Seether Concert

***SEETHER CONCERT***

Sometimes I feel like whenever I post a blog announcing my attendance at a concert, all I’m doing is stroking myself. It doesn’t help matters that I pad the text with potential ways in which these concerts could affect my creative life…even though most of the time they don’t. The last time it really did was when I went to the Pain in the Grass festival in 2016 and I wrote a heavy metal song about a drunken fool that sat next to me. Most of the time my concert experiences end up as life events on my Face Book page (now THAT’S what I call stroking myself). To be fair, though, I only post them that way because I don’t have a smart phone to take pictures and I don’t want to bring my digital camera into the mosh pit lest it gets smashed to pieces.

But it’s true, ladies and gentlemen: it’s that time again. This coming Tuesday, Seether is heading to Seattle’s Showbox SoDo and the bands that will open for them are 10 Years and The Dead Deads. I didn’t start listening to Seether until 2012 when they opened for Nickelback at the Tacoma Dome alongside Bush and My Darkest Days. The first Seether album I bought was their greatest hits collection from 2002 to 2013. My favorite songs back then were “Driven Under”, “Fine Again”, and their cover of Wham’s “Careless Whisper”. I also listened to Seether’s duet with Amy Lee called “Broken” on repeat when I came home from the movie theater after seeing Obselidia. Anyone who’s heard me talk about that movie knows it ripped my heart to shreds, so “Broken” was a more than appropriate song to soothe my feels. Seether has a reputation for soothing sorrowful and angry emotions. My collection of their CD’s is now complete and I’m ready for Tuesday.

I don’t have much else to say except for…I’m Garrison Kelly and I’ll see you next time! My brain decided to be in zombie mode today, so I don’t feel like doing a great deal of writing. On the positive side, I did get some reading done today. It won’t be long before I write a passing grade review of “Fifty Shames of Earl Grey” by Fanny Merkin (real name Andrew Shaffer). One reviewer accurately described this author as the Weird Al Yankovich of erotica. Who am I to disagree with him?

***LYRICS OF THE DAY***

“Whoever said this pain would ever go away didn’t know what it meant to be here without you. Is everything you see reminding you of me? Does it hurt when you breathe too? ‘Cause it does when I do. I hate to feel this way. My days all feel the same. And yesterday was proof that tomorrow will too. No matter what they say, can’t drink it all away, ‘cause all that I do is think about you. When anybody says your name, I want to run away. I keep remembering I can’t forget you. It doesn’t matter what I try, it happens anyways. It’s been forever and I can’t forget you. With every single day, it won’t go away, the way I feel about you. And when it’s said and done, you’re the only one. And I can’t regret you, ‘cause I can’t forget you. Stop haunting my dreams. Please set me free.”

-My Darkest Days singing “Can’t Forget You”-

I Shouldn't Have Fallen In Love With Her

Valentine’s Day, Singles Awareness Day, VD, SAD, it didn’t matter what Alex McKenzie wanted to call it, because it wouldn’t change the theme of February 14^th: lovey-dovey ooey-gooey romance, something he knew little about. God, I hate this fucking day, Alex thought to himself. With the hood of his black My Darkest Days sweater pulled over his head, sunglasses over his eyes, and “Perfect” by, you guessed it, My Darkest Days playing in his ear buds, he was prepared for a long night of shopping at St. Vincent’s Drug Store.

He stepped past the automatic glass door and languidly walked up and down the isles looking for some sweet confectionary goodness to drown his sorrows. In his mind, that was the only thing Valentine’s Day was good for. Not for kisses, not for hugs, but for candy. The taste of a candy cane was much more pleasing to the tongue than a horny woman’s mouth. But candy canes were only a small portion of what he put in his shopping basket. Peanut butter cups, crunchy hearts, chocolate mints, mmm-mmm-mmm!

Alex had been shopping for so long that he lost track of time. He was so focused on the delicious candies in his basket that he failed to notice it when the clerk was calling him out. A tap on the shoulder was a better idea and it actually got Alex’s attention. He pulled the buds out of his ears and turned off his MP3 player before turning his attention to the clerk.

The clerk would have made the perfect Valentine to any lucky guy. Her raven hair flowed down her slender shoulders and her benign smile lit up just about any room she was. She may have been walking around in a clerk’s apron the whole time, but it looked good on her anyways. Her nametag read “Vicki White”, but Alex’s darkened eyes were focused solely on her gorgeous face.

“Hi there!” said Vicki in her excited college girl voice. “Can I help you find anything today?”

