Get ready to activate your activism. Get ready to demand what’s rightfully yours. What do we want? Internet and workers’ rights! When do we want it? As soon as the police stop beating us up! Such is the world of “For the Win” by Cory Doctorow. Playing online videogames has become a fulltime job, but without the benefits and perks that come with being in a union. But in order to form a union, you have to recover from the head trauma you’ve endured from a policeman’s knight stick so that you can organize your thoughts clearly. Seeing as how a good portion of this story takes place in China, you can expect a little dictatorship to be peppered relentlessly throughout the story. Lots of beatings, lots of arrests, and not enough people to stand up to these oppressive governments. The further into the story you get, the more people there are that sign up for this form of political bravery. With the help of the internet, this army of working-class people comes closer and closer together, further emphasizing Cory Doctorow’s theme of people over profits. Case in point, having more people on your side to speak out against oppression is more effective than bombing the crap out of a government building or police station or even causing a head-splitting riot in the streets. Even though “For the Win” is a work of fiction and appeals more to Generation Y members because of the videogame aspect of the storyline, we see these themes of political oppression all throughout the world. Therefore, this book is relatable to everyone even if you don’t play videogames as religiously as these main characters. A prime example of these theories in action comes from right here in the good old US of A. The reason Barack Obama got as many votes as he did in the 2008 presidential election was in part because he used social media to appeal to the younger crowd. He never had to strike fear in the hearts of his own people or incite riots, which is more than anybody could say about the Tea Party candidates that came swarming into office in 2010. Hope has always been more appealing than fear. These “For the Win” characters cling onto hope every day of their lives regardless of how badly they’re beaten by the police. When you eventually make it to the final 400 to 500 pages of the book, you’ll be pleasantly surprised at how well people power, hope over fear, and internet access mesh together in order to create change in an otherwise dystopian society.
***LITERARY QUOTE OF THE DAY***
“It was as obvious as a boner at the chalkboard.”
-A line from “For the Win” by Cory Doctorow-
Remember an old 1999 classic called “The Matrix”? You know, where the real world is an apocalyptic, dystopian hell and the fake world is a beautiful paradise? Apply this theory to “The Filth”, but make the dystopian hell a trashy world where the ground is covered in feces, skin flakes, urine, semen-covered pornography, snot, and pretty much anything else that would make Grant Morrison gag at his own work. This is the world of the appropriately titled “The Filth”. Ned Slade is an agent of a top secret organization called The Hand, whose sole purpose is to keep the gut-wrenching trash from contaminating the beautiful real world. You’re probably wondering to yourself why exactly these people call themselves The Hand? Well, when giving a wad of toilet paper after dropping a deuce in the toilet, what do you think hands do afterwards? Exactly. Cleaning up contaminations is a lot like wiping a dirty asshole in the world of “The Filth”. If this sounds like nightmare fuel that the main character wishes he could wake up from, it’s because it is. Whenever he’s not being a cleansing agent, Ned Slade leads an ordinary life as Greg Feely. Well, ordinary isn’t quite the word to describe it. As Greg Feely, people mistake him for a pedophile due to his porn-watching tendencies in a neighborhood full of playing children. All Greg really wants to do is take care of his sickly kitty cat Tony. The more people try to interfere with saving Tony’s life, the more combative Feely becomes, especially when he’s called into action as Ned Slade. Sounds like an…interesting storyline to say the least. But unlike the much cleaner “Matrix”, “The Filth” goes far beyond an ordinary R rating. Even with the censored addition I accidentally bought where the genitals and black semen were blurred out, it’s still going to haunt your psyche for many years to come. Definitely keep this book out of range of little children, lest you become a carbon copy of Greg Feely. A potential X rating is enough reason to buy this graphic novel, but if you’re a literary nut who loves symbolism despite its disgusting nature, you’ll appreciate this book too. Believe it or not, I actually had to read this book for a college class at Western Washington University. Maybe that’s by design since college students don’t gag and shiver whenever they see pee-pee parts, especially at the school I went to. If you’ve got a strong stomach and a smart mind all wrapped into one, buy this book. Don’t wait for it to become available at your local library or Christian book store, because it’ll never happen. Ever!
***RHETORICAL QUESTION OF THE DAY***
If your Lipchitz, what does your ass do?
