Showing posts with label Bombs. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Bombs. Show all posts

Saturday, July 16, 2022

Let Me Sleep

VERSE 1

I’d kill for a nice set of doggy days

But the AK-47 blew some kids away

But the women are living The Handmaid’s Tale

And the cops who enforce it never go to jail

I took a break from the news, but I have to return

So much about the world that I still have to learn

It matters very little if my short fuses burn

Can’t run forever, ‘cause it won’t get any better


CHORUS

Too much trauma at once, in the shit we’re deep

For god’s sake, just let me go the fuck to sleep

Is one good day too much to ask for?

Just let me sleep, let life be a bore

Let me sleep!

Let me sleep!


VERSE 2

I could walk down the street and shoot some hoops

It could get me out of this dystopian time loop

But all I want to do this afternoon is take a nap

And hope I don’t get snared in the news cycle trap

I can’t save the world when I’m by myself

Even the baddest of badasses are in need of help

We can start a revolution on any other day

But for now, I’ll let my mind drift away


CHORUS

Too much trauma at once, in the shit we’re deep

For god’s sake, just let me go the fuck to sleep

Is one good day too much to ask for?

Just let me sleep, let life be a bore

Let me sleep!

Let me sleep!


BRIDGE

I don’t need you to read me my last rites

Just tuck my carcass in and say goodnight

Try not to wake me up with bombs and blasts

Or a jeep motor that blows smoke like an ass

Or fireworks long after the fourth of July

Jingoism is dead, kiss that shit goodbye


CHORUS

Too much trauma at once, in the shit we’re deep

For god’s sake, just let me go the fuck to sleep

Is one good day too much to ask for?

Just let me sleep, let life be a bore

Let me sleep!

Let me sleep!


FINAL LINES

If I spent the night in a no-tell motel

Would you still shoot me dead, shrug it off like, “Oh well?”

Friday, October 27, 2017

Looney Tunes

***LOONEY TUNES***

Do you feel like the world’s getting you down? You hate your job? You hate school? You don’t have many friends? Tragedy strikes in the strangest places? If you ever want to be lifted up from your slump, all you have to remember is…the Looney Tunes can make anything funny. Anything. No matter how dark or depressing the subject matter, Bugs Bunny, Daffy Duck, Elmer Fudd, and all of those wacky characters can make light of it with their over-the-top antics. George Carlin once told his audience to “picture Porky Pig raping Elmer Fudd” and they laughed like hyenas. I know you did too, because George Carlin and Looney Tunes go together like cherry pie and whipped cream. Wait a minute, that sounded dirty!

The Looney Tunes are funny because no matter what happens to them, they’ll always be alive and well during the next cartoon. There was an entire cartoon dedicated to Elmer Fudd shooting Daffy Duck’s beak off multiple times. Low and behold, Daffy didn’t die; he just kept telling Bugs Bunny how despicable he was. So if Looney Tunes characters don’t die, that means the animators can subject them to any kind of inhumane torture they can think of and nothing will happen except for audience laughter. Suppose Elmer Fudd is strapped to a torture table with a ball gag in his mouth while a circular buzz saw is being lowered into his stomach. It’s horrifying as hell when it happens to Ryu in the Ninja Gaiden arcade game from the 80’s, but if it happened to Elmer Fudd…shit, I’m chuckling just thinking about it!

It’s safe to say that the Looney Tunes have been a major influence in some of my writing. It’s especially evident in my Poison Tongue Tales stories “Forever Autumn” and “Sitka the Nose Biter”. The main character in the former, an elf sorcerer named Mathias, gets a coconut dropped on his head and stars circle around him while a big fucking knot forms on his dome. In “Sitka the Nose Biter”, whenever the eponymous kitty Sitka would bite someone’s nose (surprise, surprise), instead of exploding like a blood bomb, their noses would make honking sounds, like a clown horn or a goose squawk.

The Looney Tunes influence is something that spans multiple generations, not just to small children looking for cheap laughs and pointless violence. My mom loves the Bugs Bunny cartoon where the baby buzzard searches the desert for Bugs in an attempt to bring home dinner for his demanding mother. Mom especially loves the way the baby buzzard says, “Oh, no, no, no, no, no!” in a deep and goofy voice. Another one of her favorites is when Bugs Bunny gives Gossamer a mouse trap manicure. “Monsters have the most INTERESTING fingernails!” The cartoons in general are cute and cuddly despite the fact that they feature anthropomorphic animals getting blown up or shot. I always make the joke to my mom that it’s cute whenever Elmer Fudd goes hunting, but it’s disgusting when Ted Nugent hunts. I’m not wrong.

