Launch the Third Rock, Pt. 2

I used to love the idea of reincarnation

That was before the rise of fascist nations

Before I was broken by capitalist education

Before the churchies tried to outlaw masturbation

 

Never thought I’d be jealous of an aborted fetus

Never thought I’d be thankful for a virgin penis

Wouldn’t bring a new child into this fucked up world

When their only options in life are boy or girl

 

It’s not just America, it’s the whole third rock

Everybody wants a piece of the awe and shock

Everybody does it for the lulz and the laughs

Israeli bombs get David Draiman’s autograph

 

Talk about Disturbed, you ain’t seen shit

You got to be disturbed to want any of it

You got to be fucked up in the head really bad

To enjoy the bloodshed that drives all of us mad

 

Of course you pretend like everything’s okay

‘Cause your American way is the only way

It’s the country where Jesus will come back to life

Bring you to heaven and leave behind your trad wife

 

Praying on your knees never got you anywhere

Except into a box after years of despair

The elite don’t like you, they do not respect you

Vote for them all you want, they will not protect you

 

Launch the third rock into the sun in the sky

That’s where we left off, but I’m wondering why

Shouldn’t we take this shit past the point of no return

You like to threaten hellfire? Burn, baby, burn!

 

You afraid of The Devil? He was here all along

He was every alpha leader pretending to be strong

He was every dictator who silenced his critics

Wouldn’t entertain the chance to learn and listen

 

You want your own bubble? Now you’ve got it

Protect you from the truth, the wise ones taught it

Protect your pretty soul, the greenbacks bought it

Nobody visits you, because your heart is rotten

 

We don’t have a loneliness epidemic around here

Got an epidemic of fascists blasting out our ears

You deserve to lose every best friend you’ve got

Your family too, whether you like it or not

Femcel Fatale

VERSE 1 (FEMCEL)

“I can’t play a game of Magic worth a good goddamn

But I bet you’re just dying to know who I am

I’m the woman of your dreams, the very worst kind

Let my demonic image burn right into your mind

What’s your telephone number? I like to talk a lot

Tell you all my dark secrets so spicy and hot

You’re coming with me if you’re ready or not

This is red dead city, you just might get shot”

 

PRE-CHORUS 1 (FEMCEL & ME)

“Hey! You gave me the wrong phone number!”

You want to know why? I’ll tell you why…

 

CHORUS (ME)

‘Cause you’re a creep

You’re a weirdo

What the hell are you doing here?

You don’t belong here

 

VERSE 2 (FEMCEL)

“Let’s go to Mickey D’s for our platonic date

But “platonic” and “no” are the words that I hate

The two of us can split a small Shamrock Shake

Only got one straw, my germs are yours to take

But you got your own straw to save your chiseled jaw

I got a blackbelt in judo and I’ll wrestle you raw

Sorry for the information, it’s a normal conversation

One dirty thought away from craving masturbation”

 

PRE-CHORUS 2 (FEMCEL & ME)

“Well…I had fun today!”

That makes one of us, my non-babe

 

CHORUS (ME)

‘Cause you’re a creep

You’re a weirdo

What the hell are you doing here?

You don’t belong here

 

VERSE 3 (FEMCEL)

“It’s been months since we talked, where the hell’s my body chalk?

I want to kill every man on this earth that still walks

I got a new man who puts up with my bigotry

I like to wax poetic about all men’s idiocy

I’m a perfect little princess who can do no wrong

Unlike that lady Chyna who cut off her own shlong

I’ll keep running my mouth forever and a day

You want my first amendment rights? Come take them away”

 

PRE-CHORUS 3 (FEMCEL & ME)

“Come on, sit next to me on the couch!”

No thanks, I’d rather sit on a pin cushion

 

CHORUS (ME)

‘Cause you’re a creep

You’re a weirdo

What the hell are you doing here?

