Showing posts with label Puppies. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Puppies. Show all posts

Wednesday, February 19, 2020

"If Only You Knew How Much I Smell You" by Roy Blount, Jr. and Valerie Shaff


BOOK TITLE: If Only You Knew How Much I Smell You: True Portraits of Dogs
AUTHORS: Roy Blount, Jr. (text) and Valerie Shaff (photography)
YEAR: 1998
GENRE: Picture Book with Poetry
SUBGENRE: Dog Portraits
GRADE: Extra Credit

It’s not often that I give perfect five out of five grades to whatever I’m reading at the time. When I finally do, you know it’s a special occasion. You know that the book touched my heart in some special way or changed the way I think about the world. This picture book did the former of those two. Sure, you’ll always win me over with precious puppy-duppy pictures. But these aren’t just ordinary snapshots of dogs. They’re expressive. They’re artistic. Valerie Shaff takes special care when selecting which ones go in the book. Some of the dogs have pouty expressions. Others are playing outside. Even the simple act of lying on the couch is enough to touch the coldest of human souls. These are the sweeties we’ve come to know and love throughout our many years of owning dogs. You want to reach through the pages and give hugs and belly rubs to these precious critters. But alas, this book was published in 1998 and many years have passed since then, which means these pups have crossed the Rainbow Bridge. By the looks of these photos, you can tell that the time they spent on this earth was well-lived. That’s really all we can do in the end: give these doggos the best life they can possibly have.

But of course, Valerie Shaff’s excellent photography is just one half of this formula. You also have the simple, yet effective poetry of Roy Blount, Jr. to accompany these beautiful pictures. These poems make the dogs come off as sweethearted and lovable rather than diva-like and spicy. They do have their diva moments, but those moments don’t overstay their welcome. There’s also a little bit of toilet humor, but it too doesn’t overstay its welcome. The one poem that really hit me the hardest was the one about the owner going off to college and the dog assuming that the would-be student is dead. This poem is accompanied by a sad expression on the dog’s face and rightfully so. This gave me war flashbacks of going to study at Western Washington University and being depressed all the time about not being able to see my animal babies. The rules of my dorm room specifically stated that pets weren’t allowed, so that hit me even harder. In the introduction to this book, Roy wonders what kinds of thoughts his dogs have and what rhythm they would use to express those thoughts. I’d say he got them down perfectly, no questions asked.

Everyone could use a little sweetness in their lives, but this book goes the extra mile in securing that sweetness for potential readers. Valerie Shaff and Roy Blount, Jr. didn’t just create a photo album; they created art. This is the kind of representation that precious puppies need, especially when it comes to adopting them from shelters (don’t shop, adopt). This book does a good job of building up older doggies as well, which is important since they need love just as much as their younger counterparts. Like I said earlier, five out of five stars is what this book gets. That’s a lot of “aww’s”!

Monday, June 24, 2019

The Secret Life of Pets 2


MOVIE TITLE: The Secret Life of Pets 2
DIRECTOR: Chris Renaud
YEAR: 2019
GENRE: 3D Animated Comedy
RATING: PG for comic mischief
GRADE: Pass

A Jack Russell Terrier named Max is having difficulty with being stressed out and easily fearful, especially when his owner has a baby named Liam and the whole family takes a trip to a chaotic farm. A superhero rabbit named Snowball has been charged with the task of rescuing a white tiger named Hu from a sadistic circus owner. While Max is away on vacation, his Pomeranian girlfriend Gidget is tasked with taking care of his favorite squeaky bumblebee toy only for it to wind up in a crazy cat lady’s apartment. These three stories converge near the end and the animals find that they’re willing to do extraordinary things to achieve their individual goals.

Cuteness aside, the guy who put together this movie definitely has experience with animal quirks and it shows in the most obvious ways. Cats chasing after laser pens, dogs acting paranoid when things get too stressful, animals in general defecating in places where the owners will least suspect it, cats knocking things over haphazardly, the list goes on and on. I can confirm all of these things and more since I too am an avid animal lover. Realism will always earn points with the audience, especially if there’s humor attached to it. You don’t have to hee-haw at every scene to think it’s funny. You could be laughing on the inside and walking out of the movie theater with happiness in your heart. Isn’t that what animal movies are all about?