“No thanks,” said Alex in an uncaring tone. “I have everything I need right here.”

As the heartbroken shopper turned around to look for even more candy to stockpile, he was interrupted by Vicki calling him, “Sir!” and turned around again. She said, “We don’t allow our customers to conceal their faces in our store. It’s nothing against you personally. In fact, I kind of like that My Darkest Days sweater you’ve got on! It’s just that we’ve been robbed before and we want to make sure everybody visible to the security cameras.”

“Listen, sweetheart,” said the hooded customer. “If you think I’m not capable of paying for these treats, then we can go to the counter right now and I’ll buy them right away. I’ll be out of your hair for the rest of the night. I promise.”

“Sir, please just do as I say,” said Vicki while she maintained her sweet grin.

“No, you don’t understand.”

“What do you mean I don’t understand?” Vicki started to say in a flirty voice, perfect for Valentine’s Day. “I bet you look good underneath all of that! Come on, just humor me for a minute.”

From there the two got in an unintelligible conversation as Vicki tried to physically remove Alex’s hood and Alex tried to brush her hands away. In this somewhat playful struggle, Alex leaned backwards slightly to avoid being touched and his hood just slid off of his head. What Vicki saw took the smile right off of her face: a completely bald head with a surgical scar running from where the hairline should be to the back of his skull. The secret was further exposed when the now despondent customer took his sunglasses off and crushed them in his hands, revealing he had no eyebrows.

Vicki White held her trembling hands to her shocked face when she slowly backpedaled into the checkout counter without looking. “Sir, I’m really sorry about that. I was just following protocol. I had to make sure you weren’t suspicious.”

“Protocol, huh?” said Alex McKenzie as he paced up to the counter and dropped his overloaded basket on the scanner. “Did those security cameras get a good enough shot of me?” Vicki trembled in fear and couldn’t respond. “Did your paparazzi get a good shot of the scar on my fucking head? How about the fact that I have no goddamn hair on my head or face? That has to be the shot of the century right there! I’m sure some tabloid magazine will pay good money for that kind of footage!”

As Alex drew closer to her, Vicki sat down in the fetal position and planted her back against the checkout counter. The bald man continued his angry speech. “Brain cancer, sweetheart. Brain cancer. I’ve had it since I was a senior in high school. I’m 100% cancer free now, but I wasn’t back then when it really counted. I looked just like I do now except that I wore a hairpiece to my senior prom.”

He placed a tender hand on Vicki’s vibrating face when he said, “The girl I took to the prom looked a lot like you. Very pretty. No, she was drop-dead gorgeous. She was like an angel that descended from the heavens. Her jealous ex-boyfriend slapped me in the back of the head and knocked my hairpiece off. She saw me for what I really was: a cancer patient. She knew I could have died any moment and decided she didn’t want that on her conscience. So now she has something else on her conscience: breaking up with me the next night. Seeing me die would have been too heartbreaking for her. Seeing me lonely and humiliated, on the other hand, would have been JUST FUCKING DANDY!!”

Alex’s face was in Vicki’s as he stared intensely into her beautiful teary eyes. She was breathing heavily like she was fearing for her life. But as the ex-cancer patient backed up, he revealed himself to be just as harmless as she was, though he wasn’t done yet with his tirade. “Valentine’s Day: a day where we love each other and have mind-blowing sex until the sun comes up. Meanwhile, all the heartbroken single people can go straight to hell for all anyone else cares. I’m buying all that candy because eating is the only thing that gives me pleasure anymore. Sure, it’s not what everybody does on this special day, but it’s pretty damn good to me! So go ahead, honey-bunch: ring me up so I can get my ugly ass out of your store!”

Vicki grabbed onto the counter for support and gingerly pulled herself to a standing position with her legs shaking uncontrollably. She stumbled around the counter to the cash register and started to scan Alex’s items. Her hands were shaking as well and there were times when the price scanner didn’t register. She wasn’t scared for herself anymore. She was scared for this poor soul standing in front of her.

After scanning the same candy cane over and over again, Vicki finally got frustrated and threw it on the ground where it shattered upon impact. She breathed deeply while Alex was watching her with an angry look on his face. She said, “You say you’re 100% cancer free, right? Well, shouldn’t that be something to celebrate? By surviving that horrible disease, you showed your shallow-assed prom date that her stupid decision was all for nothing.” She wiped tears from her eyes with the back of her manicured hand and said, “You’re not ugly to me. You’re beautiful. You’re a warrior. Don’t let anybody tell you differently.”

