American Sad Ass

If you ever walk into my bedroom and hear me listening to sad-ass music, don’t be alarmed. This kind of music is what inspires me to write poetry and heavy metal songs since they’re usually dark and dour in nature. I already have two books of poetry published called “Confessions of a Schizophrenic Savage” and “Necrograph”. A third one, called “Prophecy”, will be published as soon as I can cram a hundred poems into a single volume. If you want to know what my poetry-inspiring playlist looks like, here it is. Feel free to look up any or all of these songs on You Tube.

1. “1979” by Smashing Pumpkins
2. “Always” by Killswitch Engage
3. “Angel” by Sarah McLachlan
4. “Another Brick in the Wall, Pt. 1” by Pink Floyd
5. “Ashes of Eden” by Breaking Benjamin
6. “At the Bottom of Night” from Chrono Trigger
7. “Be Somebody” by 3 Doors Down
8. “Beautiful Goodbye” by Amanda Marshall
9. “Beauty Is Within Us” from Ghost in the Shell: Stand Alone Complex
10. “Because of You” by Kelly Clarkson
11. “Behind Closed Doors” by Pop Evil
12. “Bent to Fly” by Slash feat. Myles Kennedy
13. “The Bottom” by Devour the Day
14. “Boulevard of Broken Dreams” by Green Day
15. “Breakdown” by Tantric
16. “Broken Home” by Papa Roach
17. “Bury Your Heart” by Flyleaf
18. “Candle of Life” by The Moody Blues
19. “Can’t Forget You” by My Darkest Days
20. “Careless Whisper” by George Michael
21. “Cemetery Gates” by Pantera
22. “Cold” by Five Finger Death Punch
23. “Come Undone” by My Darkest Days
24. “The Crow, the Owl, and the Dove” by Nightwish
25. “Daisy Jane” by America
26. “Dead Boy’s Poem” by Nightwish
27. “Dear Cocaine” by Crossfade
28. “Decompression Period” by Papa Roach
29. “Don’t Leave Me Now” by Pink Floyd
30. “Don’t Speak” by No Doubt
31. “Driven Under” by Seether
32. “Dry Your Eyes” by The Streets
33. “Each Small Candle” by Roger Waters
34. “Falling” by Anette Olzon
35. “Far Away” by Nickelback
36. “Father’s Son” by 3 Doors Down
37. “Fine Again” by Seether
38. “The Fletcher Memorial Home” by Pink Floyd
39. “Forever Autumn” by Justin Hayward
40. “The Forgotten” by Green Day
41. “Four Minutes” by Roger Waters
42. “From the Inside” by Linkin Park
43. “Frozen” by Within Temptation
44. “Ghost of Muskegon” by Pop Evil
45. “God Went North” by Nothing More
46. “Goodbye Agony” by Black Veil Brides
47. “Goodbye Cruel World” by Pink Floyd
48. “Goodbye My Lover” by James Blunt
49. “Haunted” by The Moody Blues
50. “Heart of Gold” by James Blunt
51. “Heaven” by Otherwise feat. Ashley Costello
52. “Hesitate” by Stone Sour
53. “The High Road” by Three Days Grace
54. “Hold On” by Limp Bizkit
55. “Hollow” by Breaking Benjamin
56. “House of Wax” by Tarja Turunen
57. “How Am I Supposed to Live Without You?” by Michael Bolton
58. “Hurt” by Johnny Cash
59. “Hush” by Hellyeah
60. “I Burn For You” by The Police
61. “I Can’t Be With You” by The Cranberries
62. “I Don’t Believe In Love” by Queensryche
63. “I Hate Everything” by George Strait
64. “I Think It’s Better” by Jill Scott
65. “I Think You Should Know” by Crossfade
66. “I’m Still Remembering” by The Cranberries
67. “Inside the Fire” by Disturbed
68. “Is There Anybody Out There?” by Pink Floyd
69. “Island of Souls” by Sting
70. “It’s Too Late” by The Streets
71. “Killpop” by Slipknot
72. “Kiss” by Korn
73. “Landing in London” by 3 Doors Down
74. “Landslide” by Fleetwood Mac
75. “The Last Night” by Skillet
76. “Leave Out All the Rest” by Linkin Park
77. “Like Nobody Else” by My Darkest Days