Like “Death Clutch”, “The Death of WCW” is for wrestling fans only. Somehow, I can’t imagine a literary genre nut being too enthused about reading a book dealing with a wrestling company from the 90’s. It just doesn’t seem…“multi-layered” enough! But for the rest of us who appreciate professional wrestling for the art form that it is, please pay attention. Would you like to know why WCW died the nasty horrible death it did? Well, I’ll start by saying that during the New World Order invasion in 1996, nobody would have seen the apocalypse happening from miles away. Business was booming, money was flooding in, and WCW was outperforming then-called WWF in leaps and bounds. But then it started to crumble all around the Eric Bischoffs and Vince Russos that took the reigns of the company. The main event stars were old and stale, the booking was selfishly done, the younger talent wasn’t getting the spotlight they deserved, and the screenwriting practices were downright atrocious. If you want some examples of what I’m talking about, listen to this. Remember “Stone Cold” Steve Austin? Before jumping ship to WWF, he was sitting in contractual purgatory with his career going absolutely nowhere. In WWF, he was a multiple time world champion, a huge star, and a Hall of Fame inductee. How about Chris Benoit? Yes, I dare say his name despite what he did during his final hours on earth. Benoit was also being smothered by the older talent to the point where he couldn’t get over. Since joining WWF, he became a World Heavyweight Champion and a massive star. The exact same story went for guys like Eddie Guerrero and Mick Foley, who were young, extremely talented, and thrived in WWF when they couldn’t do the same in WCW. You’d think that through the publication of this book, these same mistakes wouldn’t have been made again by any other company, right? I’d like to agree with that premise, but then we’d both be wrong. TNA has been called a modern day version of WCW with the horrible screenwriting and unprofessionally-run shows. I stopped watching TNA back in 2011 because it was making me depressed. Because of what happened to WCW and what will eventually happen to TNA, “The Death of WCW” should be in bookstores and libraries everywhere and it should be hammered into the skulls of every young wrestling star looking to make it in the world of professional wrestling. Not literally hammered, don’t get me wrong. They take enough bumps on the head already.
***WRESTLING JOKE OF THE DAY***
Q: What’s Daniel Bryan’s favorite System of a Down song?
A: KNOW!! KNOW!! KNOW!! KNOW!!
Here’ s a question for all of you wrestling and MMA fans out there. Have you ever wondered why Brock Lesnar doesn’t have a Twitter account or a Face Book page? It’s because like Bentley Little and Ted Kaczynski, he makes himself a little bit difficult to find. Don’t worry, it’s not because he’s making bombs. He’s a 300 lb. freak who can cause explosions with his fists alone, so he wouldn’t need bombs. Lesnar bills himself as a private person who enjoys a boring life in the woods. He hates the media, he hates cameras flashing on him and his family, basically the man just wants to be left alone. On the back of “Death Clutch”, he specifically states that his memoir is the only real access you’ll ever have to his personal life and that you shouldn’t expect another invite. You’d think being a hellishly strong athlete would be the life people could only dream about. You’d think being a former WWE and UFC champion would be the golden ticket to paradise. Lesnar’s life is anything but paradise. The road to getting the NCAA Division 1 wrestling championship was lined with massive bumps and potholes in the form of horrible losses, expensive classes, and disappointing outcomes. Being a WWE superstar was no better since it requires constantly traveling and being far away from your family a lot. Transitioning to the UFC wasn’t a piece of cake either since that was when Lesnar battled an intestinal disease that not only kept him out of action for so long, but also threatened his life. But despite all of these deadly obstacles, Lesnar came out a survivor. As I’ve mentioned earlier, his many accolades prove it. An NCAA Division 1 wrestling champion. A multiple time WWE champion. A King of the Ring and Royal Rumble winner. A UFC heavyweight champion and submission of the night winner. Considering Brock Lesnar started out as a mere farm boy with shallow pockets, that’s not a bad way to earn six to seven figures a year. You show me someone who can duplicate these accolades and I’ll show you the next Brock Lesnar success story.
***WRESTLING JOKE OF THE DAY***
Q: Who did Paul Heyman vote for in the 2008 presidential election?
A: Barack Lesnar.
If Stephen King considers you to be a great horror writer, take that honor with pride. Bentley Little was skillful enough as an author to receive such an honor. And why wouldn’t he? His anthology of short stories known as “The Collection” is just one example of how dark and screwed up of a place his mind is. No matter which one of the stories you’re reading, you’re always guaranteed extra time trying to clean yourself off in the shower. Absolutely nothing is off limits to Mr. Little when it comes to plot devices, be it child molestation, chainsaw slashings, degenerate crazies, religious sacrifices, or, one of my all time favorites, a bunch of zombies dressing up in Revolutionary War outfits and scaring the crap out of a guy named Mike Franks. That last item comes from a story called “The Washingtonians”, where George Washington is revealed to be a cannibalistic psychopath whose cherry tree story turns out to be him raping small children and hence, taking their cherries. If it sounds over-the-top and somewhat giggly, it’s because it is. If you really want to know what the hell goes on in Bentley Little’s mind, by all means, go to his home in Arizona and ask him…that is, if you can find him. Mr. Little made himself a tad bit difficult to locate. You know who else was hard to locate? Ted Kaczynski also known as the Unibomer. The Unibomber loved to live in the woods and build his destructive devices. And Bentley Little? Well, he loves to live in seclusion and build destructive stories that’ll have you swallowing Xanax like candy. And Bentley has the shaggy beard to prove it. If you’re not already creeped out by this somewhat hyperbolic comparison, then don’t let me stop you from buying a copy of “The Collection”. But I must advise you: if the thought of Mr. Little being compared to Ted Kaczynski in terms of physical image gives you a nervous and cold stomach, you probably won’t make it passed the first page of the book, where religious whackos nailing people and animals to crosses will be the first thing that haunts your mind like a schizophrenic voice. Who knows? Maybe once you get passed the first chapter, you’ll need someone to turn the pages for you since your arms will be trapped in a straightjacket! Just saying!
