Pedestrian Knowledge

***PEDESTRIAN KNOWLEDGE***

One piece of writing advice you hear all the time is “write what you know”. I’ve heard arguments on both sides when it comes to agreeing with this claim. On one hand, you’re better equipped to write an intelligent sounding story with very few people doubting you. On the other hand, exploring new knowledge is what helps us grow as authors. I’ve said in the past how research is my least favorite part about the writing process. It’s not because I don’t want to learn or grow. It’s because if I get just one minute detail wrong, my critics will feast on the carcass like wild animals. It drives me nuts how picky some people can be. Doesn’t anybody just enjoy what they read anymore?

Well, that attitude towards the research process has changed the minute I received my critiques for Beautiful Monster. The problem with relying on pedestrian knowledge is that the things you think are well-known are actually more complicated than you originally anticipated. To use an R-rated example from that story: cock rings. Conventional wisdom dictates that you just slide the ring down to the base of the dick and that’ll keep a man hard forever. Well, to give you an idea of how complicated it actually is, I had my beta reader Marie Krepps tell me that the government can spy on HER computer instead of mine. Oh dear. Hehe!

You know what else isn’t pedestrian knowledge? Pregnancy. It’s not as simple as growing a big stomach and pumping out a painful baby after nine months. It’s a process. It requires extensive planning. Marie dinged me for this as well when at the end of Beautiful Monster Tarja gave birth to Windham’s daughter. Not only is Marie a loud and proud woman, but she actually gave birth to four lovely daughters, so if anybody can call bullshit on my “pedestrian knowledge”, it’s her.

What other things in life are not as pedestrian as we think they are? Fight scenes, psychology, farming, hunting, fantasy religions, and pretty much everything on planet fucking earth. As much as I don’t want to bend to the will of the nitpicky critics, it’s something I eventually have to do if I want to find success as an author. Think of all the movies out there that get shit on because the details and research are way off the mark. You see these criticisms all the time on places like Amazon and IMDB.

This is especially problematic when it comes to sensitive topics like disabilities, race, politics, cultures, and religion to name a few. It’s much harder to recover from bigotry accusations than it is to miss one crucial part of setting an animal trap, for instance. There were times in my writing career when I almost bawled my eyes out because my writing was seen as unintentionally bigoted, Tainted Love and Class of ’13 being my most infamous examples. I will admit that prejudice is hard to forgive, but if it was completely unintentional and the artist is sincere in his apology, then you can’t compare that to the Milo Yiannopouloses of the world. If you want to depict another culture in your writing, do you research and don’t rely on stereotypes. You’ll save yourself a lot of heartache. It’s not just “SJW” stuff. It’s actually important.

I guess what I’m trying to say is that nothing can be considered “pedestrian knowledge”. The world is a complex place and people do complex things. As a writer, you’re being relied upon as a bringer of change and a representation of everything that’s right. It’s a huge responsibility, so don’t fuck it up. If your readers don’t trust you, they’re not going to read anything of yours ever again. You wouldn’t want to study math from a teacher who doesn’t know the cube root of twenty-seven (spoiler alert, it’s three). You wouldn’t want to go to a rehab facility where the nurses have powder underneath their nostrils all the time. So why would anybody want to read books from an author who doesn’t care about the world around them?

And for god’s sake, please don’t rely solely on television and movies for your “research”. Do you know how many lawyers call BS on shows like Suits and Law & Order? Enough to make you question everything. Hell, there were flight attendants who boycotted the movie Flight Plan because of how their occupation was portrayed in that movie. Another spoiler alert: the flight attendants in that movie were depicted as uncaring jerks. If you legitimately don’t know what you’re talking about, do a Google search. Ask someone from that occupation. Or if you really want to get deep undercover, do what Marcus Sakey did when he was writing The Blade Itself: shadow cops and detectives. Just like in school, research can be a bitch sometimes, but it’s necessary for that all-important A+.

Wish me luck when it comes to fixing Beautiful Monster and getting my facts straight this time! I still haven’t fleshed out my chapter-by-chapter synopsis yet, but that doesn’t mean I’m going to be in a rut forever. I’m Garrison Kelly! Even when you feel like dying, keep climbing the mountain!

***LYRICS OF THE DAY***

“I’m back in my house and you’re still sitting down. The crimson couch never felt so uncomfortable. And the room is so cold. The tape on your mouth is slowing your breath down. The rope is so tight. The tension becomes so tangible, so unbearable. I’m sorry if I crossed the line. I know I’ve lost it, but you are always on my mind. Obsessed with you and me. To love is harder than you think. I’m sorry if I raise my voice. I never meant to hurt you, but I had no choice. Don’t ever lie to me, ‘cause I’m smarter than you think. You love me, ‘cause I hate you. Everything but love. There’s no running away. There’s no guilt and no shame. I’ve crossed the line. Is this the end? There’s no running away even if you’re afraid. I’ll make you mine until the end.”