78. “Little Sister” by Your Favorite Enemies
79. “Lonely Day” by System of a Down
80. “Loser” by 3 Doors Down
81. “Lost” by Within Temptation
82. “Lovehatetragedy” by Papa Roach
83. “Lullaby” by Nickelback
84. “Master of Disaster” by Seether
85. “Me or Him” by Roger Waters
86. “Meadows of Heaven” by Nightwish
87. “Melancholy Man” by The Moody Blues
88. “My Child” by Disturbed
89. “My Confessions” by Pop Evil
90. “My December” by Linkin Park
91. “My Friends” by Red Hot Chili Peppers
92. “My Heart Beats Pain” by Martin Kesici
93. “My Heart Lied” by Five Finger Death Punch
94. “My Immortal” by Evanescence
95. “My Skin” by Natalie Merchant
96. “Never Coming Home” by Crossfade
97. “Never Surrender” by Skillet
98. “A New World” from Final Fantasy V
99. “No Bravery” by James Blunt
100. “No One in the World” by Anita Baker
101. “Nobody Home” by Pink Floyd
102. “Nobody Praying For Me” by Seether
103. “Not Alone” by Patty Griffin
104. “Oh” from Afro Samurai
105. “On My Own” by Patti Labelle and Michael McDonald
106. “Once Upon a Daydream” by The Police
107. “One Million Faces” by Anette Olzon
108. “One of My Turns” by Pink Floyd
109. “Our Decades in the Sun” by Nightwish
110. “Out of Hell” by In This Moment
111. “Out of Love” by Toto
112. “Overcome” by Live
113. “Pass Slowly” by Seether
114. “Perfect” by My Darkest Days
115. “The Pirate’s Bride” by Sting
116. “Rain” from Cowboy Bebop
117. “The Real You” by Three Days Grace
118. “The Reckoning” by Halestorm
119. “Remember Every Scar” by Escape the Fate
120. “Remember Everything” by Five Finger Death Punch
121. “Restless Heart Syndrome” by Green Day
122. “Rocket Man” by Elton John
123. “Roses On My Grave” by Papa Roach
124. “Russians” by Sting
125. “Save Our Last Goodbye” by Disturbed
126. “Save Today” by Seether
127. “Savin’ Me” by Nickelback
128. “Say Goodnight” by Gemini Syndrome
129. “The Scientist” by Coldplay
130. “Sealed Door” from Chrono Trigger
131. “Seemann” by Rammstein
132. “Shadow of the Day” by Linkin Park
133. “Shape of My Heart” by Sting
134. “She’s Leaving Home” by The Beatles
135. “Shot in the Dark” by Within Temptation
136. “The Silence Remains” by 3 Doors Down
137. “Sleeping Sun” by Nightwish
138. “Slip Away” by David Arkenstone and Charlee Brooks
139. “Snuff” by Slipknot
140. “Someone to Talk to” by The Police
141. “Someone Who Cares” by Three Days Grace
142. “Stay Positive” by The Streets
143. “Stick to Your Guns” by Sick Puppies
144. “Stole” by Kelly Rowland
145. “Stressed Out” by A Tribe Called Quest feat. Faith Evans
146. “Suicide Is Painless” by Lady & Bird
147. “Suteki Da Ne” from Final Fantasy X
148. “Take This” by Gemini Syndrome
149. “Telescope” by Starset
150. “Terra’s Theme” from Final Fantasy VI
151. “This Love” by Pantera
152. “To Kill the Child” by Roger Waters
153. “Tourniquet Man” by The Mars Volta
154. “Underneath” by Tarja Turunen
155. “Until Silence” by Tarja Turunen
156. “Us All” by Silent Season
157. “Vera” by Pink Floyd
158. “Volcanic” by Death Angel
159. “Walking in the Air” by Nightwish
160. “Watching for Comets” by Skillet
161. “Wearing the Inside Out” by Pink Floyd
162. “What God Wants, Pt. 3” by Roger Waters
163. “What Sober Couldn’t Say” by Halestorm
164. “When I’m Back On My Feet Again” by Michael Bolton
165. “Where Is the Edge?” by Within Temptation
166. “While Your Lips Are Still Red” by Nightwish
167. “You Again” by Arstioir
168. “You Can Let Go” by Crystal Shawanda
169. “You Keep Me Hangin’ On” by Kim Wilde
170. “Youth of the Nation” by P.O.D.

