"Perfect" by My Darkest Days

My best friend Susan asks me on a frequent basis why I like “foo-foo” media, whether it’s books, songs, movies, or TV shows. In case you don’t know what “foo-foo” means, I’ll have Colin Cassady and Enzo Amore from WWE NXT spell it out for you. If something is “foo-foo”, it means it’s S-A-W-F-T! Saaaaaaaawft!! Wait a minute, that’s not how you spell soft. I certainly hope they don’t spell it that way when they write their celebrity memoirs.

You want to know why I like certain kinds of music, foo-foo or not? It’s because the state will strip me of my social security benefits if I do recreational drugs. That’s what music is to me: a drug. A very powerful drug at that. Heavy metal songs are my stimulants and steroids while emotional foo-foo music is my Restasis, though I haven’t cried since 2007. Such is the case with “Perfect” by My Darkest Days, the ultimate breakup song where Matt Walst says he hasn’t cried since the day she left him, because that would mean that he admits its over. He tells himself that she’s trying to test him. She’d never leave, she still needs him to hold her. He shouldn’t have fallen in love with her. How dare she be so perfect.

Are you crying your eyes out yet? When you wake up tomorrow morning, will you pour milk in your cereal or will you just cry into our bowl and eat it like that? Mmm, that sounds appetizing: a full serving of Golden Grahams and tears! Yum! Even if you’ve never had a girlfriend before, you can appreciate the horror of what a breakup does to a man. I’ve had two girlfriends my entire life: Jessica and Brianna. Losing them hurt. It hurt badly. Having crushes on millions of other girls I know I’ll never have hurts just as badly, if not worse. You’re damn right I appreciate the pain of a breakup. It’s a sophisticated form of psychological torture.

If music is a drug, why would I want to take one that makes me sad? What could I possibly have to gain from being in a foo-foo state of mind? Because for a lot of artists, drugs are a great source of creative fuel. Granted, physical drugs such as acid have ruined Syd Barrett’s career as the front man for Pink Floyd. Alcohol abuse killed George Carlin. Drugs don’t work for everybody, but they work for a lot of artists who need creative fuel. My drug of choice is music and my imagination runs wild whenever I hear “Perfect” by My Darkest Days.

It’s because of songs like “Perfect” I started writing more and more romantic short stories. Just recently at the Weekly Short Story Contest at Good Reads, I wrote two shy guy romance stories, one called “It’s Okay For You To Love Me” and “I Swear I Have a Heart”, both titles being modifications of Five Finger Death Punch lyrics. Even though they both ended up in last place in the popularity polls, they were smash hits with the other members.

And you know what? It doesn’t end there. Fireball Nightmare will have some romantic elements as well. By the end of act one, it’s clear that Deus wants to find Kat and rekindle his love for her. In the very first chapter of act two, Kat expresses disdain for Deus by saying, “I still miss him, but my aim is getting better.” How dare she be so perfect. What did Deus do to deserve this? I’ll tell you what he did, Mr. Walst: he showed more fanatical devotion toward the angry fire god Vahd than he did for his own girlfriend. If I had a girlfriend who was 100% zealot and 0% lover, I’d want to dump her too. It’s going to take a lot of couch time and pillow talk for Deus Shadowheart and Kat Sexton to get along again.

And to think, this was all possible because of one emotionally taxing My Darkest Days song. Then again, most of their songs have to do with relationship woes, which is probably why they’re categorized as “pop” on my Windows Media Player instead of “rock” or “metal”.

　

***PARODY MIXED-MARTIAL ARTS QUOTE OF THE DAY***

“Ladies and gentlemen, the corner of Pat Barry has thrown in the towel at 2:31 of the very first round. Don’t worry, he’s not bleeding, he just needs to wipe the tears out of his eyes.”

-Bruce Buffer-