***DOMESTIC QUOTE OF THE DAY***
“Garrison, quit laughing like a crazy person!”
-My niece Reina-
“The Cleaner” may be 400 plus pages long, but that’s only because it’s jam-packed with fast-paced action that would look awesome on the silver screen. You know that phrase, “Never a dull moment?” It’s a perfect way to describe this piece of spy fiction. Your main character is Jonathan Quinn, a no nonsense professional whose primary job is making potential crime scenes look like they never happened, hence the nickname “The Cleaner”. Soon after completing a job in Denver, Colorado, he becomes the center of a conspiracy where someone wants him dead and nobody will tell him who. When you have a main character who is always on the run and has a target on his back the size of a flying saucer, you can be pretty sure that there won’t be any break in the action. Sure, you might have small moments of dialogue that advance the story along, but that’s only because Jonathan Quinn’s knowledgeable ways allow him those brief reprieves. Brett Battles knew exactly what he was doing when he put together this complex story. It’s because of this novel that I became a born-again bookworm in the first place. It became the standard bearer for what I want out of fiction and that’s constant motion and instant excitement. I even went so far as to try to figure out who would play Jonathan Quinn if “The Cleaner” ever became a movie, which it most definitely could and should. It was a tossup between Jeffrey Donovan from “Burn Notice”, Michael Chiklis from “The Shield”, and Chris O’Donnell from “NCIS: Los Angeles”. Because of his combination of youth and experience, Jeffrey Donovan would probably be the best choice of those three. When you’re so excited about a book that you start making guesses as to who would play the main character on the silver screen, you know it’s something special. I’m sure there were Harry Potter fans who did the exact same thing before the first movie came out, though Daniel Radcliffe was relatively unknown at the time. And as much as I hate to admit it, there were Twilight fans who did the same as well. But unlike Twilight, I’m not going to get in a boner battle between Jonathan Quinn and the people who are trying to murder him. I’m perfectly happy with just reading the book and adding it to this blog of fast-paced novels.
***LYRICS OF THE DAY***
“I choose death before dishonor. I’d rather die than live down on my knees. Bury me like a soldier, with my dignity!”
-Five Finger Death Punch singing “Death Before Dishonor”-
If you’re looking for a sweet, gentle romance novel that will win your heart and make you shed tears of joy, this isn’t the book for you. If, on the other hand, you want a permanent hard-on and a reason to flush all of your Viagra down the toilet, Anne Rice is the author you want to turn to. She wrote a book back in the early 80’s called “The Claiming of Sleeping Beauty”, which takes a normally innocent fairy tell and turns it into the sexiest piece of literature you’ll ever read. It matters not what your gender or preference is, because at the beginning of the book, Anne Rice specifically says that this novel is “For the enjoyment of men and women.” Yeah, no kidding. This book has everything you could ever want in a sexual fantasy: hardcore bondage, man-on-woman intercourse, woman-on-woman action, and from time to time, man-on-man action. As I’ve said before, it doesn’t matter what your sexual preferences are, because sooner or later, no matter who’s getting it where, you’re going to have some serious libido afterwards. Do you all remember that episode of Family Guy where Glenn Quagmire discovers internet porn and suddenly his right arm is more muscular and toned than the left arm? That’s going to be you by the time you complete the first chapter. Maybe after the first page. But as sexy as this book is, there are some points in it that are completely mind boggling. Having sex slaves run around a track and jump through hoops like circus lions? That’s a little bit bizarre even for the bondage genre. All in all, I can’t complain, because those bizarre moments are very few and far between. There are far more hot and sexy moments than there are weird and awkward moments. The one moment that’s my personal favorite is when Prince Alexi has sex with The Queen for the first time. And then afterwards, she grabs various body parts of his and claims that they are hers. And when I say body parts, I’m obviously not doing a good job of being subtle. In short, if you want something that’ll make a Playboy magazine seem about as fun as The Wall Street Journal, buy this book. I will admit, though, that it’s not the quickest read you’ll ever have. But then again, with sweet action like this, it doesn’t have to be. You’re not just going to be hooked all the way through this book, you’re going to be chained and gagged to it as well.