I know it seems like I’m preaching to the choir when I’m singing the Looney Tunes’ praises. They’re universally loved and continue to be relevant in today’s world. Quite frankly, we could use a little more Looney Tunes influence in a world full of bad shit. When I posted the #MeToo blog entry a few weeks ago, it was one of my most sobering experiences. After reliving those horrible moments, I had to be reminded that the world is a funny place full of funny people. The Looney Tunes will never judge me. They’re too busy blowing each other up and being cute little cuddle muffins.

Maintaining a sense of humor throughout all of the world’s tragedies is paramount to happiness. If you don’t buy the Looney Tunes example, then buy the Trevor Noah example I’m about to present you with. I’m currently reading “Born a Crime”, a memoir by Mr. Noah detailing his childhood in Apartheid-ruled South Africa. As someone who’s biracial, he was loathed by pretty much every ethnic group in his home country. He could have sealed himself off in his room and brooded for the rest of his life, but he didn’t. He developed a sense of humor and won the hearts of so many people that he’s now the host of The Daily Show. Good things do happen when you want them to. Positive attitudes aren’t just new age mantras; they’re tools for survival. We’ve got ears, say cheers! Actually, since this blog is about the Looney Tunes, a-beep, a-beep, a-beep, that’s all, folks!


***POISON TONGUE TALES 2: THE RIGHT TO REMAIN PSYCHOTIC***

Would you believe it if I told you I only have six more stories to write for this series and then I’m done? Where did all the time go? Holy shit! For the sixth to last short story, I’ve got something called “Thor and Gore”. It goes like this:

CHARACTERS:

  1. Thor, Cannibalistic Zombie
  2. Kyle Houston, Lead Vocalist of Resistance
  3. Resistance, Heavy Metal Band
  4. Nameless Fans and Bouncers

PROMPT CONFORMITY: To be announced.

SYNOPSIS: Resistance is playing a show at the Tiger Dome and Thor is a member of their audience. Other concert attendees think it’s okay to piss him off by pouring beer on his head, throwing popcorn at him, and moshing roughly with him. Underneath his gargantuan frame lies a bloodthirsty monster who takes his aggression out on those who wrong him by biting and slashing them. The bouncers are powerless to stop Thor and it doesn’t help matters that the members of Resistance are encouraging his behavior by playing louder.


***DARK FANTASY WARRIORS***

Because Thor was drawn and uploaded earlier today, Kyle Houston is naturally the next in line for a drawing. Since he’s a heavy metal vocalist, I’m trying to figure out who I should use as my reference model. Ivan Moody? Phil Anselmo? Randy Blythe? Corey Taylor? So many options, so little time!


***FACE BOOK POST OF THE DAY***


When I was a teenager doing Mad Libs with my family, James would always want me to skip my turn whenever the narrator asked for an example of a liquid. I still to this day wonder what would make him do that. Hehe!

Monday, May 8, 2017

Peace and Love

ONLY VERSE
When a riot breaks out, you pass the buck
Like you have a monopoly on peace and love
You’re the one sending kids to die in wars
Selling automatic rifles in convenience stores
Pushing the big red button to drop the bombs
Turning rape victims into first-time moms
Sending the mentally ill to the electric chair
Excusing the cops who drag women by the hair
You invented violence, you encouraged silence
You’re the one taking free speech like a tyrant
Who’s the one taking the low road now?
Who’s the one making bratty baby sounds?
Who’s the one running to his safest space?
In case you have a confused look on your face…

CHORUS
You don’t know shit about peace and love! X3
You’re the one with blood on your boxing gloves!
You don’t know shit about peace and love! X3

Now who’s the one who has to toughen up?!

Thursday, April 28, 2016

The Hydromancer

Clint Magnus barreled through the forest like a stampede of buffalos. His metal boots pounded into the ground with resounding thuds. His exhaling released clouds of steam into the chilly morning air. His ribs and legs felt like they were on fire. His tongue was drier than desert air. But if he stopped now, that twenty grand bounty was as good as gone.

The bounty hunter could smell the fear emanating from Fatima Rose. It was a sweeter scent than any perfume and gave Clint a massive boost of energy. He was so close that any minute during this chase he could grab a hold of that wet raven hair and have her to himself. The sweat pouring off of the witch’s body as she ran smelled like sweet autumn rain. Clint continued to dash after the witchcraft practitioner until he was fingertips away from clutching that heavenly neck of hers.

