***OLD STORIES, NEW GENRES***
Ever since watching and reviewing Jackie Brown and The
Hateful Eight, I made it my mission to do the same thing for all of Quentin
Tarantino’s movies. One of those movies I plan on watching happens to be Django
Unchained. You’ve already heard the name Quentin Tarantino and are probably
expecting some controversy to come with these movies. You wouldn’t be wrong no
matter what the movie was, but it’s especially true for Django Unchained.
Fellow director Spike Lee vowed not to watch it, because, “Slavery was not a
spaghetti western. It was a holocaust.” Nobody in their right mind would ever
dispute how horrible black slavery was. But that’s not why we’re gathered here
today, my dearly beloveds.
Looking at old stories through the lens of a new genre
happens to be what most successful storytellers do for a living. In the case of
Django Unchained, Quentin Tarantino did indeed turn slavery into a spaghetti
western. Ever since watching The Hateful Eight (which is definitely a western, but
I’m not sure if it’s a spaghetti western), I’ve had a weird fascination with
the genre. Hell, a few weeks ago, I wrote a southern metal song called
Spaghetti Western, which you can check out on all of my social media pages
(Blogger, Deviant Art, Face Book, and Good Reads). Cheap plug aside, Quentin
Tarantino meant no ill will when he made Django Unchained. He gets a lot of
heat for being insensitive, but the movies he directs take place in times and
locations where insensitivity was the norm. Even in modern day dramas, he has
characters using racial slurs, because it’s realistic of their characters, not
because he’s a bigoted jerk.
But Quentin Tarantino movies are just one example of what
I’m talking about today. Remember all of the talk about SJW’s “ruining” the
Star Wars franchise? Well, I hate to break it to you guys, but Star Wars was
always about social justice. It’s literally about rebels fighting against a
totalitarian government. There are many instances of that happening all
throughout history. Star Wars just happened to look at those moments through a
science fiction lens with cool light saber battles and Storm Troopers who can’t
shoot straight. It was true for A New Hope (which came out in the late 70’s)
and it’s still true today. The message hasn’t changed. The complaints have.
And just to show you guys how serious I am about this brand
of creative fuel, if any of you know anything horrible about my past and want
to look at those life moments through the lens of a new genre, I’d be thrilled
to read what you’ve got. You know something about me being bullied in my
freshman year of high school? Let’s turn that shit into an epic fantasy! I
wouldn’t mind fighting against orc and ogre bullies with a battleaxe or a
claymore. What about the time I first started having schizophrenic symptoms?
Let’s turn it into…whatever the hell The Matrix is! Hell, I was probably living
in The Matrix the whole time I was hallucinating. What about the time I got
suspended from college for writing an angry poem about my geology teacher? Is
there any way to turn that into wrestling fiction? A spaghetti western? A space
opera? Cyberpunk? Actually, cyberpunk would be closer to the truth since I was
dumb enough back then to post my poem on the internet.
I understand that Spike Lee is proud of his heritage as well
he should be. He should fight for the greater good. He should be an inspiration
to all. But picking fights with Quentin Tarantino when he hasn’t even seen the
damn movie? Not cool. That won’t help his image in the slightest. Like I said
before, I haven’t watched Django Unchained yet, but I desperately want to as
part of my quest to fairly review all of Quentin Tarantino’s movies. The key
word in that last sentence was fairly, as in I want to give them a chance
before I harshly judge them. Does he constantly lay golden eggs? No. Are there
parts of his movies worth criticizing? Absolutely. But I can’t make those
criticisms until after I see the movie. Even if I DNF the damn thing somewhere
in the middle, that’s better than jumping to conclusions any day of the week.
What about you guys? Are there any old stories you want to
see through a new genre? Should the Final Fight franchise be told through
prehistoric times? Should the Star Wars franchise be told through medieval fantasy?
Me personally, I’ve always wanted to see the Gundam franchise get a medieval
fantasy reboot. One of the giant robots could be a paladin. Two of them could
be smaller robots piloted by goblin twins. Space travel would still be possible
and goddamn, does that open up a whole universe of possibilities with
storylines and creative fuel. Yes, this was a real idea I had back in my teens.
I never followed through on it, because…reasons? Now that I think about it, I’d
still like to try this idea out someday, but I can’t use the word Gundam unless
I want the copyright whores to strangle my ass in court. But what about you
guys? Got any genre remixes you’d like to see?
I’m Garrison Kelly! Until next time, try to enjoy the
daylight! Hey, there’s another idea! I could retell Tales From the Dark Side
episodes through a medieval fantasy lens! Maybe for once it wouldn’t be so
fucking hokey that way! Woo-hoo! Yeah!
***BEAUTIFUL MONSTER***
So…I haven’t been very faithful with updates from this
novella I’m working on, so here goes nothing. I finished the most recent
rewrite back in July, but I didn’t pay for Hollow Hills to critique it until
early November. I got my critiques back at the beginning of December. Goddamn,
do I have a lot of work ahead of me. The world needs to be fleshed out, the
battle and sex scenes need to be toned down, and most importantly…the
protagonists have to STOP CRYING ALL THE FUCKING TIME! Okay, Marie Krepps
didn’t put it in those words. Plus, I’m prone to exaggeration. But the
sentiment is the same. I’ve got a lot of work ahead of me before Beautiful
Monster is ready for the public. I don’t have a due date for when it’ll be
officially published. I thought it would have been this year, but I was too
optimistic. And if you think I’ve got a lot to do for Beautiful Monster, just
remember…I still have Emilio & Marigold in the chamber!
***LYRICS OF THE DAY***
“Who do you think you are? You’ve now gone much too far. Out
of the ashes a clear light will shine. A power like the sun, but the heat is
all mine. Blinding to all those too close to the light. I’ll bury your souls in
the dark of the night. Underground you’ll make no sound. Got nowhere left to
go. Things begin, but then they end. The truth it hurts to know. I watch with
wonder as you go under. Words to the unwise. The story’s ending and I’m
attending the scene of your demise. I bring the darkness. I am the thunder. I
come from Hell and I’ll pull you under. I’ll make you feel the wrath of my
ways. I’ll make it real. I’ll be your end of days.”
-Baron Corbin’s WWE Theme Music-
***POST-SCRIPT***
Don’t let the lyrics fool you. I’m still abstaining from
watching WWE due to their awful programming and I’m not regretting it. Last
week on Friday Night Smackdown, Baron Corbin smothered Roman Reigns in dog
food. Get it? Because Roman Reigns calls himself The Big Dog? Woof, woof?
Hahahahaha…haha…ha…Fuck this company.
