Get a Job

DIALOGUE

Tip? I’ve got a tip for you. Get a real job! Hyuk, hyuk, hyuk!

 

VERSE 1

You could hire me as your manicurist

To do the job right, I need to bind your wrists

Paint a nice blue coat over them fingertips

Stop itching your hands, that shit’s gonna rip

Except it wasn’t nail polish, not a single drop

It’s hydrofluoric acid, watch them bubbles pop

Look at your hands! They’re good as new

About as new as my diploma mill degree, dude

 

DIALOGUE

The best kind of social program is spelled J-O-B! Hyuk, hyuk, hyuk!

 

VERSE 2

You could hire me as your wife’s foot masseur

That could have been your role, but I’m much cuter

She can have a few glasses of red wine first

Wouldn’t want her to pass out from all the thirst

Put on some Michael Bolton and squirt some oil

Make her soles nice and soft, make her toes coil

She loves the feeling and it’s making her sing

And just like that, she lost her wedding ring

 

DIALOGUE

Get a job! The world doesn’t owe you a living! Hey, wait a minute…I’m all mixed up here…

 

VERSE 3

You could hire me as your personal chef

I’ll have you munching every bite until there’s nothing left

Word of advice: don’t ask for clam chowder

Unless you’ve got hemorrhoid cream and baby powder

You’ve been on the toilet for over a week

The whole damn house is starting to reek

I guess I’m entitled to some hazard pay

As your shiny red asshole rots and decays

 

DIALOGUE

That does it, boy! Your ass is fired! Why?! Because no one wants to work anymore! Hey, wait a minute…damn it, I got all mixed up again!

Love Is Blue

VERSE 1

Love is blue and so are your balls

You blew up her phone with late night calls

Pistol in your pocket, gun is in your jock

Boots on your feet, kick down doors with locks

“Where is she hiding? Who is she riding?”

That’s what you say, repeat it throughout the day

“Close your pretty eyes, I’ll give you a kiss”

It’s a kiss goodbye, because you never ever miss

 

VERSE 2

Love is blue and your ballcap is red

A true American until the day you’re dead

That day will come soon if you’re not careful

You push against progress, it’s at your own peril

Spit the word thug until your face is like your hat

Rosy red cheeks, it’s as simple as that

Try not to pop a vessel in your one brain cell

You think Jesus is waiting, but you’re down in hell

 

VERSE 3

Love is blue and your pills are black

Sell yourself to chicks like you’re money in the sack

They don’t swipe right, but you vote in that direction

Because the word no has deflated your erection

Which yoga studio do you want to shoot up?

They’re all easy pickings, shooting fish in a cup

The world will know your name and never forget it

Until the admins crack down on 4Chan and Reddit

 

VERSE 4

Love is blue and it’s no other color

You’re held in her arms like a baby with a mother

She strokes your hair in this moment you share

But it’s all a male fantasy, you’re so unaware

Women don’t owe you a goddamn thing

You’re lower than concrete, you think you’re the king

It didn’t have to be this way one iota

But you’ve got a colder heart than snow in Minnesota

Chest Milk

(In the style of “I’m Too Sexy” by Right Said Fred)

 

VERSE 1

He’s a right-wing billionaire

And he just doesn’t care

If he stinks up your air

He’s a red-pilled alpha male

Who never goes to jail

SA victims were failed

And he deadnamed his own daughter

And led her to the slaughter

While his mistress broke her water

 

CHORUS

He’s a model and he wants his bottle

But not whiskey or beer, just some chest milk

He wants some chest milk

He wants some chest milk, yeah

He’s sad because I didn’t call it breast milk

 

VERSE 2

He’s a funny, funny guy

Who wants to make them cry

When they’re bored, he asks, “Why, oh, why?!”

And he drives a cyber truck

And he don’t give a fuck

‘Cause he’s gotten by on luck

 

CHORUS

He’s a model and he wants his bottle

But not whiskey or beer, just some chest milk

He wants some chest milk

He wants some chest milk, yeah

He’s sad because I didn’t call it breast milk

 

VERSE 3

And he outlawed the word cis

And his fans gave him a kiss

On the organ that goes “piss”

 

CHORUS

He’s a model and he wants his bottle

But not whiskey or beer, just some chest milk

He wants some chest milk

He wants some chest milk, yeah

He’s sad because I didn’t call it breast milk

 

VERSE 4

And he bought the birdie app

And it’s a piece of crap

‘Cause it’s for slurs and faps

He, he bought the birdie app

A rage-a-holic trap

For those about to snap

Swipe left, not worth a single tap

You're Too Old to Rule the World

CHORUS

Of course you never wanted to improve society

Never been so stressed that you questioned sobriety

Got sick at others’ happiness, you had to hurl

You’re too old to rule the world!

 

VERSE 1

You shit on my youth, yet every woman is your mother

Kick your kids out the door, yet you want to be smothered

The room in your nursing home is like a prison cell

Because the family you fucked wishes you were in hell

 

CHORUS

Of course you never wanted to improve society

Never been so stressed that you questioned sobriety

Got sick at others’ happiness, you had to hurl

You’re too old to rule the world!

 

VERSE 2

The world is a different place than centuries ago

If you studied history, then you already know

That we can’t go back to the days of torture

The only personality traits were following orders

You yearn for the past, because you would have thrived

In a country where the have-nots could be unalived

For looking at you funny or saying hi to your honey

For even dreaming of the days of disposable money

 

CHORUS

Of course you never wanted to improve society

Never been so stressed that you questioned sobriety

Got sick at others’ happiness, you had to hurl

You’re too old to rule the world!

