Lost Without You

Chun Li tapped her white-booted foot repeatedly while crossing her arms, impatience bubbling inside her. She didn’t want to be down in this bunker. She wanted to be out there in the field lightning kicking Bison’s head off. She wanted to hear the sounds of bones crunching against her boots as she performed her Spinning Bird Kick. She wanted to hear Bison scream in agony as her fireball scorched and crisped his skin. Those sounds would have been more heavenly to listen to than a classical Mozart symphony. After all those lonely nights without her now murdered father, Chun Li believed she wasn’t asking too much in return. She just then noticed her jaw was aching from clamping down too hard.

If there was one thing that could distract her from her own impatience and the darkness of the bunker, it was seeing young Cammy White resting peacefully on a soft enough mattress. Waiting for her to wake up and give away Bison’s location would have eaten away at Chun Li since time was a factor. But there was something about Cammy’s beauty that extended beyond the surface level. Anybody could look good in a green legless leotard and black combat boots. Even Chun Li had her own moments with her blue kung fu dress, also legless. But Cammy had an air of mystery about her. She had a softness to her that Chun Li always liked in the company of women.

Crush on her later. You have a job to do once she wakes up, Chun Li thought to herself. And just like that, her sweet smile disappeared and gave way to tight-jawed intensity. She knew it wouldn’t be right to flirt with Cammy anyways. The poor girl had been through a lot, which was why she was taken to this bunker to begin with. And then, her eyes slowly flickered open, adjusting to whatever light was left. Chun Li rushed over and sat on the mattress next to her.

Don’t mess this up. You’ve got one chance to get the most out of her…

Still groggy and dazed, Cammy languidly reached out her hand and cupped it in Chun Li’s, prompting the latter’s face to go slightly pink. Even after lecturing herself about the importance of finding and destroying Bison’s Shadowloo base, Chun Li made no effort to pull her hand away. The touch was too smooth and too warm to just let go so easily. And then it became clear why Cammy was reaching out in the first place. “Bison…is that you?”

“I…no, it isn’t, Cammy.” Chun Li knew her charge was out of it, but was still hit with a pang of disappointment.

Cammy pulled her hand away ever so slowly. “I’m sorry. I…I don’t know what I was…I mean…”

“It’s okay, Cammy. Don’t worry about it. I don’t mind. Are you able to sit up? That might help you reorient yourself.”

She did indeed sit up, but not without slouching her head over like she was about to pass out again. “Where’s Bison?”

“That’s what I was hoping you’d know. You were closer to him than anybody else we’ve rescued so far. Do you remember where his Shadowloo hideout is?”

“I…I can’t remember much…Everything’s a blur…” Failing to compose herself, Cammy slumped over to the side and (unknowingly) rested her head on Chun Li’s shoulder, prompting an even darker shade of pink to scrawl across her face. “Am I doing that again?”

“Cammy, it’s okay. I don’t mind, really. You’ve been through a lot. It’s okay to feel sleepy after all of that. Do…do you seriously not remember where Bison is hiding out?”

“I…I don’t remember much of anything lately…”

Chun Li grabbed Cammy by her shoulders and lifted her into an upright position, steeling herself for the gravity of what she was about to say. Cammy’s head still slouched over, but hopefully Chun Li’s message got through. “Listen to me…this won’t be easy to hear, but…we believe you’ve been brainwashed by Bison into becoming one of his soldiers. The effects are just now wearing off and that’s probably why you don’t remember much about your past.”

“…Who’s we? Who are you, anyways?”

“I’m from Interpol and we’ve been building a case against Bison for years now. He has entire governments in his back pocket and has been using his influence as part of a campaign for world domination. Anybody who stands in his way or even mildly disagrees with him is promptly murdered or incarcerated. To put it in shorter terms, he’s a dictator and he’s getting too powerful for our liking.”

Cammy lifted her head as if to give some kind of hopeful answer. But…”I’m sorry. I don’t remember anything. I want to help you, but I can’t.”

And just like that, the best lead Chun Li had turned out to be a dead end. Lord knew what Bison had done to this poor girl prior to the amnesia. The possible answers, even the darkest kind, swirled in Chun Li’s head and angered her to where she unintentionally squeezed Cammy’s shoulders too hard. After a hiss of pain from her charge, Chun Li apologized and dusted her own kung fu dress off (despite there being no dust).

