Large Groups of Characters

***LARGE GROUPS OF CHARACTERS***

“The Way-Back Machine is all warmed up, Mr. Peabody!”

Good boy, Sherman. Now let’s go back to the late 1990’s in Chehalis, Washington, where I was a pre-teen playing Dungeons & Dragons with a large group of my brother’s friends. Pay close attention to the “large group” part of that last sentence. It didn’t matter if I was a level one human fighter with a true neutral attitude. It didn’t matter if my character was destined to become a badass somewhere down the line. That prophecy never came to fruition in this particular role-play. You want to know what my character did? You want to know what his big contribution to the experience was? Smashing a whiskey barrel over somebody’s head. That’s it. End of story. The rest of the role-playing session was a whole lot of jack shit. Whenever the DM asked me what I wanted to do next, I’d just languidly say, “Go with them.”

From that day forward, I only agreed to D&D sessions with small groups of people or strictly one-on-one with the DM. When too many characters invade one story, there’s not enough room for them to get their shit in. They get shoved to the background in favor of others. There’s no room for development. Or in my case, all I got to do was smash a wooden barrel over somebody’s head…and not a goddamn thing more. Whenever I write novels, I always make sure to keep my protagonists down to a manageable number like two or three. That way, everybody gets a chance at character development in the relatively small space that constitutes the word count benchmark for novellas. Bigger adventuring parties are designed for works that are longer. Me? I don’t have the mental endurance to write something long enough to include an army of three-dimensional characters.

This heavy burden of characters is something often seen in professional wrestling as well, not just with books and movies. It’s one of the reasons why the WWE Divas Revolution was so poorly received in 2015. Nine women had to share X minutes of TV time, which means nobody got developed, nobody had any real motivations, nobody had personality, and there was no real end game to it all. To put it bluntly, it was a cluster fuck that resulted in the Wrestling Observer Newsletter giving it a Worst Feud of the Year award. It also placed second in that year’s list of Most Disgusting Promotional Tactics and third in the list of Worst Gimmicks. There’s only so much TV time to go around, which means smaller groups take priority if there’s ever a chance at character development.

Of course, not all characters have to be three-dimensional. Some characters were designed to be extras and that’s okay. But if you’re going to make a character an extra, be prepared for the lack of emotional investment that comes with it. A mass slaughter of innocent civilians doesn’t hold nearly as much weight in a Marvel or DC movie as the death of a character the audience actually cares about. The more you care, the more it will hurt. Why do you think people in real life get choked up about family members dying, but won’t blink an eye at an elderly celebrity passing the pearly gates? Celebrities are nice, but they’re not as connected to us as our truly loved ones. The same logic applies with stories where there’s a large number of protagonists.

Having said these things, I can still think of a few examples where it’s okay to care about big groups of people. In “The Savior’s Champion” by Jenna Moreci, there are twenty combatants in the Sovereign’s Tournament. You know they will eventually die per the rules of the game, but when they do, it’ll hurt worse than a Kaleo knee to the ribcage. Then again, that novel is at least five hundred pages long, so Ms. Moreci has given herself a lot of space to work with. Same thing with the old SNES videogame Final Fantasy VI. It takes weeks to beat, which means a large group of playable characters can thrive in that environment. You’ll care about Sabin Figaro. You’ll give more than two shits about Mog. You’ll give lots of flying fucks about Cyan Garamonde. Please do play that game if you’re into the classics. What about Lord of the Rings? Well, each movie in the trilogy is three butt-numbing hours long. You think that’s more than enough time to develop a big ass group of characters? Fuck yeah it is!

But if it’s really dependent on the length of the story, then why don’t I just write longer stories? Why can’t Beautiful Monster be 100,000 words instead of 45,000? Because a story’s completion has nothing to do with how long it is. Yes, it’s a shorter novella, but it’s a complete story. Even in its early draft phase, it has a beginning, middle, and end. The two main protagonists, Windham Xavier and Tarja Rikkinen, are only two people, which means they get lots of time to develop and grow as characters. Everybody else can claim the spotlight for themselves because my main character roster isn’t that big. But why not make my story longer and include more characters? Does it really need more characters? Can the few that I have not carry the story on their own? Besides, like I mentioned before, I don’t have the mental endurance to write longer stories. I’d be nice if I had it, but superpowers aren’t really a thing yet, so I’ll have to stick to the short stuff.