Knives to Meet You

VERSE 1

You look so cute when you’re on the floor

Bloodied and broken, a victim of gore

There’s only one way to end our little war

Slash and stab your ass a little bit more

CHORUS

Knives to meet you! X3

Knives!

VERSE 2

My blade reminds me of an Otter Pop

Licking it clean, never missing a drop

How can something so goddamn bad

Taste so good it drives me bat shit mad

You’re damn right I’m sick and I love it

Take the edge of my knife and stuff it

Right into your most delicate places

If these are your holes, I’ve got the aces

CHORUS

Knives to meet you! X3

Knives!

VERSE 3

A serial killer and a blood spiller

Intoxicates me like a bottle of Miller

Gets me high like a needle full of drugs

Gets me horny when you’re covered in bugs

This is my idea of black comedy

This is my idea of peace and harmony

The silence of the lambs is new age music

Goddamn, it feels so good to just lose it

EXTENDED CHORUS

Knives to meet you!

Fight and defeat you!

Slash and beat you!

Carve and eat you!

Until we meet again!

In the world of death!

Knives to know you!

Knives to own you!

FINAL VERSE

Don’t worry, my love, it’s all a punch line

Drink in the humor like a bottle of wine

Put your feet up and enjoy the show

It’s all you can do in a hellfire glow

Demon Axe, Chapter 1

Shrouded in darkness, the Lord of the Pit swirled his wooden ladle in the bubbling red concoction before him. The thickness of the liquid was like lava flowing in a volcano. The Lord, with his face painted as a skeleton and his long hair grayer than a cantankerous witch, looked down at his cauldron creation with a sadistic grin. His three cohorts, each of them donning black robes and vicious-looking masks, held out their steel bowls while the Lord of the Pit scooped and poured the demonic liquid into their dishes. “Drink it in, minions,” he said in a gravelly, haunting voice.

The first to consume his bowl of unholy soup was Pig Man, who as his name suggested wore the mask of a gray-skinned pig with tusks on either side and a brass nose ring through his snout. He also drank like a pig: quickly and sloppily, getting some of the brew on his robe. Pig Man let out an obnoxious burp to signify his satisfaction with his “meal”.

The second to feast upon the bubbling red muck was Vulture Man, whose mask bore a sinister scowl and a blade-like beak. Unlike his hoggish cohort, Vulture Man took small sips at first. Any trace of good dinner manners disappeared when he buried his face in his bowl and slobbered the liquid down. Instead of a burp, he let out a prolonged “Ah!” in a relaxed voice.

G-Pac, who wore the mask of a rotten-toothed, black painted, hollow-eyed clown, shook his head at his friends and chuckled with delight. “I’d say that hit the spot, wouldn’t you agree, Master?” The sinister clown drank his potion in one gulp and smashed the bowl over his head, shattering it into pieces. The mouth hole in his mask showed traces of an evil grin while a small trickle of blood ran down his forehead and into the cauldron.

“I truly am surrounded by pure gentlemen tonight,” said the Lord of the Pit, who took a swig from his own bowl and splashed it all over his gray trench coat and Demon Axe T-shirt. He threw his bowl off to the side and rubbed his hands together in gleeful anticipation. “And now my minions, join hands as I recite the Demon’s Prayer.”

