The clock on Steve Jones’s dashboard struck midnight while
the rain pounded on his windshield like hammers. He clutched the steering wheel
with a monstrous grip knowing what was waiting for him beyond that apartment
door. He could faintly hear Kathryn Marsh’s radio blasting the coincidental
tune “The Thunder Rolls” by All That Remains. How funny would it be if those
lyrics about a cheating husband influenced her rage when Steve walked through
the door? The last time he sniffed around, there wasn’t a trace of cologne
because there was no other woman. But still…
Steve took one last swig of his Jack Daniels and let out an
ogre burp before exiting the car for what would be the longest walk of his
life. It was only one flight of stairs, but with the alcohol turning his brain
into mush, he might as well have been walking on an endless treadmill. He
limped up each individual step while maintaining a chokehold on the railing. He
dared not peek down to know just how high off the ground he was. Instead he
fixed his short brown hair and brushed off his gray hoodie and black jeans
before slipping his key in the door and walking through the gates of hell.
“Where the fuck have you been?” belted Kathryn as she
sprawled across the couch in her pink fleece robe while her King Charles puppy
licked her hands. “Do you have any goddamn clue what time it is? Jesus, you
smell like a brewery!”
“Kathryn, now’s not the time for this dramatic crap. I’ve
had a long day and all I want to do is get in bed and forget all about it,”
begged Steve while holding his hands up defensively.
He stumbled towards the bedroom slowly and lazily when
Kathryn shoved the puppy off of her chest and leaped up to block her
boyfriend’s path with her arms akimbo. “I’ve been waiting for you all day long.
We were supposed to have dinner together and then go see a movie.” She took in
the scent of booze with a scowl and said, “You obviously had other plans.”
“You know what?” slurred Steve. “I did have other plans.
Plans that didn’t involve coming home to you every night and getting chewed out
for stupid shit! Ever since we got engaged, it’s been the same: fighting,
fighting, and more fucking fighting! So excuse me if I don’t feel like hanging
out with a crazy chick who wants to keep me on a leash!”
Kathryn shoved Steve and sent him careening backwards. He
would have landed on his ass if he didn’t have a firm grip on the back of the
couch. Towering over him, she snapped, “We never do anything together anymore!
I have to keep you on a short leash because I can’t trust you to be there for
me! We’re supposed to get married soon and now you’re going to ruin it for us
by drinking yourself to death! I’m sick of this shit, Steve!”
Amidst rapid-fire dog barking, Steve pulled himself to his
feet, but not without tripping forward and almost landing face first into
Kathryn’s chest. “Kitty-Kat, just shut the fuck up before you make my headache
worse than it already is.”
Kathryn slapped Steve across the face and sent him rolling
onto the couch. “How can you talk to me that way?!” she angrily sobbed. “The
Steve I know would never have said that to anyone, let alone his own fiancé!
You’ve changed! You’ve fucking changed! You can either check into rehab or I’ll
drop this wedding like a bad habit!” When the dog continued to voice his
opinion, his owner shouted, “Shut up, you stupid dog!” and earned a whine and a
crouch from the little pooch.
Steve’s burning fury caused him to grab one of the couch
pillows and thrash everything in sight with it, whether it be the coffee table,
the TV, or Kathryn herself. He threw the soft weapon to the ground and shouted,
“That’s it! I’ve had it with you! You want to end this relationship?! You want
to throw it all away over stupid shit?! You got it! Good riddance! I’d be
better off jacking it to internet porn than spending another night in the sack
with you, you gorgon death bitch!”
Kathryn’s cheeks flushed into a brighter shade of pink than
her bathrobe. Tears poured from her eyes with more intensity than the weather
outside. “The Thunder Rolls” meant more to her now than it did when she was
waiting for Steve to come home. She curled up into a ball on the floor and
dampened her knees with sorrowful liquids. Steve wouldn’t be deterred by such a
“pitiful” display as he crossed his arms and stood over her like a giant
terrorizing villagers. He wasn’t staggering anymore despite the strong scent of
alcohol blowing around the house like disgusting perfume.
“How could you?” Kathryn whimpered. “Why would you say that
to me? Don’t you love me anymore? Does our marriage mean nothing to you?” Even
with the biblical flood of tears, Steve hadn’t moved an inch. It was only when
poisonous snakes grew from her scalp that he slowly staggered backwards and
fell on his ass.
Now it was Steve’s turn to shed tears of misery and fear.
