If this had been a feast on any other day, Lucy would have
wolfed her entire plate down in record time. Every meal after that would have
seen that record broken tenfold with even more food on her plate. But ever
since the events of the past few days, pork sausages and gravy-smothered turkey
weren’t at the forefront of her thoughts. She started those few days as a
skinny little weakling who would shake and shiver at the thought of being
obliterated by a sorcerer’s fireball. The destruction of her once beloved
tennis ball nearly sent her spiraling off the deep end. But ever since finding the
latent courage she always knew she had, there was a major decision she had to
make. Would she continue to channel that courage into her newfound role as a
soldier in the Shut Up, Stupid Dog squadron or would she return to a life of
comfort and belly rubs?
The Chiweenie warrior scanned her bulging paranoid-looking
eyes across the dining hall and saw that most of her brethren had chosen to
return to the comfortable lives they once had. Gone were their humanoid
features. In their place were the animal bodies that made them charming and
vulnerable in the first place. Cats and dogs sitting at the long dinner table
and slurping up chunks of meat with their tongues instead of forks and knives.
If they had lips, the sounds of wet smacking would echo throughout the castle. King
James Gaines sat at the head of the table with his own plate of mashed potatoes,
corn on the cob, and ham slices. To his left was Razor Ripley, an ironic choice
for a dinner guest considering skeletons literally didn’t have the guts to eat
a gigantic meal. Ripley’s magic was responsible for changing the animal guests
back to their original forms, so it was only right that he joined this
celebration of victory.
Lucy couldn’t find it in her heart to blame these animals
for choosing comfort over duty. Ozzie and Callie were well past their prime
years and deserved to enjoy a bowl of broth together as the couple they once
were. Loki had no business being involved in Harrison’s war at all, so to see
him munching down on juicy steak was a long time coming. Every last member of
the Shut Up, Stupid Dogs squadron never wanted to be a part of the war either;
they were victims of circumstance. Rainbow Ranch was never meant to be a
warring nation. It was built to be an animal’s paradise, a second chance for
animals who never knew what love was. In Lucy’s mind, that all changed the
minute King Harrison decided to bastardize what he and his brother worked so
hard to create together. In Lucy’s mind…never again would this be allowed to
happen…
“Something troubling you, Lucy?” asked King James. “Your
plate has gone untouched throughout this entire event. This is your
celebration. What ails you?”
And just like that, Lucy’s mind was made up. She hopped out
of her golden chair and scampered over to where James and Ripley were sitting.
She cleared her throat in her usual skittish manner, bowed to her masters, and
stood up straight with her paws behind her back. “Your majesty, I have
something to say. I want to continue fighting for the Shut Up, Stupid Dogs!”
James and Ripley’s eyes widened at the revelation, while the
dogs and cats continued to munch on their meals like dogs and cats were always
meant to do, no involvement in human affairs whatsoever. Ripley asked, “Are you
sure this is what you want? You looked so terrified out on the battlefield,
like you couldn’t wait to curl up next to the fireplace once it was all over.
Why put yourself through such misery again?”
“it’s not miserable!” said Lucy defensively. “I believe in
my homeland! I believe in everything we stand for! If another jumbo jerk like
Harrison wants to take it from us, he’ll have to go through me!” She punctuated
that sentence by jumping high in the air and raising her clenched paw. “I’ll
teach the next generation of puppers everything I know about courage and
strength! Together we can beat anything that comes our way! We’ll give them the
old one, two, buckle your shoe!” The spinning motion was easier to do without
her hammer, therefore she landed perfectly on her metal-booted feet.
“Your enthusiasm is a breath of fresh air, Lucy the Hammer,”
complimented King James. “You do realize that training a new generation of
animal warriors is a big responsibility, do you not? It takes a lot of
patience, much more wisdom, and the heart of a champion. You’re putting an entire
squadron’s lives on your shoulders, which means you’ll have so many
expectations to not only meet, but exceed. Are you prepared to take on that
role?”
“Yes, sir!” The overly-excited Lucy spun around in the air
once again and landed like a graceful dancer. “Give me everything you’ve got,
your majesty! Let me at ‘em! We’ll be the best squadron ever and nobody will
beat us! All hail the Shut Up, Stupid Dogs!” James and Ripley’s shoulders
sagged as though Lucy had said something wrong. “Huh?”
“About that name…” said Ripley. “It’s officially retired. It
was a rather cruel way of keeping you and your brethren in line. You and your
new recruits deserve so much better than to be yelled at by an old codger like
me. We need something that represents the spunky spirit of our animal soldiers.
Something uplifting. Something worthy of their new leader’s excitement and zest
for life. Something like…The Tennis Ball Gang!”
Lucy and James looked at Ripley as though he had worms
crawling out of his mouth, which were probably stuck in his brain somewhere to
come up with an idea like that. “Hear me out, you two.” Ripley cleared his throat.
“Lucy…that tennis ball was more than a toy for you. It represented something
deep within your childlike soul. It represented all the positivity you had
despite being placed in a terrible situation that was not of your own making.
There were many sad times during your journey, but all they did was lock the
positive spirit away until it was needed the most. And when that beloved tennis
ball was destroyed in combat, you knew your enemy had made a grave mistake.
That tennis ball wasn’t just a toy. It represented passion.”
King James patted Ripley’s bony hand. “The sentiment is not
lost on me, but outside of our royal circle, no one would know what that meant.
Suppose another enemy comes along and threatens our homeland. What if he hears
the name Tennis Ball Gang and finds nothing but amusement?”
“Let them laugh, your majesty!” Lucy’s excitement took over
once again. “Those buttheads can have all the comedy they want, but we’ll see
if they’re still laughing after losing to a scared little Chiweenie! Nobody
will live down taking a loss at the hands of The Tennis Ball Gang! We’ll be
remembered forever! History teachers will love us! Our enemies will learn to
fear us! And nobody will mess with our precious fur babies ever again!” Lucy
spun around in the air even higher this time, once again sticking the landing
like an athlete.
James and Ripley stared contemplatively at each other for a
while before nodding in agreement. James stood up with a goblet of wine in hand,
a proud declaration on the horizon. “Very well! If that’s what you desire the most,
it shall be done! Lucy the Hammer, you are now the official captain of The
Tennis Ball Gang! You and your charges will work with other squadrons to ensure
the safety of our precious homeland! When we say never again, we mean never
again! Congratulations, Lucy! An honor well-deserved! Cheers!”
As King James took a drink of his wine, Lucy ran circles
around his ankles thanking him over and over again like she consumed a handful
of pixie sticks. Excitement came naturally for Lucy no matter what the
situation, but it all came rushing out at once at the prospect of this new role
she had been given. It was indeed an exciting time to be alive. Rainbow Ranch
really did give second chances and Lucy took full advantage of those opportunities.
Even Razor Ripley couldn’t help but crack a proud grin knowing that his once
weakest link was now his strongest ally.
What did the cats and dogs think of all this? Were they
every bit as excited about this new era for Rainbow Ranch? Were they looking
forward to a bright future where happiness was the norm and love ruled over
all? Nah. They were more interested in chomping on their plates of meat and
licking their own buttholes, not necessarily in that order. What a bunch of
divas.
