di Niro

Hey, cowboy! Are you ready for a fight?

Spaghetti western! Let’s light up the night!

BRIDGE

We’re taking over the silver screen

Making the bloodthirsty cream

Is it rated R or somewhere beyond?

This ain’t no time for a family bond

VERSE 3

Another sunset darkens the horizon

Another victory is all mine, son

Another masterpiece caught on film

Spaghetti western, shoot to kill

CHORUS 3

Hey, Mario! Put down the pizza pie

Hey, Nero! Be my blackheart bad guy

Hey, cowboy! Comfy in your grave?

Spaghetti western! You can’t be saved!

Yee-haw!

"Kick-Ass 3" by Mark Millar

BOOK TITLE: Kick-Ass 3

AUTHOR: Mark Millar

YEAR: 2014

GENRE: Graphic Novel

SUBGENRE: Superhero

GRADE: Pass

Following the events of Kick-Ass 2, Hit-Girl is locked in solitary confinement while Kick-Ass and his friends try to rebuild what’s left of their superhero team. New girlfriends, real world priorities, lack of preparation, freeloading teammates, and dissension among the team all play a factor in slowing down progress for Kick-Ass and his ambitions of keeping New York City safe. A team of superheroes is needed now more than ever since mafia boss Rocco Genovese is back in business and plans on uniting every east coast gang to form one big mega corporation that also includes corrupt cops. Can Kick-Ass and his crew get their ducks in a row? Can Hit-Girl escape from prison and reunite with her friends? These questions won’t get answered without a few splatters of blood and some broken bones along the way.

It’s been a long time in between reading Kick-Ass 2 and Kick-Ass 3. I had completely forgotten by then how delightfully brutal Hit-Girl can be. Even in solitary confinement, she manages to murder everyone who crosses her, smuggle a bottle of Jack Daniels in her cell, and play with Hello Kitty cards all in the same day. When she unleashes her litany of tough guy swear words, she can back up every single one of them and go completely overboard in the process. Granted, I’m not a big fan of her anti-liberal remarks, but that’s only a tiny part of Hit-Girl’s overall character. She’s a badass in every sense of the word. If she can’t slice heads off or smash genitals into powder, she’ll outsmart her foes with explosives and guns. Lots and lots of guns. You mess with her, not only are you dead as a doornail, but you’re going to feel it in the afterlife as well.

The other thing I liked about this graphic novel is Kick-Ass’s struggles with balancing his superhero life with his personal one. There are times in the story where he seriously considers settling down with his new girlfriend and forsaking his superhero persona altogether. He blames himself and his obsession with Batman for his friends and loved ones being killed left and right. While capitulation isn’t a desirable trait in a superhero, it’s certainly an understandable one. It’s all a part of the normal life versus exciting life debate that goes on not only with fictional superheroes, but aspects of the real world as well whether it’s the music industry, Hollywood, wrestling, or professional sports. For a graphic novel that loves hardcore violence, it certainly makes you think a little bit every now and then.

Speaking of hardcore violence, it’s peppered everywhere in this comic book and I love it to pieces. Splatters of blood, crunching bones, sloshing organs, you name it, it happens. There’s even one painful scene where Hit-Girl punches a corrupt cup on the groin so hard that his whole pelvis explodes. It’s later learned that the poor guy lost sixty pounds since then. I don’t know how, but it sounds brutal nonetheless. There’s another scene where Hit-Girl slashes a gangster’s head in half horizontally, which reminds me of something that would happen in Kill Bill. In fact, if you took Kill Bill, Hostel, the Saw movies, and Blood Drive, put them all in a milkshake blender and watched the red juices overflow, that’s pretty much what Kick-Ass 3 is like. It’s gruesome as hell, but in a fun and delightfully sadistic way. Would this be considered a guilty pleasure?

Kick-Ass 3 lives up to the awesome reputation the first two installments did and wraps up the series in a nice little bundle. The ending is satisfying, no stone is left unturned, and everybody goes home happy. Well, I don’t know how happy anybody can truly be after everything Kick-Ass went through for three graphic novels, but there’s at least a modicum of solace in his new life. A passing grade goes to this excellent piece of badass violence! Great work, Mr. Millar!

NCIS: Los Angeles

TV SHOW TITLE: NCIS: Los Angeles
CREATOR: Shane Brennan
YEARS ACTIVE: 2009-present
GENRE: Crime Drama
RATING: TV-PG or TV-14, depending on the level of violence
GRADE: Pass


The NCIS Special Ops team solves Navy and Marine-based murders in Los Angeles using a mixture of raw firepower and technological brilliance. Every case they tackle has national security implications and creating international incidents would not be uncommon among the crooks. Through it all, this dedicated team of government agents has each other’s backs until the very end. There may be the occasional infighting, but loyalty and efficiency always come first when completing a mission.

As of today, there are three different NCIS shows: one based in Washington, DC, one based in New Orleans, and the subject of today’s review, the one based in Los Angeles. Out of all three of these franchises, Los Angeles can be considered the most action-packed, which is perfect for anyone looking to get out their primal urges. The shootouts are dramatic, the explosions are intense, the fight scenes are brutal, and every victory achieved by the NCIS team is earned with blood. Occasionally, there will be a Deus Ex Machina ending where a bunch of soldiers come in to save our agents asses, but they don’t come without a compelling explanation, hence why they’re not Deus Ex endings anymore. If you want raw action that makes Bruce Lee movies look like TV-Y snore fests, NCIS; LA is your kind of show.

But of course, no matter which part of the country NCIS is stationed, there will always be colorful characters that bring the series to life and give the audience a reason to be giddy, even if only for a few minutes before the heart-racing action begins. The two main agents are G. Callen and Sam Hanna, two guys who can have a conversation about anything and make it sound like a lot of fun. Then there are the two technical geeks, Eric Beal and Nell Jones, who can be described as delightfully nerdy and giggle-worthy. Then there are the two overseers, Director Henrietta Lange and Assistant Director Owen Granger, who while they both employ a more serious and stern conversational style, they’re still fun to watch since these are two people who make their opponents pay dearly for their sins.

I’d be remised if I didn’t mention the one partnership that everybody is starry-eyed and lovey-dovey about: Detective Marty Deeks and Special Agent Kensi Blye. Marty Deeks can be described as a smart-ass who can crack jokes at seemingly the most serious times. Kensi is the straight woman to all of Marty’s jokes. In fact, she has snarky remarks of her own that bring their chemistry to almost romantic levels on screen. NCIS: Los Angeles fans have been clamoring for these two to finally become a couple instead of just partners. After comforting each other for recent traumas they went through and being around when they need a good emotional breakdown, the fans are sooner than later going to get their chance. And when they do get together, it’s going to be television magic. The fan boys and fan girls will be doing back flips and somersaults, trust me on this one.

If a show comes on TV and it has the NCIS tag in front of it, don’t change the channel. NCIS: Los Angeles is no exception to this rule. It is fast-paced, it is witty, it is heartbreaking, and it will bring the audience and characters closer together with every episode. Now if you’ll excuse me, I have to go wipe something out of my eye after talking about Deeks and Kensi, otherwise known as Densi.

　

***TELEVISION DIALOGUE OF THE DAY***

DEEKS: Am I missing something here?

KENSI: Yeah, a cerebral cortex.