Every story and subplot in this movie was well-executed, but my favorite in terms of character development has to be Max and his journey to overcome the fear of everything. In this respect, he really has no choice since he vacations on a farm with animals who don’t respect him and eventually crosses paths with Sergei, the cruel and vicious circus owner. Courage isn’t the absence of fear, but the action taken in spite of fear. We already know that Snowball the superhero bunny will voluntarily throw himself into danger for the good of the group. Gidget’s fear of being around that many cats dissipates rather quickly. But for Max, it’s a journey that spans the entire movie. Will he face things head on or will he continue itching at something that isn’t there? If not for himself, then he has extra motivation when doing it for baby Liam and his parents.

And now here comes the downer of this review. At the time that I’m writing this, my elderly cat Emilio is slowly but surely passing away due to failing kidneys and a subsequent loss of appetite. Throughout his final days, I’ve been finding solace not only in my creative activities (which includes this review), but also watching The Secret Life of Pets 2. In other words, this movie was literally therapy for me. It reminded me that I did everything I could to save Emilio’s life and when his time eventually comes, he can cross the Rainbow Bridge a happy kitty. He was fourteen years old, but I’ve only owned him for the past six months. Rest well, baby Emilio. You’ll always be my baby despite your advanced age.

If you’re looking for a feel-good movie with plenty of cuteness and humor, you’ll get a lot of satisfaction out of The Secret Life of Pets 2. Even if you haven’t seen the first movie, you’ll still get enjoyment out of the sequel and you won’t be confused by the plot. Based on the success of the sequel, I plan on watching the first movie on Netflix when I get the chance. How does a passing grade sound to you guys?

Sunday, February 10, 2019

"Throw the Damn Ball" by Various Authors


BOOK TITLE: Throw the Damn Ball: Classic Poetry by Dogs
AUTHORS: R.D. Rosen, Harry Prichett, and Rob Battles
YEAR: 2013
GENRE: Poetry
SUBGENRE: Animal Parodies
GRADE: Fail

Any attempt to make puppy-duppies look cute and cuddly will not go unnoticed from an animal lover like me. Having said that, these poems, which are from the point of view of dogs, feel like they’re trying too hard in that respect. They’re parodies of classic poetry, but the classics didn’t age well enough to translate into cute nor funny take-offs. Most of the humor comes from the dogs acting like spoiled divas and saying cruel things to their owners. Even more of the humor is of the toilet variety. Poop, pee, drool, raunchy sex, you name it, it has a poor joke somewhere in this book. A small minority of the poetry is funny when it’s talking about chasing things or being cuddly, but most of the time, it’s either childish toilet humor or dogs being jerks to their owners. I wanted to smile at some of these poems. I wanted to laugh my head off. But I just couldn’t. At least the dog pictures are cute, but that’s pretty much the only redeeming quality this book has to offer. I would have given a more extensive review than just one paragraph, but there’s really not much here to analyze. I know it was written just for fun, but I’m not having fun with them. I’m bored to tears and I’m cringing into a tight ball. A failing grade goes to this poor outing.

Monday, July 30, 2018

"The Dogist" by Elias Weiss Friedman


BOOK TITLE: The Dogist
AUTHOR: Elias Weiss Friedman
YEAR: 2015
GENRE: Picture Book
SUBGENRE: Dog Photography
GRADE: Pass

Aptly subtitled Photographic Encounters with 1,000 Dogs, these precious puppy-duppies are featured in a variety of categories and not just in terms of breed. Some of these categories include ears, toys, heavyweights, smiles, and close-ups to name a few. Every single picture in this book will put a smile on your face and make you say “aww” until the very last page. You’ll wish that you can reach through the pictures and scratch them behind the ears or rub their bellies. These aren’t just cute doggies: they’re photogenic supermodels!

