Plugging Friends

No, I’m not here to plug another quick-paced book. On the contrary, I’m here to plug blogs from two of my favorite people in the whole world: Gracie Jones and Susan Wilson.

Susan’s blog is a weird-ass news blog called “Deep Space Cowgirl”. In addition to advertising it on this site, I’m also drawing pictures for her in hopes that she’ll use them. I already drew her a picture of Balok from Star Trek in a cowboy hat and space armor. I’m not too sure if she’s keen on my squid in an astronaut’s suit, though. Either way, I think of Susan as family, mainly because she was at one point dating my brother James. And because she’s family, I’ll do anything within my means to help her out. Maybe she can make some money from this blog, which is nice since I’m currently unemployed and need more people to filter-feed off of. Hehe!

Gracie’s blog is one dedicated to the art of writing. Like me, she too wants to become a professional author and hopes to do so through the writing prompts she has suggested over the weeks. This isn’t just some willy-nilly list of prompts; these are thoughtful questions that every writer should consider. That, and they’re lots of fun to do! But if for some reason you get completed with these homework assignments and don’t see another post for a while, don’t panic. Gracie’s laptop is busted to the point where it’s in two pieces. It’s hard to write blog entries when your laptop looks like it’s been assaulted by a wild cheetah. Give her time and patience and something will come up.

Susan’s blog can be found here: http://deepspacecowgirl.wordpress.com/

And Gracie’s blog can be found here:
http://foraspiringauthors.blogspot.com/

As my English teachers in college used to say to me, happy reading!

　

***FACEBOOK MEME OF THE DAY***

Grammar: it’s the difference between “knowing your shit” and “knowing you’re shit”.

"Walking Your Blues Away" by Thom Hartmann

Tea-bagging queens across America are going to see the name Thom Hartmann and immediately start running for the hills, where their military assault rifles and large magazines are often kept. In “Walking Your Blues Away”, Mr. Hartmann spends more time talking about psychology than he does about liberal politics, so keep your pants on. In this particular book, which doesn’t even make it passed the 100-page mark (good news for impatient readers), Hartmann talks about the idea of walking long distances as a way of neutralizing traumatic memories. Each left and right step can be seen as a different way of performing EMDR to those suffering from Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder. In the ages of tribal hunters and medieval warriors, they obviously didn’t have things like Xanax and Bupropion. They had to relieve their traumatic stress somehow and since cars weren’t invented either, they had to pretty much walk everywhere they wanted to be, and hence got the treatment they deserved. Imagine that: a simple thing like walking can relieve stress. It’s universally known that any kind of exercise can release dopamine and serotonin into the brain and those are the two chemicals that make people happy. The best part about walking is that it’s not hard to do even for people who weigh well over 300 lbs. Not only are you getting relief from your angering memories, but you’re also shedding some pounds in the process. You’re probably asking right about now if “Walking Your Blues Away” worked for me. The thing you need to understand about me is that I don’t have PTSD, I have schizophrenia. PTSD is an anxiety disorder and schizophrenia is a psychotic disorder, and yet they do the exact same thing: torment the mind with disgusting images and words until the victim can’t take it anymore. Walking in the sense of an EMDR treatment doesn’t work for schizophrenia. But don’t take this as a warning not to buy the book. Walking can still be beneficial since it does release happy chemicals into the brain. I’ve been a long distance walker since the 90’s and I feel great every time I return home from one of my journeys to the grocery store. Besides, the book is less than 100 pages long. You’re really telling me that you can’t get through less than 100 pages? Come on, now.

　

***LYRICS OF THE DAY***

“Twisting and turning, unable to sleep. Do the voices ever stop?! My thoughts speak louder the more I resist. And they’re driving me insane! Do they ever go?! Inside, I’m a danger to myself. Inside, I’m a prisoner of my own hell. Losing the battle I’ve waged on myself. Lock me up and toss the key! Toys in the attic, it’s all getting worse. Why won’t they let me be?! Oh god, make it stop! Fit me for a straightjacket! Put me in a padded cell! I’m a danger to you all! And I’m a danger to myself!”

