***DALE UPDATE***
After successful heart surgery, my step-dad Dale is finally
home from the hospital. He seems to be in the same good spirits he’s always in
as evidenced by his ability to enjoy a rerun of NCIS: Los Angeles on TV. He’s only been away for a
short while, but everyone here at the house missed him. The animals are
especially glad to see him back judging from how Tori jumped up on Dale’s chest
and purred like a lawnmower. He’s going to have to make a lot of phone calls to
his distant family to tell them how he is, but he’ll survive. See what I did
there?
As part of his recovery process, plenty of things in his
life are going to change. He won’t do as much heavy work as he normally does,
he can’t eat fatty or sugary foods anymore, and he’ll have to take a shit ton
of medication in addition to what he takes now. Since Dale’s going to be eating
healthier meals from now on, we all will and quite frankly it’s about time.
I’ll be the first to admit that I don’t make the best food decisions and it
shows with my lack of cardio and my big belly. Maybe with more rabbit food
around the house, I’ll have no choice but to take better care of my body.
Losing weight is important to me, but now that there’s going to be a stronger
support system in place, I can actually do it. More importantly, Dale will have
a lot longer to live.
Peace and order have been restored to the Haines-Temons-Stevens-Wilson
household. Dale still has some resting and recovering to do, but that’s the
easiest part of this whole ordeal, especially when the animals all want to
snuggle around him. At first we worried that we wouldn’t be able to take care
of our 15-year-old Springer Spaniel Maggie anymore. She’s blind, deaf, senile,
and shits and pisses on the floor on a regular basis. With Dale out of the
hospital and recovering nicely, Maggie can also continue to enjoy her elder
years on this earth. The running joke around our family is that this house is a
retirement home for both elderly animals and people. Nobody seems to have a
counterpoint for that joke. Hehe!
Mom and Dale’s east coast vacation is still off the table,
but Mom is optimistic about the two of them being able to see Paul Simon
perform in Denver
in late June. I swear to god, you should see Mom’s face light up like a
Christmas tree anytime I give her a Paul Simon CD for a gift. I gave her one
for Mother’s Day along with Trevor Noah’s memoir and she grinned from ear to
ear. Come to think of it, Father’s Day isn’t too far away either. I hope Dale
will have the same reaction when he opens his presents. Hell, it’s the easiest
bet in the world!
That’s all I have to say for now. In short, Dale’s doing
just fine now and he’s going to keep doing fine as the years go on. Thanks in
advance for your positive vibes. I’m Garrison Kelly and I’ll see you next time!
***WEEKLY SHORT STORY CONTESTS AND COMPANY***
It’s another week at the WSS and this time the prompt is
“Eye of the Storm”. I have a funny feeling that we’ve had that prompt before,
but maybe it was worded differently. I’m not entirely sure, but I have a short
story ready to be written nonetheless. It’s called “I Am Death”, but it’s not
about the Muslim heavy metal band with the same name in my recent first draft
novel Demon Axe. On the contrary, it’s much, much different!
CHARACTERS:
- Kobra,
Street Illusionist
- Lux,
Kobra’s Assistant and Girlfriend
- Keith
Turner, Racist Murderer
- Nameless
Black Protesters
- Nameless
KKK Members
- Nameless
Police Officers
PROMPT CONFORMITY: Kobra’s angel of death gimmick involves
heavy windstorms.
SYNOPSIS: Protesters, counter-protesters, and cops are
gathered around the Paulson
City courthouse awaiting
the verdict against Keith Turner, who went on trial for murdering an
eight-year-old black girl. Keith is eventually found not guilty and the outside
crowd erupts into riotous hysteria. Kobra and Lux use their illusionary tricks
to convince the police and KKK members that Kobra is an angel of death who came
to earth to cleanse the world of evil and tyranny. Among the magic tricks he
uses include levitation, pyrotechnics, voice manipulation, and Hollywood windstorms. Kobra and Lux hope that their bluff
will be enough to scare people into leaving the black protesters alone and
releasing them from police custody.
***LAW & ORDER: SVU PARODY OF THE DAY***
In New York City’s war on crime, Olivia Benson
with duct tape on her mouth is considered especially erotic. The detectives who
are clearly masturbating in the background are part of an elite squad known as
the Sexy Victims Unit. These are their stories. DONG, DONG!