So the moral of the story is, if you want people to care about your large group of characters, make sure your medium is long enough for their individual developments. It can be done, but not by me, because I don’t feel the need to stretch myself beyond my means. The same will apply to any Dungeons & Dragons campaigns I run in the future: the smaller the group, the smaller the headaches. Everybody will get their shit in. They’ll mean more to my fictional world than smashing a whiskey barrel over somebody’s head. This isn’t a WWE battle royal with a bloated roster full of tainted characters. This is creative writing. Although, if Vince McMahon (who gets the last word on WWE’s creative processes) wrote a novel of any kind, I’d want to read it just because I can’t avert my eyes from a train wreck. I’m Garrison Kelly! Happy Thanksgiving! Eat lots of turkey! I know I will!

***DOMESTIC DIALOGUE OF THE DAY***

(Circa 2013)

JAMES: Hey Garrison, why are you being pissy?

GARRISON: I’m not!

JAMES: You’re being pissy.

GARRISON: I’M NOT!

JAMES: Yes, you are, you’re being very pissy.

GARRISON: I’m not!

JAMES: Come on, Garrison, be happy, get excited.

GARRISON: About what?

JAMES: I don’t know. Life.

GARRISON: Can I be excited about that cardboard box over there?

JAMES: Sure, why not?

***POST-SCRIPT***

True story: I told my Face Book followers that I was going to the Regal Cinemas today to watch A Beautiful Day in the Neighborhood. I backed out at the last minute, because the entire day I was feeling grumpier than usual. I snapped at everything and expended a lot of physical energy screaming at little shit. But that’s okay, because it’ll still play Saturday night when all of the Thanksgiving and Black Friday hoo-ha has died down.

Unrequited Love Stereotype, or "That Guy"

***UNREQUITED LOVE STEREOTYPE, OR “THAT GUY”***

In all my time of surfing the internet, I never knew the Urban Dictionary could actually be educational on some occasions. I thought it was just a safe haven for swear words and sex terms like “See You Next Tuesday”, or the clearly made-up “Quaker Cum Meal” (if you don’t know what that is, I’m not going to tell you). The other day when I surfed the Urban Dictionary, I typed in the words “Unrequited Love” and the results were mildly depressing. It’s basically when you love someone (or have a crush on them) and they don’t love you back (either because they don’t know you or don’t give a damn). Every celebrity crush in the world is an example of unrequited love. Every damn one.

When I was going to Western Washington University from 2007 to 2009, my source of unrequited love was Tarja Turunen, the former lead singer from Nightwish. I set the bar pretty high for myself and was let down when my stubby arms couldn’t reach it. So naturally I assumed every local crush was just as high on the bar as well. I wrote tons of essays and poems dedicating my love to this opera metal diva, but I tiptoed around the language used to write them because I didn’t want to be...that guy. I didn’t want to be the stereotypical 300 pounder with a Princess Leia poster on my wall, a Tifa Lockhart photo for a desktop screen, and a sorrowful attitude towards romance. I tried hard not to be an embarrassing version of…that guy. So I kept it all on the inside most of the time.

You know what happens to people who are…that guy, right? Well, the minute they bear their feelings to the world, some yo-yo will sit them down, pat them condescendingly on the shoulder, and give them a familiar speech we’ve all grown tired of. “You know, Garrison…Japan had an earthquake, Haiti had an earthquake, there’s mass starvation in Africa, there’re wars going on in Afghanistan and Iraq…and you’re crying over chicks?” Granted, some of those travesties are dated in today’s world, but you’ve heard that speech, I’m sure. Folks, not one time has anybody thought of worldwide earthquakes and immediately felt like a million bucks about their own problems. The author of “The Perks of Being a Wallflower” makes this clear in his novel (read it, damn you!).

