"American Born Chinese" by Gene Luen Yang

On the inner sleeve of a graphic novel known as “American Born Chinese”, it will specifically tell you that three different stories will intertwine by the time the story’s over. When you get a glimpse of the three stories firsthand, you’ll ask yourself…how?! In the first story, you’ve got a kung fu-practicing monkey who wants to become a mighty deity. In the second, you’ve got an adolescent Chinese boy who is constantly picked on by his peers and tries to find friendship in the most unlikely places. And then you have Danny, whose stereotypically Chinese cousin comes over to visit and embarrass him in school with his buck teeth, R and L mix-ups, foot-binding intentions, etc. At first glance, it appears that these three stories have absolutely nothing to do with each other. You could even say that they’re worlds apart. Hell, the monkey’s story literally takes place in another world. I won’t give away how exactly these stories are related since that question is answered at the end. I will say this, however: if you’ve ever needed a lesson on maintaining friendships and being yourself, this is the graphic novel for you. Nobody makes it easy for these main characters to learn these lessons. Lots of bullies, lots of godly forces, and more than anything else, social awkwardness. High school is always an awkward time for teenagers. Maybe all they needed was for someone to help them along the way of their growth. Maybe that’s why there are three stories instead of just one: more allies to depend on in the end. Or perhaps there’s that remote possibility that Gene Luen Yang wanted to create a graphic novel that was fast-paced and somewhat giggly at the same time while making references that some parts of the book could be autobiographical. It’s never easy to tell what an author’s intentions are unless they tell you directly. But I suppose that’s why we have college classes and things of that nature: so that we can analyze the literary structure as much as possible. Whether you’re a student assigned to “American Born Chinese” or if you’re just a good old-fashioned bookworm, you will enjoy this graphic novel, guaranteed or your money back, which in this case is somewhere in the mid-20’s price range.

　

***LYRICS OF THE DAY***

“Dear child, stop working. Go play. Forget every rule. There’s no fear in a dream.”

-Nightwish singing “Song of Myself”-

"The Lovecraft Anthology" by HP Lovecraft

 

 

Do you feel like there’s no hope for the future? Do you feel like everywhere you go there’s something always there to pull you under? If you said yes to either of these questions, just know that you’re not in a Lexapro commercial. It’s much, much worse. You’re a character in the graphic novel rendition of “The Lovecraft Anthology”. This isn’t just any collection of horror stories we’re talking about. HP Lovecraft is a legend in his genre. His horror revolves around terrifying monsters that not just destroy everything around them, but drive the main characters to madness. Now do you wish you were in a Lexapro commercial? Well, let’s see what we’ve got here. The most obvious example of maddening pessimism is the Call of Cthulu. Cthulu is a gigantic, oily creature with multiple tentacles and a head so ugly that you won’t feel like eating anything for weeks. But really, do you expect your sanity to last only for a few weeks? Wrong, pacho! And if you don’t believe me, try taking a look at the tale where a monstrous force has infected a farmland and everybody who eats the crops has their brains turn to liquid shit. What about the tale where mermen emerge from the sea to claim what’s rightfully theirs, all whilst surrounding the main character in a futile escape attempt on his part. Case in point, you’ve got nowhere to go, motherfucker. As for me personally, I don’t get frightened that easily from horror stories. Most of the time, I just find the violence disgustingly disturbing. In this graphic novel, not only is the violence disturbing, but it’s actually frightening, which is the whole point of horror: to scare the living crap out of people! There’s one description that really got the best of me in terms of pants-pissing fright. The main character in one of the stories actually describes his heart as feeling like someone was gripping it tightly as a fearful reaction. Of course, nobody actually had a tight grip on his heart…right? Maybe I’m wrong about it just being a description. Truth be told, I put absolutely nothing passed HP Lovecraft. He will do anything to anybody as long as his pessimism serves him well. There are no happy endings, there are no fairy tale archetypes, it’s all just one huge clusterfuck of insanity. If you really want to feel like the world is ending without having a bunch of whackos spouting things about 2012 in your face, buy “The Lovecraft Anthology” instead. I’d end this review by saying that everybody wins, but that’s not entirely true, now is it?

 

 

***JOKE OF THE DAY***

 

Q: What did the masochist say after eating at Red Lobster?

A: Mmmmmmm!!