The two of them just sat there on the mattress together awkwardly staring into space. If Cammy really was as amnesic as she claimed to be, then what else was there to do? The logical answer would be to take her to the Interpol medical wing, but if that was a viable option, they wouldn’t be in this bunker in the first place. They needed to hide out for a while. They needed to strategize. They needed to…spring to life on their feet as soon as a crashing sound erupted at the front entrance.

The steel door came loose after a few hard punches and tumbled down the stairs into the bunker’s common area. Emerging from the chaos was exactly what Chun Li feared this whole time: Shadowloo warriors. The punches obviously came from Balrog, the ultra-muscular boxer with a ripped bare chest and baggy purple shorts. Flanking him was the steel masked Spanish ninja Vega, bearing a claw that could tear off limbs with a single stroke. While Chun Li prepared for battle with her kung fu stance, Cammy looked dumbstruck as her bare legs quivered.

Balrog pointed his boxing glove at Cammy and said, “I believe you have something that belongs to Shadowloo.”

Chun Li’s normally soft voice had extra mustard behind it. “That ‘something’ has a name, you dumb bastard. She’s not an object for Bison to play with. She’s a living, breathing human fucking being!”

Balrog and Vega laughed their heads off. Vega removed his mask and licked his claw in a sensual, creepy way. “She may be a human fucking being…but living and breathing? Ha…that’s debatable!”

“Don’t you lay a finger on her!”

“Or what?” snapped Balrog. Not wasting any more time smack talking, he initiated the battle with a rush punch aimed at Chun Li’s head.

Staying close to Cammy, who was still frozen with amnesic fear, Chun Li dodged and ducked every punch Balrog threw at her. She counted with a sweep kick, but his legs wouldn’t budge. Instead, Balrog grabbed the sweeping bare leg and squeezed it like the pervert he was, toothless grin on his face the whole time. Chun Li threw a Kioken fireball from her laying position and almost singed Balrog’s disgusting face. Once she was free, she nipped up, wanting to go in for the kill with a Spinning Bird Kick.

In doing so, she left Cammy wide open for Vega to swan dive and suplex her into the bed. This distracted Chun Li long enough for Balrog to throw a dashing uppercut, flipping her upside down and dazing her senses. He continued the punishment by picking her up and head butting her repeatedly in the chest. Every time his cannonball noggin struck her sternum, her heart skipped a few beats. She faded in and out of consciousness the whole time, but mustered enough strength to throw another fireball, forcing Balrog to let go.

That fireball proved to be her last hoorah. It bought her enough time and enough conscious energy to see something disgusting unfold before her eyes. Vega had Cammy’s arms pinned to the bed and with his mask off, he began licking his claw like he wanted to butcher her. Chun Li wanted to help. She wanted to stay conscious long enough to Lightning Kick his head off. Her wish was only half granted as the anger burning in her gut kept her awake this whole time. And then…

Just as Vega leaned down to try to give Cammy a kiss, the latter sprang to life like she wasn’t crippled with amnesic fear just a few minutes ago. She punched Vega in the face and split him open. He screamed and held his broken nose, bemoaning the fact that his “handsome” features were ruined by this “bitch”. He swan dived towards her again, but was met with a spiral kick called the Cannon Drill. Off the bed and ready to rock and roll, Cammy hit a thrust kick to Vega’s ball sack and ruined his face even further with a spinning knuckle. She never let up, just kept pounding and pounding him like a fighting machine was awakened inside of her. There may have been hope in finding Bison after all.

This newfound hope gave Chun Li enough energy to pull herself to her feet and dodge another oncoming rush punch from the now recovered Balrog. Awake and alive, she threw multiple Lightning Kicks around Balrog’s sternum, listening to his ribs crackle and pop. He backed off a little bit and spit out some blood, but ultimately shrugged off the pain like it was nothing. Boxers were used to this kind of pain, after all. Then again, so were kung fu masters and British soldiers. Chun Li winked at Cammy, who stood over Vega’s broken body with confidence and anger etched in her battle stance.