“What the hell?” he asked as the dog’s barking picked up steam yet again.
The snakes in Kathryn’s hair slithered, spit venom, and
chewed at the air. Her skin whitened to a pale shade of marble. When she nipped
up and roared to the sky, neon red lights shot from her eyes and turned every
fly whirling above her into little pebbles. Their corpses rolled across the
ground like a game of craps. Steve had already turned around and covered his
head so that he didn’t have to look into her eyes. Her demonic voice, on the
other hand, was as clear as day. “You want a gorgon death bitch?! I’ll give you
one, you little shit! You’re going to put a ring on me whether you want to or
not!”
The shivering and cowering Steve opened his eyes ever so
slightly to see Kathryn’s shadow creeping up on him. The snakes in her hair all
made a lung for him and he rolled out of the way just in time. “Come on,
Stevie-Boy!” the gorgon taunted. “I thought you liked putting poison in your
body! You do enough of it at the bar, so why not here at home?”
The snakes lunged at him again and one of them managed to
snag the back of his hoodie. Steve screamed in almighty terror as he ran behind
the couch, leaving a piece of his clothing behind for the snakes to snack on.
He tried to run towards the bedroom, but his drunken stupor made athleticism
close to impossible. He tripped to the ground and crawled across the carpet
like a soldier trying to avoid barbed wire. His heart thundered at a million
beats per minute. Sweat and tears rained off of him like a dam after an
earthquake. His body trembled and his bladder unleashed another rainstorm upon
the ground. He even managed to feel pity for the barking dog behind him.
“I’m sorry, Kathryn! I’m so sorry! Just leave me the fuck
alone!” Steve pleaded through a swamp of tears.
He felt a sharp presence clutch the back of his hair and
yank him up to his knees. Those same claws mockingly massaged his shoulders
while Kathryn whispered sweet nothings in his ears, her cacophony complimented
by hissing snakes. “Oh, Steve. You’re so cute when you’re shaking in terror. I
knew there was a reason my family loved you so much. They kept pushing me to
marry you and now we can be happy together at last! Just you and me, nobody
else! No beer, no drugs, no shitty music, just a lifetime of sweet symphonies!
Doesn’t that sound like paradise, my darling?”
Even with his mind racing beyond the galaxy itself, Steve
could make out the sound of the little puppy gnawing on Kathryn’s ankle, to
which the gorgon growled and unleashed her savage stone stare upon the little
guy. Steve and Kathryn yelled, “No!” together, which would be the only thing
they had in common at this point in the argument.
Steve slowly turned his blistered face to see Kathryn on her
knees cradling her stone statue puppy and sobbing once again. “Why?” she
blubbered. “Why do I keep doing this to the ones I love? I didn’t mean to, damn
it! I just want a happy life! I just want a husband and a puppy-duppy! Is that
too much to ask for?”
With his eyebrows furrowed like lightning bolts, the thunder
flashed in Steve’s eyes as he saw his opportunity to end this madness. He leapt
to his feet, yanked the stone dog out of Kathryn’s hands, and before she could
turn around, he smashed the petrified animal over her head multiple times. She
screamed in bloody agony while her snakes hissed and nibbled at Steve’s arms
and hands. He didn’t give a fuck about the poison or the blood.
A flash of red burned across his retinas as he smashed
Kathryn’s head over and over again. The blood splatters and dead snakes were
giving him a funny feeling in his wet pants. His eyes bulged and so did his
underwear. He laughed like a psychopath as he bathed in the sweet venom of his
now dying fiancé. It felt as warm and relaxing to his aching body as a Jacuzzi.
He hammered her again and again until the stone dog spilt in two and Kathryn’s
head was a pool of shattered bones and splattered brains. For the first time in
this relationship, Steve could breathe easy, but he did so with a deep, raspy
throat.
His moment of sweet nirvana was interrupted by the sound of
his apartment door being kicked down and police officers yelling, “What the
hell?!”
Steve’s bulging eyes and psychotic demeanor faded into
soberness when he peeked up at the cops. His heart sank to his feet when he saw
that Kathryn’s gorgon appearance was no more and the puppy’s stone body was a
bloody heap. Beyond the rancid smell of blood and guts, Steve could still
identify the alcohol on his own breath and clothes. Goddamn, that was some
strong booze.
The officers at the door gazed at Steve with horrified shock
and arms akimbo. All Steve could do was shrug his shoulders and say, “It’s not
what it looks like.”