If someone who has been labeled…that guy gets any kind of reward for his awkward and depressing behavior, it will be because of sympathy and no other reason. I didn’t want that for myself either. If I ever decide to date again, I want it to be with someone who genuinely thinks I’m a cool person, not because they feel like they have to. When a girl feels like she has to, it’s not a sign of a healthy relationship. Nobody is obligated to date anybody for any reason, and that’s the way it should be, quite honestly.

Even now, I don’t talk about unrequited love these days because I’m still fighting the urge to be…that guy. I used to talk about it a lot whenever I’d blog about dreams I’ve had or music I’ve listened to. Not anymore. It got old after a while and I had successfully become…that guy. So what happens to people when they refuse to become…that guy and they still don’t have it in them to approach their love interests? They become indifferent to romance. Every once a while the urge will come back, but ultimately, indifference takes over.

If you’d like to know how hard someone has to work to not be…that guy, do me a favor. Get on your computer, smart phone, or smart TV and type in Netflix (or some other movie streaming service). In the search engine, type in the movie “Obselidia” and you’ll find out all about your precious unrequited love. I did a review on this movie once, but I didn’t give away any spoilers. Well, just for this journal, I’m going to spoil the movie for you, so if you enjoy surprises, skip this part of the blog.

George is an introverted librarian who has tasked himself with keeping an encyclopedia of all things obsolete (hence the title “Obselidia”). He even believes romance is obsolete as evidenced by the way he turns down a date from a customer at the library. He’s lonely, but doesn’t want to admit it. And then as part of his research for his encyclopedia, he meets a projectionist named Sophie, who is all bubbles and smiles when it comes to the world. The two of them go on a trip to Death Valley together and get an earful from an environmentalist who believes climate change will destroy our world sooner than later (it actually might, I’m not doubting him).

George is ready to include the whole planet in his encyclopedia, but spending more and more time with Sophie brings the positivity out of him that he needed. They get back to the city and George finally musters up the courage to bring Sophie flowers and confess his love. But when he arrives at her apartment, some guy in the background says, “Who is it, sweetie?” George barricades himself in his own home and refuses to answer Sophie’s pleading messages on his machine. In this one moment of unrequited love, Sophie has managed to squeeze George’s eyeballs dry of tears like she was making the most sorrowful pitcher of orange juice.

Unrequited love is basically a catch 22. If you don’t talk about it, you get hurt. If you do talk about it, you get hurt. Nobody would have blamed George if he sheltered himself forever, yet he manages to keep the positive attitude he gained from his experiences with Sophie. It makes perfect sense as a movie ending, but brain chemistry doesn’t always work like that in the real world. And that’s really all romance is: brain chemistry with an addictive reward system. When you get one kiss from a pretty girl, you want more. And when you don’t get more, you get withdrawal. And when you get withdrawal, you try your hardest not to become…that guy.

***WEEKLY SHORT STORY CONTESTS AND COMPANY***

I’ve been waiting forever for an excuse to write the following short story. Now that the prompt is “butterfly”, I’ve got to strike while the iron is hot. This story is a combination of the WWE Divas Revolution in 2015 and life with cats that I currently have or have taken care of in the past. My mom calls our cats divas all the time (because of how often they want attention), so this short story will be called “Divas”. It goes like this:

CHARACTERS:

1. Piper, Divas Champion
2. Tori, Leader of the Supermodel Kitties
3. Stitches, Enforcer for the Supermodel Kitties
4. Calypso, Rookie from the Supermodel Kitties
5. Willem, Schipperke Referee

PROMPT CONFORMITY: The Divas Championship belt has a butterfly design on it.

SYNOPSIS: In a pro-wrestling organization where the female wrestlers are humanoid cats, Piper is defending her Divas Championship against Tori at a pay-per-view main event. Piper has held the championship for over a year on the platform of making her dreams come true and being a role model for young cats. During their rivalry, the Supermodel Kitties have made Piper’s life miserable by calling her “Piper-Diaper” and other childish middle school names. With Stitches and Calypso to serve as ringside distractions, Piper could very well lose her championship to Tori and disprove the idea that all dreams come true.

