I cross the icy bridge to the dentist’s office
Reach my destination, but find no solace
It’s Valentine’s Day, VD for short
A celebration of romance and genital warts
The perfect day to stick a drill in my mouth
Infected gums, not infected down south
Floss makes me bleed like a broken heart
Like two lovers, my teeth are torn apart
Rince and spit like a fellatio
Lovey-dovey muzak on the radio
Spinning polisher tickles my gums
I scream, but I get the help of no one
“Please be quiet while I’m working on you”
Okay, Britt Baker, tap me out too
Any cavities today or just a hole in my soul?
Just a toothbrush and floss, you’re the boss
I’ll eat my feelings at my local Burger King
Spend money on burgers, not a wedding ring
A pretty smile doesn’t mean a damn thing
I never do it anyways, got nothing nice to sing
At least my dental work isn’t ruined by mono
Sour grapes is my meal, report it like gonzo
News of my heartache broadcast in a frown
Lay alone in bed and put on some “Lonesome Town”
I survived another god forsaken VD
It’s nothing like the shit in movies and TV
I’ll undo my brainwashing somehow, someway
And VD will just be an ordinary day
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