Alex sarcastically clapped his hands and said, “Well, bravo for you! But there’s just one problem: I don’t believe a goddamn word you say. I think you’re just saying those things because you work in customer service and you don’t want to be fired. Either that, or you suddenly have the urge to feel sorry for me. You don’t have to give me sympathy, or even understanding for that matter. Just ring up my candy and I’ll be the happiest man on earth.”

Vicki picked up a package of peanut butter cups and said, “These are not good for you, especially if you’re trying to stay cancer free. I can’t in all good conscience sell these to you. Hell, I might as well give you a big ass carton of cigarettes to go with these.” A beat of emotional silence fell between them before she said, “But I can give you something else.”

“You had the chance to prove yourself to me and now you won’t even ring me up like you’re supposed to. That’s a hypocrisy if I’ve ever seen one. Seriously, what could you possibly give me right now that would show me how much you care, given the fact that I’ve got the world’s worst scar on the top of my head?!”

Instead of the sweet taste of chocolate and peanut butter, Alex McKenzie got the sweet taste of Vicki White’s lips and tongue as she pulled his face in for a deep, genuine, romantic kiss. Rather than feeling disgusted at Alex’s so-called “ugliness”, Vicki smiled her Hollywood smile for him one more time and whispered, “Happy Valentine’s Day!”

After a while of intense contemplation, Alex said, “Happy Valentine’s Day” back and properly introduced himself by his first and last name. It was only right that Vicki give such an intense kiss to someone she knew the name of. After all, there would be plenty more where that came from!

"Perfect" by My Darkest Days

My best friend Susan asks me on a frequent basis why I like “foo-foo” media, whether it’s books, songs, movies, or TV shows. In case you don’t know what “foo-foo” means, I’ll have Colin Cassady and Enzo Amore from WWE NXT spell it out for you. If something is “foo-foo”, it means it’s S-A-W-F-T! Saaaaaaaawft!! Wait a minute, that’s not how you spell soft. I certainly hope they don’t spell it that way when they write their celebrity memoirs.

You want to know why I like certain kinds of music, foo-foo or not? It’s because the state will strip me of my social security benefits if I do recreational drugs. That’s what music is to me: a drug. A very powerful drug at that. Heavy metal songs are my stimulants and steroids while emotional foo-foo music is my Restasis, though I haven’t cried since 2007. Such is the case with “Perfect” by My Darkest Days, the ultimate breakup song where Matt Walst says he hasn’t cried since the day she left him, because that would mean that he admits its over. He tells himself that she’s trying to test him. She’d never leave, she still needs him to hold her. He shouldn’t have fallen in love with her. How dare she be so perfect.

Are you crying your eyes out yet? When you wake up tomorrow morning, will you pour milk in your cereal or will you just cry into our bowl and eat it like that? Mmm, that sounds appetizing: a full serving of Golden Grahams and tears! Yum! Even if you’ve never had a girlfriend before, you can appreciate the horror of what a breakup does to a man. I’ve had two girlfriends my entire life: Jessica and Brianna. Losing them hurt. It hurt badly. Having crushes on millions of other girls I know I’ll never have hurts just as badly, if not worse. You’re damn right I appreciate the pain of a breakup. It’s a sophisticated form of psychological torture.

If music is a drug, why would I want to take one that makes me sad? What could I possibly have to gain from being in a foo-foo state of mind? Because for a lot of artists, drugs are a great source of creative fuel. Granted, physical drugs such as acid have ruined Syd Barrett’s career as the front man for Pink Floyd. Alcohol abuse killed George Carlin. Drugs don’t work for everybody, but they work for a lot of artists who need creative fuel. My drug of choice is music and my imagination runs wild whenever I hear “Perfect” by My Darkest Days.

It’s because of songs like “Perfect” I started writing more and more romantic short stories. Just recently at the Weekly Short Story Contest at Good Reads, I wrote two shy guy romance stories, one called “It’s Okay For You To Love Me” and “I Swear I Have a Heart”, both titles being modifications of Five Finger Death Punch lyrics. Even though they both ended up in last place in the popularity polls, they were smash hits with the other members.