***LYRICS OF THE DAY***
“She is dangerous, she is dangerous, I’m sure. And she’s all dressed up and knocking at my door. She is dangerous, she is dangerous, I know. But she’s got my heart and she’s never letting go.”
-James Blunt singing “Dangerous”-
While this book may not be the fastest thing you’ve ever read or even the happiest, it’s definitely the most important. Bullying has been going on for far too long and it shouldn’t have taken a few suicides in 2010 for change to happen. That change should have happened a long time ago. “The Bully, The Bullied, and The Bystander” was written in 2003 and updated somewhere after 2008 to include a chapter on cyber-bullying. In the beginning of this disturbing piece of nonfiction, Barbara Coloroso sites several pages full of examples of how bullying destroyed the lives of students all across the world. Suicides, murder sprees, assaults, expulsions, prison sentences, the first few pages has examples of all of these things. And then you have an entire book to get through of the psychology behind bullying which is even more disturbing than shortly written case studies. What Barbara Coloroso tries to emphasize throughout the book is that the reason bullies do what they do is because they lack empathy for others. It’s not enough to send them to detention, suspend them, spank them or anything like that. If punishment is all the system has to offer, then the bully is just going to keep doing what he’s doing, but in a more covert way. Without empathy, the phrase, “Treat others the way you want to be treated” means nothing. Also without empathy, people get the message that bullying is a rite of passage for children going to school. No, it isn’t. There’s nothing normal about it. It’s demoralizing, humiliating, and even traumatizing. I’ve had my own battle with bullying during my freshman year of high school. I would have loved to believe that war was the answer and that all I needed to do was punch and kick my way between classes. Without educating students and teachers about the importance of empathy and getting along with one another, the cycle’s going to continue for many generations to come. Yes, we’ve got all these anti-bullying programs going around ever since those suicide statistics in 2010. Those programs do no good if nobody is willing to open their ears for just a few moments. You know what I say? I say make this book I’m talking about required reading for schools all around the world. Put it in the same bookshelf as “Catcher in the Rye” and “To Kill a Mockingbird”. Stick it somewhere between “The Outsiders” and “The Crucible”. The psychology behind it is disturbing as hell, but it’s also a necessary wakeup call for those walking around like traumatized zombies.
***MOVIE DIALOGUE OF THE DAY***
TEDDY: You call my dad a loony one more time…and I’ll kill you.
MILO: Loony, loony, loony.
TEDDY: Ah!! I’ll rip your head off and shit down your neck!
-Stand By Me-
When you’re a teenager, you may not want to admit it, but your parents will have your back most of the time. When you’re a teenaged character in the “Black Hole” graphic novel by Charles Burns, you don’t have a friend in the whole fucking world. Somewhere in the mid-70’s, teenagers are delving into sex and drugs long before they even know how to drive. As expected, these teenagers contract STD’s from screwing multiple partners. But this isn’t just any STD. It’s something simply known as “The Bug”. It doesn’t make you pee green. It doesn’t set your balls on fire. The Bug turns you into a mutant abomination so obvious to your teenaged peers that you can’t avoid heckling and rumor spreading. These mutations can be anything from extra mouths to gigantic boils to hair falling out to facial twisting to…well, if it’s disturbing and disgusting, it could very well happen to someone who has contracted The Bug. It’s hard enough maintaining relationships with a regular STD. But with these horrible mutations ruining innocence like crazy, these kids don’t have a friend in the whole fucking world. They’re outcasts who hang out in the woods to get away from the ridicule and hatred. It seems like this would be a good time for a kindred soul to come along and say everything’s okay. Word of advice to those living in the Black Hole universe. If someone tells you that everything’s okay, don’t throw that opportunity for friendship away. Build something beautiful with those few chances you get. In the end, the message is simple. Live together in harmony and try to love one another. John Lennon had been saying it long before his death in 1980. Even after the 70’s it’s an important lesson to remember. Somewhere along the way, we either forget or just don’t care anymore. It’s a sad truth that many have tried to change. Let’s be successful this time.
***LYRICS OF THE DAY***
“Another day in this carnival of souls. Another night settles in as quickly as it goes. The memories of shadows, ink on the page. And I can’t seem to find my way home. And it’s almost like your heaven’s trying everything to keep me out.”
-Five Finger Death Punch singing “Far From Home”-