***FACE BOOK POST OF THE DAY***

(Here’s an interaction I’d like to see happen on WWE Monday Night Raw.)

MICHAEL COLE: And here comes Bayley for her one-on-one match!

COREY GRAVES: Keep your hands above the table, Saxton!

BYRON SAXTON: That’s not PG.

Pushing Characters

***PUSHING CHARACTERS***

If you’re an author and you work in a relatively small space when it comes to your stories, you have to be careful about which characters you push and which ones are just for show. When I say push, I’m not talking about shoving them off a cliff and watching them fall to their deaths, although some characters deserve such a fate. The word “push” is wrestling lingo for heavily advertising a character and building him or her to be stronger. Wrestling companies push their superstars by giving them a series of wins and championship accolades. Authors push their characters by having them overcome difficult obstacles, show emotion when necessary, and generally be the star of the show.

Some authors have the ability to push multiple characters and make them look good while doing it (as opposed to overrated). The reason I mentioned working within a small space earlier is because I’m not one of those authors. There was a time when I had the endurance to write long ass stories, but that time has passed. My short stories and novel chapters are generally anywhere between 1,500 to 2,000 words apiece. Ergo, if I don’t have many characters in these stories, at least ones that I can properly push onto the reader.

I’ve been in situations where I had too many characters and couldn’t adequately describe them all, so I had to murder some of them. Killing off inconvenient characters is a literary sin due to the perceived laziness of not being able to develop that person. Hell, I could be accused of doing this as I’m writing Demon Axe. I’m getting set to write the fourteenth chapter and already eight major characters have died so far: G-Pac, Pig Man, Vulture Man, Bear Man, Tarantula Man, Lady Killer, Johnny Vega, and Sonia Marquez.

Eight fucking characters! While I realize that death and destruction are both central themes to any story about terrorism, I still feel like I could do so much more with these eight dead bodies other than have their spiritual essences torment Daniel during moments of insanity. I’ve even considered deleting Johnny and Sonia from this novel altogether, but nothing is set in stone just yet.

While I acknowledge that most of my readers are in no way wrestling fans (just ask the people who reviewed “Occupy Wrestling”), you had to have seen this analogy coming from miles away: The Divas Revolution. In 2015, WWE did a storyline where three factions of female wrestlers feuded over the Divas Championship and general dominance over the WWE. You had Team PCB (Paige, Charlotte, and Becky Lynch), Team Bella (Brie Bella, Nikki Bella, and Alicia Fox), and Team BAD (Naomi, Tamina, and Sasha Banks).

What’s wrong? You have no idea who these people are? Don’t worry, you’re not alone. The whole purpose of the Divas Revolution was to push all nine of these women into stardom. Considering they had limited TV time, what started off as a mass push ended up being a cluster-fuck of forgettable faces and undeveloped characters. It should come as no surprise that for the Wrestling Observer Newsletter awards that year, the Divas Revolution was considered the Worst Feud of the Year, second place for Most Disgusting Promotional Tactic, and third place for Worst Gimmick. Ouch!

There are several solutions in which I could solve my own Divas Revolution crisis with Demon Axe. I could expand it into more chapters to give my characters more room to develop. I could delete characters who never meant more than traumatic ghosts. I even considered having a chapter before number twelve where the imprisoned characters sit around and talk to each other about their hopes and dreams. Nothing builds a character quite like dialogue and emotion. Then again, why wrack my brain when all I’m trying to do is write a first draft? All great projects start out as fertilizer before they grow into redwoods and oak trees.

If you’re a fellow author or you just love to read books, this question of the day is for you. How would you handle character development if you have lots of characters who need it? Considering my author friends all write longer stories than me, I’m already anticipating what the answer will be. In fact, I can see it coming from miles away. To quote The Who, “I can see for miles and miles and miles!” We’ve got ears, say cheers!