With all four of these unholy clerics holding hands and bowing their heads with closed eyes, the Lord of the Pit spoke in his ominous voice. “Oh, Demon of Death, grant us your fire, your strength, and your passion. Let the masses join together in the circle pit and release their vicious energy. Don’t let our newest member, Pig Man, screw up tonight. And for god’s sake, Demon of Death, don’t let me be an asshole on stage. Don’t let any of my band mates say, ‘Too late!’”.

“Too late!” chimed in Vulture Man.

“And punish those who do!” said the Lord of the Pit, which earned a modicum of laughter from Pig Man, G-Pac, and even the smart-assed Vulture Man. The Lord pointed to the ceiling with his index finger and said, “That last one was for you, Master Carlin.” He ducked his head back down and said, “Alone, we are warriors of the music industry. Together, we are…”

“Demon Axe!” said the band mates in unison.

“Who are we?!” shouted the Lord.

“Demon Axe!”

“Amen, motherfuckers. Now let’s go out there and fuck shit up!”

The four members of the band released each other’s hands and marched their way beyond the stage curtain. With the stage lights dim and the audience chanting Demon Axe’s name, the band took their positions to the loudest of cheers. G-Pac sat at his drum kit, with his drum sticks resembling bloodied clubs. Vulture Man started strumming heavily on his electric guitar, the neck of which looked like the blade of a broad sword. Pig Man took his spot at the bass guitar, an instrument with strings that looked like pieces of ground up sausage.

The last band mate to take his position was The Lord of the Pit, who upon adjusting his battleaxe-shaped microphone received a thunderous ovation from the wild and crazy outdoor crowd. “What the fuck is going on, Paulson City?!” he shouted in his throaty voice, earning an even louder response from the audience. “You want to talk about some crazy shit?! We’re kicking this motherfucker off with Zombie-Ogre! Get that fucking circle pit going! One! Two! Three! Let’s go!”

The members of Demon Axe banged their heads and pumped out a heavy metal tune with a grinding guitar, a funky bass, and rapid-fire drums. The mosh pit in the audience intensified with every shove, resulting in bruises, bumps, and bloody gashes. With pyrotechnics bursting in the background, The Lord of the Pit began his lyrical assault on an already banged up audience.

“Eat, sleep, shatter, repeat! / Ultra-violence for human meat! / Winner, winner, chicken dinner! / The glutinous one is a true sinner! / Blood on his fangs, flesh on his tongue! / Poison in his gut, disease in his lungs! / Zombie-Ogre is coming to kill! / Cannibalism, a sadistic thrill!”

As Pig Man and Vulture Man screamed the chorus into their bone and skull microphones, The Lord of the Pit stopped head banging for a moment and had a faraway look in his eyes. He was probably accustomed to looking at ghosts all the time with his dark fantasy gimmick, but this time, he actually looked like he saw a ghost. His eyes were wide, his body was still despite the heavy metal thrashing going on, and he frowned his worst frown.

“Stop the music! Stop the goddamn music! Do it, now!” ordered the Lord of the Pit, to which the band mates reluctantly complied. The antsy audience cheered at their wildest level, clearly suffering from heavy metal withdrawal. The Lord pointed his finger out in the distance and said, “Stagehands, I want you to shine a big red light on that guy in the back. The one with the brown robe and the hood over his face. You’ll understand why in a minute. Just fucking do it!”

The red light was shining down upon the robed figure in the far back of the venue. Such an evil color seemed appropriate considering he was carrying a lengthy machete in his hands with blood dripping down from the blade. Audience members screamed and slowly backed away from him.

“Well, Mr. and Mrs. Security Detail! You guys are sure earning your money tonight!” said a sarcastic Lord of the Pit with his arms flailing about. “Seriously, where the fuck are you guys?! How is it that not one bouncer has tackled this guy yet?! I guess he’s just a really good fighter, right? A whole group of three hundred pound men and not one of them can take down a jackass with a machete! It’s a simple matter of physics, people! A guy with a blade cannot fight off that many fat-assed bouncers! I don’t care if he’s the love child of Bruce Lee and a Xiaolin fucking monk! It’s damned near impossible!”

