Jayar Jackson: The Left Still Has an Anti-Youth Problem

 

Bitter Old Man

VERSE 1

The good old days are never coming back

So why do you keep going on the attack?

Technophobic rants don’t stand a chance

Nor millennial bashing and budget slashing

The young will inherit this mother earth

No sense in letting your teary eyes burst

Why all the rage over somebody’s age?

Progression is natural, so is worldwide change

CHORUS

Bitter old man! X4

VERSE 2

Fork over the keys to your corporation

Broadcast it on every cable news station

Life is short and nothing lasts forever

Life washes away in this rainy weather

You can’t blame everything on the young

So keep ageist vitriol off of your tongue

Scream any louder and you’ll pop a lung

Your radio hits will forever be unsung

CHORUS

Bitter old man! X4

BRIDGE

We are the rebels, we are the warriors

We shout it down every single corridor

You can’t keep us down however you try

You’ve got shit running down your thigh

VERSE 3

We open our email and eat our kale

Cheer when bankers get put in jail

Save the earth for the very last whale

No mega power is too big to fail

Stereotypes, they’re your only hype

You think we’re easy pickings so ripe

Call us snowflakes, say our news is fake

Little do you know this world is ours to take

CHORUS

Bitter old man! X4

Ground Control to Uncle Tom

(A parody of millennials who bash their own generation in the style of “Space Oddity” by David Bowie.)

Ground Control to Uncle Tom

Ground Control to Uncle Tom

Take your Viagra and put your Depends on

Ground Control to Uncle Tom

Commencing aging, glasses on

Check your prostate, and may grandma be with you

This is Ground Control to Uncle Tom

You’re inciting ageist hate

And the youngsters want to know whose loafers you wear

Now it’s time to leave the comfort of your rocking chair

This is Uncle Tom to Ground Control

I’m slipping on the floor

And I’m dizzy in a most peculiar way

And my head is in the clouds every day

For here

I am eating from a tin can

Disconnected from the world

Millennials are here

You can do nothing, my dear

I’m out of touch by a hundred thousand miles

I’m feeling very ill

And I think my scooter knows which way to go

Tell my grandkids I love them very much

They know

Ground Control to Uncle Tom

Your hearing aid’s dead, there’s something wrong

Can you hear me Uncle Tom?

Can you hear me Uncle Tom?

Can you hear me Uncle Tom?

Can you hear?

I am eating from a tin can

Disconnected from the world

Millennials are here

You can do nothing, my dear