***DEMON AXE, CHAPTER 14***

There are two possible routes I could go down when it comes to this chapter. One of them is to follow the original blueprints and have Daniel give a pep talk to the puppet string cops guarding the gateway to the elven world. The other route is to have Daniel spend some time in the hospital, which would make the most sense considering how badly he was tortured in the previous chapter. While the latter would make the most sense, it doesn’t really give a sense of urgency when it comes to stopping Roger Zee from doing what he wanted to do. Decisions, decisions…

***FACE BOOK STATUS OF THE DAY***

Just once I’d like to see a rapper with the stage name Apollo-G.

Most Disgusting Promotional Tactics of 2015

***MOST DISGUSTING PROMOTIONAL TACTICS OF 2015***

With the internet as prominent as it is and with backstage politics as easily accessible as they are, wrestling has easily become the most criticized form of entertainment, even by its own fans. A lot of the negativity stems from certain fans not seeing their favorite wrestlers succeed (Cesaro) or seeing their most hated wrestlers get an elevator ride to the top (Kane). It’s hard to maintain a positive attitude among the spoiled fans, but I’ve managed to do so and enjoy wrestling for what it truly is: entertainment.

Yes, I know this journal is about a negative award given by the Wrestling Observer Newsletter every year. I talk about it often, but not because I’m a negative human being. These award winners and runner-ups are a huge source of creative fuel for me. Creative fuel is essential to the life of an author. That, and I love to shock the shit out of people from time to time. The 2015 WON awards have been revealed and in this particular category, there were seven different candidates (one winner, six runner-ups). I’m going to work my way from the top of the list (the winner) to the very bottom. Starting with…


***AWARD WINNER***

EVENT: WWE using Reid Flair’s death to promote a feud between Charlotte and Paige.

REASON: I’ve talked about this before in the past and I’ll only speak briefly about it in the present. Death is a sensitive subject and to approach it with such classlessness is going to bring a lot of people either to tears or a boiling point. It was the case in 2013 when Paul Bearer’s death was exploited and in 2006 when Eddie Guerrero’s was as well.

EXAMPLE: The Westboro Baptist Church are the worst offenders when it comes to insensitivity toward the dead. They hold up “God Hates Fags” signs at funerals, claiming that God is killing off these now-dead people because America’s approval of homosexuality. I could actually picture a Fred Phelps caricature being used on an episode of WWE Raw and then that manager getting a Worst Gimmick award.


***FIRST RUNNER-UP***

EVENT: WWE botching the Divas Revolution.

REASON: Bringing up three badass female athletes to the main WWE roster seemed like a good idea on paper, but it doesn’t change the fact that WWE women’s matches are much different from NXT women’s matches. In NXT, the women are strong role models and bold risk takers, thus ensuring them five-star match accolades. In WWE, the women are sophomoric and have awkward choreography. In other words, nothing has changed on the main roster.

EXAMPLE: Let’s say for instance there’s a high fantasy story taking place and there’s a war going on between an army of orcs, an army of dwarves, and an army of elves. That’s a lot of goddamn warriors and that has potential for a lot of goddamn bloodshed. But let’s say the warriors get drunk and start fighting like middle schoolers. The best you could hope for at this point is a draw.


***SECOND RUNNER-UP***

EVENT: James Storm pushes Mickie James into an oncoming train.

REASON: I haven’t watched TNA since I gave up on them in late 2011. Having said that, we can all agree that it’s not very nice to push a defenseless woman into a moving train. Obviously, Mickie James didn’t die; it was a way to write her off television. But given the fact that trains are big fucking machines that move at a fierce goddamn velocity, the thought of Mickie James’ guts being spread all over the train station is just gross.

EXAMPLE: I used to watch episodes of Dudley Do-Right where the love interest of the main character would be tied onto railroad tracks while a steam train is blitzing her way. It’s a kid’s cartoon, so obviously the love interest was never splattered into a pile of blood and guts. But if you really think about it, that’s a screwed up way to kill somebody, especially a helpless woman whose only role on the show is to be saved by the masculine hero. That’s like something from Criminal Minds.