Clint was so distracted by this maiden’s terrified charm that he didn’t realize until falling face first that she had led him to the river. The bounty hunter’s heavy breathing caused him to suck water through his nostrils before pulling his head out and coughing up a storm. He shivered from the sudden cold splash like he was trapped in a meat locker.

While on his knees catching his breath and coughing out the water from his lungs, he saw Fatima lying on the other side of the river breathing heavily and holding her ribs. She looked so beautiful to him in her vulnerable state. Her wet green dress clung to her body like a chilling, frostbitten embrace. She was so exhausted that Clint could just scoop her up and take her to the authorities anytime he wanted.

When the middle-aged cowboy stood up and brushed his damp gray hair back, however, he saw two fountains of water bursting up from the river on either side of him. Another one formed behind him and another in front. Clint Magnus danced around in fear and shivered for a different reason than being soaked.

The bounty hunter could see Fatima’s hands raised from her sides while she was still laying down. They were clouded with a blue and purple mist of energy while her eyes glowed a brilliant and hauntingly beautiful neon green. The hydromancer levitated to her feet and gazed at her assailant with scorn and power.

“You…you really are a witch!” said a shaky Clint Magnus while pointing his wrinkled finger at her.

“Witch?” asked Fatima. “And what exactly is a witch? Is it supposed to be one of your disgusting slurs? Is it a label you put on anybody you disagree with? Or do you just reserve it for someone you want to exploit for money? I know this is a post-apocalyptic nightmare for all of us, but you, sir, are out of excuses!”

The four fountain bursts of water grew taller as Fatima’s energy-covered hands rose over her head. “Oh, shit!” said Clint to himself before the rising water came crashing down over his head, pinning him to the river bed and drowning him as well. He struggled and flailed in the raging waters to where his face was turning purple.

The water torture was mercifully over when Fatima swept her hands to the side and cast the freezing liquid away from Clint, who was hacking and wheezing while pathetically on his knees. “Get up, you fool!” ordered Fatima. “You’re supposed to be a goddamn bounty hunter, not a fucking amateur.”

Huffing and puffing, Clint Magnus slowly made it to his feet while his teeth clicked together from the hard convulsing. As soon as he got his bearings, he pulled out his Desert Eagle pistol and said, “I’ve had just about enough of your bullshit, lady!” When he pulled the trigger, only sand and rocks came out of the barrel.

“Well, look at that! Your pistol’s shooting blanks. Your wife must be so disappointed in you right now. So disappointed that she’ll run off with another man while you’re busy chasing little old me,” taunted Fatima while she giggled.

“That’s grounds for getting your neck snapped, little girl,” growled Clint. “What the fuck do you know about my family? I have to support them every damn day in this screwed up world! Chasing you was all about the money. It was never personal. But if you’d rather mock my family instead of supporting them, that’s fine, I’ll beat your ass anyways!”

“And I’m sure you’ll make an excellent role model for your children one day,” said Fatima sarcastically. “While turning me in will ensure that your family gets paid, you’re also teaching them how to label others. That’s how we got into this post-apocalyptic mess in the first place: by judging each other and slapping labels on our neighbors. And what do your politicians do when they can’t play nicely? They don’t work things out. They drop bombs on each other. Is that what your children are going to grow up to be: bomb-dropping politicians?”

“My children have a better future than that!” shouted Clint.

“Your children have no future at all!” retorted Fatima. As the uncomfortable silence took over, Clint hung his head in sorrow while the hydromancer maintained her authoritative gaze upon him. “Then again, nobody has a future around here. They call it Armageddon for a reason: because it’s all over. As long as we continue to cast hatred on each other, we will never, and I mean NEVER, rebuild to what we once were.”

Clint kept his chin tucked to his chest as he contemplated this harsh talking point. There were even hints of tears in his eyes, which caused Fatima’s deadly stare to soften. The bounty hunter picked his head up and said, “So that’s your solution? We just throw down our weapons and love each other? That hippie-dippie shit sounds good on paper, but how many assholes out there actually want to do that? You can’t make them be nice people!”

“What about you, cowboy?” asked Fatima with her finger pointed at him. “Can you be convinced to carry a message of love across the world? Can one act of kindness spread into several others? Or do you just want to shoot people for the rest of your life and collect your blood money?”

Another beat of uncomfortable silence washed over the scene. Clint had a decision to make. Would he continue to perpetuate the hateful sins of the apocalypse or will he show them that they are all capable of change? He shook his head and said, “You are so full of shit, lady. You are so full of disgusting shit!”