Balrog stormed in with another rush punch, but was met with a double team move from Chun Li and Cammy. Cammy went low with her Cannon Drill and Chun Li went high with the move she’d been itching to use on Bison this whole time, the Spinning Bird Kick. Bones crunched, cracked, and shattered underneath the boots of these two badass women. With a distorted face and ribs puncturing his lungs, Balrog dropped to the ground twitching and coughing up blood, which only aggravated his rib injuries even further. Cammy finished him off with a hard stomp to the balls. Balrog’s face contorted even further before he fell backwards and slipped into the dark side.

Bruised, but not broken, Cammy and Chun Li breathed heavily after their hard-earned victory and sat back down on the bed together full of piss and vinegar. If anybody else wanted to come through that doorway, they too would be beaten within an inch of their lives.

After a while of huffing and puffing, Cammy finally spoke in a tone unlike her dazed and confused persona from earlier. “I know where Bison’s hideout is…I know what he did to me…He erased my memories…Made me his slave…I want to kill him…I want to burn him alive….”

“Listen to me, Cammy…I’m glad you remember where Bison’s base is, even if it was triggered under the worst circumstances. But I’m afraid I can’t let you have that kill. Interpol will take care of everything. The important thing is that you cooperate.”

“Oh, I’ll cooperate alright. And to think, Bison thought I was in love with him. Truth is…I don’t even like men.”

Chun Li’s face reddened once again, but for more reasons than being in a brutal fight. “You…you don’t?”

“I’ve always preferred women. I don’t go around advertising my sexuality to people, so I’d appreciate it if you kept quiet too.”

“It’s nothing to be ashamed of, Cammy. Bison may think there’s something wrong with it, but I don’t. In fact…I like women too.” That last sentence was punctuated with a tiny smile.

The two of them looked in each other’s eyes, but ultimately thought nothing of it. Cammy said, “I’m not sure if I can…you know…not right now anyways. I have to wash the stench of Bison off of me before I can do anything serious…”

“I understand, Cammy. Maybe we’ll just have to settle for a nice cup of tea together.”

Cammy’s eyes widened in disbelief. “What?”

“I, uh…sorry, I don’t know where that came from.”

After a while of awkward silence, Cammy’s hand met Chun Li’s. “Sure, I’d love to get tea with you sometime. Maybe when this Shadowloo bullshit is over, though.”

“Of course…once it’s all over…”

“Hey…thank you. Thanks for everything…” Cammy kissed Chun Li’s forehead and made her blush. “Come on, let’s get out of this bunker before anybody else finds us and wants to brawl.”

Chun Li just now remembered that she had a job to do this whole time. It was easy to get lost in Cammy even after all of that. It was easy to feel…lost without her.

Disaster Porn

OPENING DIALOGUE

ADULT: You know, Chud, Japan was hit with an earthquake, Haiti was hit with an earthquake, there are wars going on in Iraq and Afghanistan, there’s starvation happening all over Africa…and you’re complaining about your love life? Hyuk, hyuk, hyuk!

VERSE 1

Not once have I thought of a starving African teen

And had all my nightmares turn into sweet dreams

Not once have I pictured bullets flying in the desert

And had all my struggles turn into minimal effort

Not once have I envisioned a high Richter scale

And had all my bad thoughts crash and derail

It’s not perspective, it’s goddamn disaster porn

Making you feel guilty for the way you were born

CHORUS

It doesn’t matter if someone has it worse

The pain inside will always fucking burn

The bleeding heart will always fucking hurt

Perspective doesn’t help get us out of hell

VERSE 2

There’s no true answer to what we all need

Whether it’s exercising until our bodies bleed

Meditation until our minds have gone numb

A college schedule to prove we’re all dumb

Soap carving, basket weaving, clay sculptures

Something to remember when we get older

There’s no one solution for everybody here

Everybody’s different when it comes to fear

CHORUS

It doesn’t matter if someone has it worse

The pain inside will always fucking burn

The bleeding heart will always fucking hurt

Perspective doesn’t help get us out of hell

VERSE 3

If I had a child, I wouldn’t feed him world crises

I’d listen to his every word, that’s fucking likely

Have an open door policy even when he grows up

Soothe his anxiety when he wants to throw up

Soothe his traumas when there’s too much drama

Ease his mind when faith is hardest to find

Building up kids is easier than repairing adults

It could be too late to erase every last insult

CHORUS

It doesn’t matter if someone has it worse

The pain inside will always fucking burn

The bleeding heart will always fucking hurt

Perspective doesn’t help get us out of hell

CLOSING DIALOGUE

ADULT: You know, Chud, if you don’t want your dinner, I could always send it to China and…

CHILD: Shut the fuck up!