You don’t belong here

 

OUTRO (ME)

We’ll see each other again

Just kidding, you hate men

You’re not a feminist hero

You got a fan base of zero

Couldn’t find you with a Google search

You must have fucked off the face of the earth

Nothing of value was lost

Except for my sanity, it’s a heavy cost

Know Your Audience

I write because I look forward to a better day

You write laws where the teachers can’t say gay

You write for wifebeaters who have exes to pay

Conspiracy theorists who are scared of space rays

Femcels who still love Harry Potter

Twitter capitalists who disown their trans daughters

Russian spies who put ricin in your water

Big city cops arrested for manslaughter

Neckbeards who think wrestling is real

IDF soldiers who’ve got tender little feels

Girlbosses in five-thousand-dollar heels

Big mother truckers with five-thousand fucking wheels

Divorced dads who still listen to Disturbed

Libertarians who swear they’re not addicted to herbs

Movie stars who’ve been outed as pervs

Israeli politicians with some sensitive nerves

You and I, we’re not the same thing

Fight for different causes, fight for different wings

You can shoot your Bud Light with an AK-47

But when all is said and done, you’ll never go to heaven

Spend your whole life cowering from the devil

Only to realize you’re on a mediocre level

Drop the bravado, ‘cause it doesn’t mean shit

We’re already in hell, climate change burned all of it

Launch the Third Rock

When Armageddon’s come and gone, you’ll have nothing that you want

You’ll never get to heaven, ‘cause the Pearly Gates are locked

There’ll be no lake of fire for the sexual desires

Of men loving men, your Pastor Baiter is a liar

 

You want to flood the earth with a million little babies

But when they don’t show up for work, you label them as lazy

We didn’t stick around to be your economic plan

Fuck that Trickle Down shit, fuck it twice if you can

 

You created a world where the youth would die in failure

Either as a Devil Dog or a Navy SEAL sailor

You’ll never have to step up to the ones you call enemies

To keep all of your wealth, you’ll bomb anyone and anything

 

What will you do with all that big, big money

When you’ve drained the floating rock of its black, black honey?

There’s nothing left to buy, because it’s all in flames

Nowhere left to vacation, blow them up all the same

 

The last ones standing are the old farts in suits

Not even trees are left, ‘cause you sliced them at the root

All of this bravado to impress a phony prophet

A performance like this: how will you ever top it?

 

No time for an answer, because you’re going in the ground

Let the future generations put you in the lost and found

Oh wait, there’s nobody left to live this life

‘Cause you had to save some dollars, now society dies

 

Staring into nothing but an empty black screen

It’s a far cry from the fantasies of heavenly dreams

Born with a silver spoon, death by a shovel

The maggots and the worms are the only ones to cuddle

 

A civilization that drank its own poison

You ignored the warning signs, “Let the eyeballs moisten!”

No tears left to cry, because we’re all gonna die

Launch the third rock into the sun in the sky

Lose Your Job

VERSE 1

“Get off the couch, I’m a beefy alpha male

You’re a little beta simp with the body of a whale

Stop shoving all those burgers right into your gut

Hit you with a restraining order from Pizza Hut”

Hey wait, do you work at Planet Fitness?

You think being macho’s gonna get you a mistress?

I think your Red Pills might really be steroids

I’m calling your boss, he’ll make you unemployed

 

DIALOGUE

“You gonna fuck with my greenbacks, Cancel Boy?”

You’re goddamn right I am

 

NEENER-NEENER CHORUS

You’re gonna lose your job!

You’re gonna lose your job!

I’m gonna get you fired!

I’m gonna get you fired!

You’re gonna lose your job!

You’re gonna lose your job!

I’m gonna get you fired!

I’m gonna get you fired!

 

VERSE 2

“Hey, little lady, let’s make a million babies

In my cabin in the woods, not the ghettos in the hood

I’ll pay you a hundred bucks to pound your punani

Don’t tell nobody, least of all your nanny”

Hey wait, do you teach history at the school?

Do you make your kids watch Prager U and Tim Pool?

Makes me wonder if your students are virgins

We’ll see what the principal thinks of your perversion

 

DIALOGUE

“But…but…what about my income?”

