Do you feel like there’s no hope for the future? Do you feel
like everywhere you go there’s something always there to pull you under? If you
said yes to either of these questions, just know that you’re not in a Lexapro
commercial. It’s much, much worse. You’re a character in the graphic novel
rendition of “The Lovecraft Anthology”. This isn’t just any collection of
horror stories we’re talking about. HP Lovecraft is a legend in his genre. His
horror revolves around terrifying monsters that not just destroy everything
around them, but drive the main characters to madness. Now do you wish you were
in a Lexapro commercial? Well, let’s see what we’ve got here. The most obvious
example of maddening pessimism is the Call of Cthulu. Cthulu is a gigantic,
oily creature with multiple tentacles and a head so ugly that you won’t feel
like eating anything for weeks. But really, do you expect your sanity to last
only for a few weeks? Wrong, pacho! And if you don’t believe me, try taking a
look at the tale where a monstrous force has infected a farmland and everybody who
eats the crops has their brains turn to liquid shit. What about the tale where
mermen emerge from the sea to claim what’s rightfully theirs, all whilst
surrounding the main character in a futile escape attempt on his part. Case in
point, you’ve got nowhere to go, motherfucker. As for me personally, I don’t
get frightened that easily from horror stories. Most of the time, I just find
the violence disgustingly disturbing. In this graphic novel, not only is the
violence disturbing, but it’s actually frightening, which is the whole point of
horror: to scare the living crap out of people! There’s one description that
really got the best of me in terms of pants-pissing fright. The main character
in one of the stories actually describes his heart as feeling like someone was
gripping it tightly as a fearful reaction. Of course, nobody actually had a
tight grip on his heart…right? Maybe I’m wrong about it just being a
description. Truth be told, I put absolutely nothing passed HP Lovecraft. He
will do anything to anybody as long as his pessimism serves him well. There are
no happy endings, there are no fairy tale archetypes, it’s all just one huge
clusterfuck of insanity. If you really want to feel like the world is ending without
having a bunch of whackos spouting things about 2012 in your face, buy “The
Lovecraft Anthology” instead. I’d end this review by saying that everybody
wins, but that’s not entirely true, now is it?
***JOKE OF THE DAY***
Q: What did the masochist say after eating at Red Lobster?
A: Mmmmmmm!!
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