The audience booed and flashed downwards thumbs and middle fingers at the machete-wielding warrior, who didn’t flinch one bit. He just stood there as still as a statue and as stoic as the heartless killer he was. The Lord of the Pit continued his rant with, “I’ll tell you guys what. Since security is too lazy to do their fucking jobs, I’ve got a better idea on how we can handle this. Normally, I don’t encourage this kind of thing at my shows, but this asshole is giving us no other choice. How about this: you, the audience, form a circle pit around that guy and see how tough he really is when he’s got a whole army going up against him!”

The crowd erupted into deafening cheers and leonine roars, raising their fists to the skies and letting their mostly pierced tongues hang down from their mouths. “Are you ready?!” shouted the Lord of the Pit, to which the crowd cheered even more aggressively. “One! Two! Three! Get him!” The rowdy and animalistic crowd descended upon the machete fighter ready to beat his ass into powder.

Nobody counted on the mysterious warrior removing his hood to reveal green flesh and elongated ears, to which the crowd backed off and the Lord of the Pit shouted, “Holy shit!” The machete fighter threw one slash and lopped off the heads of several audience members, their necks gushing like volcanoes of blood and their bodies dropping to the ground almost instantly.

Audience members wailed and ran with their arms flailing in the air while the elfish murderer stabbed them in the gut, hacked off their arms and legs, and slashed their throats. In such quick and unrivaled movements, the elf turned this outdoor concert venue into an ocean of thick blood, splattered organs, shredded skin, and shattered bones.

Among the frightened people desperately trying to escape were the members of Demon Axe themselves. They looked like anything but unholy knights as they ran like Olympians behind the curtain, past the backstage area, and through the cheaply-built door, which the Lord of the Pit battered down with one shoulder tackle. With his mind scrambling in different directions, his heart beating like G-Pac’s double bass drums, and sweat raining from his painted skin, the Lord of the Pit shed his gray trench coat and bolted toward the Demon Axe tour bus. He shot up the stairs and made a football tackle onto the soft plushy couch.

The Lord’s breathing was heavy and raspy as he closed his eyes and sprawled out on the couch. He heard the bus doors close and the driver attempting to start the engine, which snapped him out of his exhausted state and forced him to look around for his band mates, none of whom were on the bus.

“Hold on a second! Driver, where the hell is everyone?! We can’t just leave them out there with this psychopath! Open the goddamn doors and let them in!” demanded the Lord of the Pit. As he frantically looked around, he saw something out of the window that made his bloodshot eyes shoot up in horror and load up with tears. The elf warrior stood outside the tour bus with a frightening smile on his face, audience members screaming and running in the background, and the severed heads and spinal columns of Pig Man, Vulture Man, and G=Pac in his fists.

While the elf was laughing evilly to himself, the Lord of the Pit banged on the window and shouted “No!” repeatedly in prolonged cinematic fashion. The bus’s engine finally started and the vehicle drove away into the night, the elf never taking his burning orange eyes off of the screaming and traumatized singer.

With the arena far behind him, the Lord of the Pit continued to scream and cry in agony at the thought of his former band mates decapitated by this monster of a human being, if he could be called that. He scrambled toward his mini refrigerator and pulled out everything from its confines whether it was lunch meat, ice cream, or what he was truly looking for, a gigantic bottle of booze.

The Lord eyed the bottle with heavy tears and heavy breathing. “This is just what I fucking need.” He quickly unscrewed the top and chucked the entire bottle in only a matter of minimal gulps. Once the bottle was empty, he smashed it against his head several times. The bottle finally broke after the fifth strike. With a bloodied scalp and a drunken, traumatized mind, the once mighty Lord of the Pit dropped down to his knees and fell flat on his face. He intended to sleep that way for the rest of this god-forsaken night.

“I’d get that wound wrapped up if I were you, Daniel,” said the driver, which earned him a lazy middle finger from the Lord of the Pit. Lord of the Pit? Who was he kidding? His band mates were dead. Most of his fans were dead. The whole dark fantasy gimmick was just bullshit. And now the man legally known as Daniel P. Mercer was just a sad drunk with paint and blood all over his face.