"The Cat Who Tailed a Thief" by Lilian Jackson Braun

It’d be cliché to say that Lilian Jackson Braun does it again, but guess what? Lilian Jackson Braun does it again with “The Cat Who Tailed a Thief”. Judging from this book and “The Cat Who Talked Turkey”, a couple of things about this series of novels are true. One, there’s always reason to suspect the most annoying character in the book. Two, if something needs to be talked about, it will be done over lunch at a restaurant or a bottle of scotch in the main character’s home. And three, and this one goes without saying: KITTIES!! Two Siamese babies named Koko and Yum-Yum will always be there to rub against someone’s ankles and make the reader feel like he’s got a sleeping animal pie on his lap. And there, ladies and gentlemen, is the reason why these books are called “cozy mysteries”, because they take place in a small town where everybody knows each other and they make great reading during those lazy afternoons when nothing is on TV and you’ve got animals all around you like Noah’s Ark. You want to talk about being left in “aww” and wonder, that’s it, man. In the case of “The Cat Who Tailed a Thief”, the one character you need to watch out for is Danielle Carmichael, a fashionable diva who always seems to be annoyed with being in a small town, has been described as having a rusty gate voice, and is always hitting on Jim Qwilleran. Things begin to get extremely complicated by the presence of Danielle’s cousin, a home restoration nut named Carter Lee James, who instantly marries a rich widow and has his home restoration skills called into question after the projects never seem to get started. Oh, and did I mention there are two murders and a string of petty thefts in this mystery? It wouldn’t be complete if there wasn’t a crime to attach such suspicious people to. Sooner or later, your suspicions will be confirmed, but it’s all a matter of how and why instead of who, what, where, and when. This isn’t a game of Clue we’re talking about here, this is deep stuff. Nobody’s getting clonked on the head with a candlestick by Miss Scarlet. But in spite of all of these horrible things going on, you’ll still maintain your coziness in the comfort of your beddy-bye or easy chair, compliments of the late great Lilan Jackson Braun.

　

***JOKE OF THE DAY***

Q: Where do rabbits go when they’re sick?
A: Urgent Carrot.

"Last Words" by George Carlin

Of all the comedians who have graced the stage with their giggly prowess, no one had a more legendary, prolific, and productive career than George Carlin. To this day, I consider him one of my biggest influences when it comes to my writing. And speaking of writing, it just so happens that his posthumous memoir “Last Words” is out in bookstores everywhere. In this book, he details the transformation he went through over the decades from an impressionist to a political sage. In his younger days he would do impressions of politicians, religious figures, celebrities, and even people in his own life. Because of the changing political environment around him, he wasn’t content with just sitting on the sidelines and letting all of these atrocities go to waste. He made this decision to include political humor in his routine around the time that America went to war with Vietnam and when Martin Luther King, Jr. and John F. Kennedy were assassinated. His political routines didn’t come without punishment, however. He was arrested several times for his use of vulgar language and even received death threats from irate fans. Carlin continued to press on and ignore the hatred from his conservative critics. Around the 1980’s, his political humor became more refined because he actually went to libraries and did research. It was due to this that his rant against Ronald Reagan was so well received by his audience. From that point on, he got more sadistic in his routines and began to incorporate dark comedy. The “Entropy Fan” skit was a prime example of how sick and twisted he could become. Through all of this evolution, it seemed as though Carlin’s words would resonate throughout history as being not only funny and enjoyable, but thought-provoking as well. But there’s a reason why this book was called “Last Words” and it’s because they really are his last words. In 2008, Carlin died due to heart problems and the world became much colder than it already was. If I could say something to Carlin right now, I would thank him for all of those decades of giggly moments and for being a huge influence on my writing. Truth be told, during my free time I actually practice famous George Carlin routines so that I can perform them in front of my family. How’s that for dedication?

　

***COMEDIC QUOTE OF THE DAY***

“Nobody would boil a lobster alive if it looked like a puppy.”

-George Carlin-

"Kick-Ass 1 & 2" by Mark Millar

Have you ever felt like putting on a superhero costume and going around fighting villains in brutal street wars? Buy copies of “Kick-Ass” and “Kick-Ass 2” before you make any sudden decisions. What can you expect from the two-part series? Brutality. Lots and lots of brutality. These kids (Kick-Ass and Hit-Girl) are barely old enough to know how to drive a car and already they’re engaging in hellacious fights with villains who aren’t afraid to die. Broken bones, electrocuted genitals, torn flesh, massive bleeding, gigantic bruises, and a litany of other monstrously violent battle scars cover the bodies of every pubescent superhero who tries to make a name for himself. But it’s all in a day’s work for Kick-Ass and crew. You’d think that he would get used to all of these beatings by now, but as the story progresses from part one to part two, the brutality multiplies to greater volumes. The worst of the beatings happen to people that Kick-Ass and Hit-Girl care about such as parents, friends, love interests, etc. It was almost enough to make them want to quit being superheroes until the villains pushed a little too hard a little too much. With this cluster-fuck of violent behavior going on in these beautifully drawn graphic novels, you’re bound to have some critic out there complaining that they “normalize” all of the adult content that takes place. I remember reading a review that complained about Hit-Girl swearing at such a young age in the Kick-Ass movie. I see these reviews and wonder if these critics even know the difference between fantasy and reality. In the fantasy world, violence, swearing, sex, and drug use are beautiful things. They have to be in order to keep the reader’s attention. In the real world, martial arts violence is brutal and upsetting. This kind of debate was going on with “A Clockwork Orange” and the same arguments could be made in that conversation. Reading comic books like “Kick-Ass” and “Kick-Ass 2” is a form of escapism. We escape from one world of dullness and enter a world of fantasy and wonder. That’s how fiction works. If people tried being superheroes in real life, the pain that Kick-Ass felt after having his balls electrocuted would pail in comparison to what the would-be heroes would feel. In some ways, “Kick-Ass” is a fair representation of what vigilantes can expect if they become too independent of the police and military. It’s an ugly world out there, I agree. But it’s not worth having fried balls over. Leave that to Kick-Ass and his crew of head-stomping superheroes!