-Five Finger Death Punch singing “My Own Hell”-

"Undisputed" by Chris Jericho

Welcome everybody to Raw Is Jericho! Well, technically this isn’t Monday Night Raw, but if I was to say welcome to Garrison’s Library Is Jericho, it wouldn’t have the same ring to it. In fact, it would sound flat-out dorky. Just because it isn’t always Monday night, doesn’t mean you can’t have your fill of Y2J Chris Jericho, as evidenced in the memoir he wrote in 2011 called “Undisputed”. This memoir documents his days in the WWE from 1999 to 2007. Jericho had a particularly tough time transitioning from WCW to WWE since they do things a bit differently. Every match is planned out ahead of time instead of improvised. The sooner Chris Jericho learned this, the sooner he would become a major star. And become a major star he did. He is credited as being the company’s first Undisputed World Champion, hence the title of his memoir. In addition to being a mega-star in WWE, his metal band Fozzy was also taking off like a rocket ship. For the most part, whenever Jericho wasn’t fighting with Bill Goldberg or getting cussed at by either Vince McMahon or the producers, he was having the time of his life. But don’t think for a moment that this book doesn’t have its darker sides as well. As I said before, this memoir documents his life all the way to 2007. The years 2005 and 2007 were shrouded in sorrow as those were the years that Eddie Guerrero and Chris Benoit died respectively. Guerrero and Benoit were Jericho’s best friends in the industry all the way back from his WCW days. He did Eddie Guerrero justice when talking about him extensively near the middle of the book. The one part of the book I don’t agree with, though, is where he says that Chris Benoit should be forgotten about based on the double murder-suicide that ended his life. The way I see it, Benoit’s deadly behavior was not consistent with the rest of his life, which was decorated with entertaining matches and illustrious championships. For all the Chris Benoit fans out there, don’t take this as a sign that you should pass up this book. Chris Jericho’s life story is an awesome one and should be enjoyed by everyone who reads it. The witty descriptions alone are enough to put a smile on anybody’s face. But for all you future authors out there, take this as a cautionary tale, because Chris Jericho does something that is taboo in the literary world: he name checks celebrities. The only reason why he can get away with it is because of his popularity with wrestling fans. In the end, however, if you’re grinning from ear to ear and enjoying his references, it doesn’t really matter. Pick up a copy of “Undisputed”. It won Best Book of the Year in 2011 from the Wrestling Observer Newsletter, after all. Those awards are not easy to get.

　

***WRESTLING QUOTE OF THE DAY***

“I was once part of a band called T-Mobile, but we kept breaking up.”

-Jerry Lawler-

"Tourist Season" by Carl Hiaasen

Are you actually surprised that yet another Carl Hiaasen book has made its way onto my blog? Unlike a death row inmate in Texas, you won’t be shocked. “Tourist Season” is another example of what a quick and witty writing style can accomplish. This book was written in the mid-80’s, when Mr. Hiaasen was budding as an author of environmental thrillers. Now he’s got an entire sprawl of them written all the way up to the present day. This one in particular deals with a private investigator named Brian Keyes, who unravels a terrorist plot to murder tourists in Florida in order to bring the state back to its “former glory”. Among these whack-a-loons include a 300 lb. black football player, a Cuban bomb maker who sucks at making bombs, a Native American recluse, and of course, the biggest nut job in the entire group, a former newspaper columnist named Skip Wiley. Before being discovered by Brian Keyes as a rightwing terrorist, he knew Skip as an eccentric and hateful writer who in his columns actually wished that a hurricane would come through Florida. He also had a theme in his writing called the “Asshole Quotient”, which was later dumbed down as the “Idiot Quotient”, where certain cities in Florida were rated by the number of tourists that “ruined everything”. As you can expect from this giggly cast of characters, there are a lot of high-spirited, silly moments in this book. Then again, there are also extremely dark moments, particularly when Brian is told that if he reveals the names of the terror cell members, the violence in Florida will get worse. How can it possibly get any fucking worse, you probably ask yourself. Carl Hiaasen’s blend of darkness and humor will keep that imagination of yours going for a long time. Your guess is as good as any first-time reader’s. And when the pieces of this mystery come together for you, you’re going to say to yourself, “Carl Hiaasen has done it again”. Then again, I don’t remember a time when Mr. Hiaasen doesn’t get the job done. I trust him so much that when he recommended “Swamplandia” to whoever would listen, I naturally bought a copy off of Amazon and it’s currently in my queue. Thanks, Mr. Hiaasen, for yet another instant classic!