"The Mummy: Tomb of the Dragon Emperor" by Max Allan Collins

BOOK TITLE: The Mummy: Tomb of the Dragon Emperor

AUTHOR: Max Allan Collins

YEAR: 2008

GENRE: Fiction

SUBGENRE: Urban Fantasy

GRADE: Pass

In the year 200 BC, China’s Dragon Emperor conquered his country with an iron fist and compassion for nobody. Karma would take the form of a sorceress’s curse, which covered him and his army in terra-cotta and banished them in suspended animation for eternity. Fast forward two millenniums and the Dragon Emperor is awakened from his curse by the greedy and zealous General Yang. The globetrotting O’Connell family must now put the mummy back into the ground by stabbing him in the heart with a mystical blade that was guarded for many generations. With an endless supply of firepower and unmatched martial arts skills, the O’Connells truly are the world’s last hope.

Even though this book earned its passing grade (four out of five stars), it’s not without its glaring flaws, particularly in the cheese department. The narrator constantly complimenting the female characters’ beauty, the gratuitous explosions, the sometimes off-color use of similes and metaphors, the instant chemistry between Alex O’Connell (the son) and Lin (Chinese tomb guardian), and the most obvious cheese of all, Alex and his father Rick using penis analogies to describe their submachine guns and pistols. Considering this was once a poorly received movie, I don’t doubt that these cheesy elements turned off plenty of viewers.

But that’s not to say that this book doesn’t deserve the praise it gets. All in all, it’s a fun little book filled with action, adventure, and opportunities for young authors to learn how to write in a fast-paced manner. It turns out that describing every punch and kick within a Jackie Chan-style fight isn’t one hundred percent necessary. In fact, that would take forever and impatient readers like me don’t have forever. We like hard-hitting action. We like hailstorms of bullets. We like tooth and nail struggles that bring the warriors to the edge of death and back again. Although the O’Connell family is blessed with martial arts skills and expensive firearms, they’re no doubt going to earn whatever victories they get. To put it in Rick’s terms, this struggle is going to make them HATE mummies!

The wild imagination of this story is something I also want to praise. Magical elements, bloodthirsty three-headed dragons, barbaric yetis, immortal Chinese warriors, a pool of eternal life, mystical artifacts, this urban fantasy has everything you need in order to get those inner wheels turning. While some of the magical occurrences come off as random at times, they don’t take away from the action or drama of the book and actually make sense in hindsight. Look at it this way: how else is a mere mortal named Rick O’Connell going to beat the crap out of a warrior mummy who won’t stay down? Anybody? Hello? Yes, the dragon dagger comes off as a McGuffin and McGuffins are considered literary sins, but if you’ve got a better way to kill off this seemingly immortal Dragon Emperor, I’d like to hear it.

Sometimes all a reader wants to do is have some fun and you’ll get that with this third installment of The Mummy series. You could also consider seeing the movie this book was adapted from, but diehard readers will want to choose the book instead. The writing style is cinematic in and of itself, so what are you waiting for? Pick up a copy of this four-star book today! Don’t be too turned off by the fact that this story has more cheese than a Domino’s pizza. After all, this kind of cheese would make even a vegan hungry.

"Cimarronin" by Neal Stephenson

BOOK TITLE: Cimarronin

AUTHOR: Neal Stephenson

YEAR: 2015

GENRE: Graphic Novel

SUBGENRE: Historical Fiction

GRADE: Pass

In seventeenth century Philippines, a disgraced samurai named Kitazume is on the brink of slicing his own stomach open in a hara-kiri ritual. His longtime Spanish priest friend Luis convinces him to stay alive long enough to journey to Mexico with him alongside a Chinese princess named Irgen. The three of them are now embroiled in a plot to prevent Spain and China from obtaining silver and slaves in Mexico knowing how much power it would give the corrupt nations. This struggle for supremacy in the new world will be covered in blood, shattered bones, and battlefields full of dead bodies. Kitazume wouldn’t have it any other way if it means he’ll find redemption for his past sins.