Of all the categories in this book, my favorite has to be the pit bulls, some of which include dogs that were rescued from Michael Vick’s fighting circuit. Seeing these precious creatures in a positive and cuddly light goes a long way in dispelling the aggressive stereotypes surrounding pit bulls. Sure, they’re used for fighting, but they only fight out of loyalty to their owners (and also because their owners are sociopathic jerks). The more awareness we can raise for this breed, the better off they’ll be. It’s especially important because there are cities around the world where pit bulls are banned and will be put to sleep if they’re seen in those territories. We can do better than this, people! We have to!

Another favorite category of mine (though it’s unofficial in this book) is saggy jowled dogs. I always have a soft spot for puppies with saggy jowls, because they remind me of a dog I once had named Maggie, who was a Springer Spaniel/Bassett Hound mix. Wiggling jowls and watching them bounce is the cutest, most heartwarming experience I can imagine. Pit bulls and bulldogs are especially notorious for having extra cheek and they really got my “aww” motor going. And while we’re at it, let’s include floppy ears into that same category as well. They’re not ears; they’re puppy wings! And yes, Maggie had floppy ears too and I always loved to flap them up and down.

There isn’t one bad picture in this whole book. Then again, that’s to be expected when encountering dogs in the real world: every puppy-duppy is special and they all deserve the love that they get. The relationship between human and dog is a therapeutic one that will bring infinite happiness to both sides. Flipping through these well-done photographs makes me believe in the power of doggy love all over again. Does a passing grade sound good to everybody here? I thought so!

Sunday, April 15, 2018

Isle of Dogs


MOVIE TITLE: Isle of Dogs
DIRECTOR: Wes Anderson
YEAR: 2018
GENRE: Animated Comedy
RATING: PG-13 for violence and politics
GRADE: Extra Credit

In dystopian Japan, corrupt politician Kobayashi orders a mass exodus of the dog population to Trash Island due to an outbreak of canine diseases. A small minority of Japanese citizens believe that this quarantine is nothing more than xenophobia in a disguise. One of those rebels is Kobayashi’s nephew Atari, who hijacks a plane and flies to Trash Island to rescue his bodyguard dog Spots. What starts off as a small act of defiance becomes a full-blown revolution against a five hundred year dynasty hell-bent on spreading messages of fear and hatred against dogs. No one person can do everything, but everybody can do something.

With the current political climate here in America, it’s no wonder that this synopsis sounds familiar to us. Kobayashi is little more than a Japanese Donald Trump with the way he dodges criticism and spouts bigoted rhetoric. In the case of Isle of Dogs, we know the disenfranchised dogs are easy to root for because they’re so darn cute. But being empathetic is more than about rooting for the favorable ones. It’s about rooting for complete strangers who are being crushed by oppression. True empathy doesn’t care if you’re rich or poor, white or otherwise, gay or straight. If you see injustice in the world, say something. If you’re feeling brave, do something. That’s what this movie means to me and that’s the reason why it deserves an Extra Credit grade.

As long as you’re cheering for the dogs to have a better day, why not rub their bellies, scratch their ears, and give them hot baths? Yes, they’re covered in dirt from living on a garbage-infested island for so long. Yes, they eat things normal people wouldn’t touch. Yes, they have infectious diseases. But they deserve your love anyways. Cook them a nice steak dinner. Throw a tennis ball for them and have them bring it back to you. Let them take long naps on your furniture during gray and rainy days. You can’t resist these fluffy creatures no matter how hard you try. Couple that with a powerful anti-xenophobia message and Isle of Dogs will easily become your new favorite movie.

Of course, with any piece of art, there will always be critics. It’s as certain as death and taxes no matter how good the movie appears to be. In the case of Isle of Dogs, the biggest piece of criticism it received from the public was the possible appropriation of Japanese culture. The movie has Taiko drummers, sumo wrestlers, sushi meals, school uniforms, anime references, and plenty of other tropes that might be deemed racist. Well, I’m here to tell those critics to relax. You’re looking for a controversy that’s not even there. I’m not worried about a white American like Wes Anderson using these tropes. I would be more worried if a director used them badly. Watch the old Dick Tracy cartoons from the 1960’s and contrast them to Isle of Dogs. Not even a close call when it comes to offensiveness. As my mother always says to people who are uppity, “Calm down, relax, take a deep breath.”