Clint quickly pulled a knife from his belt and chucked it into Fatima’s shoulder, causing her to drop to her knees and scream demonically in pain. The bounty hunter had a ghoulish grin on his face as he slowly approached the wounded witch. He even cracked his knuckles, wrists, and neck for dramatic effect.

He held his hands out in an attempt to grab Fatima by the throat and choke her, but the hydromancer still had one good arm and used it to work her magic. The river turned into a violent whirlpool that sucked Clint Magnus into the center. He flailed his arms and kicked his legs like a small child, but it was hardly any resistance against the much stronger waters. The river rose and Clint’s head sunk beneath the freezing liquid. He swam and stroked as hard as he could, but soon enough, his eyes would close and body would go limp. His last few bubbles of breath reached the surface and popped just as quickly as his life faded out.

Clint bathed in darkness with nothing but his final thoughts. He saw his wife’s beautiful face and gorgeous brown locks while she donned her favorite while dress. He saw his two toddler sons clinging to their mother’s legs and bouncing up and down while waiting for daddy to come home. Daddy would be coming home soon, Clint kept telling himself. But those twenty thousand credits were out of reach the minute he drowned in Fatima’s watery magic.

And then the cowboy coughed up another puddle of icy water while shivering some more. He slowly opened his eyes and found that he was lying alongside the river while holding a shining blue pendant with a note attached to it. Clint took a few more deep breaths before rolling over onto his knees and letting his eyes adjust to the fading light of the day.

The note read, “Water is something we all need in this dying world. Your family can’t drink money, but they can drink clean and healthy water thanks to this pendant I’ve left with you. The pendant is charged with hydromantic powers. Use it on any source of water and it will multiply and purify it for drinking. Neither you nor your family will ever go thirsty again. One act of kindness can soften the heart of even the coldest people. I hope it softened yours as well. Don’t give up on humanity just yet. Yours forever, Fatima Rose. P.S.: Don’t worry about my shoulder wound. I’ve suffered worse wounds from worse people.”


Clint stared at the pendant in his wrinkly hand and began to shed tears over the marble orb. “Thank you, Fatima,” he sobbed silently. “Thank you for everything!” He spent the last few moments of the day crying to himself, something his “manly” stereotype wouldn’t allow him to do for the longest time. Getting it all out felt as good as a nice chug of clean drinking water.

Tuesday, September 18, 2012

"The Collection" by Bentley Little




If Stephen King considers you to be a great horror writer, take that honor with pride. Bentley Little was skillful enough as an author to receive such an honor. And why wouldn’t he? His anthology of short stories known as “The Collection” is just one example of how dark and screwed up of a place his mind is. No matter which one of the stories you’re reading, you’re always guaranteed extra time trying to clean yourself off in the shower. Absolutely nothing is off limits to Mr. Little when it comes to plot devices, be it child molestation, chainsaw slashings, degenerate crazies, religious sacrifices, or, one of my all time favorites, a bunch of zombies dressing up in Revolutionary War outfits and scaring the crap out of a guy named Mike Franks. That last item comes from a story called “The Washingtonians”, where George Washington is revealed to be a cannibalistic psychopath whose cherry tree story turns out to be him raping small children and hence, taking their cherries. If it sounds over-the-top and somewhat giggly, it’s because it is. If you really want to know what the hell goes on in Bentley Little’s mind, by all means, go to his home in Arizona and ask him…that is, if you can find him. Mr. Little made himself a tad bit difficult to locate. You know who else was hard to locate? Ted Kaczynski also known as the Unibomer. The Unibomber loved to live in the woods and build his destructive devices. And Bentley Little? Well, he loves to live in seclusion and build destructive stories that’ll have you swallowing Xanax like candy. And Bentley has the shaggy beard to prove it. If you’re not already creeped out by this somewhat hyperbolic comparison, then don’t let me stop you from buying a copy of “The Collection”. But I must advise you: if the thought of Mr. Little being compared to Ted Kaczynski in terms of physical image gives you a nervous and cold stomach, you probably won’t make it passed the first page of the book, where religious whackos nailing people and animals to crosses will be the first thing that haunts your mind like a schizophrenic voice. Who knows? Maybe once you get passed the first chapter, you’ll need someone to turn the pages for you since your arms will be trapped in a straightjacket! Just saying!

 

***DOMESTIC QUOTE OF THE DAY***

“Garrison, quit laughing like a crazy person!”

-My niece Reina-