And you know what? It doesn’t end there. Fireball Nightmare will have some romantic elements as well. By the end of act one, it’s clear that Deus wants to find Kat and rekindle his love for her. In the very first chapter of act two, Kat expresses disdain for Deus by saying, “I still miss him, but my aim is getting better.” How dare she be so perfect. What did Deus do to deserve this? I’ll tell you what he did, Mr. Walst: he showed more fanatical devotion toward the angry fire god Vahd than he did for his own girlfriend. If I had a girlfriend who was 100% zealot and 0% lover, I’d want to dump her too. It’s going to take a lot of couch time and pillow talk for Deus Shadowheart and Kat Sexton to get along again.

And to think, this was all possible because of one emotionally taxing My Darkest Days song. Then again, most of their songs have to do with relationship woes, which is probably why they’re categorized as “pop” on my Windows Media Player instead of “rock” or “metal”.

　

***PARODY MIXED-MARTIAL ARTS QUOTE OF THE DAY***

“Ladies and gentlemen, the corner of Pat Barry has thrown in the towel at 2:31 of the very first round. Don’t worry, he’s not bleeding, he just needs to wipe the tears out of his eyes.”

-Bruce Buffer-

Kaz Berretta

Do any of you have the player’s handbook to Cyberpunk Version 2.0? If you do, you’ll see a quote from a solo named Morgan Blackhand (I always call him Morgan Handjob for kicks). He basically says warriors who walk around with heavy machineguns and big metal armor are stupid because they’re putting huge bull’s eyes on themselves. Apparently, cybernetic mercenaries are supposed to keep their work a secret from everyone else.

I bet Morgan Handout, or Morgan Handjob, isn’t feeling gutsy enough to shill his anti-heaviness philosophy to Kaz Berretta, one of the two main characters in my sci-fi movie script Say Goodbye. He’s a bounty hunter with thick metal armor and a mile long rocket shotgun. In the end, it didn’t matter to him what was in fashion that season, because he always brought the bad guys to justice and collected his pay. Kaz proves wearing heavy armor is only a hindrance if you actually care what people think of you. He couldn’t give two shits what people think of him. If they were scared, it was good for business. If they didn’t trust him, it didn’t matter, because he doesn’t need their help with that big ass shotgun.

But Kaz Berretta wasn’t just a blow-’em-up hitman for hire. He had a family to take care of. The main villain of Say Goodbye, a hog sorcerer named Zod, was supposed to be his highest-priced bounty yet. With that kind of money, poverty wouldn’t even be in the Berretta clan’s vocabulary. In fact, if they wanted to go to a Disneyland-style theme park called Fantasmic Land, goddamn it, they’ll do it and have lots of money remaining for other excursions.

Kaz would have been the father of the year if it hadn’t been for one small detail near the end of Say Goodbye. You see, he had a partner in crime named Ethan Stryker, who was a trench coat-wielding machete fighter. Ethan also had a family to provide for, a pregnant wife and an autistic child. Ethan didn’t always get along with his wife, so his wife turned to Kaz for comfort…and kisses…and hugs…and sweet monkey sex while Ethan’s son was secretly filming the whole thing on his smart phone.

And then when the Strykers and the Berrettas finally went on a vacation trip to Fantasmic Land and had a good time, Ethan saw the video of his wife having sex with Kaz. If you watch the show Cheaters every Saturday night like I do, you can imagine what kind of violence came about after the footage was seen. Unlike Cheaters, there was no shoving and faux UFC action. Ethan still had a machete and he went on a slashing rampage that took Kaz to hell with him…and other members of the Berretta and Stryker families that didn’t live long enough to be traumatized by the end of Say Goodbye. The bad guys lose, but then again, so do the good guys. It’s a bittersweet ending to say the least.

As a warrior, Kaz Berretta is a badass tank who loves to blow shit up. As a human being, he’s deeply flawed. These are apparently the two ingredients needed to make a likeable character. That means Kaz is more than qualified to be part of a future novel or short story with equal parts violence and drama. If I do use Kaz again someday, I might have to consider putting Ethan right next to him since they go together like burgers and fries. Their fighting styles and choice of combat clothing is different, but their tough mindsets are the same.

　

***LYRICS OF THE DAY***

“I haven’t cried since the day she left me, ‘cause that would mean that I admit it’s over.”

