Insane Asylum

VERSE 1

Prisoners have more rights than we do

Call it a hospital? That shit is see-through

A medieval dungeon with torture devices

A lobotomy is what you’ve decided

Electroshock to scramble the brains

Straightjacket so tight, extreme pain

Orderlies beating us up for no reason

Fresh new prisoners, it’s hunting season

CHORUS

Insane asylum, healthcare ward

Heard the euphemisms before

Spraying dog shit with cologne

Doesn’t make it smell like home

VERSE 2

Mental ward system is all about money

Got to keep them loonies from running

Lock them up and collect your payday

Maximize profit, taxman stay away

It’s not a crazy conspiracy theory

You motherfuckers refuse to hear me

Another wrestling match with the nurses

They too collect money like fight purses

CHORUS

Insane asylum, healthcare ward

Heard the euphemisms before

Spraying dog shit with cologne

Doesn’t make it smell like home

VERSE 3

It’s not the exception, it’s the rule

Whenever you pull out a torture tool

One day they’ll carry your ass away

You can be in the center of the fray

You can be strapped down to a gurney

Electroshock will leave you burning

A shot of horse to put you to bed

But like you said, it’s all in your head

EXTENDED CHORUS

Insane asylum, healthcare ward

Heard the euphemisms before

Spraying dog shit with cologne

Doesn’t make it smell like home

No insurance, no healthcare

The dungeon is right over there

Out of sight from the rest of town

Depressed frowns turn upside down

FINAL LINE

Hahahahahahahahaha!

No

Just no

"Skinny Dip" by Carl Hiaasen

“Marine biologist Chaz Perrone can’t tell a seahorse from a sawhorse.” No kidding! This goofball slash scumbag tried to murder his wife by tossing her overboard during a cruise. So what did she do? Using her athletic talents, she swam over to a bail of Jamaican weed and wound up on a deserted island inhabited by an ex-cop who’s more than happy to help her attain vengeance. But how will Joey Perrone get revenge? Will she shoot Chaz in the skull? Nah, too brutal. Will she kick him in the testicles? Nah, that’s even worse. What could be more American than gunfire and nut shots? Blackmail, of course! Chaz has no idea that his wife Joey survived, but he doesn’t need to know that. He just has to worry his pretty little head off not only about murder charges, but also about falsifying data when doing work in the Florida Everglades. Throughout the entire book, you get the impression that Chaz Perrone is a huge sleaze ball. And then you think to yourself, “Gee, I’d really like to see something bad happen to this scumbag.” The entire book is just one big revenge plot designed to make Chaz shit in his overalls and have the diarrhea splatter ooze down into his already mud-soaked bog boots. What could possibly be more satisfying than that? And since Carl Hiaasen’s characters are always goofy and silly, you don’t have to worry about things getting too dark or brutal. Yes, Chaz Perrone is a heartless bastard, but you wouldn’t wish water boarding on him. Pants-pissing blackmail? That you can wish for and expect the genie to be generous about granting that wish. Goofball adult comedy is pretty much what you can expect from all of Carl Hiaasen’s books, alongside the not-so-subtle environmental messages he imprints in each novel. Despite knowing everything there is to know about him, you never feel like stopping at just one book. Mr. Hiaasen is extremely prolific and his books definitely do NOT blend together. Each one is an exciting thrill ride that will leave your gut busted and your ribs aching. “Skinny Dip” is no different in that respect.

　

***COMEDIC QUOTE OF THE DAY***

“When it comes to rights, either one of two things is true. Either we have unlimited rights or no rights at all. Personally, I’m leaning toward unlimited rights. I believe for instance that I have the right to do and say whatever the fuck I please. And if I say something that pisses you off, you have the right to kill me. Where are you going to find a fucking better deal than that? The next time some asshole says to you, ‘I have the right to my opinion!’ say to them, ‘Oh yeah? Well, I have the right to my opinion and my opinion is, you have no right to your opinion!’ Then shoot the motherfucker and walk away!”

-George Carlin-

"For the Win" by Cory Doctorow

Get ready to activate your activism. Get ready to demand what’s rightfully yours. What do we want? Internet and workers’ rights! When do we want it? As soon as the police stop beating us up! Such is the world of “For the Win” by Cory Doctorow. Playing online videogames has become a fulltime job, but without the benefits and perks that come with being in a union. But in order to form a union, you have to recover from the head trauma you’ve endured from a policeman’s knight stick so that you can organize your thoughts clearly. Seeing as how a good portion of this story takes place in China, you can expect a little dictatorship to be peppered relentlessly throughout the story. Lots of beatings, lots of arrests, and not enough people to stand up to these oppressive governments. The further into the story you get, the more people there are that sign up for this form of political bravery. With the help of the internet, this army of working-class people comes closer and closer together, further emphasizing Cory Doctorow’s theme of people over profits. Case in point, having more people on your side to speak out against oppression is more effective than bombing the crap out of a government building or police station or even causing a head-splitting riot in the streets. Even though “For the Win” is a work of fiction and appeals more to Generation Y members because of the videogame aspect of the storyline, we see these themes of political oppression all throughout the world. Therefore, this book is relatable to everyone even if you don’t play videogames as religiously as these main characters. A prime example of these theories in action comes from right here in the good old US of A. The reason Barack Obama got as many votes as he did in the 2008 presidential election was in part because he used social media to appeal to the younger crowd. He never had to strike fear in the hearts of his own people or incite riots, which is more than anybody could say about the Tea Party candidates that came swarming into office in 2010. Hope has always been more appealing than fear. These “For the Win” characters cling onto hope every day of their lives regardless of how badly they’re beaten by the police. When you eventually make it to the final 400 to 500 pages of the book, you’ll be pleasantly surprised at how well people power, hope over fear, and internet access mesh together in order to create change in an otherwise dystopian society.

　

***LITERARY QUOTE OF THE DAY***

“It was as obvious as a boner at the chalkboard.”

-A line from “For the Win” by Cory Doctorow-