　

***JOKE OF THE DAY***

Q: What’s it called when the earth shits itself?
A: Gaia-Ria.

"The Cat Who Talked Turkey" by Lilian Jackson Braun

Jim Qwilleran has a lot on his plate in “The Cat Who Talked Turkey”. A man mysteriously dies on his property all while Qwill tries to write a radio drama about the Storm of 1913 on top of writing articles in the newspaper about recent events such as the building of a new library and the Scottish celebration in the neighboring town of Brr. How does he juggle all of these elements into his own personal narrative? With the help of his two Siamese kitty babies, Koko and Yum-Yum. Cats always give their owners comfort and coziness, especially in times of nervousness and high energy. A simple stroke along the kitty’s soft, fluffy fur can bring about feelings of joy comparable to the same kitty’s gentle purr. But Koko and Yum-Yum aren’t just comfort animals. They’re very helpful to Qwilleran when he needs a mystery to be solved. Koko is extremely intuitive when it comes to detecting the ill intentions of the people that Qwill involves himself with. If Koko likes the person, he’ll emit a gentle meow and maybe even a few purrs that are as loud as a lawnmower. If he senses foul play, he’ll emit one of his famous “death howls” along with his evil-sounding hisses. Qwill often wonders if Koko has psychic abilities or if he just has a lot of empathy for people. Yum-Yum plays the part of the affectionate and flirty kitty. She’s always rubbing her head against the guests’ ankles and even untying their shoes for them. She loves to bat around small objects, her favorite one in this particular story being a metal thimble. Yum-Yum can be just as intuitive as Koko, but gets too nervous to spring into action like her older brother normally does. Together, Koko and Yum-Yum bring joy and happiness not only to the lives of Qwill and his friends, but also to the reader. Despite the multiple murders that take place in this story, they’re not enough to keep the reader from wanting to snuggle the two kitties in his arms and hold them on his lap. Belly rubs and gentle ear massages for Koko and Yum-Yum! Because of the coziness and happiness these “Cat Who…” books bring about, I could easily go through the whole series without missing a beat. It’s what Lilian Jackson Braun would have wanted: for the two little animal babies to be remembered for bringing joy into people‘s lives. May Ms. Braun rest in peace.

　

***COMEDIC QUOTE OF THE DAY***

“An art thief is someone who takes pictures.”

-George Carlin-

"Just a Guy" by BIll Engvall

You all know Bill Engvall as a giggly blue-collar comedian who will forever be known as the guy who hands out signs to morons that read “I’m Stupid”. In his 2007 memoir entitled “Just a Guy”, he’s still a giggly blue-collar comedian known for saying “Here’s Your Sign”, but his material is a little more personal this time. Bill was always known for having a great sense of humor, so his future in comedy just came naturally. A classic example of this is when he was jumping around with his sisters on the bed and he fell off and sliced himself open. Instead of being gross and perverted like a lot of horror authors, he took the hyperbolic route and in the book described the blood flow as being worse than the entire Saw series. You don’t actually have to watch the Saw movies to know what he’s talking about. Just the fact that the movies have that name is enough to let the reader know that someone’s getting slashed up worse than Bill plopping on a sharp wooden floor. But for all you writers out there, keep in mind that the only reason Bill Engvall can get away with hyperbolic descriptions and you can’t is because A: he’s a celebrity, and B: he’s a comedian. That’s why when he described a tall-haired woman on an airplane as looking like Marge Simpson, he gets more laughs out of that one sentence than most writers get out of an entire novel. Or how about the time when he described himself as being so sore after a baseball game that he walked like he crapped his pants. Huh? There’s an image you’ll never get out of your head! Having said all of these things about Bill Engvall’s comedic prowess, “Just a Guy” isn’t without its somber moments. They’re few and far in between, but they’re still there and they’ll still haunt you. The one that sticks out for me is when Bill’s mother divorced his father and he was left with a huge hole in his heart that couldn’t be patched up with levy cement. It pained me to read that a funny guy like him was actually crying his eyes out whenever the thought of his mother leaving him came about. Yet another one that sticks out in my mind is near the end of the book where Bill talks about becoming more and more invisible as he gets older. He’s away on the road for so long that the only function he has anymore is buying pizza or taking the kids for a ride to the mall. As someone who’s been a ghost before, this is troubling to me. But don’t let these two tearjerker moments draw you away from this book. It’s a giggly read from beginning to end and it’ll go by so fast that you won’t have time to have dewy eyes. Definitely worth whatever you pay for it!

　

***COMEDIC QUOTE OF THE DAY***

“My son plays the piano and one day he said he wanted to play something for me. He says, ‘I’m going to play you something from Harry Potter.’ And I say, ‘The movie?’ And he says, ‘No, the book. Here’s your sign, Dad!’”

-Bill Engvall-