***LATENT MATURITY***
So…whenever a public figure fucks up beyond belief, it can
usually be linked to how old they were at the time it happened. This is
especially true when the perpetrator is a teenager and in some cases in their
early twenties (not all cases, but some). The younger you are, the more
forgivable you are in the eyes of the public. But what about fucking up badly
in your later years? Suppose you do something horrible in your late twenties
and apologize for it in your thirties or forties? Only then do you not have an
easy way out of your predicament.
Whenever a teenager writes horrible fan fiction that
accidentally glorifies monstrous behavior, they can be easily forgiven. But if
that author was older and allegedly wiser, then the criticisms become harsher.
An example of this is Anna Todd, the author of the One Direction romantic fan
fiction After. The book got a lot of heat for lionizing abusive relationships,
cheating, and overall deplorable behavior. Anna Todd wrote that book’s first
draft when she was in her early twenties. Because she should have “known
better” at that age, many of the attacks on After were lobbied against her as a
person. Is this fair? Does she legitimately not know how the human experience
works or is this some part of an evil conspiracy?
As many of you are painfully aware, I have my own experience
with writing awful and tone deaf first drafts. Beautiful Monster, anyone? I
didn’t figure this out on my own, but the first draft version of Tarja was
manipulative as hell and incredibly nosy when it came to being therapeutic to Windham. Yes, you heard
that right. Somebody else had to point this out to me. As a bonus to this juicy
backstory, I just celebrated my thirty-third birthday when I completed this
first draft. As someone with that much life experience, I should have known
better than to make Tarja Rikkinen a super-creep. But that’s the thing: I DON’T
have a wealth of life experience. I DON’T have a treasure trove of wisdom. In
today’s world I’m thirty-four years old and I’m still taking too long to
mature.
But when it comes to first drafts, authors should be given
as much permission as possible to fuck up badly. First drafts are NEVER perfect
when they’re barfed onto the page. Even well-established authors will tell you this.
If you see a first draft of a novel and you want to point out mistakes, be
forgiving and nonjudgmental. Every author deserves the benefit of the doubt.
But the thing with Anna Todd’s book is, from what Book Tubers have said about
it, it reads like it never made it past the first draft stage. It has so many
typos, so many plot holes, and so many shitty characters. No sane editor would
have allowed any of those mistakes to stand. And yet, here we are in 2020 and
After not only is a published novel, but a fucking movie. By the way, I’m using
the F-bomb as an adjective, but the movie could very well be about the act of
fucking.
Here’s my stance on latent maturity. Fucking up badly is not
exclusive to any age, whether you’re a teenager, an adult, or shit, let’s
extend that to the elder years. My only concern is, did the offender grow as a
result of this mistake? Did they change their ways? Did they learn the lessons
they were supposed to learn? If the answer to these questions is yes, then that
person should be forgiven, provided the crimes committed weren’t overly
serious. Donald Trump and Jeffrey Epstein don’t deserve forgiveness. I rest my
case.
So if I really do lack the necessary life experience to make
rational decisions about my first draft, then why am I a writer? Isn’t wisdom a
requirement for being successful in that industry? It is indeed. In fact, I
have just enough wisdom to know that I need help crossing the street from time
to time. I certainly don’t want to be offensive when I write first drafts, but
it does happen and I need people to point this out to me without holding a
blade to my throat.
I used to hate criticism so much that I’d reject all of it
no matter how reasonable it was. Now that I’ve gained just a little bit of
wisdom, I know that criticism is vital to my success as an author. I can’t have
a career without it. Does it hurt sometimes? Absolutely. But does the criticism
come from a place of love? Hell yeah it does. That’s something we as creative
people owe each other: a place of love, forgiveness, and growth. If we’re being
judged all the time for our worst mistakes, we’ll never get anything done.
That’s not productive in the least.
Beautiful Monster is hardly the most offensive first draft
novel I’ve written. In 2018, I wrote two others named Silent Warrior and
Incelbordination, both of which are about school life. Because they are first
drafts by their very nature and I don’t trust my wisdom one single bit, there
are things going on in both of those novels that I don’t know could be
offensive as fuck. Is Scott George from Silent Warrior a creep because of who
he’s dating? Am I sending the wrong message by having his girlfriend heal him?
Did I also create a bratty protagonist that nobody wants to cheer for?
What about Incelbordination? Is Oswald Crow a whiny bitch?
Do I overplay the fact that he has dwarfism? Does he have any real dimension to
him other than smoking pot, being short, and listening to heavy metal? Is
having him pine for romantic love a sexist trope? It’ll be a while before I’m
ready to have those two first drafts critiqued. I’ve got my hands full with
Beautiful Monster and Emilio & Marigold. And goddamn, do those stories have
some SERIOUS fucking problems!
To cap off what is already a very rambling blog entry, I just
want to tell each and every one of my dearly beloveds out there to be kind to
each other and don’t judge each other too harshly. Does Anna Todd deserve
forgiveness? What about E.L. James? Or Stephanie Meyer? Is being naïve really
an excuse or is the damage done too overwhelming? These are all reasonable
debates that you can have among your friends and audience members. But when you
have these debates…please be kind and if necessary, rewind. I’m Garrison Kelly!
Until next time, try to enjoy the daylight!
***BEAUTIFUL MONSTER PROGRESS***
I’m certainly taking my sweet time with editing the shit out
of my novel. It could be the creative burnout. It could be general tiredness.
Or it could be that my slowness has been right all along and that I should take
more time to think about how I’m going to fix these longstanding problems. As
of this blog entry, I’m getting ready to edit chapter five, where the readers
are first introduced to Tarja Rikkinen, the token female mercenary at Shadow
Asylum. Or as Commander Rinehart calls her, the “diversity hire”. We know right
away that she’s an excellent fighter, but being insanely violent doesn’t
necessarily make for a likeable character. She needs something extra. But what
will that extra nuance be? Her love for animals? Her penchant for cracking
jokes at inappropriate times? Or maybe…Shelly Atwood will invade her thoughts
and implore Tarja to…spill her secret! What secret is that? Well, if I told you
all, it wouldn’t be a fucking secret! Stay tuned. Or as Lindsey Doe says on You
Tube, stay curious!
***QUOTE OF THE DAY***
“Love is one of
the most intense feelings felt by man; another is hate. Forcing yourself to
feel indiscriminate love is very unnatural. If you try to love everyone you
only lessen your feelings for those who deserve your love. Repressed hatred can
lead to many physical and emotional ailments. By learning to release your
hatred towards those who deserve it, you cleanse yourself of these malignant
emotions and need not take your pent-up hatred out on your loved ones.”
-Anton LaVey-
