TITLE: Godzilla (2014 version)
GENRE: Monster Sci-Fi
RATING: PG-13 for language and disaster-style violence
GRADE: Pass
If you hear the name Godzilla, you can expect the movie he’s associated with to be all about mass destruction. He’s a multi-story tall monster with other multi-story tall monsters to contend with. And when they fight, they’ll take the entire world with them if they have to. Entire cities will fall into piles of rubble and their people will either be displaced or brutally murdered by these gigantic warriors. Even America’s military is powerless against these monsters despite having nuclear weapons at their disposal and tanks that would otherwise knock over entire buildings.
This extreme feeling of hopelessness is paramount in creating a disaster movie of any kind. The lower your chances for survival, the more amazing it’s going to be when you finally achieve your goals. We all know most movies will end happily. What we don’t know is how and why. Even with the biggest guns and the most destructive bombs, it’s not enough. So how else can the world combat these multiple giants? Seems impossible, right? It just might be. If you’re made to believe it is, then the movie you’re watching will become much more entertaining.
Aside from the extreme violence and mass destruction, Godzilla has also been praised for having a memorable storyline, particularly as it relates to the Brody family’s strong bond. In the beginning, Dr. Joe Brody is determined to contain the moth-like monster he has imprisoned in a nuclear reactor. He’s so dedicated to his work it interferes with his ability to sleep at night. Fifteen years later, Joe’s son Ford joins the military and has his own battle to fight: civilian life with his wife and child. The love and dedication the Brody family shows for each other is a beautiful thing. Their love is so strong not even monsters as tall as a skyscraper can keep them apart. They will fight for each other to keep from being bubblegum on the bottom of Godzilla’s foot.
The last thing I’m going to touch on deals with the movie’s pace. As with books, I also enjoy a fast pace when it comes to movies and TV shows. Godzilla has a slow pace and it doesn’t bother me one bit. With a rich storyline and brutal destruction rolled into one neat little package, a slow and stalking pace shouldn’t bother the people who watch this movie. You’ll get your chance to be on the edge of your seat. Don’t think of this movie as being slower than a snail crawling through peanut butter. Think of it as slow torture for your mind. Picture your face being scraped across the concrete ground for two-plus hours. The only difference is it won’t hurt your brain; it will hurt your soul. Badly!
I gave this movie a passing grade and you will too. If you’re not like me and you use a letter system, you’ll probably put enough pluses next to that A to make a novel out of your grade. Although, I don’t recommend you actually do that, because then it really WILL be like slow torture (for your brain, not for your soul). Enjoy the show!
I used to think that professional wrestling was the most criticized sport in the world until I started watching mixed-martial arts around the time when Brock Lesnar became the UFC Heavyweight Champion. In only a short period of time, I’ve seen all the negative aspects of the sport: homophobia, transphobia, misogyny, poor sportsmanship, cyber-bullying, unwarranted criticism, premature referee stoppages, squirrelly judging, what more can I say? There was even an incident at UFC Fight Night: Henderson vs. Khabilov where a fighter named Jason High shoved a referee after his fight was “stopped too soon”. Mr. High was cut from the UFC shortly after.
Despite all of these negativities, I still find MMA to be fascinating, which is probably why I continue to have dreams about doing MMA about as often as I have dreams about going to school. In my own subconscious, I’ve had matches with the best of every weight division. I up-kicked my way to a KO victory against Chael Sonnen, I right hooked Pat Barry into dreamland, I called out Matt Mitrione after another triumphant victory, and I even locked Nate Diaz in a kimura and made him tap out. If I insinuated that these claims were true, people would say, “In your dreams!” And they’d be right too, because these exciting MMA moments only happened in my dreams.
Truth is, if I actually tried the intense exercise regimen these fighters go through day in and day out with my clunky body, I’d pass out within seconds. My greatest claim to athletic fame is walking to the grocery store every morning to buy either a pound of popcorn chicken or three one-liter bottles of Diet Mountain Dew. Whenever I’m not “training like a champ”, I’m usually eating an oversized meal at McDonald’s or Wendy’s, usually consisting of 20 chicken tenders, the biggest burger they have (without the bun), and a large unsweetened iced tea. Not exactly the athletic lifestyle a typical MMA fighter leads.
Deep down in my subconscious, I know even though I don’t train like an athlete, the thrill of having a long winning streak and being cheered on my thousands of fans is exciting. The fight itself would be even more exciting, provided I wasn’t in the cage with a “grinder”. Perhaps these MMA dreams are a manifestation of my need for excitement.
Given the limited resources I have at my disposal, I have only a few ideas of what would constitute excitement. Writing is always an adrenaline thrill I love, especially if there’s a fight going on in my stories. Going to see an action movie at Regal Cinemas is exciting as well, my most recent one being Godzilla. If I didn’t want to go out in public, I could just rent a movie on my Roku, this time my most recent viewing adventure being the first “How To Train Your Dragon”. If I’m feeling particularly frisky, I could read “A Million Little Pieces” by James Frey, which is both depressing and exciting at the same time.
The activities mentioned above are just temporary fixes, though. Once I do them, they’re done forever. I know, I know, there will always be books to read, movies to watch, and stories to write, but that doesn’t mean I’m getting a permanent high from these things. There’s too much of a wide gap of boredom in between activities. If I can find a way to shorten the gaps without turning my mind into a melting puddle of exhaustion, that would be excellent.
The sleeping dreams and waking fantasies I have just might be the answer I need for filling the boredom gaps. Thinking is the best way to travel and who travels more than an MMA fighter? I could go to Brazil from my beddy-bye and elbow my way into a Performance of the Night award. I could go to Chicago from my treks to the grocery store and guillotine choke my way to my 15th victory. And as long as we’re talking about Chicago, I could get a slice of deep dish pizza after I’m done cutting weight.
I just thought of another reason not to do MMA in real life: cutting weight. I have a hard enough time losing weight and staying away from fatty foods. If all the water was drained from my body, I still wouldn’t make the 265 lb. heavyweight limit. That, and my opponent would be awarded a KO victory automatically after I pass out on the scale. I can still dream, right? I can still exercise my subconscious creativity and make some kick-ass stories out of it, right? You’re damn right I can!
***LYRICS OF THE DAY***
“Geezers need excitement. If their lives don’t provide them this, they’ll incite violence. Commonsense. Simple commonsense.”
-The Streets rapping “Geezers Need Excitement”-