 

BRIDGE

It was never about gray hair or sagging tits and skin

It was about all the good shit you considered a sin

If someone smiles too much or gets the love bug

You choke the life out of them with a grip so snug

You do it long enough and you become so smug

‘Cause bigotry and rage are more addictive than a drug

Get a little bit of power and you stomp on all the flowers

We’re keeping our bladders full for your final hour

 

OUTRO

You’re too old to rule the world!

Keep your country’s flag all furled!

You’re too old to fuck the young!

That’s why these lyrics must be sung!

The One

VERSE 1

“Surf the internet in incognito mode?

You’re on your way to hell, a lonely road

Pray to god and take your ginkgo biloba

Stop drinking every bottle of diet soda”

Your medical advice must be so nice

For those on a diet of crackers of rice

You care so much if I’m seduced and enticed

By the ladies on the screen who bring the spice

 

PRE-CHORUS

Since you’re so emotionally invested

Here’s a little challenge so unexpected

 

CHORUS 1

Find me! The one who cares

Find me! The one who stares

At me with pretty eyes

Makes my spirit rise, destroys your lies

Find me! The one who cares

Find me! The one who shares

Her bed with me tonight

It’s a trick question, just admit I’m right

 

VERSE 2

“Yo, bro! Just swallow these red pills

Watch some UFC, get those bloody thrills

Don’t simp for nobody, go get yourself laid

It doesn’t count if your lover gets paid”

I’ve never seen so many SWERFS in one whole place

Who never gave a woman her own O-face

That’s okay, I haven’t done that myself

So I’m jerking it raw for my mental health

 

PRE-CHORUS

Since you’re so emotionally invested

Here’s a little challenge so unexpected

 

CHORUS 1

Find me! The one who cares

Find me! The one who stares

At me with pretty eyes

Makes my spirit rise, destroys your lies

Find me! The one who cares

Find me! The one who shares

Her bed with me tonight

It’s a trick question, just admit I’m right

 

VERSE 3

“Your computer’s slowing down, are you watching corn?

There must be other ways to keep your dick warm

Go touch some grass and then go get some ass

Here’s your invoice for the day, credit or cash?”

Five hundred bucks? Who’s got that kind of money?

I could have spent it in The Land of Milk and Honey

Oh wait, you’re one of them Elon Musk tech bros

Is that why you’ve got brown stains on your nose?

 

CHORUS 2

Oh well! It feels like no one cares

Oh well! It feels like no one wears

Every little hat I’ve got

You couldn’t walk in my shoes, couldn’t take my spot

Oh well! It feels like no one cares

Oh well! It feels so unfair

And now I sound just like a guy

With a microphone and a podcast, why?

Gone

“Don’t fall in love with strangers on the internet

Even though their beauty is impossible to forget

There are real life girls who’d love to take you to bed”

It’s the world’s shortest line, because they’re all gone

 

“Don’t spend all your time watching You Tube clips

While you’re munching down on a bag of cheesy chips

There’s so much cinema, characters you want to ship”

There’s just one problem, the best of them are gone

 

“Stop laying in bed when there’s so much to create

Never mind that the discourse is covered in hate

You can counter it with love, why would you want to wait?”

I’ll tell you why: because the good ones are gone

 

“Mother Nature is the very best antidepressant

The cost is cheap for every working-class peasant

You can feed the squirrels, sing with the pheasants”

It’s too hot outside, because the ozone is gone

 

“Get yourself a car, show off your convertible

Get yourself a job, get paid to be serviceable

Buy all the shit you want, stack it high and vertical”

Where are all the good bosses? Oh wait, they’re gone

 

Just gone! Gone! Gone without a trace!

A shitshow of a world is what came in its place

I’ve never seen a broken spirit with a happy face

It’s camouflage for authenticity they want to erase

 

“Can’t we all just get along?” Fuck no, we can’t!

Not as long as we’re repeating the same racist chant

Not as long as the elite cuts us off at the knees

And brainwashes everyone with the greatest of ease

 

Gone! Gone! Gone without a trace!

All You Want Is More

VERSE 1

It might be a shocker to those unaware

But not all my dark secrets are fit to air

On TV, radio, or the good old Tubes of You

In between advertisements of whiskey and brew

Did I really do that to an old classmate?

Did I joke about submissives like a sick reprobate?

Did I do it on the bird app that I won’t call X?

Do I got a one-track mind preoccupied with sex?

 

CHORUS 1

I gave you my pain and all you want is more

I gave you my tears and all you want is more

Ripped open old wounds and all you want is more

Deets and dates, all you want is more!

 

VERSE 2

I crucified myself for an audience of many

I did it all for free, didn’t earn a single penny

The riches and bitches are for the anchors at five

Trust me when I say, they won’t call me “unalive”

 

CHORUS 1

I gave you my pain and all you want is more

I gave you my tears and all you want is more

Ripped open old wounds and all you want is more

Deets and dates, all you want is more!

 

BRIDGE

The conversation has long since run its course

Yet it happens again and you’ve got no remorse

Let the words of the greedy die a bloody death

It’s nosy at worst, concern trolling at best

 

VERSE 3

None of you got nothing to be nervous about

I was never suicidal, shouldn’t be in doubt

Even if the whole world takes turns fucking me

I’m alive for it all even when I fucking bleed

No gulag on earth will break me down

No reeducation camp will knock off my crown

I’m the king of my life, the god of my mind

My body’s made of meat, but it’s an axe I grind

 

CHORUS 2

I’ll give you my fist, do you want some more?

I’ll give you my bullet, do you want some more?

I’ll give you my blade, do you want some more?

Dicks and tricks, I hope you’re ready for more!