With a powerful political message, cute animal babies, deadpan comedy, and an all-around good story, it wouldn’t surprise me if there was a semi-truck full of Oscars waiting for Wes Anderson and his beautifully-done masterpiece. Everybody who participated in this movie deserves high accolades, from the voice actors to the animators to the translators to…everybody! It took a whole village to put together an awesome movie that all ages can enjoy. Five out of five stars, no ifs, ands, or buts about it.

Sunday, January 7, 2018

Coasting

A bowl of corn flakes on my lap
Elderly parents taking their naps
Kitties and puppies everywhere
Gray rain petrichor in the air

This is my haven and sanctuary
Until the day of my obituary
Day after day of feeling happy
The universe’s energy I’m trapping

But in this zone, nothing grows
Nothing to gain, nothing to show
Taking risks is the rational answer
Reason sounds like mindless banter

Too many times I’ve crashed and burned
Laying low the only lesson learned
A head full of voices is all I’ve earned
Broken memories are all that returned

If someone wants to show me the way
We could get it done as soon as today
Those who laugh call this handholding
Those with loud voices resort to scolding

But here’s the truth you can have for free
It doesn’t just apply to someone like me
We all need a push in the right direction
Even if it’s only the smallest correction

Don’t give me speeches about boots in the ass
Use some vocabulary that actually has class
Cheer me on instead of throwing insults
Show me my path without leading the cult

I’ll take it from here, this is my journey
These are the horizons for which I’m yearning
I’ll never forget where I came from

As I claim my place in this kingdom

Friday, May 26, 2017

Divas

Piper gazed at the butterfly-decorated Divas Championship belt in her paws with a sense of pride and joy. Holding this title was a dream of hers ever since she was a kitten. In her mind, dreams always came true and could never be taken away by oppressive forces. Her naivety was a source of sweetness for her adoring kitty fans as evidenced by the way they meowed and purred at her entrance. She did it all for them and she was determined not to let them down this evening during her title defense. With her black tank top, pink leather pants, and white boots snug against her white furry kitty body, she was ready to go. She kissed her Divas Championship belt for good luck before her music hit.

The arena darkened as the piano intro of “April Rain” by Delain caused the kitties and puppies in the audience to cheer and howl for their favorite wrestler. Once the intense guitars and drums sounded, Piper danced out to the isle to an even louder chorus of cheers. She high fived her tiny fans in the front row and gave a hug to an oversized Bassett Hound near the ring. Piper leaped on the apron and over the top rope with such athletic grace before prancing around the ring and parading her hard-earned championship. She even high-fived the Springer Spaniel ring announcer and hugged Willem the schipperke referee. Piper was certain this feel-good moment would last forever and showed it on her cute kitty face with a squinty-eyed smile.

And then the slow and sensual blue-eyed soul music of “Son of a Preacher Man” by Dusty Springfield echoed throughout the arena. The older dogs in the audience howled with lust while the tiny kittens booed their heads off. Coming out to the stage were three cats dressed in royal pink robes and little diamond-encrusted tiaras. Posing on the left side of the stage was the calico runt of the litter, Calypso. Posing on the right with her claws extended like a Marvel superhero was the fierce black and white Stitches. In the middle was the arrogantly strutting queen of the divas, Tori. Together this group was known as the Supermodel Kitties.

None of the boos in the arena could compare to Piper’s fiery stare down the ramp as the Supermodel Kitties pompously danced their way to the ring. For weeks leading up to this match, they called her “Piper-Diaper” and Photoshopped pictures of her in baby outfits. A tear formed in her eye at these traumatic thoughts and Calypso was sharp enough to catch it. She got up on the apron and flailed her paws next to her ears while sticking her tongue out at Piper.