Chainsaw Samurai

OPENING SCREAM

Chainsaw Samurai!

VERSE 1

Forget about your fucking dishonor

And focus on your eventual slaughter

Which one of your limbs must go first?

Your arms, legs, or German bratwurst?

Slice off your head, a mummified trophy

He opens your mouth and says, “Blow me!”

A bloodbath is coming from the Rising Sun

Violence and gore became a shit-load of fun!

CHORUS

Chainsaw Samurai!

It’s too late to beg and cry!

Enter the dragon, bitch!

Death is a business; he is rich!

VERSE 2

Hara-kiri has never been so easy

But the anxiety makes you queasy

He’ll choose for you; kick down your door

Squeeze every drop of blood from your pores

Chug your red juices like a bottle of sake

Chew your flesh with an appetite so sloppy

Dinner is served to the disgraced samurai

He’s hungry for more, get ready to die!

CHORUS

Chainsaw Samurai!

It’s too late to beg and cry!

Enter the dragon, bitch!

Death is a business; he is rich!

VERSE 3

The beast from the east has enjoyed his feast

And he doesn’t feel sorry in the fucking least

He’s going back to the Land of the Rising Sun

But his war with the world is far from done!

EXTENDED CHORUS

Chainsaw Samurai!

It’s too late to beg and cry!

Enter the dragon, bitch!

Death is a business; he is rich!

Kill Bill he fucking will!

He’ll cut quickly if you hold still!

Ninja Assassin, your life is passing!

“Who can stop him?” is what you’re asking!

CLOSING SCREAM

Chainsaw Samurai!

Bent To Fly

***BENT TO FLY***

The last journal entry had to do with song lyrics that resonated with me and this one will be no different except for the song in question. As I was at the YMCA doing my water-walking today, the Slash and Myles Kennedy song “Bent To Fly” came up on my waterproof MP3 player. Until today, I never paid close attention to what the lyrics really were. Now that I’m home and I’m reading the lyrics online, I realize just how powerful this song really is. Like the singer, I too had aspirations of living independently from my parents. Not because it would actually benefit me, but because society told me that that’s what success looks like. And then I started taking classes at WWU and living in a dormitory with three strangers. I’d never felt so alone in my life. No animals, no family, very few people who were permanent friends, I went to Bellingham and had nobody to turn to. Because of my loneliness and isolation at WWU, I was constantly depressed, bored, and in a negative state of mind. My family in Port Orchard has always been my go-to place for love and friendship whether it came from my parents, my brother, his girlfriend, their daughter, or my pets. I don’t live at home purely out of financial stability. I live there because my family loves me and I love them. When I listened to “Bent to Fly” today and paid closer attention to the lyrics, they hit me almost as hard as the lyrics to “In Perfect Harmony” by Within Temptation. Take a look.


VERSE 1
Mama, don't you cry
Don't you worry
I cannot stay here any longer
The time has come to find
A distant calling
That only seems to get much stronger
And I know it's hard
To see the one you come to lean on make his way
Far beyond the womb
But I can't stay

CHORUS
I won't stop running
I'm only getting closer
To getting off the ground this time
The sky is calling
The wind is at my shoulders
Won't let this chance pass me by
Mama, I'm bent to fly

VERSE 2
Remember yesterday
Before the storm
Before the innocence was lost
I promised I would stay
Forevermore
But every boy in time moves on
Your wounds will heal someday
This I know
But I am restless and so torn
Mama, I can't stay here anymore

HOOK
I can feel it coming
A perfect storm is rising
Gotta say my last goodbye


Who would’ve known that such sensitivity could come from two hard rock badasses like Slash and Myles Kennedy? We’ve got tears, say beers! Wait, that’s not how it goes.


***DOMESTIC DIALOGUE OF THE DAY***

SUSAN: If you see a girl you like, just ask her if she wants to get some coffee with you.

ME: I don’t like coffee.

SUSAN: She might like coffee, you ass! What are you going to do, ask her out for some cheese and energy drinks?!