VERSE 1
What would Jesus do? Pretty much anyone
Who walks on water with God’s favorite son
He gives me strength for an eternal length
He makes me sing for the blessings he brings
My heart flutters every time I hear his name
Suddenly masturbation doesn’t feel like a shame
He brings me the hope and peace I’ve looked for
Ever since I walked into that Christian bookstore
CHORUS
Walk on water with the one I love
Enter paradise in the heavens above
Listen to the music of golden harps
And the beating of my bleeding heart
VERSE 2
Nonbelievers say that we’ll never last
They’ve got too many stones to cast
The only stones I’ve got belong to you
My boss is a carpenter and a practicing Jew
Let’s build Noah’s Ark
Collect every animal across these lands
Show them the love we have between us
Teach them to value the life of a fetus
CHORUS
Walk on water with the one I love
Enter paradise in the heavens above
Listen to the music of golden harps
And the beating of my bleeding heart
VERSE 3
The planet is melting, the oceans are boiling
But only because hell on earth is uncoiling
Let’s show them what we’ve got with prayers
Why should we blame it all on the industrial air?
Your love will set the human race totally free
If that makes us fruitcakes, be our honeybee
Only one way to heaven and it’s not a stairway
It’s to kneel for Jesus while bashing the gays
CHORUS
Walk on water with the one I love
Enter paradise in the heavens above
Listen to the music of golden harps
And the beating of my bleeding heart
FINAL LINE
April Fools, bitches! Hail Satan!
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