-My Darkest Days singing “Perfect”-

"Like Nobody Else" by My Darkest Days

“September 7^th and she’s headed for school. She’ll probably leave me for some college fool, and I know that’s just the way it goes.” While I wasn’t in a romantic relationship during my college days, I still had people who I was away from for five days a week. Port Orchard may be a crappy town, but it still had the one thing I needed most in those days: my family. Mom, Dale, James, Susan, Reina, the animals, they were all a necessary part of my life. When I went to school in Bellingham for five days a week, my access to these people was very minimal. I had nobody in Bellingham who I could go to for help. My roommates moved out because I snored too loudly. The few friends I did have didn’t stick around long enough for a cup of coffee. I didn’t know of any therapists that were in Bellingham nor did I have a way to get to them. So here I was in this strange little town all by myself. Who would want this kind of loneliness and isolation? Isn’t that what prisoners feel every time they get locked up in solitary confinement? And what was it all for? Forced extroversion? A degree employers don’t care about? Hard-to-understand course material? Classmates who ignore me? I often wonder why I would put myself through this torture in the first place and the only answer that seems plausible is that it helped my writing. Actually, my experiences after college were more helpful to my writing than any class I could have taken. After college, I became a born-again bookworm and started reading fast-paced novels (as opposed to the boring literary garbage we were assigned). I also decided that the only critique I would ever accept from my audience was a hybrid of honesty and sensitivity. Constant reading and openness to gentle critique were what saved me as a writer in the end, not college. In fact, I learned more from joining writing groups on Good Reads than I did in those classrooms. Granted, I was highly immature in those old days, but immaturity eventually goes away with age and experience. So what does “Like Nobody Else” by My Darkest Days mean to me? It may have been the song that convinced me to come home if it was released earlier than 2010 (I went to college from 2007 to 2009). Now that I’m home with my family indefinitely, I still feel bouts of loneliness and depression, but these bouts don’t last as long as the ones in college did. I’m never going away again. Ever. If I do go away, there better be something or someone out there waiting for me. I shouldn’t need a high speed sports car to find whatever’s out there. If there does happen to be someone there for me, I still won’t forget where I come from.

　

***DR. SEUSS QUOTE OF THE DAY***

“That Cat’s gonna suffer like never before!”

-The Grinch-

Mitch Axel

Throughout my entire writing career, my most commonly used male given name is Mitch. Brawl Mart’s lead protagonist is named Mitch McLeod, Water Slaughter’s lead protagonist is named Mitch Monson, and I even have an unemployed cyberpunk character named Mitch Lee. What do you say we add one more Mitch to the list since it’s a likable and kick-ass first name? In this case, we’re looking at a high school garage band guitarist named Mitch Axel. He was supposed to be part of a high school themed RPG. He had the guitar gimmick and he looked like Matt Walst from My Darkest Days. But instead of going straight to the top of the charts, he decided to join the school’s photography club. He took pictures of everything and briefly interacted with another student whose name I can’t recall. That was the last anybody ever saw of Mitch Axel. Guess why. Too much inactivity within the group. What good is an RPG if nobody’s participating? Yeah, I know it’s hypocritical of me to say that given I stayed silent throughout most of my college classes. You have to remember that classrooms are mandatory and RPG’s are optional. Why join an RPG if you’re not going to do anything? So now we have this kick-ass teenager named Mitch Axel who’s currently in the unemployment line in my imagination. Originally, I was going to have him be a part of a short story called Black Hole, where he and his brothers Leif and Thomas try to woo the lead singer of their band Caitlin Ambrose. Sounds good on paper, but I’m afraid if I do that, Mitch will be overshadowed by the other characters. It happened to Karlos Ludwig and pretty much every member of Death Blade with the exception of Jill Serra and Lokus Leadgoth. How can we make sure that Mitch Axel will get top billing and keep it? He’ll have to do some wicked tricks with his electric guitar. He can’t just be a shredder, he has to be the whole fucking show, to quote a wrestler named Rob Van Dam. Sorry, Leif and Thomas, but you two are going back in the womb if you can’t help Mitch reach the stardom he craves. This is a guy who had a world of potential, but no forum to release all that creative energy. That will have to change very soon. He doesn’t necessarily have to be in a band, he just has to do something magical. Maybe he can be a fantasy bard or a cyberpunk rocker boy. Maybe he can be a wrestler who hits people with his guitar more often than Jeff Jarrett used to (that would really hurt if it was a plugged in electric guitar and the victim was submerged in water). I’ll think of something for Mr. Mitch Axel, but not right now.

　

***LYRICS OF THE DAY***

“One day I fell asleep and dreamt of something to keep. Opened up my dying mind to see the things that I'd never find. Something true and beautiful was waiting there for me. In a dream where I believed I'd find my way back home. I think you should know how it feels falling down and out alone when no one cares. I think you should know how it feels when the world buries your soul and you're still alive.”

-Crossfade singing “I Think You Should Know”-