"Brain Droppings" by George Carlin

Seeing as how “Brain Droppings” is a collection of George Carlin’s greatest hits, it’s only fitting that instead of a full-scale review, I give a few samples of his work. Starting with…

Which is more immoral? Killing two 100-pound people or killing 300-pound person?

Which is taller? A short-order cook or a small-engine mechanic?

If JFK Jr. got into a taxi in New York to go to the airport, do you think he would say, “Take me to JFK?” How would he feel about that? And how does Lee Harvey Oswald’s mother feel when she walks through JFK, knowing that if she had stayed single it would probably be Martin Luther King Jr. Airport?

How can “crash course” and “collision course” have two different meanings?

Kids are now being born with syphilis and cocaine habits. There’s nothing like waking up your second day on Earth and realizing that once you kick cocaine you’re still going to have the syph. And hey, kids! If you didn’t get VD in the womb, don’t worry, you still have a shot. Some toddlers recently picked up gonorrhea at a day care center.

When a lion escapes from a circus in Africa, how do they know when they’ve caught the right one?

They said on the news that tests on monkeys showed HIV can be transmitted through oral sex. What I want to know is, who had to blow the monkeys?

Shopping and buying and getting and having comprise the Great American Addiction. No one is immune: When the underclass riots in this country, they don’t kill policemen and politicians, they steal merchandise. How embarrassing.

Since childhood is a time when kids prepare to be grownups, I think it makes a lot of sense to completely traumatize your children. Gets them ready for the real world.

I always order the International Breakfast: French toast, English muffin, Belgian waffle, Spanish omelet, Danish pastry, Swedish pancakes, Canadian bacon, and Irish coffee.

Something is dreadfully wrong in this country. There is actually an organization called Wrestlers Against Drugs, and on TV there is now a Christian weightlifting tour.

Want more? Buy “Brain Droppings”. It’s what Carlin would have wanted…whether he was dead or alive.

　

***COMEDIC QUOTE OF THE DAY***

“We’ve heard about battered wives and a lot of work has been done in that area. But then we started hearing about battered husbands too. There are battered husbands. This happens when the woman is really big, the man is really small, and they each drink a quart of whiskey a day.”

-George Carlin (who else?)-

"Last Words" by George Carlin

Of all the comedians who have graced the stage with their giggly prowess, no one had a more legendary, prolific, and productive career than George Carlin. To this day, I consider him one of my biggest influences when it comes to my writing. And speaking of writing, it just so happens that his posthumous memoir “Last Words” is out in bookstores everywhere. In this book, he details the transformation he went through over the decades from an impressionist to a political sage. In his younger days he would do impressions of politicians, religious figures, celebrities, and even people in his own life. Because of the changing political environment around him, he wasn’t content with just sitting on the sidelines and letting all of these atrocities go to waste. He made this decision to include political humor in his routine around the time that America went to war with Vietnam and when Martin Luther King, Jr. and John F. Kennedy were assassinated. His political routines didn’t come without punishment, however. He was arrested several times for his use of vulgar language and even received death threats from irate fans. Carlin continued to press on and ignore the hatred from his conservative critics. Around the 1980’s, his political humor became more refined because he actually went to libraries and did research. It was due to this that his rant against Ronald Reagan was so well received by his audience. From that point on, he got more sadistic in his routines and began to incorporate dark comedy. The “Entropy Fan” skit was a prime example of how sick and twisted he could become. Through all of this evolution, it seemed as though Carlin’s words would resonate throughout history as being not only funny and enjoyable, but thought-provoking as well. But there’s a reason why this book was called “Last Words” and it’s because they really are his last words. In 2008, Carlin died due to heart problems and the world became much colder than it already was. If I could say something to Carlin right now, I would thank him for all of those decades of giggly moments and for being a huge influence on my writing. Truth be told, during my free time I actually practice famous George Carlin routines so that I can perform them in front of my family. How’s that for dedication?

　

***COMEDIC QUOTE OF THE DAY***

“Nobody would boil a lobster alive if it looked like a puppy.”

-George Carlin-