Save Your Life

VERSE 1

You’re laying on my sofa getting high on my medicine

I couldn’t call the police without a shred of evidence

That you stole everything from me and my family

Left us broke and broken, on the edge of tragedy

So even if you’re drowning in the ghost river

I won’t swim after you, I’ll just let you shiver

You better grow gills and a fish tail over your legs

If you make it to the surface, grab your tin cup and beg

CHORUS

I’m never going to save your life

So get ready for the afterlife

You’d never do the same

For me on any day

Now it’s time to say

Now it’s time to say goodbye

VERSE 2

You got inside my head and you’re not getting out

Can I get on with my life? The answer is in doubt

My favorite music is all but dead to me

I got all this passion, but not enough energy

So even if you’re dangling over jagged rocks below

I’d turn and walk away, this is your own death row

You’d better grow wings and a halo over your head

If you fly to the top, it’s because you’re already dead

CHORUS

I’m never going to save your life

So get ready for the afterlife

You’d never do the same

For me on any day

Now it’s time to say

Now it’s time to say goodbye

BRIDGE

Forgiveness is a violation of my boundaries

It’s hard to let it go when my brain takes a pounding

I’m stuck in second place, but I’ll keep dipping lower

That’s called mental torture, it keeps getting slower

I can’t hold a job, I can’t live my life

I can’t drive a car, can’t marry a wife

My dreams are all gone with the wind

And that’s why I refuse to forgive

CHORUS

I’m never going to save your life

So get ready for the afterlife

You’d never do the same

For me on any day

Now it’s time to say

Now it’s time to say goodbye

Reincarnation

 ***REINCARNATION***

This pandemic has left a lot of us on cruise control, which means a lot of time to think about whatever. For people like me who suffer from a variety of mental illnesses, that’s not always a good thing. Imaginations aren’t always about unicorns and dragons and woodland elves. Sometimes they’re a lot more sinister. Sometimes you argue with your head voices and accomplish nothing except for ensuring your own heartache in the process. And somewhere in this sea of diarrhea, you find a few gems. My gem happens to be the concept of reincarnation. It’s something I’ve made up my mind about a long time ago, but haven’t really discussed it at length with anybody, let alone the public. So in the interest of coming to grips with our own mortalities in the midst of worldwide trauma, here are my thoughts on the subject:

Despite being a hardcore atheist with no desire for heaven and hell, I do believe in reincarnation. It doesn’t have to be influenced by religion or politics. My own belief in reincarnation is one out of necessity. The idea of dying and being frozen in time with no consciousness and nothing to do is just boring to me. So boring, in fact, that it would drive me insane despite not having a consciousness. I do want to be reincarnated when I die. I don’t want to just sit around and stare at a blank screen for all eternity. Would I have any say as to how I would be reincarnated? Of course not. That would ruin the whole mystery of it all and make death completely meaningless.

What would I be reincarnated as? A human child in a loving home? A human child in a broken home? A future metal head in the making? A future country star in the making? An author again? An atheist? A Christian? An American? A Canadian? A Saudi Arabian? Whatever this new life would be, it would come with its own lessons and challenges, just like any other life. There would be complexities, opinions, feelings, and three-dimensional characteristics. I would have my own set of demons that would either traumatize me for life or give me something to conquer. Or maybe I could just be reborn as a lap cat and completely laze my way through existence. That would be nice!

If you think I’m spouting a bunch of verbal diarrhea when it comes to my reincarnation beliefs, that won’t bother me at all. You can agree or disagree with or without evidence. There really isn’t a whole lot of science to confirm my beliefs, so I could very well believe in something strictly for comfort’s sake. But I do have some questions for you all to think about. Why were we born in this specific time period? Why do I have this specific consciousness? What was I doing long before my birth into this specific life? Was I just staring at a blank screen this whole time? But how can I if there’s no consciousness or eyeballs to speak of? Why wasn’t I born in the middle ages? Or the old west? Or in Russia? Or in Germany? Or in South Africa? Am I making sense or am I word barfing onto the page?

Again, my beliefs are strictly for comfort’s sake. It’s kind of like the idea of The Rainbow Bridge, which is the animal version of heaven. Our puppies and kitties can run around freely and play and wrestle as long as they want to and when they get tired they can get in one big cuddle puddle. When they’re ready to return to earth, they can keep on being their cute selves, but in a different body with a different set of circumstances. There’s no proof that The Rainbow Bridge is real. It’s something we tell each other so that our dead animals don’t feel alone. I say it a lot when it comes to my own animals, whether it’s my gray and white kitty Emilio, my chubster kitty Oswald, or my saggy-jowled Maggie puppy. Nobody has disputed these talking points and I wouldn’t want them to. We don’t want to think of our animals as being alone out there in space. We want them to dance and play on The Rainbow Bridge.

If you’re still not satisfied with the idea of reincarnation, then there’s one more way to stay alive: immortalization in the minds of others. Your decisions and actions have a huge impact on the people around you whether these actions are small or magnanimous. You could donate a million dollars to the poor or you can say hello to a random stranger. Those things matter and they will immortalize you. But for me personally, I want my impact on this world to live on in the digital world. That’s why I publish my books with Amazon and post blogs like this one on social media. The bigger my digital footprint, the harder it is for people to forget, and the longer I’ll stay alive even after I’m gone.