The proud Divas Champion shouted, “Why, you!” before dashing to the opposite side the ring to deliver a drop kick. Calypso pulled the top rope down at the last minute and Piper crashed and burned on the concrete floor below. Calypso stayed on the apron and continued her nee-ner-nee-ner taunts while Tori and Stitches were scratching and biting the hell out of their victim. Willem barked and growled his warnings at a rapid fire pace, but the Supermodel Kitties refused to listen and resumed their taunting and beating of Piper.

Willem hopped over the top rope and did his best hyper barking while chasing the Supermodel Kitties to the other side of the ring. He gave a few more commanding barks at the now shaking cats before running back over to Piper and licking her wounds with his sloppy dog tongue. Willem spent the longest time tending to the cat’s wounds and she still wouldn’t wake up. It seemed as though the schipperke had no choice but to bark for paramedics on the ramp way.

The proud Supermodel Kitties wrapped their arms around each other’s necks and danced up and down chanting, “Piper-Diaper!” much to the dismay of the booing crowd. Calypso even had an animal diaper in her paws to illustrate such humiliation.

This charade would have lasted the rest of the night if it wasn’t for Piper nipping up to her feat and letting out a dreaded hiss. The Supermodel Kitties watched on with wide-eyed shock as Tori’s opponent leaped back into the ring and made a “come here” gesture with her paws. “You want some of this?!” Piper shouted. “Come and get it, you skanky hoes!”

A resounding “Ooo!” echoed throughout the arena while the stunned Supermodel Kitties’ jaws were on the floor. Cat wrestling was considered to be family entertainment, but Piper didn’t give a damn about her language at that point. She also waved off Willem when he tried licking her wounds again. With Calypso and Stitches slowly taking opposite sides of the ring, Tori was also in no hurry to get inside. But once she was, the ring announcer ran away without doing his job knowing how fierce this battle would be.

Willem barked five times at the ringside timekeeper, who rung the bell to signify the beginning of the match. Piper and Tori ran to the center of the ring and threw the sharpest claws they could at each other. Their violent hisses and howls added enough drama to this match to get the crowd to rise to their feet and cheer. The crowd really got going when Piper leaped in the air, wrapped her legs around Tori’s neck, and flipped the Supermodel Kitty on her back. Tori nipped up and got thrown by her arm across the ring for her troubles. This sequence of getting up and getting tossed continued for Tori until Piper applied a shoulder lock to her and kept the obnoxious brat grounded and howling.

It looked like Tori was going to slam her paws to the mat to signal a tap-out victory. And then Calypso got on the ring apron and mockingly cried at Piper. “Boohoo, I’m a big baby and I like to suck on pacifiers!” While Willem was rattling off his super-quick barks at the runty calico, Stitches reached through the ropes and swatted her knife-like claws into Piper’s butt. The champion howled in pain and jumped high in the air while holding her backside.

Calypso got down from the apron while Tori hopped to her feet and body slammed Piper to the mat. While the champ was down, Tori leaped off the middle rope and back flipped chest first into Piper, driving the air from the dreamer kitty’s already exhausted lungs. Tori then wrapped her arm around the champ’s chin and held her face in front of Calypso and Stitches for further humiliation.

The tiny calico pulled out a smart phone and recorded a video of Piper’s contorted face in what would be known as The Huh Challenge. Calypso mockingly said, “My name is Piper and I cry myself to sleep every night like a big fat baby! HUH?!”

Stitches giggled while taking the phone from Calypso and doing her own Huh Challenge. “My name is Piper and my favorite thing to eat is whatever’s in the litter box! HUH?!” The two outside kitties high-fived each other and giggled some more at Piper’s expense.

Meanwhile, a single tear dropped from Piper’s eye as she gritted her fangs and tightened her claws. This was the BS she had to put up with on live television for weeks now. She growled at the thought of her opponents acting like middle school children instead of legitimate wrestlers. She growled even harder when the audience tried to cheer her back into this match. Piper needed this victory. She needed to show that dreams always come true no matter how high the odds were stacked.