　

***TWEET OF THE DAY***

“Another casualty of global warming: as the poles melt, most would rather not see Santa in a bathing suit.”

-Neil DeGrasse Tyson-

"The Hunger Games" by Suzanne Collins

Are you hungry for more? So are the characters in “The Hunger Games”, who live in a dystopian society ruled by arrogant politicians who make the younger members of their community compete in a death match of the same name as the book. If people know that having a bunch of teenagers killing each other is wrong, why don’t they just try to overthrow the government? They already tried that and it didn’t work out too well. In fact, not only are The Hunger Games around for the politicians’ sick and twisted entertainment, they’re punishment against their own people for trying to rebel against the system. It’s pretty safe to say that a band like Rage Against the Machine has better chance of playing their music in North Korea than they do in this dystopian hellhole. These teenagers have to make do with what they have, including the main character Katniss Everdeen. Katniss has several advantages in the Hunger Games. She’s an avid hunter, she’s excellent with a bow and arrow, she’s crafty, and she’s “dating” her male district counterpart Peeta, who also competes in the Hunger Games. If you think having a tactical advantage over everybody is a guaranteed victory, you’re dead wrong. Maybe even just plain dead if you get too cocky. The other “Tributes”, as the competitors are called, are muscular, nasty, ruthless, and they can snap necks with just their thumbs and forefingers if they so desired. As if competing with a bunch of beefed up sociopaths wasn’t bad enough, the environment in which these Tributes compete can be just as deadly. Firebombs thrown everywhere, wasps that make people go insane, poisonous berries that look delicious upon first glance, if there’s away to spread the contestants’ bloody crystals everywhere, it will be done. And the thing about “The Hunger Games”? It’s published by Scholastic despite the gory content. And why is that? Because somebody needs to tell the youngsters of today to question authority. That somebody will be Suzanne Collins, an excellent writer in her own way.

　

***MIXED-MARTIAL ARTS QUOTE OF THE DAY***

“Nobody is easy until you beat them.”

-Ronda Rousey-

"To Kill a Mockingbird" by Harper Lee

I spent my freshman year of high school in a little town called Chehalis, a hotbed of racism, bullying, and pretty much every other kind of ignorant behavior imaginable. This town desperately needed “To Kill a Mockingbird” as part of its English curriculum. Atticus Finch must defend a black prisoner named Tom Robinson wrongfully accused of raping a little girl. If he’s wrongfully accused, then he should be easy to get off the hook. Right? In Maycomb, Alabama, it’s not that simple. Racial prejudice and other forms of bigotry run rampant throughout the town, making it impossible for people to see that Tom Robinson is clearly innocent. Caught in the middle of this racial tension is the main character of the story Scout Finch and her older brother Jem. These two children actually have to grow up in this environment and learn the hard way of the dangers of racial injustice. With so much character development in this story coming from the two children, it’s no shock at all that this book won a Pulitzer Prize and that it’s required reading for pretty much every high school in the country. You know what is a shock? Certain groups of people were actually trying to get “To Kill a Mockingbird” pulled from library shelves because it uses the word “nigger” multiple times. Really? You’re going to censor a book for being realistic about the environment the characters live in? Maycomb, Alabama was not a pretty place to live in, especially if you were, (deep breath), black! You think the villains in this story are going to get away with calling Tom Robinson a “doo-doo head”? How about a “jerky-puss”? Or a “turtle nose”? G-rated insults simply don’t cut it in a world where innocence is shattered like glass. Because as it turns out, losing your innocence is something that everybody goes through in the real world whether they want to or not. Some people have an easier time with shedding it than others. It’s sad and unfortunate, but it is true. You think that if Tom Robinson was being called a “doo-doo head” that this book would have won a Pulitzer Prize? Bullshit! It wouldn’t even make it passed the printing press! Maybe there’s another reason why censorship addicts want this book pulled from libraries. Maybe it’s because they use the word “nigger” more often than the characters in this book! Just saying…

　

***POLITICAL QUOTE OF THE DAY***

“The only way the republicans would approve of abortion is if the father was black.”