Fuck your income

 

NEENER-NEENER CHORUS

You’re gonna lose your job!

You’re gonna lose your job!

I’m gonna get you fired!

I’m gonna get you fired!

You’re gonna lose your job!

You’re gonna lose your job!

I’m gonna get you fired!

I’m gonna get you fired!

 

BRIDGE

I’m petty as fuck, because you had to suck

I don’t give a shit if you’ve got negative bucks

There’s a homeless dude who wants your job

But you brushed him off as a drunken slob

There’s an impoverished mom and her son

Who you love to tell that, “Trump still won!”

But no, let’s pretend you’re the real victim

And every minority’s a top-hat-wearing villain

 

DIALOGUE

“I got canceled! What’ll I do now?”

Pull yourself up by the bootstraps!

OOOOOOOOOOOHHHHHHH!

 

NEENER-NEENER CHORUS

You’re gonna lose your job!

You’re gonna lose your job!

I’m gonna get you fired!

I’m gonna get you fired!

You’re gonna lose your job!

You’re gonna lose your job!

I’m gonna get you fired!

I’m gonna get you fired!

Kiss My Assassin

VERSE 1

When was the last time you shed a single tear?

Did you drown your sorrows in All-American beer?

Year after year, we fear for our lives

Will it be a semi-auto or some bayonet knives?

You got no heart, so you celebrate our deaths

We’re just a bunch of losers all addicted to meth

Since bigotry and bloodshed are your only passions

Put some chap stick on and KISS MY ASSASSIN!

 

VERSE 2

Sympathy and empathy are quid pro quo

Listening to you sob is like watching grass grow

You said it to us once upon a time

Now we return the favor, you MAGA slime

You can dish it out, but you can’t take it in

And you rally your militias every time you don’t win

Now that rioting has become the new fashion

Take off your shield helmet and KISS MY ASSASSIN!

 

BRIDGE

Rose red lips!

On my cheeks!

Not the ones on my face!

But the ones on my seat!

Lip balm stains!

On my starfish!

Just remember!

You started this!

 

VERSE 3

“Don’t sink to their level” is a way of life

For those who never had to bury their wife

She had a big dick, so she had to go under

That’s why your machinegun echoed like thunder

As it ripped apart every one of your victims

Every minor inconvenience to a prejudiced system

On the day your heart stops, you’ll get a nice crowd pop

I’ll pull down my pants and you can KISS MY ASSASSIN!

 

OUTRO

Pretty pink lips!

On my cake!

Your dignity!

Is mine to take!

Strawberry gloss!

On my crack!

You got no feelings!

You got no facts!

KISS MY ASSASSIN!

Flip the Kill Switch

VERSE 1

Story after story about violence so gory

It ain’t Hollywood glory, the nations are warring

Bright and early morning, air raid sirens give the warning

The napalm is pouring, children sleep without snoring

I get it all for free on my pretty little screen

I hear the little “DING!”, now I want to fucking scream

He says, “There’s no such thing as pain and suffering”

What the hell does that mean? Aren’t you watching them bleed?!

 

CHORUS 1

Turn it off! Can’t take anymore!

Turn it off! Don’t want to hear about war!

Take the screen and throw it like a son of a bitch!

Hurry up and end it! Flip the kill switch!

 

VERSE 2

Post after post of self-deprecating roasts

What they want the most is to be floating ghosts

Standing so close to the edge with the rope

It’s not a gallows joke, there really is no hope

I try to talk some sense to the ones who crave death

Don’t even ride the fence, it ain’t worth it in the end

He says, “If I up and went, I won’t have to pay the rent”

Are you fucked up in the head? No one wants to see you dead!

 

CHORUS 2

Turn it off! Can’t take anymore!

Turn it off! What’d you do that for?!

Take the screen and wake you up from the ditch!

Take your torture machine and flip the kill switch!

 

BRIDGE

Look around you, we’ve got so much in common

None of our lives turned out the way we wanted

Big dreams of a world where we keep the good times rolling

Lost forever to what we call doom-scrolling