I’m not one to force my ideas upon the world and make people conform to me. Imagine how boring life would be if everybody thought the way I do. That’s a lot of schizophrenic weirdoes! In all seriousness, though, if you don’t want to believe in reincarnation or you want to see it through an entirely different lens, then that’s your prerogative and I won’t harass you for it. I’m merely sharing my thoughts with the world, that’s all.

But whether reincarnation exists or not, I want you all to do me a favor. Live the very best life you can. I know that’s hard to do with the pandemic and world news going on, but your happiness is important. If you can’t find it on a larger scale, then you can try to find it in the little things. Life is worth living, Corona Virus or not. Tell the people around you that you love them and mean it with every fiber of your being. We will get through this. And if you don’t, then may you be reincarnated into a saggy-jowled puppy-duppy who gets lots of pettings and love from your owner. I’m Garrison Kelly! Thank you for keeping the faith!


***LYRICS OF THE DAY***

“Come and share this painting with me. Unveiling of me. The magician that never failed. This deep sigh covers all of my chest. Intoxicated by a major chord. I wonder, do I love you or the thought of you? Southern blue. Morning dew. Let down your guards. I love yous. Ice cream castles. Lips to ear rhymes. A slumber deeper than time. Slow, love, slow. Only the weak are not lonely.”

-Nightwish singing “Slow, Love, Slow”-

Undertaker

Necromancy is my native tongue

For those whose songs remain unsung

For those buried beneath the ground

For those haunted by traumatic sounds

Every corpse has its own little story

Every death has its own hidden glory

Some died fighting for what they believe

Or took to the grave their ability to deceive

Some died never having lived at all

No surprise that one day they’d fall

Detachment is my only suit of armor

Against crying for those I must honor

Just another body to grow the grass

Just another ghost waiting to pass

To the next world if there ever was one

Covered in roses or saluted with guns

An undertaker’s job is never really over

An undertaker’s fear is silent and covert

Rest in peace is what we learn to say

Go through the motions for another day

This is life imitating the finest art

This is a life being torn clean apart

Just as dead as the bodies I bury

Just as heavy as the burden I carry

Maybe it’s time for a brand new career

There’s nothing left for me to do here

Follow my dreams into older ages

Write my stories on the dusty pages

How many times will I get this chance

Before I give into the devil’s dance?

"The Fault In Our Stars" by John Green

Getting my heart torn out of my chest because of a piece of literature isn’t anything new for me. It happened with books like “The Perks of Being a Wallflower” and “Love Letters to the Dead”. The legacy of foo-foo heartache continues with “The Fault In Our Stars” by John Green. Any romance story has the potential to be heart-wrenching. We all want love, we all want justice. But what happens when the two lovebirds are teenaged cancer patients? As a reader, you know tragedy is on the horizon. But is there any romantic justice near the end? It’s easy to believe with all the witty humor the book is laced with, but if you want a definitive answer, you’ll have to read the book yourself, which I highly recommend you do.

Within all 314 pages of this young adult novel, there are many themes John Green touches on: positivity, negativity, the afterlife, sympathy, empathy, and as many Christian bloggers will have you believe, religion. The latter of which is debatable to me. While is true the characters of the book openly mention God and heaven as ways to comfort the cancer patients, I think of it not as jamming religion down the reader’s throat, but rather as keeping an open mind to the possibilities of what lies beyond this life. Truth is, Hazel Grace Lancaster and Augustus Waters (the cancer-stricken lovebirds in question) don’t know what awaits them when the cancer eventually kills them. There is, however, an extreme fear of oblivion and not leaving anything behind when he’s gone on Gus’ part.

Which brings me to yet another theme John Green touches on: immortalization. In other words, being remembered after we’re long gone. It’s a theme I have an obsession with myself. Hazel has a negative view of immortalization since she believes despite all of our efforts to remember each other, the sun will eventually explode and wipe everything away. Augustus wants to be remembered despite everything and he agonizes over it near the end of the novel.

Which then brings me to another point the book makes: living a full life and being immortalized doesn’t necessarily mean you have to create and produce things for society on a relentless basis. Sometimes all you have to do is take it all in. It’s nice to give to the world, but we must remember to take as well. Go see those museum artifacts. Go to that rock concert. Watch that movie at the theater. Read that book. Without people who take things in, what’s the point in producing anything? There’s a reason artists like to put their work on the internet: they want appreciation and appreciation can only come from the people who view their work. This is a very poignant argument made by John Green and his novel.

By the book’s end, yes, I was heartbroken. I even said on Good Reads I needed superglue for my heart. There’s somebody on Urban Dictionary who says being hit in the face with the hardcover version of the book doesn’t hurt nearly as badly as reading it. While it is true reading “The Fault In Our Stars” is a beautifully painful experience, it’s also something everybody can learn from. The philosophical arguments and the love between Hazel and Augustus are great teachers when it comes to the education of life. If you take nothing else away from this book, then take this way: love with all your might before it’s too late.

　

***MOVIE QUOTE OF THE DAY***

“Excuse me, sir, I’m afraid I’m going to have to ask you to leave. You’re having way too much fun and it’s making everybody uncomfortable.”

-Owen from “The Way Way Back”-