Anakin Skywalker Is About as Smooth as Sandpaper Dude Wipes

 

Romance Scammers Are the Scum of the Earth; I'll Die on That Hill, Hopefully They'll Die in Their Own Filth

 

The Hobby Continues...

 

Fragile

VERSE1

Putting on the mask is too much to ask

I’ve had it on since the days of being a pawn

For ungrateful swine who do nothing but whine

I give a million percent just to pay my rent

They said I should smile even when I’m on trial

For my social crimes that I commit all the time

Just being myself gets me a ticket to hell

Earth is already like that even when I strike back

 

CHORUS

You are fragile! Fragile!

Conformists are so fragile! Fragile!

I’ll never adjust, because I cannot trust

Shock collar doctors who are somehow fathers

You are fragile! Fragile!

 

VERSE 2

Putting on a show like I’m your little ho

Kick line, comedy, needing a lobotomy

Scenes from movies where they don’t show boobies

Wouldn’t want to offend or the performance to end

Sing with a pretty voice like I ain’t got a choice

Hymns and love songs, go all night long

I crash on my bed like I’m already dead

Do it over tomorrow, not allowed to show sorrow

 

CHORUS

You are fragile! Fragile!

Conformists are so fragile! Fragile!

I’ll never adjust, because I cannot trust

Shock collar doctors who are somehow fathers

You are fragile! Fragile!

 

OUTRO

You ever wonder why I’m on medication?

I’m an overachiever, gave too much dedication

To fair weather bosses who would never hire me

Not one day on the job, yet they still like to tire me

Shaking me down for performative excitement

When I’d rather lay low, they accuse me of entitlement

Middle aged ambition is to lay down and rest

Couldn’t take another class or a scantron test

Couldn’t make another dollar while serving a burger

Couldn’t fantasize about anything but murder

They call it burnout, because there used to be flames

But my body is ashes, no more skin in the game

Maybe I’m the one who’s been fragile all along

Breaking down anyways even though I was strong

RIP Electric Pencil Sharpener (2015-2026)

Well…I knew this day was going to come eventually, but I didn’t think it’d be today. I’ve been using my electric pencil sharpener for 11 years and today it finally died. Electric sharpeners typically last 7 to 10 years, but I was lucky to have it for 11 considering that I literally worked it to death. A lot of that is my fault for not taking good enough care of it. I emptied the tray only when it got completely full. I fed colored pencils through it, which you’re not supposed to do. I didn’t know how hard to press down when I fed a pencil through it. And from 2024 to 2026 when my cartooning hobby really took off, I literally worked it to death. I ordered a new pencil sharpener and until it arrives at my house, there will be no more cartoons. But once it shows up, I’ve got romance scammers in my crosshairs…

A Most Sincere Apology to Those I've Offended, Complete with Good Intentions, Promises, and Pie Crusts

 

Stephanie McMahon Really Cares About Bad Press