The first thing I enjoyed about this graphic novel was the action-packed violence that carried the story from page to page. The techniques the warriors used were reminiscent of something from a Bruce Lee or Jackie Chan movie. In other words, the attacks were fast-paced and technical as opposed to a wild, drunken brawl. The blood splatters and shattered bones were the end result of this delicious violence; R-rated brutality at its finest. Come to think of it, there’s another movie reference I’d like to make when describing the martial arts violence in this book: Kill Bill. If Quentin Tarantino wrote historical fiction graphic novels, he would have had Cimarronin in mind. Action genre lovers will get a huge kick out of reading this book, no pun intended. After all, it’s only entertaining when it happens to samurais and conquistadors, not the reader.

Speaking of violence, it’s also satisfying to see African ex-slaves get revenge on their Spanish conquerors. The way slavery is depicted in this graphic novel is how it should be depicted in all platforms: brutal and heartbreaking. They were branded with hot irons, dumped in the ocean during transit, and treated like disposable trash by their white masters. The slaves have waited years to strike back against their masters. When the violence finally takes place, a gigantic wave of relief will wash over the reader and payback will taste like sweet strawberries dipped in gooey cream. There actually are instances in history of slaves attacking their masters as a means of escape. Knowing this is one of them (even though it’s fiction) will put a sick smile on the reader’s face.

Enough about the violence; let’s talk about history. This is after all historical fiction. The countries of the new world all have a past that should be acknowledged and atoned for when discussing them in high school history classes. These new world conquests wouldn’t be possible without committing genocide on the indigenous people and rebuilding the infrastructure with kidnapped slaves. Some people such as me have no problem acknowledging how shameful of a history we have. Others seem to be proud of it to the point where even today they deny the existence of racism in the modern era. For those on the latter side of the spectrum, I have one question for you. How do you expect to change the world into a better place when you keep repeating history’s ugliest features? Cimarronin isn’t just an action-packed fun-filled rollercoaster ride. It’s a look into the darkest parts of our past for those who probably need their eyelids braced open like Alex from “A Clockwork Orange”.

Cimarronin is a quick and short read that packs a lot of action, drama, and history into that tiny space. A reader could probably blow through this thing in less than twenty-four hours. Is it over too soon? Maybe. Should there be other add-ons to this book? Absolutely. But for now, enjoy the ride while you can. Rollercoasters don’t last forever, you know. A passing grade goes to this deliciously violent and historically poignant piece of graphic fiction.

"For the Win" by Cory Doctorow

Get ready to activate your activism. Get ready to demand what’s rightfully yours. What do we want? Internet and workers’ rights! When do we want it? As soon as the police stop beating us up! Such is the world of “For the Win” by Cory Doctorow. Playing online videogames has become a fulltime job, but without the benefits and perks that come with being in a union. But in order to form a union, you have to recover from the head trauma you’ve endured from a policeman’s knight stick so that you can organize your thoughts clearly. Seeing as how a good portion of this story takes place in China, you can expect a little dictatorship to be peppered relentlessly throughout the story. Lots of beatings, lots of arrests, and not enough people to stand up to these oppressive governments. The further into the story you get, the more people there are that sign up for this form of political bravery. With the help of the internet, this army of working-class people comes closer and closer together, further emphasizing Cory Doctorow’s theme of people over profits. Case in point, having more people on your side to speak out against oppression is more effective than bombing the crap out of a government building or police station or even causing a head-splitting riot in the streets. Even though “For the Win” is a work of fiction and appeals more to Generation Y members because of the videogame aspect of the storyline, we see these themes of political oppression all throughout the world. Therefore, this book is relatable to everyone even if you don’t play videogames as religiously as these main characters. A prime example of these theories in action comes from right here in the good old US of A. The reason Barack Obama got as many votes as he did in the 2008 presidential election was in part because he used social media to appeal to the younger crowd. He never had to strike fear in the hearts of his own people or incite riots, which is more than anybody could say about the Tea Party candidates that came swarming into office in 2010. Hope has always been more appealing than fear. These “For the Win” characters cling onto hope every day of their lives regardless of how badly they’re beaten by the police. When you eventually make it to the final 400 to 500 pages of the book, you’ll be pleasantly surprised at how well people power, hope over fear, and internet access mesh together in order to create change in an otherwise dystopian society.

　

***LITERARY QUOTE OF THE DAY***

“It was as obvious as a boner at the chalkboard.”

-A line from “For the Win” by Cory Doctorow-