***THIRD RUNNER-UP***

EVENT: WWE exploiting Connor “The Crusher” Michalek when giving him the Warrior Award.

REASON: TV shows get accused of exploiting their guests all the time. Dr. Phil does it on a regular basis when he brings rape victims onto his show. The Biggest Loser is basically one big fat joke that spans several seasons. And now you’ve got WWE super fan and childhood cancer victim Connor Michalek being paraded around to show what great guys the WWE are…months before they exploit the death of Reid Flair.

EXAMPLE: I think I’ve already covered the examples when I brought up Dr. Phil and The Biggest Loser. What I haven’t covered is that every October, WWE parades around breast cancer survivors as part of their alliance with Susan G. Komen. The WWE neglects to mention that Susan G. Komen was responsible for de-funding Planned Parenthood and that the CEO of SGK pockets most of the donations.


***FOURTH RUNNER-UP***

EVENT: Lucha Underground televising matches where men beat up women.

REASON: With all of this talk in today’s world about “rape culture” and “a woman’s place”, haven’t these poor girls suffered enough without being assaulted by men on a weekly basis? I will admit that the WWE’s Stephanie McMahon is a pain in the ass and deserves a Worst Gimmick award in the most vile way. It doesn’t change the fact that if she was booked in a match to get a KO punch from The Big Show, the WWE would win this award and not the Lucha Underground. If you want Stephanie McMahon to get her ass kicked so badly, have Ronda Rousey do it; she won’t let you down. Plus, Ronda is all woman.

EXAMPLE: The movies North Country and Iron-Jawed Angels are perfect examples of male supremacy. You’ve got men sexually harassing and physically beating these women all because these females want the same societal status as their dick-swinging counterparts. I’ve seen North Country and it was the most disturbing movie I’ve ever watched. I haven’t seen Iron-Jawed Angels, nor do I want to since it’s basically the same male supremacy over and over again.


***FIFTH RUNNER-UP***

EVENT: Michael Cole doing a broken neck storyline directly after Perro Aguayo, Jr. died from whiplash.

REASON: I’m sure this wasn’t intentional mockery of Perro Aguayo’s situation, but the timing couldn’t have been worse than if it was 2005 and the WWE did a terrorist storyline on the day of the London bombings. Timing is everything when it comes to sensitive subjects. Which leads me to my next example…

EXAMPLE: Back in 2011, Fox pulled episodes of Family Guy, The Cleveland Show, and American Dad off the air because they were all about stormy weather and a hurricane had just past through…I forget where. Imagine that backlash against Fox if they hadn’t pulled those episodes, as if Seth MacFarlane doesn’t catch enough shit already.


***FINAL RUNNER-UP***

EVENT: WWE blackballing Hulk Hogan for his racist remarks in 2012 and then lionizing The Ultimate Warrior, who said just as bad or worse things in public.

REASON: Racism is racism no matter who it comes from. The only difference between Hulk Hogan and The Ultimate Warrior is that the latter is now dead and lionizing him would be the only way to honor his memory. Then again, if praising the dead was standard operating procedure, Chris Benoit would be a first ballot WWE Hall of Famer.

EXAMPLE: Racism is a touchy subject no matter which political or news channel you dial into. Donald Trump shoots his mouth off on a regular basis about Arabs, Mexicans, and black people, yet people cheer him on and encourage it. But whenever Al Sharpton talks about white privilege, suddenly the hammer gets brought down with a stiffness.


***CONCLUSION***

Creative fuel can come from anywhere. As far as the creative fuel from MDPT awards go, this is my way of not allowing tragedies to go to waste. Whenever authors write a story, there has to be a main problem and the protagonist has to go through hell in order to solve that problem. When drawing inspiration from these seven horrifying wrestling stories, think about that for a moment.


***WRESTLING JOKE OF THE DAY***

As long as the WWE is putting together tag teams based on their initials, let’s go old school with the pairing of Sting and Ted DiBiase (Team STD). Don’t worry about them giving you cross-body blocks, because Team STD is easy to catch.