Piper slithered underneath the chin lock, grabbed Tori around her waist, and threw her backwards on her neck. The Supermodel Kitty flopped around like a fish as she was thrown backwards again. And again. And again. Calypso and Stitches weren’t even paying attention to the action going on in the ring as they were too busy taking selfies. Piper glared like a hungry tiger at them as she bounced off the ropes and flew over the top turnbuckle. She landed perfectly on Stitches and ripped her apart with her claws like a Christmas present while Calypso watched on in wide-eyed, shaky-bodied horror.

Piper turned her fiery glare to Calypso and gave her a leonine howl and an ophidian hiss. The champion chased the Supermodel Kitty around the ring multiple times. She didn’t care about the exhaustion in her body from the main event match. She was sucking down air like a whirlwind as she saw nothing but red when she gazed upon Calypso. The calico brat was getting tuckered out herself, so she slid underneath the bottom rope and drew the ire of Willem, who trapped her in the corner and gave off more rapid fire barks.

The champ slid underneath the bottom rope as well, and this time she was sure to dine upon Calypso’s pencil neck. She could already taste the blood like a shark swirling its prey. Even though Piper didn’t have as many teeth as a shark, she would make every vampire bite feel like a bloodlust chainsaw attack anyways.

And that was when she felt something sharp jam into the back of her neck. The intense pain and black vision suggested Tori used a foreign object to get the upper hand behind the schipperke’s back. Once Calypso dived out of the ring and curled in a corner, Tori finished the job with a high-impact kick underneath Piper’s chin, knocking her out just long enough to be pinned for three seconds.

Willem tapped the mat three times and the match was over. Piper’s championship reign, just like her vision, had faded away with quickness. The only dream she would be living was the one in her subconscious theater, which only played horror movies that day. When her eyes slowly opened, her bruised and battered body made her feel like road kill. The unending pain was just as emotional when she awakened to find an animal diaper fastened to her crotch. The Supermodel Kitties danced around on the ramp, celebrating with the title and mocking Piper with more nee-ner-nee-ner taunts.

The never-ending tears in Piper’s eyes caused her vision to fade to black once more. She didn’t remember being helped to the doctor’s office. She didn’t remember the stitches she would require. Her emotions were robotic as she tried to process being humiliated by the Supermodel Kitties. She stared into space not wanting to think about the future or how her diapered sorrow was broadcast not only for the television audience, but also the internet troglodytes.

The more she stared into those white walls, the less of a choice she had in what to think about. She tried to shove it down. She tried to hold back the tears. But the tears kept rolling down like whitewater rapids. Her depressed howling couldn’t be helped. Her childhood dream was shattered like a pot of dead roses. Piper had the innocence of a child for most of her life. Now she made the roughest of transitions into adulthood and realized that nightmares were the norm in this world. The tears poured like an avalanche of cold emotions as she laid there all alone in the doctor’s office. With such a humiliating defeat, she was more than just physically alone in this world.

But if her childhood innocence taught her anything, it was not to cry because it was over. It was to smile because it happened. She loved that butterfly-decorated championship. It gave her some warm memories of being adored by the crowd. All the hugs, high-fives, and cheers helped to dry her ultra-wet, ultra-red eyeballs. They were the only things that got her through the hard training and violent matches. And now that Piper was contractually obligated to a rematch, she couldn’t let those beautiful fans down twice.

As she wiped the last of her tears from her furry face, Piper reached her paw over and picked up a scalpel from the bench. Tori cheated by using a sharp object similar to this one, so why shouldn’t Piper do the same when she wanted to win her Divas Championship back? But what would her fans think of her if she did such a thing? Would they ostracize her if she sunk to the Supermodel Kitties’ level?


In that doctor’s office, Piper had a decision to make. What was more important to her: the belt and all the money that came with it, or the fans that energized her every night and stayed loyal until the end? She had a long night of thinking ahead of her, but one thing was for certain her mind: “Those bitches are going to pay!”