-Lacuna Coil singing “You Love Me ‘Cause You Hate Me”-

***POST-SCRIPT***

That Lacuna Coil song happens to be about Stockholm Syndrome and that could be an element I could add to Windham’s psyche when I rewrite Beautiful Monster. With Shelly Atwood being as lovey-dovey and tender as she is with Windham, why wouldn’t he have Stockholm Syndrome? But then again, I’d have to compromise that with his desperation to get out of that hellhole of a castle she lives in. Is it possible to work both sides of the argument into one mind? If not, then I’ll ditch the Stockholm Syndrome angle altogether.

Flight Plan

MOVIE TITLE: Flight Plan

DIRECTOR: Robert Schwentke

YEAR: 2005

GENRE: Mystery Thriller

RATING: PG-13 for language and violence

GRADE: Pass

Kyle Pratt and her six-year-old daughter Julia are flying from Berlin to New York City with Kyle’s dead husband stowed away in a coffin underneath the plane. Kyle takes a short nap and awakens to find her daughter missing. She goes around the plane asking everybody where she is and nobody can give her an answer. Upon further inspection, Julia Pratt was never even on the flight manifest. Kyle’s search becomes more frantic and her anger has the other passengers worried about their own safety. Has the grief of her husband made her delusional or is there a bigger conspiracy at work here? Nobody has these answers for Kyle because nobody onboard cares about her.

The mark of any good mystery is being able to keep the audience guessing until the climax. I kept watching because I genuinely wanted to know what on earth happened to Julia. There was even a time when I bought into the theory that Kyle was delusional. This is cinematic gas-lighting at its finest and I fell for it hook, line, and sinker. While I won’t reveal Kyle and Julia’s fates, I will say that the movie’s harshest criticisms are misplaced. Some say the plot is over-the-top or confusing, but I don’t agree with that at all. Everything is perfectly clear by the story’s ending. A little cheesy at times, but clear nonetheless. Maybe the critics need to watch it multiple times in order to piece everything together, but the pieces are there and no stone is left unturned.

The one thing I agree with critics on is that the acting is superb no matter which character is being portrayed. Kyle Pratt is a convincing mother who just wants the best for her daughter. Whether it’s the tender moments they have together or the mother’s near psychotic search for Julia, Jodie Foster was perfect for the role and I wouldn’t want anybody else playing Kyle. Even the whiny passengers who kept getting on each other’s nerves had me convinced this was real whether it was kids slapping each other, parents wanting peace and quiet, or xenophobic Americans getting in scuffles with Arab passengers.

The one controversy I need to address as far as acting goes, however, is the portrayal of the flight crew. Apparently, their “rude and uncaring” attitudes painted actual fight attendants in a negative light. I personally don’t see this as a blanket statement. I see it as an intricate part of this well-crafted mystery. Everybody is supposed to be against Kyle Pratt because they think she’s crazy. Why should the flight crew be any different than the passengers who clapped for her getting handcuffed by the air marshal? While Kyle’s anger is well-placed, if taken out of context, it would be annoying to a bunch of passengers who’ve been on the plane for north of six hours. I’ve been on irritating flights before and I was seething deep inside, just like any rational person would be. Don’t look for controversy where there is none. We’re all human and we all get angry.

The movie received mixed reviews from critics, but I happened to find Flight Plan to my liking. I went into the movie expecting to be on the edge of my seat and that’s exactly what happened. Sure, Flight Plan isn’t anything mind-blowing or overly-philosophical, but it doesn’t have to be. Not every cinematic masterpiece has to be deep and profound. Sometimes it’s just meant to be enjoyed. Flight Plan gets a passing grade from little old me.

Three Roads

***COLD OPEN***

Before I get to the bulk of this blog entry, I want to say a quick thank you to everyone who offered me and my family condolences after we had to put our dog Maggie to sleep. She was a dear member of the Haines-Temons-Stevens-Wilson household and will always have a special place in our hearts. Thank you, Maggie, for bringing us over a decade of joy. You’re now reunited with Molly and the two of you can play and wrestle on the Rainbow Bridge forever. I love you, Maggie-Pie.

***THREE ROADS***

Though I struggled to concentrate, I managed to write the final chapter of Beautiful Monster last night, which means I’m going to need another project to work on. As of now, I have three possible routes I could go. One of them is to write movie reviews for my birthday DVD’s until I can come up with something more permanent. The second option would be to work on another novel, but I don’t know which one I want to take a stab at yet. And then there’s the third and arguably most difficult option, edit the shit out of one of my many first drafts and publish it in paperback and Kindle form. Tonight we’re going to look at all three options to see which one is best for me at the moment.