-Bill Maher-

"Superman For the Animals" by Mark Millar

If the thought of cute, cuddly, fuzzy animal babies being brutalized disgusts you, then “Superman For the Animals” will either be one of two things for you. It will either be a call to arms against animal cruelty or a series of brutal images to shy away from and save for another reader. Either way, this comic book will disturb you. You probably don’t even have to be an animal person to be disturbed by the disgusting shit that happens to these defenseless critters. The main character, a shy teenager, hangs out with a bunch of kids led by a sociopath who tortures animals just for fun. This leader of the pack shoots a dog in the leg, kicks pigeons out of the way, suffocates a goldfish, and would have dumped a cat off of a highway bridge if it hadn’t been for Superman’s intervention. Despite being the title character in this story, Superman is not the main hero as one would expect him to be. It’s the shy kid who joins the group that ends up being the most productive hero. He eventually has to learn to stand up for these animals and not rely on superheroes to do it for him. Standing up to your enemies is hard enough. Standing up to people you consider your friends is even worse. If it can be done, though, the person will be stronger for it. One way or another, the animal torturing teenager needs to be stopped. Surely, you would like to see some justice done toward this sociopathic kid, right? Don’t get your hopes up to high. The worst that happens to him is that he’s forced to see a therapist to sort out his fucked up mind. As an animal lover, I believe this is not enough. That kid needs to be locked up in prison for the rest of his fucking life. If he’s willing to do this to cute, cuddly critters, imagine what he’ll do to humans if given the opportunity. That’s normally the first step for serial killers: they start off with animals and slowly progress to killing humans. If you’re not going to read this comic for the harsh justice that needs to be served, you can at least read it to see the main character grow into a respectable human being. In order to redeem himself for hanging out with an animal torturer for this long, he goes to a pet shelter and volunteers his time there. Superman wasn’t going to make this choice for him, but he did steer him in the right direction. Sometimes all we need is a little push.

　

***LYRICS OF THE DAY***

“I loved you in the sunshine. You chase the moon with a spear. Tardy afternoons in utopia. Kiss an ugly turtle and make it cry. Sever the head of cornucopia. We rape the earth and don’t know why it strikes. Do you believe in stormy weather? Hurricanes play musical chairs with homes and chattels. The whirling dervish tornados reek all disaster. See-saw tsunamis, give and take, what’s the matter?”

-Serj Tankian singing “Cornucopia”-

"Stephen Colbert's Tek Jansen" by John Layman & Tom Peyer

In the real world, Stephen Colbert is a walking parody of conservative pundits. You can’t take the guy seriously, mainly because he’s a comedian who puts on an act for his audience. In the graphic novel known as “Tek Jansen”, the title character, clearly based off of Colbert, is even more hilarious to be around. Take an episode of The Colbert Report and turn it into a sci-fi screwball comedy. Make up a whole bunch of alien races with ridiculous names and ridiculous features. Make Tek Jansen into a war-mongering, womanizing goofball who happens to be comically Gary-Stu material. The comedic efforts of this graphic novel are so obvious and goofy that you can’t help but crack a smile or even bust a gut. Then again, that’s the kind of thing we’d expect out of a pretend conservative like Stephen Colbert. If you learn nothing else from reading this graphic novel, then at least learn how to have a good time while you’re sticking your nose to the book crease. The main reason why we have so many conflicts and wars in this world is because we don’t know how to laugh at anything anymore. Our asses are so tight that not even a jelly bean could fit up there. Our mouths are so crooked that the next thing to come is a stream of tears. You know what this graphic novel says? It says as long as we’re going to have a bunch of horrible shit happen in this world, let’s liven it up a little bit! Never mind the fact that Katniss Everdeen is being hunted like a wild animal by teenagers who don’t know better. Never mind that Bella Swan can’t choose between necrophilia and bestiality. Never mind that Harry Potter is being tormented by an Ophidian sociopath who wants to rip his guts out and feed them to Bellatrix LaStrange, who would most likely eat them if given the opportunity. Seriously, have you looked into the mouth of that creepy ass woman? Cue the shivers. Take a break from the horrible violence for a minute and buy a copy of “Stephen Colbert’s Tek Jansen”. Your funny bone will thank you for it!

　

***COMEDIC QUOTE OF THE DAY***

“What exactly do white people have to be blue about? Banana Republic ran out of khakis? The espresso machine is jammed? Hootie and the Blowfish broke up? White people need to understand that it’s not their job to get the blues, it’s their job to give other people the blues.”

-George Carlin-