***MOVIE REVIEWS***

Anytime I receive gifts for my birthday or Christmas, I always have to take pictures of them and post them online. I don’t know what I hope to achieve with that. It’s not like they’re award-winning photographs. It must have something to do with being chronologically predisposed to taking pictures of everything since I was born in 1985. One of these many pictures features a pile of DVD’s juxtaposed with a graphic novel about Andre the Giant (another medium I plan on reviewing in the future). I don’t get the opportunity to watch movies that much (because I’m too zonked out to even try), but I’ll make time for these DVD’s for sure. Here are the reviews you can look forward to:

1. Aviator
2. Battlestar Galactica
3. Cloud Atlas
4. District 9
5. Flight Plan

My mom’s work buddy Eric has nothing but good things to say about Cloud Atlas, so I’ll probably watch and review that one first. And then there’s District 9, which Ashley-Pie says is a modern day classic. I don’t know a whole lot about the other three movies, but they’re getting their time to shine one way or another.

***NOVEL IDEAS***

A little birdie once suggested to me that I write longer chapters and shoot for more of them instead of only conforming to a twenty chapter limit. Actually, he’s not a birdie. His name is Patrick and he’s easily one of my favorite readers, so I put a lot of trust in the things he says. The question now becomes, what will that next novel be? I don’t have very many mapped out from beginning to end, so that will be something I have to do when I eventually make my choice. I’m leaning towards these ideas as of now:

1. Booger the Clown (modern fantasy about an ex-marine turned birthday clown who picks fights with an orc militia in an attempt to kill himself)
2. Fantasmic Land (modern fantasy about a high school student who runs away from home and spends his days in a hedonistic magical theme park)
3. Incelbordination (college drama about a dwarf student who is a person of interest for an on-campus organization of “involuntary celibates”)
4. Suck It, Double Dork (crime thriller about a disgruntled cartoonist (loosely based on the creator of Ren & Stimpy, John K) who leaves pornographic drawings in public places in order to create a shock in the system)
5. The Last Thunder Eagle (young adult drama about an angry elementary school kid who spends summer vacation playing soccer (which he hates) instead of playing videogames (which he loves))

Decisions, decisions, decisions…and choices, too…

***UPDATED CHICKEN SHIT LIST***

A chicken shit list is a term I coined for a roster of first draft creative writing projects that I hope to have edited and published sometime in the near future. The term comes from the phrase “making chicken salad out of chicken shit”. The higher on the list the project ranks, the harder it will be to edit the shit out of. Novels will always rank highest since altering one part of them could change the whole story altogether. Short story collections rank in the middle since they don’t interact with each other canon-wise. Poetry ranks lowest on the list because, well, poems are much easier to write than novels and short stories. This is what my updated chicken shit list looks like:

1. Filter Feeder (environmental fantasy novel about a duo of clam fisherman who want revenge on an energy corporation after their lake was poisoned with oil)
2. Watch You Burn (psychological fantasy novel about a schizophrenic college student who has realistic hallucinations about being the chosen hero in his favorite anime)
3. Demon Axe (heavy metal fantasy novel about a singer who must gain the confidence to slay an elven terrorist after the singer’s band mates are brutally murdered)
4. Silent Warrior (young adult drama novel about a high school introvert who feels as though he’s being mentally crippled by the system around him)
5. Beautiful Monster (historical fantasy drama about an elf knight who escapes sex slavery and must deal with the consequences of PTSD afterwards)
6. Poison Tongue Tales 2 (science-fiction, fantasy, and horror short stories of varying subject matter)
7. American Darkness 2 (contemporary drama short stories of varying subject matter, mostly politics)
8. American Darkness 3 (more contemporary stories that I’ll probably fuse with its predecessor when the time comes to publish the collection)
9. It’s My Country and I’ll Cry If I Want To (WIP poetry collection about varying subject matter, mostly dealing with politics and psychology)

The next project I edit the shit out of will depend on my editor/beta-readers’ collective schedules. The more time they have, the more likely they are to take on a high-ranking project. No pressure whatsoever.

***CONCLUSION***

So that’s what the near future looks like for Garrison Kelly a.k.a. me. If you have any input as to which roads I should take, I’d love to hear it. Let’s turn this artistic process into a democracy! Why? Because I love you all, that’s why! Even when you feel like dying, keep climbing the mountain!

***LYRICS OF THE DAY***

“A restless eye across a weary room. A glazed look and I was on the road to ruin. The music played and played as we whirled without end No hint, no word, her honor to defend. “I will, I will,” she sighed to my request. And then she tossed her mane while my resolve was put to the test. Then drowned in desire, our souls on fire, I led the way to the funeral pyre. Without a thought of consequence, I gave into my decadence. Was it love or was it the idea of being in love? Or was it the hand of fate that seemed to fit just like a glove? A moment slipped by and soon the seeds were sewn. The year grew late and neither one wanted to remain alone. One slip and down the hole we fall. It seems to take no time at all. A momentary lapse of reason that binds a life for life. A small regret you won’t forget. There’ll be no sleep in here tonight.”

-Pink Floyd singing “One Slip”-